Twin Birth and Death Notice

Updated on November 13, 2009
S.K. asks from Greensboro, NC
21 answers

I'm very sad to write that a friend who gave birth to twins is only taking one home from the hospital. The babies(2 girls) were born early and both weighed only three pounds. One child passed away three days after birth and her other baby is doing OK but still in the hospital.

She is very confused about what she should do re: baby announcements. Does anyone have any suggestions that I may share with her (she requested I ask on her behalf). Thank you so much for any experiences that you can share.

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So What Happened?

WOW I am so humbled by how many (and how quickly) you all have responded to my request. There are so many great suggestions. I have condensed them and will be sending them to her. I didn’t mention in the original post – but she and her husband are working/living abroad and all of this happened in India…. Which makes it all the harder. Thank you,thank you, thank you.

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E.B.

answers from Duluth on

I've never had this experience, so I'm not writing from experience, but I am writing to respond to those who say she should include both babies on birth announcements. When I have sent birth announcements, I often send them to people I am not in very regular contact with--people who might or might not have known I was even pregnant. If she does not acknowledge the passing of one daughter, she may wind up fielding questions and congratulations that are more painful than comforting. If she doesn't want to do a more wordy acknowledgment of the daughter that died, perhaps she could simply do a birth and death date on the announcement. On the other hand, I think it's perfectly appropriate, if she wants, to simply send out a birth announcement for one baby. Friends she doesn't know well will simply know she's added a daughter to her family; friends who are closer will know something is up, as she had been expecting twins, and friends who know her well probably already know the situation and can lend her support. I would say it depends greatly on her emotional state. I'm so sorry for her loss.

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P.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would recognize both children as they were both born and word it using beloved twin or something like that.

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K.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

It breaks my heart to think about it. I do think she should include both children. Maybe say something like
"We would like to announce the celebration of the birth of beautiful twin girls, [first child's full name] and [second child's full name], born [date].
Sweet [first name of child who passed] was taken by the Lord on [date of passing]. We have faith that she rests in good hands and thank you for your support and remembrance during this bittersweet time.
[living child] is making progress and is expected to be home from the hospital in [estimated # of days/weeks]."
I'm not a writer so it could probably be worded much better. I would also write someone's contact information other than the parents because they may not want calls and letters from people right away. If someone is willing to keep notes on who called and a short note on what they said, then later, that, and any cards or letters can be given to the parents to look at when they are ready

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M.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

I am so sorry to hear about the lost that you guys are going through. It is so hard when one has to celebrate life but at the same time celebrate a passing life. When you had postpartum hormones on top of it, it is just even harder. Prayers go out to your friend, her family & to you as you support her.

I have seen a couple of announcements in this case that were very heart warming. If she got pictures of her angle in the hospital (I am sure the staff took them); I have seen them where that baby's photo is in the background and the earth bound baby is a split image more fwd. The announcement says "Jeff & Laura Whittle are beloved To announce the births of Jordan Grace (3lbs 3 ounces)& Katelyn Faith (3lbs 8 ounces) born November 1, 2009. Please help us embrace Katelyn as she grows as her beloved sister embraces her from heaven above."

I have also seen them with side by side pictures of both and having both kids names and birth weights underneath the pictures with the birthdate and times. Under the Angel child, they write "Accepted and embraced into heaven on (date). Under the bottom of that they write the "Angles Prayer".

I feel she should include both babies as they have been together longer than apart. It will end up being a great keepsake for the living sister. The only time they will have photos taken together.

Hugs to you guys as you help the earth bound baby grow into a very special being.

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C.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Susan, I am so sorry for your friends loss. What a incredible thing to go through, I can't even imagine. I agree with what most of the other people have written. I would assume most people around her knew she was pregnant with twins, and thoes who are close probably also know one passed away. I got an announcement from a friend when her 2 week old baby passed away suddenly, but the hadn't done birth announcmenets yet. The one I got included all the baby stats (name, time of birth, weight, etc) Then it said something like, "the Lord took Sophia on (date) to wait for us in heaven. We know she has her angel wings on and watches us every day, as we look up to her." It was perfect in everyway I thought. God bless your friend and her family as they welcome one baby home, and pray for the other!

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K.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Blessings to all of you during this time of heightened emotions. I think it is important to share what has happened. Your announcement could say "Sharing our joy and sorrow" or something like that. This helps people to weave this experience into the fabric of their lifetime and to remember both babies. Things heal faster and better when we are open about them.

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J.K.

answers from Atlanta on

I agree with michelle and what she suggested cuz 3days was a life lived

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

She should include the twin who died in whatever way feels comfortable to her. She could make two birth announcements, one for each child. Listing the deceased child's birth and death dates. Or she could make one announcement that has a photo of each child ( I hope the hospital staff made sure that she got photos of her baby who died) and lists the births and the deaths. It may be the only time that she can do something for the two of them as she dreamed. She should also get in touch with the group called Bittersweet at [email protected]____.com ###-###-####. Barb runs a group for loss of multiples and lost a twin child herself. Thanks for being a good friend.

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

I don't have any advice other then she should do what she feels is right. You have lots of good ideas and advice here. What I want to say is Congratulations to the birth of the twins and I am so sorry for the loss of one. May God help her through this confusing time.

D.K.

answers from Sioux City on

I am so sorry for your friend. It is so hard to bury babies! I have had to bury two children and it is very difficult. I would recognize both babies. Because one passes away doesn't make them less your child. That little one is just as important has the living sibling. The living child will give her parents lots of chances to celebrate. The only celebration that you can recognize of the child who passed is the birth. Your friend will be glad she has that memory to cherish.

again I am so sorry! When my children died I had nearly nothing to cherish of theirs. I remember looking at the keepsake boxes of my other children and thinking my little ones who have died barely left a footprint on this earth. Your friend will be happy she has the announcement to cherish.

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C.D.

answers from Omaha on

I would wait until the baby comes home to send out annoucements. Depending on what they are going to do with the baby that died most people will understand the grief of loosing a child even if one survives. This child is a blessing but it is with sorrow also. She is going to go thru a horrible time filled with sorrow and guilt even if there is no guilt to be had. I would advise her to take her time to decide what to do there is no rush.

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M.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi Susan-

I am so sorry for your friend's loss. I went through a similar situation. I was pregnant with twins and miscarried one. On the birth announcement we did a picture of our little man and in loving memory quote about the other baby.
Hope this helps. Give your friend a hug for me :)

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L.L.

answers from Omaha on

This makes me cry. I can't imagine going and giving birth and not coming home with your child....just heartbreaking and a reminder of how fragile life is.

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C.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would agree with Michelle as well. I've never seen anything like that but she has some great examples. It is important to acknowledge the life lost as well as the life survived.

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B.N.

answers from Davenport on

Your friend did give birth to two babies and I think she should still let people know. Announcements can be written tastefully and say the late....It could say the name weight and how long she was here. I would be proud to say I have two beautiful girls even if one is in Gods hands now. I think this might be a good way to help the grieving process of losing a child. celebrate the birth.
I will pray for your friend and her babies.
B.

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B.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree with P.P. Both children lived. Let her live before whe died. So sorry about your horrible loss.

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G.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm so very sorry for your friends loss! I volunteer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and it breaks my heart every time I get a call. I'm not sure if she got pictures done or not, but I remember a couple calls last week regarding twins. If she did get photos done, she could consider adding one of those in her announcement. I'm not sure of the circumstances of the loss, but we take photos of their little hands etc.. so that may be sweet to add.

As others have said, I would suggest doing an announcement with a quote saying something to the effect, I'm not sure of their names, baby who is still with us joined us into the world on ...... and her sister got her angel wings on.....

Best wishes and big hugs to the family

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B.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi Susan,
that's soo sad. I'm a mother of twins and I cant imagine being in her shoes. Does she have a picture of the two of them (before the one passed away). I would still make an announcement with both babies included on there. including the birth details of the both, and also the sad news of the one. Hope that helps... our thoughts/prayers are with your friend and her family.
B.

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E.I.

answers from Duluth on

the first thing that came to mind for me was to somehow honor the baby that died, people can make a donation to the march of dimes. its likely people prepared to buy for both babies anyway right? so they could make those same gifts donations for the march of dimes or something.

i am so sorry that your friend has to go through this loss. :( what a heartbreaking situation. God be with her and her family!

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M.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

wow that I am not sure of...I can't even imagine going through something like that. Maybe she could announce the births and at the same time put something about one being born here on earth and than going home to be with loved ones? Or maybe We announce the birth of our twin girls, and the celebration of the life of ------ as she flew up to meet with Our Father in Heaven. Though her time her on Earth was short, she will forever be with us. Please help us to celebrate both blessed occasions? I am not real sure how that sounds to a person who is dealing with so much pain right now, so if I offend I am very sorry. Please tell her that I will be keeping her and her family in my thoughts and prayers...something like this can never be easy.
M.

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T.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

I actually had a friend that this happened to as well. Her announcements had a picture of the babies together listing their birth date, height, etc. and then under the baby's name who died, she had a nice bible verse and it also said, "Our little angel in heaven" and the date that the baby died. It was a beautiful announcement. So sorry for your friend to have to go through this.

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