Tween Arm Hair

Updated on November 09, 2012
C.M. asks from Bartlett, IL
17 answers

My 11-year old is VERY self-conscious about the hair on her arms. She is light-skinned, and she has medium brown hair on her arms. It is actually quite thick and long

She doesn't want to wear short sleeves any more because she is so embarrassed. It's been a few months, and I've tried to reassure her that all women have hair on their arms and that it is natural and she is beautiful with her arm hair.

She is so upset about it that nothing I say seems to help. Now she's starting to look for solutions on her own--I caught her trying to cut off the hair on her ams with a scissors!

I told her that I would help her find a solution, and then gently pried the scissors out of her hand!

I'm pretty sure she will look for other "solutions" if I don't help her find something. What would you do? I don't know that I'm comfortable bleaching an 11-year old's arm hair! I'm not sure if it can be trimmed a little--would I use the electric hair trimmers and a guard like my husband does for his hair?

I actually think she would look weird with completely hairless arms. That being said, her arms are extra hairy, and the hair is long. It shows up because her skin is so light. Encouraging her and letting her know she is beautiful just the way she is hasn't helped.

it also doesn't help that my skin is darker and I have almost hairless arms.

What would you do?

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So What Happened?

Well mamas, we shaved her arms! She was excited about it and was just glowing about it after we finished so it was the right thing to do.

I'm going to get her one of those little trimmer things we saw on TV that are supposed to help with unwanted hair so she can keep up with it safely. I guess a lot of women shave their arms, so it will be part of her beauty regiment from now on.

Thanks for the encouragement!

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I would try bleaching first to see how it looks and if she is still unhappy with it try nair. No reason for her to have to be self conscious about something that can be easily changed.

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

I have no idea why, but my daughter shaves her arms....... it is pretty easy to do, especially if you use an electric razor.

Why have her suffer, or feel that she is so strange when it is easy to fix? She is very self-conscious about it, and that just makes her feel different from the other girls when it is so important to them to fit in.

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C.B.

answers from Chicago on

Unwanted hair, regardless of where it is can make a person very self-conscience. I'm sorry your daughter is feeling so negatively about herself. I believe you when you say that she's beautiful just the way she is because I'm 100% positive that she is. We are all unique and what makes us different makes us beautiful. However, as an 11-year old, anything that makes us different is viewed as a negative. Kids just want to fit in. Have you talked with her pediatrician/doctor about her concerns. Without scheduling an appt. you could call and talk with a nurse to see what they might recommend. I'm afraid that if her hair is really as thick and long as you described she still wouldn't be happy with it if you bleached it. I would look into laser hair removal or a cream depilatory. Good luck to you and your daughter. Hang in there. You're listening to her and taking her concern and worry seriously. Even if you can't "fix" this for her, I'm sure it's comforting to know that she can confide in you.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Bleach it.. Or you trim it.

Do not let her suffer with this, when there are easy solutions.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

wax it.

The poor girl, being a Tween with long dark hair on her arms and being so embarrassed about it.

LOTS of women, actually, wax or shave the hair on their arms.
I do that too when I feel like it. I use an electric razor. And the hair does NOT grow back all weird or darker. That's a myth.
But waxing is more thorough.

Let your daughter, de-hair her arms.

Don't bleach. Then she'll just have long bleached hair on her arms. Still.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I would either bleach or wax her arms.

If she's so uncomfortable with it that she's going to start obsessing over it and being self-conscious, there's no reason not to remove it. For the sake of ten minutes of waxing -- you can do it at home -- she can be happy. It's not a big deal.

And if her hair is truly that thick and long, then it's not true that she's "beautiful just the way she is." That's not all that common, so it's disingenuous to try to tell her that it looks beautiful. And if your arms are almost hairless as you say, and I assume they look good, then obviously she won't look weird with hairless arms.

Let her wax them.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

I was your daughter... I finally shaved my arms which I really regret bc it did grow in darker and thicker I THINK. Not 100% sure. But what I still do is cut it... Just kind of thin it out. So nothing too drastic but it really works. My arm hair at least is still fairly light too so maybe bleach hers as well. But that plus thinning it via cutting it will help a ton. I plan to help out my youngest who is hairy as no sense in her feeling all self concious. It's hard enough sometimes being a kid when it comes to feeling different.

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

both my girls shaved their arm hair with soap and a razor of mine - without my knowledge. Completely bare and surprisingly no cuts or anything even though they were no more the 8 when they did it.
Since they did it the arm hair has grown back much lighter and they just shave it every now and then I guess cause I have not noticed dark arm hair since.
The funny thing is that my sister shaved her arm hair when she was about 8 too. She still shaves it.

J.O.

answers from Boise on

My dd had a very good friend who had a TON of hair on her arms. Her parents let her start shaving it at that age, I don't think I would have, but then again my kids tend to have blonde hair on their arms...even the dark complexion ones. So who's to say what I would 'really' do.

I think shaving is the best option.

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L.M.

answers from Seattle on

Wax take her to a professional the first time.. Or shave

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S.L.

answers from Green Bay on

I would have her shave it. I think that the arms are a very large area to put bleach on and sometimes the bleach is bothersome to the skin especially in such a large spot.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

There is a device advertised on TV that enables one to smooth away unwanted hair. I think I've seen it in the Seen On TV section of a store. It looks and feels like very fine sand paper. One just rubs it over the hair and it removes the hair. I would try finding that for her.

The hair will still be there if you bleach it. Besides, I, too, would be wary of using chemicals on her skin. I doubt that would make her any happier. And waxing is so painful. Shaving might work. I'd try shaving before I'd try bleaching or waxing. I knew girls in the dorm that shaved their arms.

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M.S.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would hesitate to have her shave. Who wants one more area to worry about shaving on top of having to shave legs and all that jazz. I would get her a Finishing Touch trimmer. They are small, cheap, and easy to use. They are the size of a pen and you can find them at Walmart, walgreens etc. This trimmer trims the hair so she won't have to deal with stubble.

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J.B.

answers from Spokane on

i have dark arm hair also and my skin isnt really light but i keep a slight tan all year. however i was self consious about it and i started shaving my arms. i was in 8th grade i think when i started... maybe a little younger. just support her in what she wants to do. you sound like your doing that already.. maybe she is getting teased about it.

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M.E.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter shaved her arms (she's 10) and I told her not to do it again because her arms were all stubbly which I thought was weird. She has not done it again and she doesn't seem as bothered about it anymore. Re: waxing - Perhaps some kids have a high pain threshold but waxing hurts. To have your whole arm done would be beyond painful for a 10 year old.

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B.S.

answers from Chicago on

I have super fine and light hair on my arms, but I sometimes use a buzzer (like a mustache trimmer thing) to buzz it off. I think a lot of women do this and it hasn't grown back all crazy. With darker hair it might look stubbly though as it grows back.

For your daughter's age range though, I might suggest trying one of those lotions that helps prevent the hair from growing back as quickly. I tried that once on my legs but it was too harsh for me, so try it on a small area first - that's the follow up solution though, first you need to get rid of it and I think one of those little trimmers like someone else mentioned would be perfect for her.

I wouldn't use bleach, she is self conscious about it so having it be light colored and fine isn't going to solve the problem. She will still see it and feel weird about it.

It's hard being a tween girl, why make her life harder by refusing to let her remedy something that makes her feel self-conscious?

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H.B.

answers from Chicago on

I shaved my arms around 10 years old. I wasn't horribly bothered by the hair, but my best friend and mom had blonde hair...so I guess I didn't want to be different. It was a phase though, probably got tired of the up-keep. I do remember a 7th grade gym teacher that was really really hairy and I thought, "it could be worse." I hope this helps her feel better.

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