Tubal Ligation - Marlborough, MA

HI- Well I sort of know how you are feeling! Although I am 38 yrs old and my husband and I have decided that we are happy with 2 children. He has also heard of horror stories of getting snipped! My friend at work told me about her IUD Mirena.. she loves it! No periods, no pms and its 99% child proof! I was intersted it getting one because of the no pms and periods perks! So I told my husband that I would try it, IF it worked great for both of us...if for some reason I was not happy with the IUD then something would have to be done on his end...he agreed! I have had it for 3 weeks and although I have had some bleeding it has been great! Just a thought! Good luck!

Hi J.,

My husband and I are in the same battle right now. I think it's his turn to "man up", as you put it and have it done. You've done more than your fair share. You said he has heard horror stories from people who have had it done. I have to believe that for every horror story he has heard we have heard 100 times more involving labor and delivery and have "womaned up" to the task and most likely have gone back and done it again. I just can't understand how men can be such wimps about it. I guess it's their "manhood", but we get ripped to shreds during delivery and hardly complain! Good luck with your decision.

Let your husband know that he may end up raising his children ALONE. I almost died because a stitch was not fastened securely when my tubal was done and I lost 3 pints of blood. I would have lost more blood and died if my husband hadn't been in the room with me when my eyes rolled back into my head and I turned gray. My body then shut down for 2 weeks and I was very ill. It took a long time and mental trauma to get over it - three years ago - and I urge every couple considering to let the man do it. My husband gets very upset with himself over what happened and how it could have been avoided if he had also just "manned up" to get his vasectomy as well. I was lucky - I had a happy ending - but it definitely could have turned out differently and it just wasn't my time to go yet. I hope he realizes his little operation just might save your life. And by the way - I'm not the only one this has happened!!

I told my husband if he did not want more kids then he needed to get it done. I was only 27 when I had my 3rd child, my husband had 2 from a previous relationship so there were 5 total. I didn't want to have it done, it was a very simple procedure, it did not take long and he was home in a few hours. I have the mirena IUD and have for 6 years now, it is the greatest thing ever, I have not had a period since. I raved about to several friends and knew about 10 more people that got one also and no side effects or complications. I think you only hear about the few bad ones compared to the thousands of good experiences. You should consider the IUD before major surgery if there are side effects that bother you then think about surgery. I use the IUD and my husband had vasectomy, I just like not having a period!

My husband had a vasectomy and it went very smoothly and I know of four other men who also had no complications. Maybe you could gotogether to each of your doctors and talk about what the procedure entails.
That way you could both understand what the implications are.
Also, depending on where you are located maybe you could get references for Doctors from people who who have not had complications.
Good luck!

Hi J.,

I decided to go with the tubal ligation after having our second via C section. I figured, "hey, while you are in there...", rather than make him go through the pain. While it was the most convienient, for many reasons, I have serious regrets. Not about having eliminated our chances at increasing our family... that I am / we are confident about. However, I didn't realize that tubal ligation can lead to extremely heavy periods, which, of course, I ended up with. My obgyn has now recommended partial hysterectomy (removal of just the uterus) to remedy my otherwise unstoppable heavy monthlies and incredible lower pelvic pain. I didn't research the tubal before having it done (didn't even know there could be side effects!). If nothing else, be well read and prepared to discuss, openly, your options (and there side effects / risks /etc) with your obygn. If you are comfortable with it, have hubby present so he understands that there are risks involved for you too.

BTW, I totally agree with your assessment -- let him go through one unpleasant week or so! Heck, you and your body have been through hell for 27 months, not counting post partum! It's his turn! :)

All kidding aside, this is a family decision, true, but at the end of the day, it is still your body. Make sure that you are comfortable with whatever decision you reach. If, by the time you have your son, you still don't have a "long term" plan decided upon, there are a multitude "short term" options to cover you until you find the right solution for you.

Good luck!

My hubby was supposed to get the "snip snip" done. It was talked about and agreed upon during the pregnancy of my 2nd pregnancy. I was 29. But 1 and 1/2 years later, I couldn't get him to make the appointment. I ended up getting surgery instead. Let me tell you! It is so much less invasive for a man than a woman! Men - quick snip then a frozen bag of peas applied for the pain for a day or so. Women, get put under, have stomach inflated (so hang on to your maternity clothes - no one told me that and I couldn't wear anything but drawstring pants for a month!!!) then stitches in the belly. So sore! on pain killers for 3 days, then while changing our daughter, she turned and accidentally kicked me! OMG, back on pain killers for 2 more days!! Which made me loopy! Have him do it if you can convince him!! It is so much easier! I know at least 6 guys that have had it done, and they were fine! No major pain, and no complications!

This sounds so familiar LOL my husband and I were in the same boat we had two older girls and decided to try one more time for the Boy. We got lucky and Alex was born on Sept 3 of 2004 he will be 5 this September. After he was born my husband and I had the same arguement. When he was 10 months old I found out I was pregnant again...After that he went. Everything went smoothly and he has no regrets :) The big thing is for a guy it's local anesthetic and an in office procedure it holds more complications for a woman. I will say I AM older than you by 10 years and I did tell my husband if for some reason I needed a c-section I would get my tubes tied if the dr would do it not all will. When I found myself pregnant I had a lot of mixed feelings since I hadn't planned on having more. My youngest was another boy so I ended up with 2 and 2 and wouldn't trade them for the world but since he has turned 3, I've been thinking it would be nice to have another but it won't happen :) All I have to say is make sure absolutely sure that it's what you want.. Go on birth control for a couple of years and see how you feel after that. If you still don't want more kids then I vote for hubby to go and get snipped LOL

some guys feel it's less masculine to get the big V done.. we left it as , if I end up with a c section, I'll tie my tubes.. if not, he gets the V.. guess what.. he got it.. and it wasn't that bad. They told us to do it on Friday so by Monday he's ready to go back to work.. by Saturday night, we were out eating in a restaurant! The first day he was groggy and was on the couch with frozen veggies (better than ice packs), but after that, he was ok... good luck

my hubby had a vasectomy done this year. had no problems. he was just a little sore for a few days

I've heard of so many men 'whimping' out from having it done... in some men's heads it is demasculating.
The other posters are absolutely right when they say it is less invasive for men. I'm sure he is hearing men telling him that they swelled up etc...
The one thing some men don't do is listen to the doctor. When they get the procedure they are to go home, lay on the couch and ice... my husband used a bag of peas as they are more form fitting lol! Ice and rest for a day or two and viola no problems after that! Some guys just don't take that seriously and they are the fools handing out the horror stories.
If you are having a c'sec then I'd say go ahead with a tubal...if not, convince him.

My husband and I had many conversations about what to do. My dr. recommended mirena. I had it put in at 8 weeks post delivery of our second child and I am extremely happy with it. She said it stays in for up to 5 years and it is more effective than the tubal ligation. It also can come out at any time.

I can understand your husband's hesitation - it might be unwarranted. Has he been talking to people that have had the procedure recently? With the lasers they use this day, the recovery is much less and the uncomfortability is easily cured with a bag of frozen peas.

There are pros and cons with each procedure that should be researched. Some ladies go into premature menopause and have hormonal issues and, like everything else, neither one is fool proof.

Good Luck with your decision!

J.,

Regardless of your husband's feelings about vasectomy I agree with your OB that 26 is way too young to have your tubes tied. Of course this is a personal decision but things happen in life and you may regret making this decision so young. I worked in an OB's office for 8 years and saw more than one woman come in to have this procedure reversed (not always a successful procedure and not covered by insurance). There are lots of other options for birth control, have you spoken with your doctor about Mirena or Depo shots. If your husband is as young as you it is understandable that he may not want to have this procedure done for more reasons than he admits. Perhaps if you wait 4 or 5 years to revisit this discussion your husband will have a better pool of friends who have undergone vasectomy and have had no trouble with it. Perhaps then he will be more agreeable to having it done.

Hi J.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers or even advice, really. Just moral support.

My husband and I had a similar discussion early on in my third pregnancy. The only difference between us is that I would have liked to have one more child. My husband was firm in not wanting any more, but is also medically phobic. For all the reasons stated before (Major surgery vs outpatient procedure, I had gone through all the pregnancies and been on birth control for so long) I was pretty insistent that he be the one to get the surgery. I did say I would have a tubal ligation if, for some reason I required a c-section. I didn't require a c-section and he dragged his feet making the appointment. Then we had a "scare" when we thought I might be pregnant. Although it would have been sooner than I would have liked, I really didn't mind the thought of another baby. I wasn't pregnant, but that got his attention and he made the appointment. No complications. It was an incredibly easy recovery -even for a wimpy -- errr, I mean, medically phobic guy like my husband. :o) His manhood is firmly in tact and he is very happy knowing there is no risk of pregnancy.

I know LOTS of other guys who've had it done and the ONLY horror story I've heard was from a guy who didn't follow doctor's instructions. Good luck to you. I'm on your side :D

The first time the subject came up my husband was let's say, more than a little upset. lol. But I told him all the cons for me getting it done. It's a full out surgery for women, they put you under and they cut you open, and let's not forget the amount of time you'll have to spend recovering. Time, as I put it to my hubby, that he would have to spend looking after the kids alone(for the most part).
For men, it's a valium, a local, and two little incisions, an hour of their time and it's done. Mine spent 2 days on the couch with frozen peas and he was fine. Not one single hitch. We actually laugh about it cuz he was so high from the valium and talking out his butt before the surgery.
We had made the agreement while I was pregnant with our 2nd and last (we had our little girl first, number two was our boy, and that's all we wanted), that if for any reason during delivery they had to go in and get the baby, I would have it done while they were already there. Luckily for me, both deliveries were great and normal, and he had to man up. And he did so admirably. I have alot of people tell me and him what a great husband he is to do it instead of making me.
And personally, he enjoys sex so much more now without the constant worry of another pregnancy. I think it's better now than it has ever been in our marriage and I love it. Lots of men worry they won't be able to, but all the vascetomy does is take the lil guys off the ride, but the ride still keeps going. lol
So tell him not to worry, the horror stories are truly rare happenings, and he's no less of a man for getting it done. Good luck.

Hi J.
Congratulations on #3! My husband and I basically made a pact up front. IF I had a C-section, then I would have my tubes tied as it was not going to be another procedure. However, if I had a normal delivery, then he would have the "snip-snip." So basically, my daughter decided for us and saved any arguing!

Side note, when my OB said I was going to have a c-section, my husband did high five him and do a small victory dance.

Best of luck to you.
Ali

I personally think you are right on this one.
Your risks are much greater than his.
If you stop having sex altogether, will that change his tune?
Ask him to go for a "consult" with the doctor to really learn about the procedure.
If he finds someone he trusts he is more likely to do it.
Good Luck
Nancy

I'm on your side on this one. The most important factor being that a procedure for the man is a lot less complicated then that for a woman. I'm not speaking from personal experienc, just what i've been told. My husband and I have already determined that if it comes to it, he'll be the one having the procedure. I think the fact that its been all up to so far is a good point as well! When it comes down to it you already know its not right for you and you should stick to your guns...you dont want to do something you'll regret later, and its typically safer for the mans snip in the long run.

good luck with your decision, its never an easy one especially when partners dont agree.
S.

do you know about "Mirena"? this is IUD, but has hormones and effective for 5 years and for 99,9%. you 're 26 and you never know how life can turn. may be you will decide to have a child somehow. "Mirena" is reversable and has 1 more "bonus" - 80% women with "Mirena" stop having their periods! I got it 2 month ago and happy. you can get more information on www.MIRENA-us.com.

I think that you need to approach the topic staying away from the "you should" concept, and instead, get information on both procedures and evaluate them... together. We had a similar "heated" discussion when we first started discussing it. It's been a while since we last pulled up the info, but a few things that we talked about is that the procedure for a woman has a 1 in 6 failure rate (i think that's what it said. Make sure to check).... are we ready to either go through a tubal pregnancy and mis-carry, or have another baby? Our answer was no. There were a few other things too but it's been so long we can't remember. We have had calm discussions about it since we took that approach. Now, we just have to make sure we are certain that we are all done having children and then we will decide for certain. The other thing is I think men are embarassed about it. I think it's that misconception that it effects their man-hood. My husband has already told me that if he does it, he doesn't want anyone to know.

I told dh I won't get my tubes tied. I am young and what if for something happens to him or our relationship for some reason ends and I meet someone and we want kids. Sometimes things happen. Men don't have to do anything. They don't have to carry a child for 9 months they don't have periods they don't have to take birth control so I say time for him to man up and get it done.

It is a more evasive procedure for the woman than the man. If you were to have it done you'd have to do it in the hospital with a surgeon and a longer recovery time. If he were to do it it would be in the doctor's office on a Friday afternoon and he's back to work by Monday. That is the argument I used with my husband. I'm sure you can find way more horror stories about tubals gone wrong because they actually have to cut you open to do it. Much more risk of infection and such. Maybe you can ask him to at least go with you to see a urologist to discuss it and the pros and cons of it. Or discuss it with your OB and ask him/her to discuss the pros/cons of a tubal on you with your husband. If he actually hears both sides of it from a medical professional he might feel okay while the things I've heard are awful they definitely aren't the norm and hopefully he'll see that it's much easier for him to do it. If nothing else it will hopefully dawn on him that hey I'm going to have to step up more for the kids and help out around the house more if you are down and out longer due to a procedure that you really didn't need.

Does your husband realize what it involves for a woman? It's a much less invasive procedure for a man than it is for a woman.

Just my two cents: I had my tubes tied after our 2nd son was born. I was 34 and my husband was 36. We knew we weren't going to have anymore, and he was too chicken to have his snip snip. I was willing to do it because, like you, I didn't want to have to take birth control any more or even worse, use condoms. Yucko. I was tender for about a week after the surgery, but I've never regretted it. It is SO nice to not have to worry about that issue whenever we want to "take a nap". Good luck.

Funny, I had teh same conversation after our 2nd... we were so on teh fence and ended up having number 3... well... being abit older then you(LOL) we were sure we were done. My hubby went to the first consult after our 2nd and missed all appointments after, so, I planned the tubal when I delivered(had a c-section). You are in a tough spot. I agree with you, its his turn... men are afraid they will be in pain after or whatever... not so. Good luck!

J.. I tend to agree with you. Both my sisters husbands got the snip snip because they both thought that it was the right thing to do. However you have to do what is best for your family. I also think that if he goes and talks to a professional and gets a couple of different drs. opinions than maybe he would feel better. But he has to be comfortable with it. becasue if anything goes wrong you don't want him to blame you. Men tend to think that you are taking away their man hood. maybe he is struggling with it. I don't know you or your husband but what ever you decide is the right and the best plan for you both. Good luck - I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer you need - you have to follow your heart on this one. I can see both sides - either way good luck with you baby in Nov.

S.

men are such wimps! my husband had a vascetomy and it was a piece of cake. He went to work three hours later. I would putmy foot down, enough already! How would they like to have a c section? :)

Hi J. - My first thought when I read this was, NO, don't do it!!! I had a tubal after my second was born 2 years ago, and even though I am older than you (almost 35) I regretted having it done about a year ago. In fact, I have had such regret over it that my husband and I are currently exploring the possibility of having a third either through IVF or if I am able to have a tubal reversal done. I know you will already have three, and I TOTALLY hear you about being done (my want for three caught me very much by surprise, I was sure I was done), but all I can think is, you just never know. It's not only about having babies, to me it's also about feeing whole and complete as a woman. I feel like I am somehow less of a woman now because I have these section of my tubes missing, preventing me from getting pregnant naturally and without medical intervention. It's hard to describe, but I know these feelings are real!!! You are only 26, and though you may never have another child after this, you are too young to go through life feeling even one ounce of the regret I feel every single day right now.

I wish I could go back in time and record the very same conversations I had with my husband about him getting the "snip". He reacted a lot like yours! I think men are a little afraid of it, personally, while we just have the kids and shoulder all the physical burdens that come with it. I wish I could have predicted what we'd be going through right now when we had that talk. Try to explain to your husband that birth control is a shared responsibility and not just your job. If you don't agree by the time the baby is born, you still have plenty of time to figure it out afterwards, I was never a fan of the way I felt on the pill either, but there are lots of other options out there now that many women seem to like, such as Mirena.

Sorry to get super worked up over this but I just feel strongly about it for obvious reasons... you know what is right for YOU in the end and no one can tell you what you should do. Trust yourself and go with your gut, and it will all work out in the end. I believe that about my own situation. Good luck and congrats on the baby!

A vasectomy is far less taxing on the body than a tubal, unless you're having a c-section and they are already in there.
If he refuses, then let him be responsible to the birth control.