Trying to Get Along with Husband When It Comes to Working Vs. Staying Home

I work as a teacher's aide, and had to go back to work full-time after my son was born because my husband lost his job, so I know exactly where you're coming from.

I would highly suggest couples counseling. You can find a lot of non-profit groups that offer free or no cost conuseling. Sometimes even your hospital offers postpartum counseling. It sounds like there is a lot more going on besides just the stress of the job hunt. You husband is probably also dealing with the stresses of being a new dad and his own fears about providing for the family. Counseling can really help you two to communicate and come up with an agreeable plan for the future.

If you really need a job, you can also look at private schools, daycare centers or your local YMCA. They are always looking for people, and while they don't pay a lot, they may get you through until you finish your credential.

If you live in the South Bay (LA) area, I can give you some information on local counseling groups and schools that are hiring, as well as a few free or low cost daycare options. Hang in there, and feel free to email me at ____@____.com anytime you need someone to lean on.

Kat

I don't really think it's about the finances in general... I think it's the fact that you'll be contributing to the financial part. Sometimes husbands don't realize that being a SAHM you are contributing to the household... it's just in a different way. So he may just be feeling the pressure of having to provide it all right now. I would try and compromise and see if you can get a part time job at home. say maybe tutoring a student or two before the school year starts to get ahead of the game? Maybe this will ease the tension between you and your hubby.

Good luck!

M. - First things first - take a DEEP BREATH, this is such an emotional time, for both of you. You need to sit down the next time your little one takes a nap and put down on paper why it doesn't make financial sense to go back to work until September. Schedule a conversation, preferably away from the house (get a sitter for 1/2 hour and go grab a cup of tea with your hubby). Take your list with you and gently share with your hubby why it doesn't make sense for you to go back to work for one month because the job doesn't pay enough, how much gas you'll waste being out looking, how much the childcare costs, etc. Also share with him what money saving techniques you are going to employ during this time (like buying generic at the grocery store, cooking more at home, rather than eating out, going for walks instead of renting a movie - all those little things add up). Finally, recognize that maybe hubby is feeling the strain too, with the lack of sleep and having been the sole financial provider right now. Maybe he feels guilty that he can't support the household all alone, like back in the olden days! Mine did - but wouldn't admit it for a long time, he just got angry about the finances and every time I expressed my concern about going back to work, we'd fight (BTW, I am back to work full time, and it's hard as hell being away from my little girl, but we are working towards paying off our debt, and eventually getting me home, we just can't do it right now, but knowing that's a common goal makes me work harder and keeps me on track with our budget! If you've never done a budget/they didn't work, check out Dave Ramsey/Financial Peace University - it's a MIRACLE!). Finally, remember to tell your husband how much you love him and how thankful you are that you and he made a baby together. Like I said, he's probably feeling overwhelmed right now too, and hearing that you love him will be great!

have you priced day cares and showed your husband the cost? My husband wants me to go back to school and then work ASAP, and I have a flyer I keep that shows prices of day care and he shuts up. It's cheaper, travel: wear and tear on car and gas, clothes you need for work, lunch, fast food you buy because you're too tired to cook, babysitting fees, food you have to take to the babysitter. My husband completely agrees that it's best not only for our children (one child and another on the way) that I stay home to nuture them in the early years, but most importantly to him it's cheaper. He still gets a little resentful that I'm home, but when he comes home and the house is clean and I've actually starched his shirts (which is another expense we save now taht the cleaners charge $2 a shirt) he remembers that stay at home moms do so much more then watch sleeping babies and soap operas. :)

M.

First off I am so sorry your husband cannot see the value of you staying home to raise your child. I am also sorry that you need to work to help with the household expenses. As others have said, it can be very costly to work outside the home. Sit down with your hubby and work it out.

I think you should look at the long term picture. Do you want to be working here and there and just getting by? Or do you really want a career that pays $$? Or would you prefer staying home and raising your child?

I am a single mom and just started an at home business working with other moms. I plan to make this my only source of income in about 12 months.

It is 100% risk free. $14.50 to start (before July 31st '07) and you can work around your baby's sleeping schedule and around your day to day outings!

It is easy, comes with free training and support.

Check out my website or feel free to email me.

Again, look long term because without a plan you and your husband will continue to go around in circles and it will not be pleasant for any of you.

Hope you figure this out to benefit your whole family.

M.

____@____.com
http://www.themomteam.com/cgi-bin/mom.cgi?id=mi518789&amp...

Hi, I sell tupperware. There is pretty much no commetment and you can do it just for one month while you wait for your teaching job. I can help you start for free and you can earn about $1000 in a month's time. Any way, I have a lot of teacher's that join my team during just the summer months. This is my only job - it works for me. Let me know if you have any questions. This could really help you since you only have to do it for one month and you can start right away. My email is ____@____.com, the website is my2.tupperware.com/jenrebollo You can find me in the "members perks" also.

My question is: will you have a job where you will not just be working to pay daycare? Daycare is very pricy especially for a baby. If you are going to work and by the time you pay daycare only make a couple hundred dollars more in a month, its just not worth it. Besides daycare you have wear and tear on your car, that extra has cost driving to and from work, lunch at work (if you don't bring your own), clothing for work. Basically, you have to see what it really costs you to work.
As for your hubby, he is being unreasonable. I don't think he's looking at the big picture. Sit down with him and go over your expenses. Then add daycare and the above costs. See if its worth it.
Maybe as a compromise you can get a part time job in the evenings when he gets home from work and he can stay with the baby. This way you avoid daycare cost and a parent is always with the baby.
Hope this helps

I have experienced the same situation as you. If you are looking to seriously change your situation, I may be able to help you. Contact me back. T.

I am currently going through the same type of strain, except that me and my husband both decided when I was pregnant that I was going to stay home with the baby. We agreed that was the better thing, just now he is constantly crabby and in a horrible mood, because he has to work all day. He totally forgets that we made the decision together and acts like I chose to just sit at home all day so that I would have to listen to him. I have tried looking for part-time work or at home work, but none of it is worth it, or worth having to find a babysitter for that time. I would say to go with your gut. If your unemployment is enough to get you through the next month then just wait until the teaching job arrives. It's going to be too much trouble getting a job in the meantime, having to do all that paperwork, and then just quitting in a month anyways. I'm not sure if it would do any good to talk to your husband, I know that mine is the kind that is not very communicative, he just wants to see results. If you can handle the tension the next month it will go away once you do get that job. Hope everything works out okay.

M.,
have you considered working from home for your self??? That's what I ended up doing because I couldn't afford day care and I couldn't maintain working grave yard and taking care of my babies during the day.... It was really scary and kinda hard at first but now I love it. And I teach other moms how to do ti too. if your interested you can contact me,
http://wisemommy.fourpointmoms.com

H.

Hi M. - I know there's a lot of pressure in a marriage when it comes to finances, new baby - big changes in life. Then, it seems so difficult to communicate when strong emotions are involved. Most of us go though this at one time or another and you just need to figure out how to open the communication channels. You might try to talk to a family and marriage counselor who can help give you techniques you could use to make him more open to listening to reason. I wish you the best!! I stay home with my three boys and have a home based business I love and is a great source of income. I love it because you can work as little or as much as you need to achieve the pay you want. Very low start up cost and rewarding because it really makes a difference in the lives of families (especially my own!). Contact me via email if you would like me to send you some information on this company you can feel proud to represent.

C.
JUICE PLUS - 17 Whole Food Fruits and Vegetables in Capsule Form
JUICE PLUS - America's Brand Name For Prevention
www.juiceplus.com/+cc42230
____@____.com

Hello M.,
I hear you are very stressed out about this whole issue and I feel for you. Have you and your husband looked at how much day care costs? Most people find that when the mother goes back to work, they usually just end up working to pay for daycare costs...so maybe that's something you should look into. Also, have you considered ever being a consultant? Like for Mary Kay, Creative Memories, or even Party light, just to name a few I am most familiar with. As a consultant, you make your own hours and some people who have kids may even allow you to bring your 5 month old. There's also a mystery shopper... I know all of these things aren't a corporate job or anything, but they allow you to work with your children to avoid day care costs, and they pay pretty well... I hope I helped a little.
M.

How are you doing? Your request popped up as a spotlight and I was interested in what you did.

M.,
Let me know what area you live in. I might be able to suggest the perfect job for you. do you have your credentials??

J.

M.,
Sorry to hear about what is going on. Have you thought about working from home? I do and it is great. You can work a little or a lot! And what I do would go prefectly along with your teaching when you get your credential! Let me know if you would like to hear more. You can give me a calll or send my your number and I can call you soon!

Sincerely,
B.
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Hi M.,

I saw a lot of people suggested home based direct selling businesses. When I had my first son, I was in the exact same boat, and I sold AVON to supplement my income. In my opinion, it is the easiest & fastest home sales business you can get into (start up is only $10 & you don't have to host parties- just distribute catalogs around the neighborhood). To me, it was just a side business to get some extra income & my husband really appreciated that I was willing to put in (a very) little effort to help with our finances.

C. : )

There are a lot of options out there that you may not be aware of. Have you looked into working at some of the pre-school, private schools in the area? I know many of them are hiring. Also, I don't know how you feel about working with children who have special needs or the elderly, but there are a number of companies in the area that specialize in providing these services. You make your own schedule and take only the cases you feel comfortable with. I believe starting pay is about $13-$15 an hour which is pretty good. If you would like more info, contact me and I can get you set up with some resources! I recently went back to work after finishing my degree. My little one just turned one. It is so hard balancing everything! My reccomendation is to not go back completely full-time at first...but to work your way up to it if you can so it isn't such a shock to you and your baby.

You have a job coming up in September. Have you (and your Husband) thought about, or pinned down child-care for your baby? Does your husband truly understand what this will cost? Your or his paychecks will probably no doubt, go towards child-care. It is costly. Plus, other costs for baby...diapers, clothes, all the essentials. Husband shouldn't get angry at you. He is stressing out about having a baby, and diverting his stress on you. It is not just a financial strain.... I hope he knows this. Having a baby is not just about the cost. Maybe he and you, should sit down and have a good heart to heart talk about this. Decide what part of it is he and you doing to do? What costs, what chores, what part of caring for the baby is he and you going to SHARE etc. Just because he is the one working now, does not mean only 1 parent shoulders the burden of care-taking. When we had our baby, I was planning to go back to work, until we found out how much child care costs and how hard it is to find a good babysitter or provider. So we mutually decided that I stay home. That was 5 years ago, and I am now home with my 2nd baby too. BUT, in between this time span, even though I was home, I made extra money on the side doing part-time work, and baby-sitting(paid) for my friends children. So i contributed to the household finances. It's not always peachy, and money is tight, but it is much better than paying an arm and leg for childcare. Even if I had a regular job, that money would go out the door toward child-care anyways. You and Hubby really have to figure this out... each situation is different. But child care costs is costly. Do you have childcare for your daughter lined up? September is right around the corner.Speak to your husband...you don't want conflicts to escalate... make a budget or something and mutually decide what goes where and project ahead. My husband is the working provider for the family as well, but he did 'side jobs' to earn extra money, in addition to his regular day job. ANd he also got an other job that pays better. It took time, and lots of legwork. But, you have to do what you have to do, for your family.This is the way we handled it at least. I now do my own business, from my home, and really love it. There are many options. Just have to try it. Every situation is different. Find what works for you. GOod luck.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo