Trying to Decide Whether or Not to Have Another Child

I am in a similar situation. I work full time and my husband stays home with kids and works part time at night. I recently had another child and am still considering another (3). I worry that we will struggle but I feel that will always be the case. i spoke to my obgyn about having another child in my late 30's (i am 34) she said she did not have her two children until she was in her late 30's early 40's. As far as health concerns she told me to go for it, because i have not had any health issues with previous pregnancies. My husband and I are both from big families and that is what we wanted. I feel that finances are always going to be a bit unstable but if you can manage then go ahead.

"Giving her a sibling" isn't like giving her a new toy or a puppy! (LOL) Yes, I had happy times with my 4 sibs, but I also remember that I had very little time with my parents. My daughter, an only, has lots of one-on-one time with her parents, which is pretty special, too. So, from your daughter's perspective, as an "only", she gets lots of parental time.

Looking at it from your husband's perspective, if he's about your age, he'll be over 40 when she goes to school full-time, and probably anxious to get on with a new career. My daughter's father is in the same situation, and expresses a certain level of regret at not having done that earlier. If something happens to you, he'll have to be the breadwinner, and will need that educaiton.

Looking at it from your perspective (this is mine, too: I'm the breadwinner), right now "having it all" is very rewarding, but at some point, in about 4-5 years, you will appreciate your husband contributing to family income, and will appreciate his having the opportunity to continue his education. This will take some of the burden off you, and may even give you some more flexiibility and time to be with your daughter more as she grows up.

Just a perspective from a mom in a situation similar to yours. Best of luck!

Hi D.,
I was 39 when I had my son. I had him later in life than I certainly expected due to several miscarriages once we decided to officially "try." He really is my greatest blessing.
I think there are several ways to look at having kid(s) at various stages in life. As a "more mature" mom, I think I see more humor in everything and see things in a very realistic way, as I realize there is more to life than whether your kid is potty trained by two! I enjoy my son and have LOTS of life experiences and wisdom to share with him
I enjoy the journey with every day with my son and am happy to give him my full attention. My husband and I are quite happy with O. child. I do not feel the need for more.

Lots of people will say to you: "Oh, don;t you want MORE?" etc etc. They are not the ones that need to bathe, clothe, feed and educate them--you are! If you feel you would like another, and your husband is in agreement, by all means--DO! My main point is not to do it for the wrong reasons, or because other people think it's sad to be an only child. Listen to your heart and your gut and you will make the right decision for you! Good luck whatever you decide!

D.,
Although this is a personal decision, I will lend my thoughts. I also had my son around the same age. My husband had 2 kids prior to our marriage so we decided to only have one child. Although it is not too late for me, I really regret not having another child when my son was a little younger. I tend to worry a lot about him because he is my only child. I feel that I could let up a little if there were more than one.

I would not worry about the finances. As long as they have a home, clothing, and food, that's all that matters. Children prefer a relationship with their parent over things. As for school, most schools offer their degree programs online now. I just completed my masters through this method. I pray that all the responses you received bring some clarity and comfort.

Hi D.,
I read your story and I feel like in a lot of ways, it's my own, going through the same decision of what to do. I am 35, my huband is 40 and we have a 2 1/2 yr old little girl who is the most precious thing to us. My huband and I both work FT but we have a lot of bills and the cost of daycare is a lot! The economy the way that it is also is scary!

We want to be able to give our daughter the best in life and we wonder if she would be "shorted" by being an only child. I have an older sister and my husband has an older sister and although growing up with them we felt at the time we wished we were an only child, as we became older, especially for me, my sister became my best friend and still is. I have been through so much with my family and it was so nice to have a sister to lean on and help eachother out through difficult times.

I too also hear the biological clock ticking and as time goes by, I wonder if it is a good idea to have another one. Not only becaue of possible complications but just being older and not as active as I once was.

Our daughter is at such a wonderful age right now that this is probably the first time I really have considered another one due to the fact I had a very long and diffult labor and she didnt sleep through the night for the first 9 months, I just never wanted to go through it again. But now, now how I see how wonderful it is, I dont want this time to end!

I will be interested in reading the posts you get on your request but wanted to let you know, your not alone!
Best of luck in whatever decision you make!
K.

D.,

It sounds like you have answered your own question. If both you and your husband aren't sure that bringing another life into this world is the desires of your heart, then you shouldn't. Only children have full, rich, and exciting lives. They have lots of friends and there are great benefits to being the object of your parents' affections. What a wonderful thing you are giving to your daughter to have her daddy home with her!

Only children have their issues, but so do children in families with siblings. The issues are different, that is all. She will have wonderful memories with her parents and her friends. If she needs a companion on vacations when she gets older, offer to take a friend or cousin along. Even though I had two brothers, I always wanted to take a friend along on vacations and outings, and when we did, it was more fun.

If your life is happy now, and your daughter is happy now, and you're body is healthy, then enjoy the beautiful life you have and don't worry that you are depriving your daughter of anything. And don't let worrying rob you of your present together now. Pursue your goals and let your husband pursue his, and enjoy the beautiful little girl you have, and relax.

L.

I think the only child debate is a hot one. I feel very strongly against having only one. I come from 5 children and my husband comes from 7.... that may be why. I just watched my father in law pass. My husband and his siblings took shifts caring for him. He never needed a stranger or had it put on one child. They also stayed with his mother for a week or so to make sure she was ok. I have so many wonderful stories of holidays, girls nights, shopping, crying phone calls etc with my sisters. I would not trade that for the world. I truly believe that an only child is lonely. Sure you can have friends over now, but friends are not always there your whole life. (and there are certain things like a dying parent that a friend cannot do) There is nothing like a sibling!

I wish you the best with whatever you choose. Do not think that two kids is going to be tough...coming from a mom of four it is nothing...lol!! If you feel that there is any part of you that wants another child (as does your husband) my opinion is go for it!! :-)

D.,

This is a decision only you and your husband can make. There are so many reasons for each option. That said...I had my first child at 35. He was difficult from day 1 and for a long time, I didn't think I had it in me to have another. But...my husband is an only child and didn't want that for ours. He talked me into another, and child #2 was born when I was 38. She is AMAZING! Our kids are now 12 and 9 and I can't imagine my son without her. They love each other so much. Both of my kids are in the gifted programs at their school. My son recently asked his gifted teacher if his sister could come with his gifted class on their next field trip since she's in the gifted program as well. When I asked him why, he said "I just wanted everyone else to see what an awesome sister I have." Pretty amazing for a 12 year old boy, huh? They have each other's backs when no one outside the family does.

My husband says it was hard being an only child when he was young, but I think sometimes it's even harder for him now. He has no shared memories, and the sole responsibility for his parents rests with us. There are no cousins on his side of the family for my kids to bond with.

Of course there's no guarantee the kids would get along, but I think it's your responsibility to foster that. We see many neighbors where the siblings fight a lot, but as we watch the parents, we see that they are not teaching their kids otherwise. I think it's the parents who set the tone for how siblings interact. My brother and I never really connected until we were in our 40s and I think it's b/c my mom pitted us against each other. We tolerate NO negative comments from our children about each other. From the time child #2 was born, we drilled it into their heads that they would be friends...and they are.

We were at the opthamologist recently...the nurse was checking the family status and said to my daughter..."So...you live with your mom, your dad, and your amazing brother, right?" And my daughter said "yep!" The nurse was blown away...she said the kids never agree with that...

A few other benefits from having siblings...my husband said he would have had a much easier time dating and with relationships had he grown up with a sister (not that there's any guarantee that you wouldn't have 2 of the same sex). In addition (and I can vouch for this!!)...as a kid, he never learned to share b/c he didn't have to. It took him a few years into our marriage to learn to give and take.

Anyway...good luck with your decision. Every extra child makes extra work...and of course costs more...but the relationship I see my children developing is one I wouldn't trade for anything. I think it will serve them well their whole lives.

P.

Good morning.
I am a divorced mother of two children one 14 and one 13. I had my children when I was 33 and 34 yrs old. I think if you can get other family members to help you with baby sitting so you husband can persue his career before he thinks he's to old to go for it. If you can get some other help. Then once your husband gets a job work opposite shifts so one of you is at home while the other is working that way you don't need a sitter. Hopefully both of you will be off the weekend so you can spend some time together.

D.,
I grew up with a mother who would repeatly remind us she was an only child and hated it and would say siblings are the best gift you can give your children. I have three other siblings and the age difference varies from 2yrs apart to 16 yrs apart regardless of the age I couldn't imagine life without them. My mother was recently hospitalized and I thank God I had my brother and sisters to pull together and get her through her hospitalization as well as the support of one another. We all get together for Sunday night dinners as often as we can(not always peaches and cream) but a way in our busy lives to connect. I can relate to your finacial concerns especially at this time and we growing up and now have gone through tough times
but the memories I am so fortunate to have had, with many more to come!! I wish you and your husband the best and I am sure you will make the right decision for your family.

R.

If you are concerned about your age, please talk to your Dr. I had my 1st at 37 and just had my 2nd (probably last) at 40. I am in good health...and if you are, there should not be a problem. My older son is SO happy to have a sibling.... he and I do not spend as much time together anymore, and I am also back to work full-time (another "breadwinner"), but I have no regrets! Family time is great for us and will only get better as the baby gets older. Good luck in making your decision!

Hello,
I am an only child and I always wanted a brother or sister. My family is very small, my father and aunt just passed away and my family is almost gone. I have one 90 year old grandfather left and I think about it everyday. I still have my mom and a few cusions but it really sucks sometimes. If it was not for my kids and husband it would be hard.
My husband did not want another one but I refused to have an only child. It is nice to have a sibling...yes they may not get along sometimes but you need to teach them to be close.
Anyway, it is your decision...you have to want it and it will work.

I am an only child...and am perfectly happy with it. My husband and I have decided that we are done with one as well. Not all only-children desire to have a sibling. If you love your only and provide them with the support, guidance and love that they need they will be fulfilled.

I remember when I was little that I had asked for a sibling, but my parents said it wasn't possible and I simply dropped the subject. We had a large extended family so my cousins became like siblings. My husband has a sister, but they are far from close. I have many friends that I am closer to than some of my friends are to their own siblings.

Only children have a horrible stigma attached to them. Every position in birth order has it's issues...so please don't think an only is the only one with cons. If you read up on the cons, you can work to minimize those. While I was "spoiled" I also had to work for what I wanted. I started working part-time jobs at 16 and worked all the way through college. Nothing was ever handed to me and I thank my parents now because I have a wonderful work ethic that has gotten me far.

The one thing that does scare me is caring for my parents as they age as an only. I've encouraged them to make plans and decisions so I never have to make those hard decisions alone. That is the biggest gift you can give an only. It will be hard enough dealing with illness/death without them having to guess what you want.

Good luck. Know that you need to do what's right for your family and not for anyone else.

I don’t know what I would have done without my sisters.

Sure they were frustrating at times, as all siblings are, but they also became good friends and people that you can count on later in life.

Life is nothing but a series of trials and tribulations that we will face our entire lives. If we don’t have family, or VERY good friends, then we face those trials alone.

Nothing is more damaging to the health and morale of a person than the feeling, and the realization, that we are utterly alone in the world with no one to turn to who truly loves us for help.

It’s a personal decision, but I feel that a family of 2-4 kids is absolutely perfect.

Besides. Bad people breed like rabbits anyway. Might as well even the odds a bit with some GOOD people. ;) LOL!

Love and light.

~J.

I am in the same situation - although both my husband and I work - I have a 16 mos and am 38. I also am torn but have decided to try for #2 with the belief that the benefits of of my daughter having a sibling outweighs the fear of the economy etc. best of luck with your decision....

1. If you wait until you can afford another child you will never have another one.
2. You can't "deprive" a child a good life if you love them. Perhaps you can't buy them new toys or take them to Disney Land every year, but that isn't depriving them of anything.
3. I think that your fears about a single child are legitimate and I would never want to be an only child. Siblings will grow through life fighting and loving each other back and forth, but regardless they are always there for each other.

Perhaps you can just stop trying to prevent a baby, and see what happens.

D.,

This is such a personal decision that only you and your husband can answer for you....

For us, we knew we wanted to have at least 2 children...if we had not been able to have 2 on our own, we would have adopted, just so we did not have an only....

My husband is 1 of 4, and I am 1 of 3, and we loved having siblings when we were kids, and we love having our siblings now, as adults. We are dealing with parent aging issues now, and I cannot imagine the extra burden for only children. I have had friends who are only children, and when their parents have aged, it has been awful for them. I have a nephew who is an only, and when my dad was ill last year and my brothers and I were spending a lot of time and energy dealing with issues, my son asked me what my neohew would do when his parents age, since he's on his own.... (I told him that's what cousins are for...but it's not the same.)

My kids have learned so much from each other. Now, at ages 13 and 10, they fight at times, but they rarely fought when they were both younger, and I know this phase will pass. They enjoy each others' company, protect one another, etc. My son, the younger child, hates that his sister always has so much homework and can't spend as much time with him as she used to! :)

Certainly a 2nd child puts an extra burden on a family, financially and logistically. You just have to weigh the options and see which way you want to go.

Good luck with your decision.

I am torn sometimes too,with my son being 19 months old. I am 40 years old now. i was pregnant at 37 and had him at 38. he is awesome but at this point in time he is old enough to go to daycare and fend for himself. i worry about birth defects having a child at my age. your husband is right that it is hard to do schooling if you have another child. he could do online school which my fiancee is doing. he was staying at home with our son and recently got a job with the census bureau. the lady we found to care for our son seems really nice and caring. it is hard. at least with one it has its advantages too such as making sure you give them what the need and being able to send them off to college. weigh the pros and the cons. good luck

I am afraid that most of us can't really give you any viable suggestions. You guys have to weigh together the benefits of having one child, versus having two, and figure out the challenges, and whether they are surmountable. I think that being older, (than in your 20's) you are much more realistic about the down-sides, whereas you might have simply rushed forward in your 20's without thinking. It makes some decisions wiser ones, and others just plain "tougher".

So I think what you'll get on this site is lots of stories about other people's lives, rather than really viable advice for your own. But maybe there will be a message in there anyway . . . .

I have 4 girls. The first two were born before I hit 30, after which I was divorced, played single mom for 5 years, then married again at 35. I kept asking my husband if he wanted a child of his own, cuz my clock was ticking . . . and he said he was happy with the two we had. Then I ended up getting pregnant and having a miscarriage. (which was a good thing, actually, cuz I had been 100% sure the pregnancy was screwed up to begin with -- I just knew something wasn't "right" in there) Then when I was 39, I gave birth to our 15 yr old, and at 40, I gave birth to our 13 yr old. They are all of 20 months apart, and were both unplanned. Now I'm 54, and sometimes I do look around at my friends with empty nests -- once in a while I think of the things we could be doing if our "younger" two were grown up -- but you know what ? 98% of the time I think, "Oh my gosh ! What we'd be missing if we didn't have the joy of these two girls in our lives.

They have kept us feeling "younger" because we hang with people who have children their ages, rather than empty nested adults. Having my youngest at 40 wasn't really a problem. I think that's probably based on individual health, and I've always felt younger than I am age-wise. Being in my 50's, I don't think I'm as "exciting" a parent as I was to my older girls, but on the other hand, the younger two have parents who have more perspective on life and are more able to put their own needs down in favor of doing things that are important to them. We aren't trying to live our lives through them, or have "perfect children". We are enjoying seeing the people they are becoming, watching them complement each other, watching them argue, even. We just thoroughly enjoy them.

that is us, though, and you are you. If you want to have another child, and your husband wants to continue his education, why don't you check out those options ? I suspect neither of you are "day care" fans, since he opted to stay home with your daughter, but there might be a day care facility at the university, staffed partly by students studying early childhood education. And he might be able to take a few classes, with the kids in daycare, then bring them home while he studies. Check out the financial aid options. I think the best thing you can give your children is parents who are fulfilled, challenged and happy with their own lives. It's a great nurturing ground for them to model the kinds of attitudes and behaviors that get you there.

Take care. It's a big decision. . . I'm kind of think you're asking because you're leaning toward having a second child, otherwise, why even think about it ? . . . but it's your decision and your husband's decision. Or, with us, it was just bad use of birth control both times ! (But we were delighted !! We just didn't do any real planning to get there. We like surprises.)

Good luck, and blessings -- with one child, or with two children. Being a team of a family is a wonderful way to walk through life. :-)

barb

This is obviously a personal decision you need to make with your husband. And it should be about what you think is best for your family. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and God willing, I will have more. Like you, I had my son when I was 35 and just turned 38. I think most people when deciding to have another child or not, thinks of what they themselves want, but someone once said to me that "the best gift you can give your child is a brother or sister". It made me realize that I don't want another child just for me and my husband, I really want to give my son a brother or sister. Maybe it will happen and maybe it won't, but I know I'll try my best. On the flip side, there are no guarantees in life and if my son is an only child, I still think that he will have a great life with or without a sibling. I guess my advice or thoughts is first you need you do what's best for your family, and if you think that your little girl would be happier with a sibling than I say go for it!

Personally, I think you should go for it! I don't think there is any greater gift you can give your daughter. The finances and the school are issues to deal with in the next few years. Their relationship will last a lifetime. Have you ever met someone who regrets having one more? Have you ever met someone who regrets not having more? I have many friends who now wish they had gone for one more. I don't have any friends who regret having a baby. I would do it soon though. The older your daughter gets the harder it will be to get back into the baby mode!

Hi D.! I just wanted to let you know that I AM an only child and I was VERY happy growing up and still am. I am sure it is wonderful to have siblings but being an only is wonderful as well! I never wanted a brother or a sister growing up, in fact I used to be greatful after spending time w/ families w/ more than one. They were always fighting and mean to each other! I always had lots of friends and our house was always the house where all the kids wanted to hang out. My parents never minded b/c I was the only! I was extremely close to both my parents and still am (though we lost my dad 5 yrs ago). I am now the very proud mommy of Gary, a 5 yr old only, who also doesn't want a brother or a sister! My husband & I made the decision to have only one and it is a very good decision for us. Only you can decide what is right for you but PLEASE don't let anyone tell you that onlys are lonely or unhappy. Good Luck with whatever you decide!

D.,

I can feel your pain. My husband & I both struggled on whether or not to have another child. Our son will be 3 at the end of March. I am also older & so is he. Finances also played a part in our decision.

We have decided to just have the one child. We worry about our son growing up without all the sibling stories & companionship. We realized though that it was more important to be financially stable & be able to give our son a good childhood then have another baby. I crave to have another child but I want to be able to take our son fun places without worrying about being able to afford it. We aren't rich & still save up for fun things I just don't want to be really strapped for money.

The age is also a major factor. My husband doesn't want to be in his 70's and have a kid just graduating college. As it is he will be in his early 60's. My husband has a genetic disorder that he has passed to our son & having another child with the same disorder or something like Down Syndrome would be hard. Not that we wouldn't love & care for it just as we do our son. It would be hard for the child, especially a girl with this genetic disorder my husband has. We figured our son is doing good, so far, so why tempt fate.

I keep our son active with other kids. I joined our local MOM's club & he has a lot of friends he like to play with. My husband & I both had one older sibling. We don't talk to either one of our older siblings. Our relationships are strained at best. We are completely different people. If I didn't know any better I would think I was adopted, I'm not. My husbands brother, I feel, is from a completely different planet. Having another child so that your child has a sibling doesn't mean they are going to like each other. I don't hate my brother but he isn't the first person I call/think about when something major happens in my life. I haven't seen him in 4 years. My husbands brother would prefer to spend a holiday at his apt. away from family then come over & have dinner with his parents & us. I make an effort to keep our son socially active. The time you spend with your child is what will make them happy. If you have another child you may have to work more & then you won't be able to spend as much time with them as you would like.

Having only one child is okay. Only kids are happy well adjusted people. Don't listen to people if they say you are doing your child a dis-service by only having one. It seems like you have given this a lot of thought & consideration, unlike some people that just say, "oops I'm pregnant." Not everyone takes the time to think out how a child will affect their lives. Having two kids is not as easy as some people say it is. Good luck!!

I don't know what to say, D., except that you are not alone in this dilemma. I have a younger brother (with whom I am not that close, but he's still family, you know). My husband has a sister and brother. But we're really not sure we want another one. Or, I guess we might want another one, but the thought of starting all over is, well, horrifying. Anyway, I asked my dad what he thought about growing up as an only child, thinking he might say that it would have been nice to have a sibling when he was growing up, or when his parents were sick and dying, or something like that. Nope, his reaction was "It was great! I had everything all to my self!" :-) Typical only, I guess. Anyway, there are real advantages either way, and whatever path you take you'll always wonder what life would be like if you chose differently. However, 37 is hardly ancient, so I'd say put off the decision for a year, and you two reevaluate then. I decided we weren't even going to think about it until Robert was 3, just to free up that space in my head! Good luck.

Though it's important to use wisdom in decisions, putting off having a child for financial or schooling is not a fair trade. I believe that when you make the sacrifice to have a child whether it's the first or tenth all will be provided for. No financial gain can compare to the wealth that a child brings to your life! Good luck, perhaps you uneasiness is you know what you should do but fear is keeping you from having the baby.

you both need to decide what you want for all of you. There are pluses and minuses to being an only child.

Is he able to work part time?

schools do have day care available and of course not pregnant yet so he could be going to school.

My husband and I had our beautiful daughter when I was 43 years old. She is two years old. She is and will remain our only child. She is perfect! We got it right the first time. We do not need to try again. :)

D.,

There is never a perfect time to have a child. You can always have more money, more time, be more secure. I guess you have to ask yourself this, do I want my daughter to have a sibling? If yes, then cease birth control.

I am the oldest of 6 and I have the greatest memories of growing up with siblings. Granted, when I was young, I wished I was the only child, but I am so blessed to have each of them in my life. Not only do I get to share my life with them, but with their spouses and children and my kids get aunts and uncles which is a great support network.

Now, I would NEVER have that many kids now because it isn't financially responsible, in my opinion. BUT, in 2 weeks, I will have 3 and that's it. We are done. We couldn't decide between 2 or 3 so we just left it up to the powers that be to decide. I want to start my career (I finish my Master's this year) and feel that its better to get the baby-having process done with BEFORE I go into the work place.

Its not "easy" to go to school and have young children, but its not impossible. Many universities have free to low cost child care while you're in class or if you are working on campus. Have your husband look into it. Sure, it might take a little longer to complete, but at the end you will have 2 beautiful children and a degree.

Good luck at making your decision, whatever it is you decide. You will make the best one for your family, don't worry.

If you aren't 100% committed then i would simply say your family is complete the way it is.
Don't worry about your daughter being lonely. She has you and Daddy and i'm sure she will have wonderful friends in the future that will give her all the closeness she needs.
To be honest, the risk of complications would be a big factor for me too.
It sounds like you have a lovely family right now.
Enjoy them.

As many previous posters have said, I can not tell you which decision is the right one for you. I can speak to you as an only child, when I say, I wish I had a sibling. I had a great childhood and what I can only describe as "God's gifts" as parents. I never lacked in attention from my parents and although monetary gifts were not in abundance, they always had time for me. Never the less I always had that sense of missing out, especially listening to stories . My mother was one of 4 and my father was one of 3. Friends are not always available to come over and play or to go to the carnival with you. As a young adult I would have loved to have a sibling for so many things, including the loss of my mother at an early age. My father and I are very close and no one can replace the relationship that my mother and I shared, yet I am envious of the bond my children share. I knew with out hesitation that I wanted more than one child and I can see now by watching the two of them together that I did miss out on so much. My daughter is 5yrs and my son is 3yrs. They easily play independently however watching how they interact together is priceless. I can already see the connection that they share and and it warms my heart. I am glad that they did not miss out on having each other. I can certainly understand your financial concern, especially in our economy but if you wait to have kids until you can afford them then you never have kids because you can never afford them.
Good Luck in your decision

As I am sure you know, only the 2 of you can decide this. For me having 3 kids was never a question. I knew that after my 3rd I was done and ahd my tubes tied. I was younger though I had my 1st at 26 and my 3rd at 28, 29.

To me it sounds like you don't want another. I don't know what to say other than you know what is best for your family. Plus if you decide not to have another and change your mind you can always adopt a child. Good luck in your decision.

I feel this way too.. I am 32 and my son is 2 1/2. I feel like I've always wanted children (2) and that I just keep getting older. I have 2 sisters myself, that are completely different than me -- I am closer to my older sister (5ys older) and she and I have been through rough spots and have supported each other through tough times. My younger sister is 8 years younger and we aren't that close, but we do get together (it seems almost superficially) and both my sisters love my son and spend time with him. My older sister can't have children and the younger sister isn't interested (yet). So I fear that my son will be "the only one" meaning that maybe if my sisters had kids, then I'd be OK if he was an only child. As of now, he's the only kid at family functions as (even in the extended family) the next youngest "cousin" is 14.
My options for having another child are somewhat limited now -- my (husband) is away overseas in the ARmy and we've had a rough time the past year or so. He had an affair. So, while we're still married -- at this point -- the possibility of having another child is just not an option. I'd say the economy certainly ranks high on my list of reasons to postpone having another child. I also work full-time and pay for daycare. If I did have another child, I'd have to figure in the cost of sending both to daycare; subtract it from my salary and then see where I ended up after taxes. I get often get sad thinking about these things and I appreciate your concern and openness to discuss it. There are many reasons not to have children, but I guess the most important reason to have another is your own family situation -- for me first and foremost is my relationship with my husband (and its not a strong marriage at this point).. so that's where I end my decision making. AFter the bond between and among family, I'd have to consider finances/ I wish you good luck in deciding and I too look forward to hearing what responses you receive.
Perhaps the best person to speak to would be a financial planner which can meet with you oftentimes for free through your banking institution.

My husband lost his mother when Our daughter was only 9 months old. We discussed how much more difficult it would have been with out his brother and sister for support. We decided at that time we wanted our daughter to have a sibling. It is a personal decision, but I am glad to have my sister!

Well it sounds like you really do want another child. Financially, you can maybe have your husband work weekends or at night, if that works with your schedule. Bartending/waiting tables brings in a good amount at the right restaurant...or there are plenty of other things he can do to help out. I wouldn't let age keep me from having another child.