Truth Be Told

Updated on August 22, 2009
D.S. asks from Rutherford, NJ
7 answers

Hi Ladies,

Two days ago I was handed a situation that I am quite torn on how to handle. I am looking for advise from a mom's point of view. I own a preschool with a full day kindergarten program. My kindergarten teacher has been with me for 5 years and is absolutely wonderful both personally as well as professionally. Not only does she work for me but she is like a daughter to me. She is of Indian decent and comes from a VERY traditional Indian family. She has lost both of her parents so her only remaining family is a younger brother and aunts and uncles. In her culture your parents aide you in finding a husband so in this case I believe she has met her fiance on an Indian Matrimonial Website. She has been dating him for almost two years and just had her civil ceremony in April. She is not a citizen and I have been sponsoring her on a work visa. Now that she is married through a civil ceremony she must go to India to marry so she can begin living with her husband. Yes, she is not permitted to live with her husband until she has a religious ceremony. When she told me in April she was having the civil ceremony she said her husband wanted to go to India for three weeks in December. I had told her that it would be impossible to have her leave for 3 weeks during the school year. I would not have minded otherwise but she is my Kindergarten teacher and that is right in the middle of the school year. I told her she could have the entire summer off to get married and start her new life. The subject was dropped. Two days ago she told me that her husband has decided that they must go to India in December and she will be remaining in India for a few months after the wedding. He has decided to quit his job and stay in India to FIND HIMSELF!!! My concern of course is for her because he has not treated her well and I know she has settled because in her culture she is considered an OLD MAID. She is thirty years old. She has confided so many things to me that I already can't stand about him. So aside from me wanting to protect her I have concerns for the children who will be in her class and also how this will impact my business. I am in the process of hiring a new teacher. We are closed next week for break and reopen September 1. So I have a short period of time to find a suitable replacement to fill her shoes. As I said she is a wonderful teacher and many parents have stayed at my facility or come to my school for her kindergarten class. So my question is do I tell the parents now? Find someone immediately and explain that she will mentor the new teacher until December when she has to leave, to guarantee the same quality of education and care they have been promised. Or do I just hire the new teacher, wait until November to tell everyone that this is the situation hoping at that point they will not put their children out. Please understand that the children are my first priority. However I do run the risk of 15 children pulling out of my program, therefore making it impossible at this late notice to fill those spots. My emotions are all over the place because I know she is not doing this to hurt me, but she is such a weak girl and unfortunately forced (her words not mine) to do as her husband says. All of my staff have really taken her under our wing and really have tried to make her a stronger person as well as advise and guide her. However, not having parents and living such a strict lifestyle she is not able to take a stand. Any other suggestions welcome. Thanks in advance.

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So What Happened?

Thank you ladies for your wonderful advice. I was able to find a wonderful replacement for my current teacher through a friend. My current teacher and I met with her and I am very confident that she will do a wonderful job. My current kindergarten teacher has agreed to take a pay cut to a teachers assistant position and stay to mentor the new teacher until December when she has to go. This will also help transition the children to their new teacher. She realizes I cannot pay two kindergarten salaries and is willing to help me in any way she can (even speaking with the parents together) for which I am grateful. I have decided to compose a letter and mail it out this week because some of the families are on vacation, and the school is closed so I cannot speak with them personally. I am feeling like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know someone said to put my business hat on and I always have it on but in this situation as I said this is a very sweet girl who is very special to me so it was hard to be objective at first. I didn't expect to have such a great solution in such a short period of time. Thank you for all of your kinds words and advice.

More Answers

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P.M.

answers from New York on

This is a tough situation, because you have her best interest at heart and at the same time have to protect yourself and your business. I would say wait till after the school year starts, however by end of September/early October, you should have the new teacher and inform the parents about the situation. As a parent, I would be more appreciative if I know the new teacher wand that this person would be mentored by the existing teacher until December. It also gives parents and the new teacher a chance to develop a relationship before she is in charge of the classroom. Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from New York on

If I was one of the moms, I would definitely appreciate more that you hire someone and have her be guided by this girl until she leaves in December. It would be much easier transition and also gives parents more confidence in your decisions. It would be best option looking from a parent's point of view as well as business POV.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

D.,
I love that you are so caring and kind. It is difficult to watch someone we care for go through tough stuff but when people are grown all you can do is give them your best advice and keep it moving.

People will either take the advice or not. It is their choice. We have our own journey through life. She must take hers. Her culture is different and she is equipped to handle that or not but she has to take her journey.

As for the school, hire a new teacher. If she is willing to train and prepare that teacher great, if not then you need to put on your management hat and make some decisions. Your schools reputation isn't just about this teacher but also about you as the administrator and your ability to pick people that best represent your companies ideals and practices. You may loose some students because of the change in teacher but you owe it to the parents to be transparent about the transitioning to a new teacher. I doubt you will loose as many as 15 students and if you did I would question how people see you as a administrator and facilitator.

If you are a praying woman, I would strongly recommend prayer as a source of guidance and direction.

Please let me know how this turns out for you.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from New York on

D.,
Just the fact that you are posting this question means that you care a great deal about the children who attend your preschool, as well as your staff. I am sure that is the main reason why you have so many clients - I doubt that they are coming JUST for the teacher and I doubt that they will pull out JUST because she is leaving.
I think if you can afford to hire a new teacher and have your current teacher "train" her until December, that is above and beyond what most employers would do (especially during a recession) and I think the parents would definitely notice your kind intentions for both their children and your staff and definitely keep their children in such a loving school.
Has the present teacher formally handed in her notice, or is there a chance that she may stay beacuse of the shaky situation of things? If she hasn't quite decided, then I don't think you need to formally address your clients about it, but I think that you could just explain, in person, that you have hired a new teacher in training who may or may not become the primary teacher since your current teacher got married and is thinking of moving back to India at the end of the year.
As for your kindergarten teacher, keep doing what you are doing - show her loving support, try to see things from her perspective, and let her know she can always come back to your employ in the future. Try to check in with her from time to time if she does move back to India, so she knows she is not alone and has options if needed.
You are a very kind person.
Take care,
D.

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M.B.

answers from New York on

On the point of telling the parents, i dont think you should say anything you would risk loosing the students and it sounds like you will make sure they are given the best care whether this teacher is there or not. anyway... things might change, she could stay and there's no reason to upset everyone just yet. once the semester in going then around Halloween you could notify the parents. (they dont need to know you know before the semester started.) on the teacher's life situation, there's not much you can do but be supportive and make sure she knows she has choices and you will be there for her if/when she changes her mind.

by the way... this has nothing to do with you posting but i have a friend who is a very good teacher. the school she was working at lost funding for her program so she is looking for a new position as a kindergarten teacher.. (preschol - 3grade) in northern nj.

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K.I.

answers from New York on

Well.

I have managed employees for many years, and what I can say about your letter is you are lucky she is giving you so much notice..many employers really just up and go with 1-2 weeks notice tops.

Be upfront with the parents, tell them you are looking for a mid year replacement...

There are many talented people out of work, and I believe you will have a lot of applicants.

Sounds like your teacher now needs to move on and do what she feels she needs to do...respect that.

K

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B.E.

answers from New York on

Dear D.,
You sound like a nice, caring person, but I think you're being too emotional about business. Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out, and we've huffed and puffed for naught.

Recognize that the bride-to-be is from a different culture that we can never fully understand or re-direct her lifestyle. She needs to follow her customs and those of her groom, whether it seems right to us or not. All you can do is wish her well on that journey.

As for the parents and the children...I'm in many fine preschools in the course of my business (I sell Discovery Toys and often work closely with directors to organize fundraisers) and I'm thinking about some of the professionals who I admire most and how they would handle this. I don't think they would ever tell the parents so far in advance, giving them a reason to pull out! Supposing something were to change and the teacher didn't leave?...You'd have egg on your face. I think you're right to look for a suitable replacement and do everything you can to prepare for the best (not the worst!)

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