I know this may be stupid, but i am really upset. Here lately my trust in people is diminishing. Friends and Family want to borrow this or that, and the fact is they never return or return it in a totally different state. My point is, you trust me with your secrets, you children or to do the things you ask for me, is it so hard to return the favor. Something happen the other day, that just seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back, yet I have held my tounge. Here is a few things that have happen recently, tell me how you would deal with them. One friend wanted to borrow our weed wacker for a weekend, took several calls to try to get it back, only to get it back nine months later and he left it on the trash cans, and called 2 days later to tell us, but by now trash co picked it up with the rest of the trash. BIL, borrowed van for one night, took him 3 days and repeated calls to get back, never the less he retuned it on empty (no gas), BFF loaned her a CD she just had to listen to, it's been 5 months now, Loaned two different BIL's money, took one, 6 months to pay only half of it back, the other could not pay back the large amount, so wanted to give us a used pool table, (he owns a billard company), he installed it, it needed new felt, but said he could not, and we would have to pay for new felt and installation, and this is my husbands, brother. sister in law has us babysitting, a couple times a week. She then just pops over the other night because she was in the neighborhood and wanted to visit, I was in the shower and she showed up with her friend and son, she offered to trim the dead ends off my hair, (i have really long hair, to my waist, I was scared but it could have used a inch off, Trusted her and told her no more than and inch, she without my consent or knowledge, cut off over six inches when she was done, they were kinda of in a hurry to leave, she just pulled my hair up and said okay we will see you guys later, and laughed and said hope you are not mad at the amount of hair i cut. I thought she was joking only to find out later how much she had cut off. I have not spoken to her, but left her a message on her face book, private message, i trusted her, and i hate that she did that without asking me. what has happen to people these days and this is just a few things. What do you do when this stuff happens?
Wise up! And learn how to say NO.
If you are firm, people CANNOT take advantage. We all want to be helpful and caring but clearly, you need to stop letting others take advantage of you!
(And NEVER lend money to relatives--it always changes the *taste* of the holiday dinners, doesn't it?)
I'm sorry - you allow people to walk all over you.
1. The weedwacker? I would have made them purchase me a new one. period. no if ands or butts about it.
2. the van? i would've told them to come over with a full gas can since they brought it back empty and oh yeah - when you get enough gas in it? Go fill it up..I gave it to you with a full tank - I EXPECT it back with a full tank..
I don't know why you hold your tongue...people are walking all over you because you allow it and don't stand up and say ENOUGH!!!! Go back to the people that have recently messed you over and get it fixed...
The hair? it will grow back...you now know that you can't trust her to cut your hair.
Bottom line - stand up for yourself. Stop letting people walk all over you and start demanding better treatment...if they can't treat you as you would treat them - drop them...family or no...you DESERVE respect...DO NOT loan ANYTHING to ANYONE anymore...if they whine and say "ahahahah" or whatever say - you know what? I've had a one to many, including family, mess me over....sorry...
What do you do when this stuff happens? Here's what you do:
-Your friend needs to buy you a new weed wacker, same brand, same type, end of story. Tell this to your friend. Be very matter-of-fact. No long explanation, no apology for asking for what is rightfully yours, just tell that person, I expect you to replace my weed wacker.
-BIL will not receive any more loans from you, and you tell him you expect the felt to be replaced by the end of the year. It sounds like he probably won't do it, but you need to get your point across that this is unacceptable.
-You don't loan out cd's anymore. Your BFF can check out a band for free on myspace, or she can download a few songs on itunes for a few bucks like everyone else. Alternatively she can bring a blank cd to your house and you can burn it for her, right there and then.
WHenever you have the inclination to lend money or items to someone, stop yourself and think. Sleep on it. Don't just make offers willy nilly. Sounds like you are a people pleaser, and you enjoy being the hero with the weed wacker, the money, the time to babysit, etc. Those people can survive without you. You need to start saying no, and stop offering.
Make the best of your new haircut and style it up real cute. Just because you were hair raped doesn't mean you have to sulk about it. I mean, it sucks, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel wronged, but enough is enough. Take back the control.
You need to learn to say "No, sorry, you can't borrow that. I've been burned too many times.". It will save you a lot of heartache. My friends/family are not like that. If one of them took advantage of me like that, it would be the first & last time. You determine how people treat you, so stop enabling them to walk all over you.
What you do, after the fact, is tell them how you feel. Tell them that because they disrespected your things, and you, that you will not be lending them things anymore. People can't know how you feel unless you tell them, and they won't stop taking advantage of you until you put your foot down.
I can share the advice my parents gave me about loaning money. Listen to the amount they want to borrow and then figure out how much you can afford to give them...that's right GIVE them as a gift. "Loan" them that amount.
If they pay you back, great they are trust worthy. If they don't pay you back...in your mind it was already a gift and you don't loose sleep over it.
Perhaps you need to be more careful of who you lend things to. Sounds like some of those people probably don't care for their own things let alone others.
So far as the hair goes she probably cut off all the damaged hair. In the end it may be healthier now so it will grow even longer. I am amazed how much hair is damaged when I am growing it out.
People can only take advantage of you IF you let them.
My car insurance only covers ME as the driver---nope you can't borrow my car. I had to buy my lawn and garden equipment, you wanted a home with a yard go buy your own. I had to pay for my daycare -- you pay me. It's simple just say NO.
As far as the haircut goes---I would be POed. I am very picky about my hair. Offer to cut hers and do what you like--she'll get the hint.
Remind me again why you are biting your tongue? That's not being polite, that's being a doormat.
You should tell the weed whacker guy to buy you a new weed whacker. Who "borrows" things for 9 months? That's not borrowing, that's taking. Who puts things in garbage cans to return them? He owes you a new one.
You should have told your brother to return the car with gas.
It's so hard to learn to speak up for yourself, but until you do, people will continue to take advantage of you.
It happens once shame on you and it happens twice shame on me!! It is very sad that people can take advantage of others like that. I teach my kids that trust is so important and that is how they grow up and now my daughter is grown and she drives a stick because very few people can drive a stick and so therefore they don't ask.
It's going to take you being firm and telling people no. In the future if you decide to lend something you should make certain things clear up front as in the case of the van loan. I know it sucks that people don't have common sense and decency, but that's just the way it is. If it's the same people trying to borrow you should smile and say, "I/We would really like to, but in the past you did/didn't do --xyz--, so I/we think it's better to not lend to you any more". I don't borrow and I learned the hard way about loaning to other people. One peeve of mine is people who want to borrow things they should already have, such as a weed whacker. I had someone borrow a rake before and when I asked for it back they actually had the nerve to tell me it shouldn't matter that they kept it since I have at least 3. Lol at the nerve. Anyway, I hope things go better for you. Best wishes.
.
No more lending. No more babysitting for those who won't help you out.
I got to know several moms who were constant takers and I got sick of it.
Seriously, I blew them off, but took them back for my child. then they slowly they became even more outrageous. I finally confronted them about what was bothering me and let them know I was not ok with it. They didn't apologize, but they got the hint and quit calling. I don't miss them. My two best friends ask me if I miss them and I say "No. I enjoy the peace."
You've gotten some good advice so I won't repeat it here. I just want to say how appalled I am at how these people have taken advantage of your kindness and generosity. They don't deserve someone as giving as you. I'm sorry they've done this to you. It really does eat away at how you view the world. Do your best to focus on the "good" ones and extend to them the help they need. Let the rest fend for themselves.
Best to you.
