Trouble with a Teacher Who Grabbed My Child

I guess without being there, it's a little hard to tell if the teacher did anything objectionable or not. Did she yank on his arm, or leave bruises? I will sometimes grab my 8-year old's arm when we're crossing the street, but I'm not being rough with her, I'm just directing her on where to go. What exactly did she say to him that embarrassed him? Was she ridiculing him, or was it that just being in front of his classmates was embarrassing when he would rather have been sitting in his chair? Those details make a difference. If she was not rough with him and did not ridicule him, then I'd tell him to pay better attention in class. If she was rough with him and/or ridiculed him, then I'd raise hell with the principal. It's hard to tell, based on the information you've provided, which route to take because the details are sketchy and mostly based on hearsay.

I don't see the problem re "touching." She took him by the wrist. To me, the problem is that she embarassed him in front of the class. To me, that's bullying - she is in a position of authority and is using that position to embarass/harass someone who cannot defend themselves. That's a bully. What steps did they say would be taken? I think at this point you need to monitor very carefully and make sure whatever corrective action they said they would take is actually taken.

I feel like there is important information missing from your post/question.

Did she leave bruises when she "grabbed his wrist?"

What exactly did she do to embarass him in front of the class?

How did you find out that this is the 2nd or 3rd time?

What does the teacher say happened? Or are you going solely on the word of your embarassed 9 year old?

ETA: Even with your SWH, you still haven't explained WHAT HAPPENED?! The teacher grabbed your child by the wrist and took them to the front of the class....and WHAT? Made him dance a jig? Made him sing the Barney song? Made him read the directions for the assignment?

What did the other dad see that upset him? WHAT happened that the kids are afraid of the teacher?

Wow. If this happened as described, you absolutely, no question, need to follow up. I'm not a fan of people who go all "mama bear" in every situation, but some situations call for it. This is one of them.

I also want to put it out there that there may be more to the story than you've been told so far. I mean, grabbing a child by the wrist and humiliating him in front of the class for *asking a question,* that sounds so out of line, even a horrible teacher wouldn't do that. But even so -- even if, say, your son was asking the question in a way the teacher perceived as disruptive -- you still have every right in the world to get your questions answered.

And by getting to the bottom of this, you'll be helping other kids and families too. So follow up.

Have you had your son's eyes checked? Sounds like the instructions were clear and written on the board in plain sight. It can be embarrassing for children to admit they can't read the board but it seems like overkill to go after the teacher for taking him to the board.

So it's happened two or three times again since your meeting, or two or three times BEFORE that you didn't know about?
It makes a difference. What's past is past, and the teacher (I assume) has been reprimanded. It's what she does going forward you need to be concerned about.
And don't engage in gossip with other parents or kids, that's NEVER a good idea.

It sounds like you're more upset than the school director is about what happened. Which is fine, but, you have to figure out what you want.

I guess the solution is - either the teacher leaves (gets suspended) or your son leaves. It seems like as long as she is there, there is nothing she can do to "make things right" (I don't mean that in a harsh way...I cannot imagine anything she could do to make things better).

The question is whether it happened to you again after your meeting.

I would stay out of other people's stories and stick with your own experience when deciding upon action.

your job is done, now let the school deal with their employees

Monitor the situation.
Ask your child daily how school went and if there were any problems.
If there were, then call the school and have a meeting every single time it happens.
The teacher apologizing and admitting she was wrong is all very good and well but it doesn't speak to how to prevent this situation from happening again.
Does she need an aid in the classroom to help her so she doesn't get frustrated and overwhelmed?
Tell the administrator that your child is scared and I'm sure he's not the only one.
I'd want to know what will be done differently so this won't happen again and I'd also want to know what the escalation or penalty would be in the event that this does happen again.
The school is obligated to provide an environment that promotes learning.
If they can't do that, then a lawyer might need to get involved.

I have several problems with this scenario; expecially having dealt with private schools in the past. They would have had to hold me back if a teacher had grabbed either one of my children in that manner.

Since you've had a meeting and things have not been taken care of, I would have another meeting (or just send an email!) and be very blunt stating that if it happens again, you will be making a police report! That is the ONLY way I got the idiot principal to listen and do anything about the bullies my son had to deal with.

Additonally, you might want to get the other parents together in a meeting with the director and suggest something be done about the teacher - sounds like she's in the wrong profession!! If this is just the beginning of the school year, can you imagine her at the end?? Scary!!!

Good luck!!

I would contact the director again. Tell him/her that you have more information than you had before. And that your son remains afraid of this teacher. Can he be moved? And further, I would encourage other parents to call the school and/or meet with the director especially the father who was picking up his child. Actually, they may want to write the school, to have a record of their concerns.

In this case I am going to suggest that you call child welfare on this teacher. She obviously has no business in this classroom. I truly do not like the Montessori method and would think that a teacher used to traditional classroom teaching would not have any idea how to handle this type of classroom.

This teacher needs to leave this school and go back to traditional teaching.

Wow, this would not go over well with me either and I'm glad you are taking steps to remedy it quickly. I'm not sure why others are asking about bruises, etc. It is unacceptable to grab hold of a child for any reason, even if it's not violent. He's 9? Yeah, not necessary for this age. And the fact that she said she was wrong and apologized means she KNOWS she should not do it, repeating it is even worse.

Follow up again with the director. State very clearly that this will not be tolerated and ask what they intend to do. Point out that she has admitted that this was the wrong thing to do, and often results from frustration. Teaching 9 year olds? Gonna get frustrated.

Make sure to ask what you can do to help support a positive environment going forward. It's always good to let them know that you want to work as a team for your children's education. Assuming that she/they say your son may need some behavioral changes, accept what they say and take a look at that. And let them know that you will work on a,b,c, but that he is 9 and will not be perfect, and you still need to know that no matter what he does, physical discipline like that will not be tolerated.

I always let my daughter know that we had her back no matter what, we would always confront a mean teacher. But she had the responsibility to be trying her best and being respectful as well.

At some point, if things don't get better and she remains there, you need to consider finding a new school. Don't underestimate the damage this kind of thing can do to his confidence going forward.

Good luck- let us know what happens!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I work at a montessori school and they are excellent schools! I know my school would never put up with that. Is there any other near by montessori schools near by? Or can he switch teachers? I don't know how big your school is (mine is pre primary through 6th grade) and we have 4 different primary classrooms.