Treat Weasel

My $.02 is that you are blowing it out of proportion. I would suggest he do a better job of hiding his treats, and/or tell him to buy treats that you don't like. e.g. my husband and kids like bananas and I don't, so I buy banana flavored popsicles or ice cream bars. Will power for losing weight is tough!

I had to laugh when I read the title of your post. I was confused on what the content was going to be, and as soon as I read it, it all made sense. Sweets, especially, are my weakness. A bag of chips will sit in my house and get stale where as cookies are gone before you know they are there. Dont even try to bring ice cream in this house, you'll be lucky if you get 1 bowl.
Honestly I can see why you're upset, but I feel you're upset because you know what he said is the truth (not trying to be mean, but I know it would be true in my case), and its a hard behavior to change. Granted, he didn't say it tactfully, or hold your feelings into consideration, but most men are straight forward and blunt.
Just let the hurt feelings go, continue with your good behavior changes. I think the only problem here is that you two still need to find a solution as to his treat hoarding habits. Good Luck! =)

Hi Tallie - from one treat weasel to another, I think you're husband was doing exactly what he said - he was taking care of you. You may even consider that you owe him an apology.

Here's what I mean. We wives are really good at setting little emotional "traps" for our husbands. We project our own feelings into what they say and then get mad at them for it. We tell them we have an issue that we're working on and ask if they will support us. They of course say yes and then handle it the way guy's handle it - to them it's obviously okay to mention it since we were the ones who said we wanted support with the issue.

You've made it pretty obvious on your post that your family knows that you feel like sweets are a weakness for you and that you are not going to buy/eat them because you want to take off some weight.

I think he deserves some credit for trying and some kind of acknowledgment that you got upset because it's a sensitive issue for you and not about anything he has done. Perhaps ask him for some reassurance that he really doesnt see you like you think he sees you.

Hope that helps.

I think this is more an issue of trust than an issue of treats. If what I'm reading is correct, he supports your decision not to bring sweets into the house. To a woman's brain, that means he will not bring them in either. When you discovered the treats, you most likely felt betrayed. Then, when he would not talk about it, ARG! I understand that. Any conversation I would like to have with my husband he says :"I don't want to argue with you." I didn't think it was an arguement but it shuts down any conversation so there is no way to let him know how you feel because he's done listening at that point. I would sit down, hold his hands in a loving way and talk it out with him. He is going to have the treat no matter what. Sorry but its true-he's shown he's not willing to give them up. You could agree on a place that;s just his that will keep them out of your way. I know that I will eat until something is gone if I start. If I don't start, I'm fine. Maybe you're the same way obviously, I don't know for sure. Maybe find some "healthy" treats you can all share.

good for you for the self control you have had so far! staying away from treats is your goal for yourself and it sounds like you want to limit them for your children. it is not your husband's personal goal. he is trying to help you. he simply isn't finding good enough hiding spaces. i would tell him that he has to find better hiding places or only eat treats at work. tell him what has happened when you or the kids find his treats. if it hasn't already, it can become a game for your kids to find dad's treats. that's another whole problem that you will be left to deal with on your own when he's not home and that's not cool. good luck and i hope you and your husband find a solution that is good for both of you!

I think you need to let it go for your own sanity, but I see why you were upset. It can be very frustrating trying to loose weight. Since you both have a really hard time giving up treats (that aren't good for either of you) you should try to work together to find some "healthier" treats you can both enjoy guilt free. I had a really hard time wrapping my head around "healthy treats", thinking that there was no such thing, but I gave it a chance and found some things that are REALLY GOOD! My husband and I both found that we enjoy TCBY frozen yogurt just as much as ice cream! Swiss Miss low-cal chocolate pudding is delicious, and fresh fruit can be surprisingly satisfying! I disagree with the other poster who thinks it was unreasonable of you get your feelings hurt. After all, you did discuss this with him and agree on a solution which he did not uphold. Then again, you can certainly understand how tempting it can be to buy a big ole' box of cookies. Try to keep in mind that he probably did this out of personal weakness rather than a lack of respect for you. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with getting frustrated from time to time. Sharing a healthy treat and joking about how he's as big a cookie monster as you might be just what you need. He's probably grumpy right now if he feels like you accused him of betraying him when the simple truth was he just wanted some cookies, so make sure you lead with an apology for making him feel like he was under attack. Good luck, and happy snacking!

For what it's worth, here's my two cents' worth. Brace yourself.

Is your husband buying treats that HE likes? If he is, they need to be his alone, if they're ones you shouldn't touch. If he has a "man room" in the house, perhaps he needs to keep them there - and he (not you - they're not yours) can share with the children if he wants to. Meanwhile, you need to get treats for yourself that you like but are more in line with your health goals. (I'm finding I dislike the taste of the junk-food goodies after I get away from them for a while. The problem is getting and staying away from them, right?)

If he's buying treats that he doesn't like but you do, then that's another thing. And some people, sadly, do like to try to sabotage others' goals. But if he's buying those wonderful cookies because he'd like one now and then (or even all of them now!), is there any reason he shouldn't other than the fact that they're bad for you?

Before you get ticked off at this, I'll add with some embarrassment that I have the very same problem at my house! I'm an emotional eater, and there are just some things that are hard for me to resist! I won't say what, but they're, um, not featured in the Food Pyramid. But my husband likes them, so he brings some home for himself.

If I eat them, whose problem is it - mine or his? Both, actually, but only because I've stuffed my face with what was supposed to be for HIS enjoyment. From my standpoint, however, it's more my problem, because I've broken promises to myself and lost more self-respect in the bargain. I remember a quote of Zig Ziglar's (but all too often after the fact): "One of the main causes of disappointment in life is trading in what you want most for what you want now."

The fact is that nobody can reach my health goals but me, and nobody can sabotage my health goals but me. Why should my husband change his tastes for me? I might wish he would, and if he wants to, well and good, but why should it be necessary for him? Do I have to be the center of the universe?

At least, that's what I tell myself. It's still very hard, but nobody's responsible for my weight but you-know-who.

One thing I remind myself is that if I ignore my health needs and become diabetic (and diabetes is practically epidemic these days), then I'll absolutely have to quit - forever - eating some of the things I crave, but the other members of my family won't need to. I would do better to change my own habits now, myself, before I run into THAT constraint!

T.-
I think you have a right to whatever feelings you are having and they are valid - however, I also think that the reason you feel that way is because it hit home!

We all have weaknesses and temptations, mine happen to be the salty/cruchy type - oh, and brownies!! Do not put a plate of brownies in front of me!

The problem is that you need to learn to control yourself - you cannot control others. If you can't resist the treats that may be around, then he should be hiding them. It isn't fair or right for you to demand the kids and husband NEVER have treats around because you lack the will power to NOT eat them.

I'm not trying to be harsh, I have the same problem with chips & dips - so I get it. My kids and husband LOVE all that stuff, so I still have it in the house, I just have to control myself and limit my intake, or resist all together. It's hard, but if you truly want to lose the weight - you can do it!

Also - consider this, (providing you are still with me!) :) In addition to cutting out sweets, are you exercising? If you are exercising, you should consider allowing yourself a little treat here and there - when you completely deprive yourself of something, you end up wanting more of it. There are 100 calorie packs of all different cookies/muffins/brownies... I've had a lot of them and they are actually very good -- and you don't have to feel guilty after you eat a pack!

Anyway - good luck and I hope it all works out for you-
C.

I think he's trying to be supportive, yet he wants to eat treats, so it makes it tricky. I think you might be overly sensitive because of your frustration with your weight. I know. I've been there too. It's really hard to live in the same house when one person eats one way and the other one "wants" to eat that way, but yet doesn't want to because of trying to lose weight. It's tricky. Don't be too mad at him.

Oh please forgive me for chuckling at your post... it's quite cute, actually, and I mean no offense whatsoever! :) Yes, I think you're overreacting. Your husband doesn't have the weight problem/sweets addiction problem (at least you didn't mention that he does). Just because you're having the problem doesn't mean you should deny his choice to eat sweets. Yes, we can all benefit from eating healthier but let's be honest... we all crave those sugary sweets from time to time and it's ok to have them once in awhile. I think he is honestly trying to help you by not having sweets readily available and tempting in the home. I would totally appreciate it if my husband did that. In my house, it has to be all or nothing, because I have zero will power when it comes to sweets. It is not his fault if I cheat. It's not anyone's fault or responsibility but your own in this issue. You're the one with the challenge, not him. What are you doing looking for the hidden sweets anyway? If you just came across them, then smile, be strong, don't eat them, and tell him you found his stash and he better find somewhere else to hide them.. or don't use the home as his hiding place-- maybe at his work office or car or somewhere else. But to get mad at him and expect an apology? No, I don't think your feelings should have been hurt and he does not need to apologize.

I think that you should chill about your husband and let him hide treats. If you want to diet, then you can, but you can't dictate to him what to eat. I think he may be having a power struggle with you. I honestly don't think he owes you an apology, either.

Wow! You're taking this so personally when, from your description, it sounds like he is trying to help you. If he doesn't need to watch his weight, he should be able to have all the treats he wants. Also, you describe yourself as someone without much will power. A person with will power would not eat the treats when she finds them. The way you were handling at first, with humor, sounds like a very healthy way to respond to his stashes.

You said he could buy one thing. A package of cookies in one thing. He also likes Famous Amos cookies. Did you mean that he could only buy what he could eat at the time he bought it? If so that is an unreasonable expectation.

I heard nothing in your post that indicates he did anything that should cause you to feel hurt. You are expecting too much from him. You should not just let it go. You need to find out why you are so quick to blame him for your feelings. Have the feelings and find out why you're feeling that way.

No one can hurt your self-esteem unless you give them permission to do so. I'm guessing that you feel bad that you've not been able to lose the weight and on some level think it's because you don't have adequate will power. It's common for us to blame the other person for what we know is true in ourselves.

It does sound like you not only blew it out of proportion at the beginning but you refused to accept his explanation. He stopped an argument in progress by refusing to talk about it. I suggest that both of you read up on ways to talk with each other that is less likely to make both of you feel defensive. You accused him and he defended himself. How does that help? It was a typical exchange but one I'd want to have as seldom as possible.

There is a philosophy in communication that's called non-violent communication. There is a web site that you can find under that name.

Here is an example in your situation that might have made the conversation happen with less anger. You, without anger: I'm hurt that you bought a box of cookies. This would then give him the option to say, I didn't mean to hurt you. With practice he could then also say, I'm sorry. Saying sorry is difficult for many people and I wouldn't expect that at the beginning.

I suspect that you were already angry when you asked him why he hid the box. Perhaps unknowingly you were setting up both of you for an argument. He did give you a logical and quite believable answer which you refused to accept. I suggest that we should only start a conversation about something that upsets us after we've calmed down and able to listen with an open mind to the answers.

Perhaps the solution to his having treats in the house is for him to buy a box that has a way to lock it and keep it locked. I do not see what he's doing as hoarding. It would be hoarding for you to do it because you want to stop eating treats. But he is a person separate from you and has the right to have treats. He is being kind by not leaving them in the open for you to see and not eating them in front of you.

A statement that has helped me over the years which might be helpful for you is; would you rather be right or happy? Each of us gets to choose.

s.

I know that you updated this, but just had to give my opinion. :)

I think that your husband thinks that he IS being supportive. That is the way the man's brain works. I think you may need to spell it out for him in that you don't want treats in the house. OR you can ask him to put his treats in a certain NON see through container. That way you don't stumble upon them, and can decide for yourself whether you will partake or not. His comment actually doesn't sound that bad, but as someone with weight self esteem and also post partum, I can see how it could be taken, and I am glad that you two have made up. If he knows how to support you in your quest to lose weight, or just be a bystander, he sounds like the type of guy that would do it.