Transitioning from 1 Child to 2 - Chicago,IL

Congratulations!! We have a boy and a girl too. They are 26 mos. apart. Fortunately they get a long very well. Our son is almost 3 and our daughter is 8 1/2 mos. From the very beginning we have included our son in just about everything that had to do with his sister. As long as he was capable we let him do it. He loves to help out. I think we have been very lucky that he took to her so well. I really wasn't expecting the transition to be so smooth but from day one he has loved her. I would continue to give him as much one on one time as possible. I wouldn't freak out if he gets to close to the baby. Read stories about siblings and new babies. Practice with a baby doll. We also went to a big brother/sister class that the hospital offered. It was great!! Good ideas for parents too. I think we as parents tend to expect the worse/worry to much and underestimate our little ones. Good luck. Hope something in this message helps. If you have questions on specific situations feel free to contact me. Would love to help any way i can.

My 2 yo has a "lovey" that is very special to him. One of the things that he did afterr my daughter was born (they're 25 months apart) was go to the store and buy her a lovey. He gave it to her when he visited in the hospital. We also had a couple of "new big brother" gifts for him - one from the new baby (some sidewalk chalk) - that was good. Aside from that, I made a habit of reading him books while I nursed the baby (which worked until she was about 5 months and was more interested in the books than nursing!) and having "special time" with him on a somewhat regular basis. This would be sort of a "date" with you and him where you leave the baby at home and the two of you take a walk to do something special like get an ice cream to share, play in the sandbox, even just go to the grocery store. The point, though, is to enjoy each other's company, NOT to get anything done.

We haven't really had any problems with jealousy, acting out etc. Now, 7 months after my daughter's birth, he will sometimes say "please put Claire down and pick me up" but otherwise it's been smooth sailing. Good luck!

Hi A.,
Congratulations in advance on your new addition to your family! I am a mother of three and understand your concerns. You are right that no matter how welcoming your older child is of the baby, the family dynamic will change. Here are a couple of tips that I used when my second child was on his way: Reading many, many books with the older child regarding new baby in the house, mommy being pregnant, etc including what the baby will need during the first days home; buying the older child a "baby" to learn how to hold the baby and where the "soft spots" are that shouldn't be touched; encouraging the older child to be the "parent helper" and telling mommy and daddy when the baby needs something rather than taking it on him/herself.
Hope this helps a little. If you'd like to talk further, I am a family coach and would be happy to share more specific tips. Feel free to contact me through mamasource or my website www.stepshelp.com.
D.

Under the new baby's crib I kept a box of special toys/activities for my toddler. She could only play with them when I needed to have quiet baby time for nursing.

It worked like a charm. She didn't feel like I was leaving her to go be with the baby, she knew this was a treat for her too.

Enlist family and friends to "restock" the special Big Brother box when toys become stale.

We brought home a present for our son when we brought home his brother from the hospital....it was something really fun that my son could spend long stretches of time playing with. We did this when we had other babies too. I would buy the present and stick it in the trunk of the car before I had the baby. My kids were always so happy to see the baby anyway but their eyes would get huge when we told them the baby brought them a gift. Also you can try to include him in helping with the baby and tell him how much the baby loves him when he makes the baby smile. My friend has a funny voice that she pretends is the baby talking to his older sister...her daughter loves to feel like the baby is talking to her.

Jacob was 26 months when I had Ryan. They are now 3.5 and 18M old. Aside from the (now) sharing issues and little power struggles, we didn't have any jealousy issues. I don't know if it was pure luck, or what.

Seriously, we made Jacob a huge part of everything with did with Ryan. When I would nurse, Jacob would sit by me with a book. We let Jacob hold Ryan (with our help) and encouraged kisses and cuddles (supervised). When it was time for a diaper change, I would ask Jacob to hold the wipes, cream, etc. He "helped" me a lot.

We also made sure that both hubby and I still had some one-on-one with Jacob. He could go to the store when Ryan would stay home. We would play toys that Ryan was "too little" to play. We tried to make Jacob feel as special as the new baby - cuz he is.

Personally, I think it just falls into place. At 18M and 3.5, they ADORE eachother and (usually) play and play together. Sure, Ryan knocks over the Lego house that Jacob built, but really there are times I see them playing together and I think to myself, "THIS is why I wanted another baby."

Congrats to you.

Hello A.,
Well, we welcomed our 2nd in December; his sister is 15 months older. We made sure that when she came to meet him at the hospital that she received a little gift from her baby brother (The Hungry Catepillar book and toy...she still adores it.) Aside from that, we spent plenty of time talking about how life would be with a baby at home and how much we loved her, despite the changes that would be occurring.
After his arrival, we had about a month of "transition" time when emotions were rather touchy with her. We made sure to include her in the nursing process; I'd sit her on the couch with me while the baby nursed and we'd read stories so she felt included in the "snuggle" time. I was also very careful to schedule in one on one time with both myself and her dad so she was reminded that she was important and deserving of our undivided attention.
I must warn you, there will be tough times, times you want to pull your hair out and times that your heart breaks with the sweetness of your little ones learning to love one another. The tough times will pass, just be patient and try your best to enjoy the process.
Best of luck.

I would say to talk to him about it a lot. Especially as it gets closer. We had our son 4 months ago, and our daughter is 3. Explain how M. and daddy will have to go to the hospital but you get to have a fun day with so-and-so. Explain how the baby will cry but it doesn't mean she's hurt. Lots of knowledge is the best, I think, and it worked for us. Also, the summer I was pregnant, there were a lot of things I wanted to do like ride bikes, being active at the playground etc that I couldn't. But now that I'm not pregnant anymore we can do those things, so helping our daughter see that helped us too.

And a piece of advise - prepare yourself for all those questions that I was blind-sided by. I thought my daughter was too young to wonder how the baby got into M.'s tummy or how the baby got out of mommys tummy. Or explaining what was going on when I was breast-feeding.

Don't worry too much. It will all shake out and your son will love having her around.

We had lots of wrapped presents ready, and fun baloons for our two year old when I came home with brother. We made it a celebration for him.

I had a c-section, so it was hard when he wanted to be picked up. Also, the baby developed colic right away, and seemed like he was constantly being held. So, we found it a little challenging, but did a lot of cuddling. I'd also hire a sitter and just take him outside on walks in the neighborhood and play, all while being close to the sitter.

Congratulations-- now we're almost 3 years later and they are becoming best friends!!!

Hi A.,
my oldest was 11 months old when i found out i was expecting again. I felt like i was taking away precious time from him, that i had not had enough time to prepare him for another sibling or to bond completely with me or his father. I started reading article after article about how to make sure the first child didnt feel left out, i was soooo afraid i was going to hurt him emotionally and developmentally. The best experts said to include the child in every aspect possible and to give the first child their "own" baby to take care of. Luckily for me my husband was not the sort of man who said dolls were for sissy's and we as a family went to find a gender correct doll that Billy could take care of during the times mommy was taking care of brother. While I was pregnant, Billy went with us to see his little brother on the camera, (ultrasound) and he got to listen to the heart beat and feel him kick and sometimes i would say things like baby Mathew cant wait to come and play with you he just knocked on my belly to see if it was time to come out yet. When Mathew finally got here, Billy was and still is the best big brother a child could ask for my boys are 10 and 12 today and they are best buddies... as a side note i have to tellyou that i had a 3rd child as well as a matter of fact on Jan 13 2001 Mathew turned 2 and Kelsey was born on Jan.16... when i found out i was pregnant with her i did the exact same things for mathew that i did with Billy ( Billy still had his "baby") I made them both apart of the pregnancie as much as possible and they learned to love their sister before she ever got here. We got to keep her for 6 weeks before God took her back home. She was too special for the world down here and she deserved to be in the most perfect place ever.( thats what we told our boys any way) Kelsey was born with an absent pulmonary valve and even though she had had corrective surgery and was responding well to everything the circuitry in her heart just wasnt stable enough and she left us. Sorry didnt mean to tell you all that just got started and thats where it ended. Any way my advice is to include them include them include them... you cant go wrong with that ideology and give them something they can take care of too.... my boys even similated nursing their babies... it was way too cute!! Hope this helps and congratulations.

You got alot of great advice from posters here. I also had a little gift from the baby to his older brother and my son still talks about this gift all of the time. Also, sometimes when the baby is crying and the older one needs something make it a point to say to the baby "not right now (baby) it is (older siblings) turn". Say this loud enough the the older child will hear. I think that really meant alot to my son and it made him understand that other times it will be the baby's turn and not his. It won't hurt the baby to cry for a few extra minutes and it shows your older child that his needs are still important too.