Tooth Brushing Nightmares

Updated on September 07, 2009
R.S. asks from Winston Salem, NC
27 answers

My almost-4-yr-old daughter hates brushing her teeth with flouride toothpaste. It is an absolute nightmare. She will do it just fine with water or the baby toothpaste. I've tried compromising and saying that she can use the flouride once a day and the other the other time (morning or night, her choice), but every time it comes to the flouride it's a battle. I don't understand why the big deal. She used to brush her teeth just wonderfully until last April when the dentist said to go ahead and start using the flouride paste. We've tried sparkle fun flavor, bubble gum flavor, the Hannah Montana one even... and yesterday I bought the flouride rinse but she won't even try it. How big of a deal is it if she doesn't brush with flouride toothpaste? Do I need to go buy them all and let her try them to find one she likes or do I just say forget it and let her use baby toothpaste? I'm so sick of arguing about it. I've even used brut force to make her use it but then I feel like such a monster. It's just toothpaste for goodness sake. I mean really, it's a battle with screaming and crying and gagging. It's awful! Please tell me how to fix it so she won't be scared to brush her teeth for the rest of her life.

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V.C.

answers from Wheeling on

WHY does she hate the fluoride so badly? Taste? Fear? I'd say it isn't a big enough deal to 'sweat it'. Most water has fluoride nowadays.

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M.R.

answers from Wheeling on

I have a similar battle with my daughter over using any toothpaste. But at her last dentist visit, the dentist said just use water at least she is brushing and she hasn't had any cavities in almost 2 years. So, now, instead of the battle over toothpaste, I let it go as long as she brushes.

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K.D.

answers from Raleigh on

I think fluoride is unnecessary in toothpaste, imho. Brushing is the most important part and she is doing that.

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K.M.

answers from Charlotte on

R.:

All the advice that you have gotten on here so far is great, but there are a few things I would like to add. I used to work for a pediatric dentist and we recommended starting adult toothpaste around age 2 because it does clean their teeth better. I have also been a nanny for several years and have found a few tricks that have worked for me.

I think there are several issues here. The first may be too much paste on the brush; start out with about half of a pea-sized dab of paste and work up to a full pea-sized dab. Another may be the "suddsyness" of the adult paste - ask her dental hygenist or assistant if they have any recommendations for brands that don't create suds. (In general gels are less bubbly than paste. It has been awhile since I have delt with this issue, so I can't remember which brands worked best for me in the past.) Last of all I think this may also be a bit of a control issue - and kids think it's funny to drive their parents bonkers. Give her a choice of three pastes, let her taste them, then pick which one she uses - and that is the end of the story. She is also old enough to understand the consequences of not brushing - keep it to yellow/ "fuzzy" teeth and friends not wanting to be close to her because of stinky breath (which most baby pastes do not take care of). Please do not threaten her with the dentist having to give her a shot and drill her teeth. Going to the dentist is scary enough for small children, and it makes the hygenist's, assistant's, and/or dentist's job much more difficult than it allready is.

When she refuses to brush, there are two ways I have found to work best to handle it; you will have to think about which will work best for her. First you can reward her each time she brushes in the begining, slowly tapering off. Maybe start with stickers with exagerated verbal praise each time then switch to exagerated verbal praise, and finaly a "Good job." or "Thank you for being a big girl and doing as mommy/daddy ask". The other would be the loss of a privilage (TV/ computer time are privilages, not rights) which is pretty self explanatory. She will kick and scream at you, but the important thing is to be consisent.

I hope this has been helpful and have a great day!

Good Luck,

Kathy

1 mom found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Charlotte on

It's probably the taste of it. Have you tasted that stuff. How about mixing a little of the baby paste with the fluoride tooth paste and letting her know they are both on there. The other alternative is to have your doctor prescribe her some fluoride drops and let her continue with the baby paste making sure she is getting her teeth clean until she is a little older. Then while she is taking fluoride drops mix the fluoride toothpaste just a little with the baby toothpaste. That was she gradually gets used to it. There are some toothpastes that I cannot tolerate at first. They take getting use to. So be patient and give her a little more time. If all else fails, call your dentist and ask him what he suggests.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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A.B.

answers from Fayetteville on

This is what I did with our daughter and it went over seamlessly: try having the toothpaste already on the brush before she gets in there and layer the baby toothpaste on top of the fluoride stuff so she can't see it. Just stay positive and tell her that its "the kind she likes" (but don't lie and say its only the baby stuff) and maybe you could brush along with her or sing a song while she brushes. Then after a week or so ask her if she likes the toothpaste and talk about how she likes it and she likes taking care of her teeth like a big girl. Eventually you can show her that its on there and hopefully she'll be okay with it by then since she'll know she's been using it. Fluoride IS important, I don't know if you drink faucet water or what but it IS important. We use a Brita pitcher to filter our water-unlike other filters, it doesn't remove fluoride. I would go to babycenter.com and search for fluoride or the American Dental Association www.ada.org Good luck!

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J.V.

answers from Jacksonville on

I think you should just let her use the baby toothpaste to stop the power struggle. Maybe for a month and then try the floride again. I dont think its super important because as long as she drinks tap water she is getting plenty of floride. The main thing really is to get the "ick" of her teeth. My son did resist brushing teeth in general for a while, so I told him that there are tiny monsters on his teeth that try to eat them and that only the toothbrush can get them off.

I think its probably a power struggle because those kiddie toothpastes actually taste pretty good by kid standards. After a month or so let her pick the toothpaste from the store and try again.

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B.O.

answers from Nashville on

coming from someone who has a fair share of allergies/intollerances/senesitivites - could she be extra senesitive to floride? and just doesn't have the words to express it, so she comes across as being difficult?
- one more thought on the subject (in regards to absence of floride) - I am hypothyroid & my endochronologist wants me to stay far far away from floride (and I mean far away, not only non-floride toothpaste, but also to the point of drinking distilled water) b'c according to him a "defunct" thyroid thinks that floride is iodine and absorbs it - which is not good. floride was not part of a daily regime 50 years ago, and people survived.

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E.J.

answers from Raleigh on

dentists do put too much pressure I think on floride. Is it the spitting your daughter doesn't like?? anything with floride in it needs to be spit out. my kids love spitting!! so it wasn't a problem for them:) LOL
Have you tried Tom's of Maine, they also have a children's toothe paste, or just any regular adult toothpaste, pretend all the toothpaste in the house is gone, and here is what we have....let's try it together?? after maybe a week or so back on the baby toothpaste, maybe she won't suspect anything:) or if her favorite baby toothpaste is all gone, and show her that....does she like it when you call something like diapers or a baby toothbrush For a baby, and say your a such a big girl now, i guess you want big girl stuff now, we don't need any of this baby stiff around anymoe. aww what happened to my baby, your so grown up now, here...let's say bye bye to this baby item, let her wave bye bye to it and watch as you throw it away with a big smile, and just reward her for being big, and responsible:) this is just what works for my little, strong willed 3 year old daughter!:) HEY, or maybe on a weekend get-away tell her you forgot some stuff at home and this is all we have, OR let's pretend like we're camping and we have to use what we can find.. if your are using the floride paste, just really make sure she spits it ALL out, and rinse 2-3 times real good:) We even started using reward stickers, just very small and cheap stickers, and all our kids can earn one for each meal, bathroom time-brushing, toilet hand wash- and if they behave at the store or at someone's house, if they do it with out problem, no whinning. I'm very strick now because i cannot stand the constand whinning, they understand what has to be done and they do it with minimal whinning and our atmosphere here is great:) now if anyone whines, there is a real reason.
thanx for listening, I hope it works out:)
LJ:)

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M.A.

answers from Charlotte on

I didn't read all the responses, but my kids tell me the regular kids toothpaste is "too hot" Try the strawberry flavored gel. I think it is from Colgate.

Also, Tom's of Maine has a good kids toothpaste. http://www.tomsofmaine.com/products/toothpaste.aspx?cid=s... it has a nice light strawberry flavor, they have both with and without flouride. I get it at Food Lion, in the healthfood section. It is not with the regular toothpastes.

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E.F.

answers from Louisville on

I have figured out how to hold my kids in headlocks and brush their teeth. I had to do this about 20 times before they realized it wasn't worth fighting about. It's very important and it's got to be done.

My kids love the crest spinning head brushes. Also, they make it easier and faster to get all the teeth clean.

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J.S.

answers from Nashville on

our daughters, 6 and 3, tried mommy's and daddy's toothpaste then didn't complain about there's anymore.
when you aren't in the stress of the moment, you can also give her a 4 year old version of why using the fluoride one is more beneficial now that she is getting older. (makes her teeth stronger- will make dentist visits better cause less cavities, etc.) good luck

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M.T.

answers from Raleigh on

I say "Agent Cool Blue". It tents their teeth when they rinse with it making it fun to brush. After their teeth are blue then use the flouride rinse that listeren makes and dip her tooth brush in it and brush away germs and plauqe. I get my kids strawberry. My 4 yr old boy used to throw an outright fit but since I have bought this stuff it is fun to brush. We have well water so flouride is important. He does not like toothpaste and the dentist said use the swish. He is now swishing with it on his own. It tints plauqe and food that you have missed while brushing and adds to the fun. I have a 6 yr old girl and they have a contest to see who can brush away the most germs. Honestly if you have city water and cannot get toothpaste or swish then dont fight. You will cause her to hate it for a long time. Ask any dentist and it is brushing action more so than the paste that makes the difference. But flouride is important and available in city water.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

wow, sounds like you are doing a good job trying everything and really trying to do for her. Unless you get other suggestions from moms that give you some more choices, I think sitting down with her and telling her that she is going to be given a choice and after that choice, it is YOUR choice. I would take her to the store, let her choose a new toothbrush and new toothpaste and NO MATTER WHAT she is going to use this toothpaste. The bubble gum and fun toothpastes taste like gum and candy, you cannot taste anything but sweetness, sometimes I wonder how they work. There is no reason she should be fighting you when she likes the baby toothpaste. She does need the flouride, but your water may have enough in it. I would say to call her dentist and ask them but at 4 yrs old she is old enough to do what she is told and not throw a fit. Bribe her or take something away but the choice is up to you. Once you buy her choice, there is not longer an option for her to put up a fight, make it clear to her the day before and then follow through. Let her try yours, the minty strong stuff and then give her the choice! Good luck

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C.R.

answers from Knoxville on

There are different schools of thought on using flouride, some yes some no. My personal opinion is if she is brushing with something that is better than not brushing at all. My oldest hates to brush his teeth, we tried to force the flouride toothpaste and he would not brush. Later the dentist said he needed to use a prescription toothpaste. We bought this to the tune of $20 for the 2.0 ounce tube, he tried to use it but gagged everytime. He ended up not using it at all. So if she is willing to brush with something let her use it. As she gets older try just buying the sample size of different toothpaste every so often and let her try them. Hopefully you can find one she likes, as she gets older her taste will change. I would suggest looking for something that is close to the one she likes. When I was growing up I liked Aim, now we use Crest, usually just the one on sale or the cheapest one.

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D.G.

answers from Raleigh on

I think I would let it go for a few weeks and let her go back to what makes her comfortable.

Then, after she has forgotten about it, slowly reintroduce.

And remember, only a teeny tiny amount of flouride paste. Our dentist at the UNC Dental Faculty Practice stresses that you only need paste the size of a single grain of rice. Basically you are just pressing a couple bristles into the paste, otherwise it is too much. I know I would have given WAY too much if it weren't for the instructions by our dentist. If you were giving too much (like me), maybe she won't even notice when you reintroduce.

Good Luck!

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S.T.

answers from Nashville on

Come on Mom.. how does she know it has fluoride in it? If she gags, perhaps it really isnt worth that. Get a flavor she likes with Baking Soda and that should do the trick. These are her baby teeth, after all. If you have city water, there is enough fluoride in that to help her along. By the time her permanent teeth come in, she should be ready and able to take better care. Dont be a monster!!! Good luck to you and God Bless.

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V.C.

answers from Louisville on

R.,

I can only share what we were told. The baby toothpaste doesn't have enough abrasive in it to really clean the teeth. We were told to switch and some of them can be a bit too minty after all they have had 'fun' flavors up until this point. I can share from experience that unless you use an adult toothpaste (you may want to try an all natural paste just for her, Tom's or something else you may find at a whole food store) the junk on their teeth will cause cavities...and the teeth will decay over time. I would only put a tiny bit of tooth paste (adult) to get her accustomed to it, then you can always increase the amount, of course have a water cup available for her to rinse her mouth out.

As always do what is best for you and your family...

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D.C.

answers from Johnson City on

I went through this with my daughter too. It is not the flouride because she would use the Act rinse just fine. All the other toothpastes tingle. That is what bothered her. She didn't like trident gum because it tingles. she didn't like peppermint candy because it tingles.
We finally found Curious George "older kid" toothpaste and that was all she was use from age 2 till age 5. I think it is by REACH and it is very hard to find. It was either Walgreens or CVS that had it. You can go online to their website (Johnson and Johnson/reach)and find someone in your area that carries it.
Good luck because it was a constant battle with my daughter. Her daddy was deployed and it was hard to make her brush her teeth before we found that toothpaste. She ended up with 5 cavities.

As far as the flouride - it depends on the person. My sister and I both had the same brushing habits as children. I have about 20 fillings now and she has one. Everyone's teeth are different. If I don't brush every mroning and night and floss at least 3 times a week, I am sure to get a cavity. My husband can brush his teeth twice a year and never have cavities. My Mom didn't give me the flouride drops as a baby, but she did my sister and my husband;s mother gave him his.
good luck

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C.

answers from Asheville on

My son (now 5) was the exact same way! He hates anything that is fruity or bubblegum flavored but he didn't mind the baby toothpaste. I tried every single one of those kid toothpastes and it just simply did not work. I still have every single one in the bathrooom! And I am ashamed to say, we have had the same fits over toothpaste. I felt horrible when it was tears and screaming.

This lasted up until he had his first dentist appointment at 4. They gave him a sample of Crest Kids and a flouride rinse, wouldn't you know it...ever since then, he uses them both without a whimper?

I don't know if it was a power struggle, I know his tastes have not changed, he still hates anything fruity or bubblegum flavored. Maybe it had to do with getting a bit older?

I agree with the other mom, baby toothpaste it is. I would still let her see and ask her if she wanted to use the big girl kind, but I wouldn't fight with her. Pick your battles, goodness knows we have all had to do that!

Good luck!

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S.P.

answers from Nashville on

What if you put a very small amount of the flouride paste on her brush (as one suggestion said - the size of a grain of rice) and then cover it with paste she likes? Maybe she won't even know the difference. I have 3 kids and 3 different toothpastes. I don't make them get the flouride the dentist always tries to get me to have put on their teeth (it's not covered by insurance and they HATE the treatment) and have tried the Mii pastes (expensive). Overall - I agree about brushing well but think a little flouride is important. We also use the ACT rinse. Good luck.

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K.W.

answers from Knoxville on

We use floride tablets. We have well water, so our doctor prescribed the tablets. They are tiny and white and have a good flavor. Try that and see if it helps. (We only pay something like $5.00 for them at the pharmacy.)

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E.M.

answers from Louisville on

i know that they dont do fluoride treatments anymore when you go to the dentist because the water now has fluoride in it. im not sure where you live but to me it seems like it shouldnt be such a battle. does she know that this tooth paste is different? if so try one she hasnt had and just dont make a big deal about it. or try the this is what big kids use approach. works alot around our house!

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D.P.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi R., I agree with some of the others ... just go with what he likes for a while. Another thing you could try is when trying a new toothpaste don't tell him it has flouride. We use natural toothpastes from an on-line company. The non-flouride has apple extract ... and of course tastes like apples ... and the flouride one is berry. My son likes both.

Good luck! D..

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M.W.

answers from Huntington on

This is why God gave us two sets of teeth, one set to learn on, and one set for keeps. By the time your child has her permanent teeth, she will be better able to grasp the seriousness of good oral hygiene. I would set a good example, and encourage her to brush, floss & rinse properly, but but I wouldn't want to strong-arm her into it, that just sets it up for rebellion!

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M.S.

answers from Raleigh on

Regardless of whether it's normal procedure anymore, I would ask the dentist to give her a flouride based "sealing" treatment. There are lots of good suggestions for other types of tootpaste and I sure hope one works for your daughter. You're right that it just doesn't need to be a battle. Take her back to the dentist and also ask him to explain how toothpastes help her not get cavities. He can show her what tools and explain the methods that he'll use on her teeth if she gets one. Best of luck! Let us know if you find a nonsudsy, nontingly brand that works!

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