Too Soon to Let Son Cry It Out?

I just do not believe in the "cry it out" thing! I think it is very cruel. They are just babies and so sweet and so need us to comfort and care for them. Sometimes they do fight sleep (I don't remember what age my babies were). You just have to try different comforting techniques and find what works for you and him.
Good luck! Comfort and love him and don't allow him to cry uncontrollably.

I think it is too soon to let him cry it out. I am not a firm believer in crying it out but I am also one of those mom's who is at the mercy of her kids sleep or not sleeping. So my way of doing it might not be the best for other moms. 3 months old is still so young and I would try rocking him and wearing him in a sling before I would let him cry it out.

In my opinion, the younger the better. They adjust quicker, and don't cry as long or for as many days. The key is to just be consistant! I know that it is hard, I hate to hear my baby cry also - it helped if I went and took my shower or did the dishes or something so that I couldn't hear it as much....AND I got to take a shower! WAHOO!! (well at least before Hubby got home or someone else was there)....Good Luck -

Hi S.,

I'm a night nanny and help many parents with this issue. Let's do a sleep check list-
1) Do yo have black out blinds in the room?
2) Is the room warm enough?
3)Are you able to recognize the signs prior to getting tired and needing sleep?
-Yawning-babies will yawn repeatedly when tired-
-Red eyes
-45mins to 1.5 hours after last nap (at 3 months this is about the time frame)
4) Is he fed, burped, changed and transitioned into sleep mode?

Your son doesn't know his room. I suggest for the next couple of days you spend your time in there feeding, playing and changing. When he's having the best time, smiling and talking, put him in his crib. This begins to send the message to him that it's "OK" for him to be in his crib. You might even consider moving the pack and play into the room and allowing him to transition into the pack n play until he adjusts to the room- and putting him in the crib just to play.

Many parents ask, "Well, the crib is for sleeping!" I completely disagree. Thru his entire time in the crib, he will wake up and play and put himself back to sleep if you let him. Many parents rush in there before the babies are even really awake.

Three things parents don't know about babies sleeping:

1) Babies make noise while sleeping-including crying, grunting, etc.
2) Babies wake up frequently and are able to put themselves back down if you let them
3) Babies will play, talk and go back down if they are tired.

Once you start putting him in the crib to sleep, you might need to HELP him along by patting him gently or rocking his body with your hands- You're literally hanging on the side of the crib while he falls asleep- This is just temporary- eventually, you won't need to do this. You can also give him the pacifier and sometimes swaddling him really tight can trick him to think you're holding him.

I don't believe in letting babies cry it out. Sleep in a learned behavior- and you don't want to build brain patterns of your baby having to be completely exhausted to fall asleep.
Eventually, you will be able to put him in his crib, allow him to relax, and he will put himself down. RIght now, he needs help to learn how to relax and enjoy his crib, be ok with the separation, and learn how to sleep, entertain himself, and soothe himself These are all things that we take for granted from a baby. They don't know how! SO, teach them!

This is TOTALLY normal at 3 months because they are so much more aware now of the surroundings.

Things you can do to begin to transition him into the crib- this can be during his play crib time and his transition sleep time:
1) Have a flashlight shining on the ceiling- if you have black out blinds, this is golden- it's a great distraction for them and they stare and calm themselves
2) Have black and white toys to stare at- at three months, the bigger the better- You can put them on the side of the crib and have low light and let them stare at it-
3) Position him on his side so he can see the toys on the side of the crib- it also sends the message that you can relax yourself-
4) Rock him and talk to him while in the crib- he will build security with your face-do this only when it's not nap time or bed time. When it's bed time, no talking, no soothing, and no facial expression.
5) You can do allot of picking up and putting back down- don't give up. It's work- and it 's work regardless if you started having your baby sleep in the crib or not-
6) Give him the pacifier. You might have to hold it in his mouth while you are rocking and patting him.
7) OK- this one is weird, but BOYS love this- READY- Throw a spit up rag over his face (STAY WITH HIM). THis is just to calm to him- for some strange reason, boys love this- you can continue to rock him, and pat him. And take the rag off once you leave the room- NEVER leave it on his face---and walk out of the room.

THE BIG SECRET of SLEEP training with babies- IF you miss the window- you've just added 45 mins more to get your baby down- TESTED, PROVED, and FAILED by myself personally.
Your baby will yawn when tired- and let out ONE BIG SIGH when ready to go to sleep- The yawning is the cue- the SIGH is the cue that the baby feels safe and is relaxed.

Since he doesn't like to go down yet alone, after the sigh, you can put him in the crib and pat and rock him to sleep-

So, what you do is STAND by the crib holding him in the dark, until you get the sigh- no talking, no interaction, nothing-- put him down when you get the sigh or he's 1/2 awake-

I know this is work- and it's keep me employed for years!
Sleep is the greatest gift you can give your child-

Good luck

C. Giovanni
Miracle Nanny

Hi S.,
I think the trick is to put him down BEFORE he's tired! It's true that babies who are over-tired are not able to calm themselves, and you're going to have a very hard time of it if you go that route. I'd highly recommend "On Becoming BabyWise" by Gary Ezzo - it's a quick read and he talks a lot about getting baby on a schedule that works for the both of you. Being on a schedule is a huge help because then the baby knows exactly what's coming next. If that happens to be naptime or bedtime, the baby won't fight it because that's what he has come to expect at that hour. It just makes life a whole lot easier and happier for you both. Something you might want to consider right away is putting him down very early for bedtime (like 6pm). I know that sounds crazy, but believe me, you'd be surprised how easily he may fall asleep at that hour, and how long he will sleep!

The schedule that I had for my younger daughter was wake up at 6-6:30am, feed her, then play time until 9am, when I'd put her down for a nap. She'd sleep until 10am, when I'd feed her. More awake time until 12pm, when she'd take a nice long nap. When she woke up around 2-2:30, I'd feed her and then more awake time. At 5:30pm, she'd have dinner, then bath, then bed at 6pm. She would sleep straight through the night once she hit about 10 pounds. Before that she'd wake up around 2am for a night feeding. Still, once I got her on the schedule, she did not fight her naps or bedtime, and I was able to plan my time better since I knew when she would be hungry, sleepy, etc.

Good luck, I hope that helps! =)

Yes, he is too young for crying it out. Developmentally he is not ready to be on his own in that way as it's too frightening and confusing. A child that age has no way to understand that you are gone but will be back later and will be very scared. WIth my daughter I felt that I would feel comfortable when she got to the developmental stage where she might be angry I was leaving but not scared - there is a big difference. Reading Dr. Sears helped as did the No Cry Sleep Solution book and websites like this:

http://parentingbabytosleep.blogspot.com/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

All this said I want to say how much I feel for you in this situation. It's horrible to not get enough sleep and it's painful and frustrating to see your child fighting sleep and it is hard to be tired at work and still try to do the work of being a new parent when you get home (never mind trying to be sane and not so tired that you can't have a conversation with your husband). It will pass and you will figure out ways to manage it all, I promise. Honestly, I was tired for a long time and this made me grumpy but I still feel really good about how I handled the sleep thing with my daughter and she turned out to be a fabulous sleeper later on and is great at self-soothing. There was lots of pressure from people around me to do some crying it out and lots of talk about how people didn't want their babies to need pacifiers, sound machines, etc to sleep. If those things are calming to a baby and helps them get to sleep, what's the harm? You can also get rid of those thigns later as long as they work for now. I think my big advice would be to go with your guts feelings about your baby's needs and temperament and to read up on developmental stages. There are also sleep consultants who could help you out and I'm more than happy to talk with you offline if you send me a private message. Good luck!

Babies this small don't usually just cry to cry. With my kids a lot of the time crying was brought on by a gassy belly. My son cried ALL the time and after 6 months of this and terrible eczema we found out that he was allergic to most foods and my breast milk content was actually what was causing all problems. If you think the crying is excessive, you can always check with your pediatrician to be sure.

Hi S.,
I have recently returned to work (back a month) and I know what you are feeling. My son now 4 months was doing great going to sleep but right before I went back to work it was like starting over again with crying the second I set him down to sleep. I finallly decided a month ago to let him cry it out and it is the best thing I could have done. I could not stand to hear him cry so I would take a bath while my husband listened and checked on him. The first night took 20 minutes and the next night 10. By the 4th night I put him in is crib awake but drowsy and he has been doing it that way ever since. I just started an eveing routine of bath, lotion massage, jammies and a bottle then I rock/burp for a few minutes and off to bed. I have heard peoples responses about crying it out and how horrible it is to do to your child but they are not living under your roof and you do what you think is best. I know all babies are different and what works for one may not work for the other but that is my story. Good luck!

Hi S.,

When my sons were infants, I liked to give them a good but gentle massage on their head and a little on the face. It made them relax and sleep better. Just a couple of minutes. Such a precious time.
D.

I think everyone will be fine whatever way you choose to work it out. I remember being in the same situation. It's difficult. My husband didn't know much either. We were both so in love that we both wanted to stay home.... but that wasn't going to happen. I ended up working part time in the town where I live and working at a home-based business. Between the two it was enough to get by on. I am so glad I did that because I was able to be with my baby most of the time. My son would never sleep in his crib. I tried everything the books tell you to try. That little guy was/is so stubborn. So am I. But somebody had to get some sleep... so, the baby slept with us until he wasn't interested in sleeping with us. I don't care what the books or other people say. Americans are one of the few cultures to put their children in another room away from their parents. We're snuggle people and our son turned out fantastic. He's totally able to go to sleep anytime any where he puts his head down. None of the stuff happened that all the books warned about. And... there are many books who support the "family bed." Do what feels right for you... Never be ashamed to do something for your child that you deem important... or for your and your families health. Be bold. It's okay to take care of yourself and your family. No one right way. No matter what mr. or ms. nosy tells you. All will be well. Have fun with your bundle of blessings... your baby.

The miracle nanny gives good advice! And, here's a book that helped me a lot when my 4 month year old did something similar. Good luck.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Paperback)
by Marc Weissbluth
Marc Weissbluth (Author)

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I'm not a fan of letting my child crying it out and I have to say we've been pretty successful. What has helped us is to have a cradle on wheels that you can swing. We put him in his cradle after his last feeding for the night, swing him a little if needed and keep him near us in the living room while we watch tv. Then about 3 hours later we pick him up, give him a "dream" feed in his sleep then transfer him to his crib while he's still asleep. Works well for now. The great thing about the cradle is you can swing him if he's close to falling asleep and move him about the house to adjust for noise, comfort, temperature etc. I couldn't live without it Fairly inexpensive at Babies R Us with a coupon! Be sure he's not teething (homeopathic teething tablets are great) and baby orajel. INfant Tyelenol when it's really bad. My son teethed early. Also, make sure it's not gas (mylicon drops helped with that ).

The book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems really helped me to get both of my kids to have good sleep habits (sleeping through the night, good napping, falling asleep by themselves) starting at 3 months (they are now 4 yrs 10 mos and 3 1/2 yrs) without them having to cry out. There is a sort of troubleshooting section for addressing various sleep issues.
Best of luck to you,
C.

A three months we would let our son cry it out every now and then when he really needed to get to sleep and then at 3 1/2 months we got really serious and had him cry it out. It was really hard but the best thing we have ever done for us and for our son! What a happy baby he became! I loved doing it early, not only for the sleep but also it seemed to just stick with him. We really haven't had any sleeping issues since, even when we changed him to a big boy bed. He is now 3 and still a fantastic sleeper. I don't regret doing it that early. We also used Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth.

I tried the cry it out method a few times and hated it. I can not stand hearing my baby cry. What worked for me was to sleep with my baby. Our pediatrician said to do whatever you need to get sleep. My daughter transitioned to her crib at 2 months because she was ready. From 2 months to about 12 months, I was rocking her to sleep every night. A few weeks after her 1st birthday, we introduced a blankie and encouraged her to put herself to sleep for her daytime naps. Now she can fall asleep on her own for naps and her night time sleep. What worked for us was to go with the flow. We didn't force anything. We made sure to be in tune with our daughter's cues. It's ok to use something to help your son fall asleep. Our pediatrician called this a transition object. Instead of relying on your or your husband, he relies on the object. Hope this helps and take care!

I personally think 3 months is too young to start cry-it-out. You could try to set up a regular routine for bedtime, move him to his crib and move his bed time up to an earlier time. Once he's on a regular routine he will begin to process, "oh, it's bath time that means pj's, book then bed next" or whatever your routine is. I also said to move his bedtime up because you want to get his head in his bed before he shows his sleep signs. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 11 months old. That was when I moved her bedtime from 7 to 6 and then, like magic, she started sleeping 12 hours straight. That lasted until she was 18 months old and I would pay someone for that back :O). Then try putting him down when he's sleepy, but not asleep. For us, one night I gave our daughter her bath, put her in her pj's, fed her her bottle and there was nothing left to do and she was still awake. I put her in her crib (she slept there since the day we brought her home) and she just laid there and talked to her self, made noises and after about an hour she fell asleep. Since that day she has pretty much put herself to sleep every night.
Best of luck,
C.

Hi....3 months might be a bit young to let him cry it out. Every child is different and you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. Some kids will start sleeping through the night around 3 to 4 months without much of an effort (my daughter) and some will not sleep through the night until almost 2 (my son). They were twins and had the exact same environment and parenting. I finally decided that you can help as much as possible to get them to sleep, but it is really up to the child to sleep.

With that being said...I did rock my kids to sleep until they were about 6 months old. I know they say not to...but it was something I enjoyed. Then I started to put them down somewhat drowsy with some music on. My daughter was generally ok with it, my son not. I did have to let him cry and I hated it. Looking back I'm not sure what I would of done. I did the ferber method with my son and it seemed like we did it for over a year...we joked that my son was a very slow learned. With my 3rd child I did it for about a month and then decided she would sleep through the night when she was ready.

If not already, try and get on a pretty predictable schedule. At his age I would think he would still be taking 3 naps...maybe more. When my kids had 3 naps they were generally around 8:30, 12:00 and a short one around 4:00 then bed by 7:00.

Check out the book Healthy Sleep Habits...even if you don't let him cry it out. It has a lot of good information on sleep and schedules and naps.

You will get lots of advice on both sides...remember you need to do what you feel most comfortable with. I have done both...cry and not cry. If the cry it out had worked quickly for us (I've had friends that it worked in a week or two), then I maybe would of done it with my 3rd. It just didn't work for us and I was miserable, but remember it does work for some and they are just as good of parents then those who don't beleive in it. There are time when all a child's needs are met and they still cry...it is frustrating, but it does happen.

So, enjoy your new little guy...he will sleep someday!! Mine are 5 and 2 1/2 and all are pretty good sleepers now. I had 4 years of being up once or twice (or more) a night, now when I am awoken during the night...it throws my whole day off...not sure how I did it for 4 years!!

I am not fond of the cry it out method, I have never had either of my boys cry it out for bed. I am a very matter of fact it's bed time type of mom, but if your son is crying it sounds to me like there is something going on. He might not be ready for the crib, he might need to be held a little longer, he might need a little extra food. Etc. both of my boys were co-slept though which is not for everyone, but they both sleep in their own rooms now, go down without crying, and have since before they were one year old. My first son started sleeping in his big boy twin bed with rails at 18 mths and has never gotten out of his bed once.
I think every child is different, but usually crying means something. I'm not a big mothers book reader, but I did read a little of the baby whisperer and it's true, they do have different crys for different things. There is also a VERY interesting Oprah episode about baby crying, I watched it pregnant with my first son and it was sooooooooo cool and soooooooo true. You might try and youtube it. It's something like baby crying, baby talking, etc. something along the lines of each cry means something.

good luck mama, it will work out.
K.

I also have an awesome mobile that I got at Babies R Us, that has 3 different types of classical music, that plays for 15 minutes!! it's amazing, I can find the link if you email me that you're intersted.

We started our daughter with crying it out at bedtime when she was 3 months old. I was against it, but my husband insisted and it has been the best thing ever. At age 3 she would come up to us and say, Mommy I'm tired, I'm going to go to sleep. We never had issues with bedtime with her. She is almost 9 and I never regretted the decision. So, I say go for it, just make sure he is comfortable, and truly doesn't need anything.

Good Luck!

Hi S.,
I too am a BIG fan of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Before you resort to letting him cry it out, make sure he is getting enough sleep at the right times and going to bed at night early. The book is great for info on age appropriate sleep needs and schedules. At this age, my daughter was napping at 9am and 1pm for at least 1 hour and a quick nap at 4pm with bedtime at 7pm.(at the latest) Some babies need even more sleep and Dr. Weissbluth suggests getting them back to sleep within 2 hours of waking. If he is having a hard time falling asleep, he may be overtired. The most important thing I found was the early bedtime. My daughter is 4 yrs old and goes to bed at 6pm and sleeps until 6-7am without waking. Have a bedtime routine that includes a bath. Don't forget to set the scene by darkening the rooms and keeping things quiet. My daughter loved music and still does. Get the book and go straight to the age appropriate section. You need to calculate your son's biological age by his due date if he was born early.
Sincerely,
L.

I also agree that 3 months old is too young to cry it out. Wait a few more months. Is he getting enough naps during the day? I believe that at 3 months old, my daughters had about 2-3 naps a day for a couple hours. Is your son able to turn his head easily? At about 4 months, I gave my youngest a little snuggle blanket. I of course checked with the pediatrician prior to giving her the blanket. Since she had good head control, he said that it was fine. Therefore, I slept a night with the blanket to put my scent on it and then gave it to her. She loved it! It gave her comfort when I wasn't there for naps and bed time. She is currently 2.5 years old and carries that blanket everywhere!

I also tried the eat, play, sleep method. I started this around 2.5 months. It worked great with my youngest. How it works is, when she woke up, I fed her, then she played for a couple hours. When she started getting sleepy, I put her to bed. She was so tired, that she went to sleep with no problem. This method worked so much better than what I did with her older sister! Her older sister was difficult to put to put to sleep for naps and for bed time too. With the older sister, we fed her right before she took a nap. By 6 months old, she went down for 1 nap after 30 minutes of crying. The nap lasted only 30 minutes, too! She would also cry for 30 mintues before she fell asleep at night. Thank goodness she slept for 12 hours at night. Drove us nuts!

Good luck!

I am not a fan of crying it out. In fact my two (7 &9) always started out in their rooms, but came in our bed at some point most nights. I am not a permissive parent, but when it comes to sleep and peace & quiet in the middle of the night, it was better for us to have a full bed. By 3 years old, they just gradually stayed in their own beds. That being said, every parent and household is different. Whatever you do, BE CONSISTENT. Do not let him cry it out sometimes or off and on. That is the worst thing you can do. Do it or don't. I tried it once and could not listen to the crying and felt like I was torturing my baby. Never did it again. I had one that was a great napper adn one that stopped naps at 1 1/2. It partly depends on the child. Do what feels comfortable.

Greetings S.: Speaking as the mother of 5 children and now the Nana to serveal perfectly wonderful children I wanted to give you my input mainly because I don't believe in letting babies cry and be miserable.Just because they are not able to express themselves any other way.
You are feeling stressed and believe me the children seem to becon into that like a magnet. This is a baby- doing what babies do their very best and that is cling to Mommy. You are their entire source of security UNTIL Daddy walks into the room and gets the heros welcome. That is one of the perks of parenthood.
I have a 3 month old grandchild that won't even go to daddy unless mommy is gone from view. I am only tolerated because I can bounce her on my knee with the best of them.
I have one child who is colic and screamed for the first 4 months and we were all standing on our heads, sitting her on the dryer and hours of car rides to calm her down. We have one that literaly refuses to sleep at night unless daddy is holding their hand. Each child has their own needs and now you get to adjust around that because they won't always adjust around you. They just don't understand that you are worried about how to get everything to fit into place before you go back to work.
I know that alone is stressful finding someone that you trust to watch the most important love of your life. I can tell what we did with our own children and now with the next generation, and hope any of it can work for you.
We turned off the TV and put on music for an hour before bedtime to get them used to the signals of bedtime, baths before help to relax a child, and sitting and singing and reading to them helps alot-- you can read anything that you want to read they just want to hear your voice. The differance in not just reading childrens books is that you change your body language and voice as you tell a childs story and don't when you read Louis L'Moure and a great western, scriptures, or what ever else you like. This has always worked for us. I hope that you will be tender with yourself and your family. Going back to work was so trumatic for my girls and leaving their children that it broke my heart. Unfortunetly although I have had a daycare they live to far away for me to have my own little ones.
Parenthood is once of the greatest adventures you will ever have in life and I know that you will do what is best for yur family. Nana G

Hi S.,
Congrats on your baby! I agree with several on the mom's in doing what is right for you and your baby. All babies are different. At 9 mos. I did a modified cry it out. At 10 mos. I did the full on CIO. It was not fun. One thing I might suggest that seemed to work for us is that I personally did not go in the room when the baby cried if my husband was home. My husband would go in. I was still breastfeeding, so my son smelled the milk cart coming in. As my husband travels a bit for work, there were nights when I had to go in. If I wasn't doing a feeding, I actually wore one of my husband's shirts/sweaters over my own. I have no idea if that helped, but I did it anyways.
I read A TON of books on sleeping. It was exhausting just reading them. I think they just made me more conflicted as some said you were cruel to let your baby CIO and others were proponets. I guess I'd just say decide what you're going to do and don't feel guilty.
Best of luck!

Dr. Weissbluth, author of the excellent "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", would agree that <3 months is too soon. However, Cry it Out has been amazingly effective for my son. I started with him at about 5.5 months. It was hard to hear him cry, but after 3 nights, he learned how to put himself to sleep: A gift to my baby and and a gift to me. I've heard from other moms that 3 nights is pretty normal. They learn quickly and the techniques are simple and get results. If you don't have this book, I highly recommend it. It's not just a "how-to" book at all. It's full of data about how babies' sleep needs change and develop from birth to age 12 and how to best take advantage of their optimal natural sleep and awake times.

I have a 4 month old (& 2 1/2 month old) and both kids have been wonderful sleepers. I used a modified cry it out method with both kids and they were both sleeping really well by 3-4 months. I allow my 4 month old to cry for about 10 minutes and then I go in and check on her and then wait another 10 minutes. It only took a couple of days and then it was a lot easier. Naps are still more difficult, but she sleeps around 11 hours straight at night so I can't complain. The CIO method is the only method that really works if you want to be able to sleep and teach your child how to soothe themselves. Once they learn this they will always be good sleepers. I think in the next month or so the baby will get a lot easier. Some babies need to cry/fuss a little to fall asleep. You should also make sure he isn't having gas pains from formula, because sometimes that makes it harder for them to go to sleep. What time does your son go to bed. Overtired babies don't sleep well, so once he starts sleeping better at night he will also sleep better in the day. Good Luck. I have to go back to work in 3 weeks too.

6 months is the cry it out age. However, you should be putting your baby to bed very drowsy(baby, not you!)so that Baby can learn to fall asleep solo.
Are you still swaddling him? My son needed swaddling until 5 months.
Also - we did the pack-n-play thing in the beginning and found that once we put him in a real crib with a good mattress he slept much better from the start. I think the pack-n-play is too hard once they outgrow the bassinet attachment.
Get "The Happiest Baby on the Block" book - it helped me a ton!