Too Many Presents for My Kids from the Grandparents

This is not a real "problem" although it may be an issue for your family. I understand how clutter and too many things is not good for the children and causes a hardship for you. But if you can find one charity organization and take a trip there once every few months to unload your extra baggage, you would be doing a great deal for some needy families who wish they could complain about getting too many gifts. Also you will not have offended or hurt the grandparent who will still get her shopping fix on the grand kiddies, and will not have to feel the sting of feeling less than appreciated for what she probably thinks is being thougthful and showing her grandchild love.

We absolutely have this problem. I have made it clear that the presents are to come to ME first and I will dole them out as I see fit. I keep most things in my back closet and hand out the gifts over time for good behavior or a job well done. On picture day I always have new clothes and hairbows and shoes. Sometimes I just take something from the mass accumulation and use it for birthday parties and friends when the occasion arises. That way nothinhg goes to waste.

It makes the grands feel good to buy the stuff and so I never refuse to take it. I mean just like my kids, what they don't know wont hurt them. If that sounds completely terrible, I am sorry. It works for us though.

Good luck!

I love some of the suggestions you already have! Encouraging lessons instead of items, having the gifts come to you to parcel out slowly as rewards, etc ... those are all good ideas.

I think the one thing most likely to get your mother to stop buying so much would be spending a lot of time with your children in your home. Basically, she needs to trip over the toys, try to manage the clutter, etc., to realize that it really IS too much. The reason I suggest that is because my mother is very cautious shopping for our kids simply because after caring for them one day a week in our home she concluded that they had way too much stuff and couldn't even enjoy it all properly, and decided to shop for underprivileged kids instead.

Still, it may or may not work. We had a nanny that loved to pick things up for my son at Goodwill, etc., and it drove me nuts. I wasn't paying her to fill my house with stuff! Yet, long run, we dealt with it, because it made her so happy to give my child gifts.

Whatever you do, please be very careful in how harsh you are towards your mom. I have an aunt and cousin who no longer speak because of a battle over gifts for the kids. NO amount of clutter and unwanted toy volume warrants that kind of fracture. Your children aren't likely to get spoiled from too much stuff, especially if it isn't stuff they have specifically asked for, although it is likely to hinder their sense of responsibility and care for their things. But your children WILL suffer if you become aliented with your mom over this issue. Try not to fight, but do try to let her really see and understand this through your eyes.

Best of luck. Funny how affluence brings it's own issues, isn't it?

We used to have this problem. My grandmother would show up with bags and bags of gifts for my girls. Finally I spoke up and asked her if, instead of giving them so many gifts, she would mind instead just buying one small gift and donating the money she would have spent to a children's charity. She thought about it, then asked if instead of charity, we would mind if she put the money into the girls' college funds. So now we are putting a lot more money aside for their future and I am not tripping over a thousand Barbie dolls anymore.

My Sister in Law had Twins a little more than a year after having her first Daughter. They are all Girls. We have a huge family, and they have lots of Aunts and Uncles. Mom actually does not let the girls have B-Day parties with Grandparents or Aunts and Uncles invited, except for every five years, because certain family members bougt gifts even though she asked them not too. It is kinda a bummer, but she didn't really have a choice. At the first Daughters fifth B-Day, the Grandparents actually gave her 3 huge gift bags full. Poor D. didn't even know what she got later that day, because it was too overwhelming. It is sad that we cant spend B-days or some Holiday's with them, because people don't care enough to respect wishes of the Parents. Maybe you could use this as a warning of what you could do. It actually is hurting your childs feelings, and she needs to know that she is doing harm instead of good.

OMG.... this is my problem right now... you should have seen our living room at Christmas... it's a HUGE room and you had to work your way through the toys... most oversized...

My mother seems to think she must come with presents as well... and I don't mind unless they are cheap, easy to break and cluttering... She will hand out a ton of stuff and at the same time give me an earful for the living room being so full of CRAP!!! Ummmm... whose fault is that?

My boys will be 3 soon, and they now say "Grammy? Present?" I don't want them to think they are entitled to a gift everytime the grandparents come...

Anyhow the speech I've been giving lately is for them to please consider that having the boys say "grammy? Present?" right now is cute... it won't be when they are 12... and the grandparents will be looking to me to fix that... so I say... if you think what they are saying will be cute when they are 12... then please continue... but if you will be upset when they look to you as a gift horse only as something terrible... then STOP encouraging the behavior... I think my mom got it the otherday... but who knows...

I think it's important to explain to your mother AGAIN... that you are forced to get rid of the many gifts that she brings because you can't store it all... and the 3.5 year old is now getting upset... so it's really creating major trauma in your house...

Good luck!

I have had this problem too, and what I had to do is get real honest with my family and tell them even though I appreciate the blessings, I have to limit them to getting only 3 items or less or they are welcome to deposit money in a saving fund for them.
my children are older now and so disorginized because of an over abundance of things they have gotten , now we are trying to clean up all the blessing and most were never even used.

Too much is too much and it is ok to set bounderies for your family!
It starts with you!

Mommy Advice Column addressed a similar question today - http://www.MommyAdviceColumn.com/2010/11/mom-tired-of-unw... - hope that helps!

J., I totally understand. My mother is the same way with my two children; my son 6 years and my daughter 2 years. I have tried in the past not only myself but my husband as well with trying to get our mothers to understand that our children do not need all of the toys and gifts all the time. What I mean is that it has started to each our children that they can have any and everything and become totally spoiled. However it was a total waste of time to try to explain it to them as grandparents. I had to come to understand that no matter what you say they (grandmothers/grandparents) will do what they want. Therefore, my new response to all the toys is "Oooh! Thats beautiful and you can keep it at grandma's house." Our mothers have since stopped buying lots of toys because their homes are starting to look like a toy store. (laugh) But one thing is that, this has worked.

My parents have also given alot to my kids. My parents love to take the kids clothes shopping for school, Easter, and Christmas outfits. It's a special time for them and my kids. Sometimes they come home with too many things, but it gives my parents a great deal of joy. We have passed along some wonderful barely used clothes to others who need them. We have also suggested that they contribute to lessons. We cannot afford to pay for the variety of lessons our 3 kids would like. My parents have contributed to piano, horse back riding, swimming and more. Fianlly, my mom especially loves to fill....no, overfill Easter baskets and Christmas stockings with too much stuff. Yes, she does Easter baskets and Christmas stockings for the grands. I've tried over the years to get her to stop, but I've come to learn that it's her choice, it gives her joy, it's her money and she can spend it how she wants. I don't have control, nor do I want control over my mom or anyone else. My sister suggested this solution which has worked out great: I tell the kids to choose their favorite things and then we give the rest away to children who do not have so much in a variety of ways. I hope these things help. Our relationship with our parents/grandparents is much more important than the gifts. We can teach our kids this in other ways and be creative with all the stuff we don't need. Blessings, J.

It sounds like your mom really does have a shopping addiction, but like other addictions, you most likely won't be able to help her (or "get it under control" FOR her), she has to acknowledge this herself, get help, and make necessary changes. That said, you have many options as to how to deal with the excessive amounts of toys yourself. Some great suggestions came in about donating them to a charity shop or re-gifting, but also consider having your children pick out some to take to the children's ward in your local hospital so they can see first-hand how they can bring joy to others more in need...then take the rest of the items to a consignment store and put the earnings toward their college fund or lessons. Encourage your mom to spend time and participate in activities with your children (art, cooking, singing, reading, gardening, etc) so they don't end up feeling like she purchases their love. They will develop fond memories of playing WITH Grandma instead of playing with the cheap toys from Grandma. The best to you and your family...

You could have the opposite problem: a grandma (my mother) who bitches and moans all the way through opening the Christmas presents about how kids these days get too much stuff, it's just ridiculous, spoiled little tyrants, wah wah wah. So Merry Freakin' Christmas!

Say thanks and give a lot of it to charity. Like you said, she's got an addiction!