Too Many Birthday Parties!

My vote is for books. Always. You can get books at all sorts of prices for all ages. Sometimes my grocery store has them on half price. Sam's Club is a good place to buy several books and keep a stock, things like Dr.Seuss or Golden books. Bookstores often have discount books in their children's sections.

The biggest hit at the last birthday party I was at was a little foam bunny that grew in water and shrank when you took it out. It was about 2 bucks.

Hot Wheels are less than a dollar a piece at Wal-Mart. Four of these are fabulous.

And kids? The more separate things wrapped, the better, so wrap each hot wheel or book individually. The stack of gifts tied neatly with a bow will drop any kid's jaw.

If kids get too much from one person, the tend to forget everything that person got them. On the other hand, one really special thing will stick with them forever.

I have a 3 birthdays immediately following Christmas. That's tough, and I've seen my strategies work pretty well.

Good luck!

** I've also been thinking about ideas for your daughter: If there is something you personally are going to do for/give to her, you can supplement that with the party. For instance: my daughter wanted to grow her library. She threw a Book party. Everyone who came brought at least one book, coloring, handmade, or store bought. If you think she's ready for a pet, wants to go camping, or whatever, throw her a Dog party (dog pet supplies requested) or Camping party (camping gear requested). Or even :Scrapbooking gear requested! and let her go to town making a scrapbook for the next birthday kid.

Honestly, why do you FEEL that you have to buy prestents? You are simply 'buying' in to the norm. We do not buy presents for all the children whose parties we attend. I am a single mom with two children ages 6 and 10. Believe me, the presents get more pricy as they get older. Lots of times, we make a gift and cards or give a reused gift that my kids are happy to give from their own stash. Making things is not that time consuming. We have even rooted little plants and given them as gifts and painted the pot. The kids love that - they get to take care of the plant and be responsible for it. Be inventive and do not have to spend the money. Your children need to learn that it is the thoughts and love that count, not how many gifts and how cool they are.....
good luck!

Well if your friends bring gifts even when asked not to, try putting on the invitation to not bring toys and if they wish to bring a gift contribute to your kids college fund.
As far as the multiple parties....go to the dollar store for the gifts (kids don't care it's the parents). Or you copuld pick out something inexpensive (barettes and hair clips, a hot wheels....) Also check out second hand kids stores for book and things. But it's also OK for your kids to make their frieds a gift.

I feel your pain! A lot of people have a hard time getting their minds around the idea that you might be serious about the "no presents." In my own circle of friends, I've seen several moms successfully manage this by giving people some other way to contribute. Folks just feel funny showing up at a birthday party empty-handed. So one family requested voluntary money donations for a charity the child chose. Her son made a donations box out of a shoebox and just set it on a table. They did not make a huge deal over it, so those who might have chosen not to donate were not made to feel uncomfortable.

A second idea that seemed to work (mostly - some folks still brought presents) was a request for homemade (kid made) birthday cards instead of presents. Another friend did a "recycled birthday" - all gifts were items that were still good but "once loved."

If you must take a gift, I find that a box of crayons or a pack of sidewalk chalk make very affordable gifts that are also used and appreciated. And instead of buying wrapping paper and cards, make your own out of old paper grocery bags which your child then decorates with crayons or stickers, or use the Sunday comics page to wrap with.

I hope you find this post useful. Good luck!

That is a lot. Can I suggest maybe going to Big Lots and buying more inexpensive type gifts in quantity so you have them in stock when you get an invitation.
I agree if you put "no gifts" that may lead people to believe you are being polite instead maybe say "please do not bring presents and instead make a donation "..." to whatever place you want it to go. Maybe have them even buy a toy for a toy drive around the holidays.
I think kids that are having first time parties for their kids want the whole excitement of gifts for their children and you cannot expect them to feel the way you do.
I know too Target has a great $1 gift aisle as well as going to dollar stores. Noboday said you had to spend a bunch of money. Maybe talk to all the moms and set a limit on what to spend as a group. I completely understad where you are coming from though and it is tough. Wait until they get older and gifts get more expensive, hee hee. Both of my kids have their bdays within six weeks of each other and it can be hard.
Hang in there, I hope you can figure out a positive solution.
I always hit Target and Walmart after a holiday and stock up on "on sale" items and have them ready for if we are invited to a party, saves time and money! :) Good luck

I liked the idea of picking up a few items at the dollar store (most Target stores have dollar bins right at the front and they are always full of fun stuff). Most kids I know would love new crayons and a coloring book (and you only spent $2). If parents are "keeping track" then shame on them, it's the thought, not the cost, that counts.

The other option is to simply not go - say you have "other plans" that day. As for your own children, I say continue informing them that no gifts are necessary. Some will bring gifts, some will not and I say just accept the gifts gracefully.

We have had limited success with saying in the invitations "The honor of your presence is present enough." Although it doesn't work as well for kids. We did it once for my husband since he had never had a party. It was most successful then. As far as cheap presents go, you can often get cute crafts on sale cheap. Either your son can do them. or you can give them for the other child to do. We have done that often. I saw cups to color for $.87 the other day. We also did those once as the activity and gift to take home for a party. It's tough.

Something else we have done is explain to others that we're not big birthday party people. We're not. We have only had them at first birthdays and once just before we moved so our son could see all his friends together one more time. It has resulted in fewer invitations. Seems people got the point. We still only spend between $5-$15 a gift, including giftwrapping and card. Even that is over our budget at certain times of the year. :) GL!

Hi V.,
Put on the invitations 'Please no presents! Really, I'm not trying to be rude but truly would appreciate no presents!', people should not be offended and will understand. Something I have done with my son is asked for books only as we don't have a lot of room for more toys. That goes to the next problem also, a book is a fine gift for a child of any age, costco, sams club, walmart, used book store, thrift store, almost always have an inexpensive but fun kids book. My kids also make their own cards as a card can cost as much as a book. We didn't make a big deal about the first couple birthdays as the child doesn't remember and put more money and effort into the parties 4 and older that the kids remember. I have also heard for a birthday it is good to invite only the number of kids as the birthday childs age. ie. a 3 yr. old has 3 friends, an 8 year old 8 friends. More manageable and less expensive. Have fun!
S. M

Well, as the mother of 5, and someone who thought I could manage birthday parties, it turns
out that kids being kids, they love presents. It pretty much shorts them if WE decide they don't need presents. Set some limits so everyone brings a $3-$5 present and maybe brings two cans of food for the local food bank. Birthdays are birthdays and they are special. I think the idea is the "gift" not the high dollar on it...make little presents found in any craft magazine such as a frame with the birthday boy's/girl's photo (WITH your child in the photo, too) or something for there room. Ideas are endless and many can be done quickly. Congrats on being a surrogate...nice job!

V.,
One thing you could do since they tend to bring presents anyway, is ask for a paperback book from everyone instead of gifts. In the invitation, be sure to state, paperback only. THEN, let them know you will be donating the books to your local library, or literary guild/group to be used for others in need! Also, instead of toys or gifts, buy your own paperback books to give for gifts! Put a picture of your kids on the inside cover so that that child can always remember who gave it to them. A card with a note that states how "a journey through a book is a precious adventure!" might help. At my old school, we did this for birthdays, with the child's first name only on the inside front cover for donated books. When they checked it out...COOL, that was their name! You may want to check with your library first. Or donate them to his/her preschool he or she may begin to attend sooner or later. (Or primary school.) Good luck!

Yes, most people will bring gifts even though you request none be brought. The gifts do not have to be anything elaborate or expensive. My son often received cards with $5 or $10 in them. If you don't want to give money, let your child help pick out something within your set dollar amount. The reason for the birthday party is for the kids to have fun. After all the gifts are open, the birthday child will probably not remember who gave what. And if the parent does, shame on them! It's not a competition!!!
Let you child go and have fun.

Perhaps you've had lots of replies already... but in my group of friends we ask that people don't bring gifts and we respect that request. Some people really like to buy gifts and will do so anyway, if they want to purchase you something, accept it and then you can pass it on or give it away in a Christmas gift drive or something. Do not feel pressure to take gifts to or even to attend all the parties you are invited to, if people are offended, that is their problem not yours. If you are feeling stressed about it, surely other moms are as well. If you must take a gift, look into a craft project that your child could make for the party haver or buy the party haver some arts and crafts materials, they are cheap and handy.

I agree, things can get a little crazy when you have friends with kids so close in age. One thing we do to cut costs is to have the kids make the cards....who doens't have some construction paper and markers laying around? We also have invested in a roll of butcher paper and I cut off a sheet and the kids get markers and wa la! we have our own homemade wrapping paper also! Following along those same lines, you can always make a gift - a birthday themed picture frame, one of those tied fleece blankets...whip out your crafty side!! But set a limit money wise. You don't have to show up with the biggest best gift - the kids are just happy to be getting together to play! Chances are the gifts will all get mixed together anyway and nobody will know what you brought! You can make it as cheap or expensive as you want to - I'm sure you're not being invited for your gifts anyway....that's the beauty of friendship. Do what you can - your FRIENDS will understand. :)

My daughter was invited to three parties in one week, followed by 2 more in the same month. The cost of buying gifts can be very stressful, especially when the parties are so close together. However, I feel that birthdays are the one day a year that is ALL about that particular child. Parties are a great way for children to share that special day with friends and family. Gifts are the traditional way to show that you care for your friend. I feel it is important for my children to learn to GIVE to others. The gifts are not huge and expensive, they are appropriate. Crayons or sidewalk chalk are not for toddlers, however a homemade drum or rattle is more special (and fun) than many store bought items. Older children love gift certificates for playdates at your house. It is important to give your children the opportunity to give gifts. They don't need to be costly or even actual objects. Sometimes offering to help them shovel snow for a week or helping with their Saturday chores is the best gift received at the party. I hope this helps.

That is a pain. I don't know how to tell you to get out of it, but what my mother used to do is buy a bunch of gifts when she found toys on a really good sale or on clearance and keep them in the closet. If you really keep your eyes open you can get really nice gifts for under $2. I know that Target cleans out their toy selection a few times a year and if you get there at just the right time you can get really nice stuff for next to nothing. Also, maybe you can suggest a dollar party where all gifts have to come from the dollar store or be home made. I think it will be very hard to get the other parents to stop the gift giving.

We had the same problem with Christmas gifts for cousins. Too much money and way too many toys. I talked to the women on both sides and they felt the same way. One side of the family opt. To buy movie passes for the kids. The other side decided buying a new book for each child was a good idea. It cut our budget by two thirds and our kids still get gifts they look forward too. Plus, we don't get as many toys.maybe the other women in your group are feeling the pinch too. If you talk to them before your child's party I'm sure they would be happy to change things up.

Honestly, I think that it is rude to show up to a birthday party without a present. So, even if it says no presents I would bring one. I understand your concern about the price of presents. I go shoping clearence and keep a stock of girl presents and boy presents that are nice but I got for a good price. As for your childs party I would probably include a verbal request when you hand out the invitations along the lines of Really Please Do Not Bring Presents so that they understand that you mean what you say. But I don't think you should expect your friends to follow suit. If I'm not up for my kids getting presents I usually invite one of her friends or their family to go do an event with us (this year I took my girls to see My Little Pony Live).

It is extremely difficult situation and I am in the same place... We have resorted to home made gifts... the little boys make a card, we find fun ideas on the internet... and draw pictures for the cousins and friends. We generally deliver the cards/pictures early so that my kids get to give them in person and it makes the other children pretty happy too and they are not so busy with everything else.

If a parent comments you just say that is what my child wanted to do... and it also teaches your child to be thoughtful about what he is giving.... and creative.

Some times we attach a cool little something (Dollar store item) or candy to the card/picture. You can hardly ever go wrong in the eyes of a child with candy or gum. Let your child do the present... It really takes some of the load of you.

Maybe do a "book" party where the guests all bring your child their favorite childhood book for his/her age group. You get lots of books which we can never get enough of and if you get doubles, you can turn around and give them as gifts in turn or donate them to Needs or the Library. (My mom waits for sales at stores or online and buys up lots of books to give as gifts at b-days and baby showers too) Or ask that if people would like to give you children a gift, please give savings bonds for education (I can't tell you how much I used them when I went to college for books and fees and food)or a donation to a charity you designate. These are my plans for just family because our son has essentially 3.5 sets of grandparents and so double the great grandparents so that leads to present overkill during b-days and holidays! Good luck!
S.,25, mother of Tyrrone, 3.5 months

I agree! I was disgusted by a friend's blog who talked about how her daughter hauled in quite the load of presents. Last year at my daughters birthday I told moms that I was asking for no gifts. There were some who still came with them and I felt silly accepting them. Then the moms who hadn't brought gifts felt silly. It was a frustrating situation to be in but I feel strongly enough about the gifts that I will do it again for the next kid who gets a party. I will specifically write that on the invite this time ("No gifts please. All gifts will be donated to charity") in addition to verbally doing that. I will also be more clear that the kids will not be getting party favors and that we will be playing 2 games and then spending the majority of the time having free play time. I think that is what my kids want anyway. I feel strongly about not doing parties with friends every year too. We alternate between a family party one year and a friend party the next. Some friends get the picture and do the same. Others don't. We are happy to wish them a great birthday but we make our birthday cards and give small gifts like a candy bar or a book from a book order. Most friends get the message. I'm glad to see other moms agree with how so many parties have gone too far.

If they really are your friends, you tell them what you told us --- you simply can't afford to buy all of these presents. In our moms group we have a birthday box at each party. If someone feels like they must give a gift, they put money into the birthday box. The group picks a non-profit or a needy family to give the money to. But no one is obligated to put money in the box. Or, tell people that any gifts brought to your child's party will be donated. Instead of teaching our kids to be materialistic, we're teaching them to be altruistic.

Hello V.,
I feel your pain. I too have the same issue. In my case, I have told the person we were unable to make it. That in turn means no present. Your children can play at other times or create play dates with their friends. However, for your 1 year old's bday party you could put a commment about donating all presents to a charity in need. I had a friend say, "books only and we will be donating them to xyz charity." This may be difficult for your child to understand, but in time she may. I haven't tried it because with our 4 kids we just don't do big birthday parties every year. There are so many charities out there that help pregnant women in need, homeless families etc. that could probably use the help. Maybe this could be an option for you. Hope this helps. Good Luck!!

I don't think your children should miss out on the parties. Perhaps you could make a little something for the birthday child. Are you at all crafty? You could make a photo frame out of cardboard, fabric, and embellishments that would be very heartfelt. OR you could go to Walmart and buy one of their many books for $2.50. OR you could go to your local library and get a library card in the birthday child's name... Just a few suggestions. It's at these moments in life where we need to get a little creative, and barring creativity your friends should understand your financial situation. Maybe you could even bring a dish to the party instead of a present... Hope this helps!

I just had my son's third b-day party and put on the invites, "Recycled gifts welcome, put please nothing new...we all have more than enough!" Out of the three kids that came, only one took the advice, but I thought that was a good start and I won't feel bad about giving recycled gifts to any of their kids. Another thought, make something for them - a homemade card and some decorated cookies. Stay true to yourself and eventually some of your friends will see the light :)

Talk with the mom's and maybe have one big un-birthday party for all the kids at once. Instead of buying presents for everyone there maybe you could all take a trip to the zoo or something like that.

If that doesn't work, like everyone else said the dollar store is a great option. I set a price limit of $5-7 on the birthday presents my kids get their friends, but if they want to buy a dollar gift I don't mind.

Also, if you know any teachers book orders are great. My daughter gets them from preschool every month and they have 95 cent books. I buy a bunch of books and stock up. They are great; especially for last minute party invitations. Not to mention books are great for kids at any age. It's never too early to start reading to your kids.

Have your son think of something fun he would like to do with his friend, then make a "gift certificate" for a special play date for him and his friend only (park, mcdonalds, ice cream, etc.)it is a lot cheaper for you and there is no better gift than time.
I would ask people to bring a donation to a charity or maybe blankets to donate to the animal shelter.

Letting your child make a coupon book for play dates or a turn playing withe a certain favorite toy is a great way for your kid to learn that gifts from the heart mean more--and that you don't have to spend money to be in. I have never been offended when someone has shown up without a gift at a party for me or one of my children. If someone does get offended over that...well I feel sad for them, and hope you can forgive them for that and get over it.
As for when you have a party and say "no gifts" if someone brings a gift be graicious and thank them. No one needs to be made to feel badly for that either, and I agree with one of the other posts, don't look at it as an obligation you need to repay look at it as a token of love they are sharing. I liked the idea of putting if you feel the need to purchase a gift, please donate them to "XYZ" charity on behalf of my child. Some people may still bring gifts. It is so traditionally ingrained in some that you won't change their hardwire. Thank them and let it go if you can. I think it is also a great idea to ask your child, what would you like to make for so and so for their birthday. Kids can be pretty creative. Another thought is that this is a great time for your child to learn about budgets and sit down with them and say we have $2 for this birthday what would you like to do with that money? Or there is $15 for parties for the month, you have been invited to 4, how would you like to break that up? Do you want to pick what parties to go to? (obviously a 2 year old is too young for this, but older kids...) Good luck, it can feel tense talking about this but as you can see on the board lots of moms feel the same way you do.

Hi V.,
First of all I know what you are going thru. I say go to the parties but go to the dollar store for the gift. You can get a 4-pack of bubbles for $1. Kids love them and they go away, (the kids use them up so there is no clutter). Trust me parents will soon get the hint that you won't spend a fortune on a kid gift. Also continue to write on the invitaion "Please no gifts, your presence is present enough" in bold. Then say something to your friends along the same lines. Then once they listen to you, don't bring a gift. I hope this helps. Good luck. I had to get pretty rude with the Grandparents. I actually had to tell them if they didn't stick to the one gift rule I was going to give the toys away. They listened. But those are my parents and I can be that up front with them.

A.

A little about me:
I'm a SAHM with a 6 yr. old son and a 4 yr. old daughter. Married to my hubby for almost 13 years.

Hi V.-
I have been part of a playgroup since my daughter was 6 months old and we decided to do one party for all of the girls. We picked a date in between the youngest's and the oldest's and we each brought one wrapped gift with a maximum dollar amount. Each child picked a gift (we started this for the 2nd birthdays) and it worked beautifully. My daughter's birthday is right around Thanksgiving, so with the birthday and Christmas presents, there is just too much stuff!. She is now 4 and what we did and what seems to be popular (at least here in Colorado) is doing a book exchange. Each child brings a wrapped book (age appropriate...it is upsetting when a 4 year old gets a baby book) and the birthday child picks a book from the pile first and either hands out the remainder or the kids line up and pick one. It works beautifully and sometimes, the book is in lieu of a goody bag. My mother-in-law was amazed that she never once heard my daughter complain about lack of presents. The cake and the party are what they really love. If there are babies there too, you can just have a "baby pile" and a "bigger kid pile". Personally, I think parties have gotten way out of control and kids just have too much stuff. If you have to go the present route for other kids, we have found a few inexpensive fun things to give...squeeze rockets (they have a hand squeezer and shoot little nerf-like rockets...boys and girls love them and they are less than 5 dollars), gift certificate for the ice cream store, and 68 piece art kits from Michaels. I gave them as favors and they were on sale for $3. Hope that helps.
N.

I hate to say it, but it continues, mine are 5 and 7 and we still get invited to a LOT! (Class sizes get bigger too). Luckily it gets expensive for the parents to have all those parties, so I'm kind of thrilled when my kids don't get invited...isn't that terrible?
Anyway, Big Lots is a great suggestion....Waldenbooks or Borders was my big secret too! They have their marked down kids books (which kind of include book/toy combos too) and they're very cheap - a couple of dollars - and you won't see 10 of them at the party!
Good luck!

I don't think you should feel bad if other mom's get your child gifts but you don't do it for them. If you say 'no gifts' and they bring gifts - instead of seeing it like you now owe them something - just see it as something they wanted to do.

I love buying gifts for people when I can afford it - it makes me feel good and it's so much fun thinking of them and picking things out for them - and their aren't strings attached to my gifts - I'm not giving them with the expectation of receiving a gift in return. But no matter what the reasoning, if someone buys your child gifts - it doesn't obligate you to do the same.

So I guess maybe if you try to separate what 'they' are doing from what you need to do for the financial health of your own family, you might feel better about the parties you go to and how you celebrate children's birthdays.

I love the suggestions some of the gals made - the cheaper gifts, the recycled gifts, the donations... fabulous!

We had twins which added to the confusion too. I know that it is hard to give to all. Have you ever thought about books? Sometimes you can buy a set at a reasonable price and then split it amongst the birthday children. It might help.

It seems to me that a birthday party for kids as young as these sound shouldn't need a lot of major gifts like you may be talking about. I think the kids should get together and just have fun playing. Maybe as a group of mothers you could agree to all pitch in. One bring balloons, one bring the cake and one bring small party favors and so on, so each child can go away with something. The big birthday gifts should be given by family members of each child. If your friends are dependant on gifts to keep your friendship going maybe they are more like "fair weather friends". I'm sure each of these friends has a tight budget too if they have young families like you and would appreciate someone bringing this up. Next time most of you are together it seems like a good time to talk. It can't hurt. Good luck. This is a sensitive issue. P.

I am having problems on the sight so I am not sure what others have said so sorry if I repeat....

Stock up after x-mas and easter, when things are on clearence. I have 7 kids, 5 have b-days in June, July and august, then one in March and November. The 3 month period is the toughest, it can be very expensive, plus parties for friends, neices, nephews ect,. ugh! I have a rule whenever I am out and about I check out the stuff on clearence, and almost always find something to put up, I know have a decent stock pile of goods to give away.

My older kids don't really have parties, although I am thinking of a sweet sixteen for my daughter and son. Didn't give the oldest one but he really didn't want one, anyways I got off track, The younger ones still get a partie, I don't expect present from my friends some some with one some come without, my best friend has had some finacial problems and getting for my kids has been hard, a year later she is getting caught up as she calls it cause she feels bad, even this x-mas I splurged on her kids with clothes they needed it, but she had no money to get anything for all of mine, so I wrapped presents I had bought and gave them to her to give to the kids, the older ones didn't really care if she had anything but we were a little worried about the younger ones, it bothers her but I told her when she gets back on her feet if she wants to splurge until then it's no big deal. I guess my point is you can't change the people but you do what is right for you, if you can't afford anything then don't bring anything but allow your children to still go, and if the parent is offended...not your problem!

I love Target toy clearances. Whenever I do my normal shopping, I take a look. I always end up finding great toys for under $5 so I stock up just for any future birthday parties my children might get invited to. And don't worry about being impressive or buying the 'level' of gift that others do and all those crummy traps...you can spend squat and still get great gifts...check out a dollar store!

If you really cut down on the cost of gifts, would going to all these parties be affordable for you? I shop clearance racks and stock up on baby gifts that way. Just last week, there was a clearance rack of $1 clothing at Wal-Mart! It was mostly baby stuff, but I did get an outfit for my 4 year old (denim jacket, corduroy pants, and hoodie) for $4.
Also, I had the coolest dollar store near my house in Phoenix (I mourn its loss since we moved!) that had closeouts on name-brand stuff, not just the dollar store junk. So I got some toys and books that were still packaged with the price on them ($5.95, $8) that were just $1.
I can understand why you can't afford to give a cool new toy, because it seems like they all run $14-$20 now!
If you can cut down the cost from $20 to ~$4 for each party, and that is affordable for you, it would definitely be worth keeping your friends and your sons'. But keep on writing "no gifts, please!" on your own invitations, and maybe talk to the other moms if a comfortable time comes up.
My mom group is strictly online, so our gift exchange included shipping. At first, we set a price limit on gifts. But then I just up and told them that I wouldn't be able to participate because I just couldn't afford it. Turns out that most of the moms were feeling a pinch, too, and the gift thing has fizzled out. It's such a relief!

I always try to wait until someone is having a great sale and buy that one item in bulk. I also try to get that item genderless so that a boy or girl would like it. Bubbles, crayons, coloring books, games, sidewalk chalk, books, etc. You can also try the DAV and Goodwill they sometimes have new and gently used kids stuff.

Is there a dollar store around? Kids that age are not typically concerned with how much money is spent on the presents they receive; they don't usually last that long anyway. Do you really want to spend alot of money on something that they will only play with for a moment? Thrift stores are a good place to pick up things that can be used again and maybe even again. Also, you and your child can get together and make a gift for your friends child. That is hitting two birds with one stone; Quality time with mom and, giving a gift to a child.