Toilet Issue!

Updated on April 11, 2007
A.D. asks from Lewisville, TX
9 answers

I am asking this question on behalf of a friend who is at her wits end. She and her husband have a darling 4 1/2 year old daughter who poops in her underwear on a daily basis. They have been to several different doctors and there is nothing medically wrong. She is not constipate, she eats tons of fresh veggies and fruits every day. It seems as if she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to use the restroom. It doesn't matter where she is whether out and about, at school, at home, or at a friends house this usually ends up happening. Since she will be going into Kindergarten next year she is very concerned. Anyone have this problem? One similar? Any suggestions? HELP!

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R.I.

answers from Dallas on

OMG this was me. My son not quite as old but he was completely potty trained when it came to peeing in the potty and even at night he was potty trained but if he didn't want to stop what he was doing he would poop on himself. So I took my best friends moms advice. I stripped him down. I let him run around the house naked. He pooped on the floor 1 time. When he did that we made him clean it up (which he thought was disgusting) and then after that he had to get straight in the bath tube clean himself and get right out. He was not happy about not getting to play in the tub. But like I said he did it once. It took a little while of letting him run around the house naked and when we went out or had company he we had to put clothes on him and watch him closely but that is it.
Also my sister lived with me while she was potty training her son and I did the samething with him. Lucky enough he never used the bathroom on the floor he always ran to the bathroom. But I never had to worry about dirty clothes with him. This method works I know it may be gross sometimes but it works.

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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

In case you are still working with this issue... remind her from time to time about "Let's be a big girl, and go to potty or whatever way you want to put it.. but reminder her thoughout the day. If she doesn't want to go and she watching TV turn it off... or give her breaks, by letting her clean up and then go off to potty.. Make her understand she is not missing out on any fun by going..

When she does go for that first time, in case she hasn't make it a big issue. let her know you are thrilled for her that she potty in the potty like this.. and allow her to know it makes you happy and it makes you sad when she doesn't.
Most kinds likes to please the parent.

Have you thried the old fashion pull up training pants, that are like panties instead of the throw away training pants.
sometimes the feel does something..

hope some of these ideas that these ladies has given you will help..
and stay calm.. you not the only mom that is going thur this. often you put more pressure on yourself which only make the situation worse..
My grandson was potty broken and things happen that really put a big inpact on his little life at the tender age of 4 and he started this potty in the pants again.
Stress at home can sometimes make them want attention no matter if it is good or bad...
In due time he will be brokend..

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R.K.

answers from Dallas on

we had the same issue - here is how we addressed it:
- we usually dont condone bribing but this was a case that warranted it, we had her pick out a toy that she wanted really badly and told her that if she pooped in the potty and on the potty for one week she could have it. (another friend's kid wanted a pet fish)
- we made a really big deal about when she did go to the potty and gave her jelly beans(her favorite treat)
- she had one accident and we took the toy away until she wentin the potty for the rest of the time
- it was pretty much resolved within 2 weeks and we no longer need to bribe her, she tells us when she needs to go.

good luck

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C.H.

answers from Dallas on

My 3yr old son started to poop in his pants when my daughter ws born. I know that it was a jealousy issue but we figured out a way to stop it. He would pee with no problem on the potty but not poop. His favorite thing to do is play video games or go outside. We took both of them away until he pooped on the potty. Everytime he pooped on potty he chose something back, if he pooped in pants it would get taken away again. After about 2wks he was all better.

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C.S.

answers from Dallas on

A.,
i have a few ideas, however your friend may have already tried them. first, try to pay attention to see if she does this at certain times of the day, if she is that regular, then sit her on the toilet and stay with her while encouraging her to go. then reward her with her favorite snack, candy, etc. if she is successful. another idea is have the child help in cleaning up her own mess. this has been successful for a friend of mine. they really dont like to do it but it seemed to have worked for her. (especially since the child is 4). summer is coming up soon,and what worked last year for my child was telling her she could not go swimming if she pooped in her pants and i refused to put a swim diaper on her. this worked for me. this is my bit of ideas. hope it helps.

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D.W.

answers from Dallas on

Hi A.,
The "problem" needs to become the child's. No yelling, no screaming, just a calm "well, you chose to poop in your underwear, you get to clean them up" Then she helps to dump the poop in the potty, wash out the underwear and sit in time out until the underwear are dry.
I used this on my oldest. It worked wonders!

D.

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C.M.

answers from Dallas on

I think I could write a book on this issue, but choose not to for better reasons. ha!

I've had to deal with this with everyone of my children. They were completely potty trained and then all of a sudden they would start pooping in their underwear for no reason. I tried everything: rewards, making them clean their own underwear, getting mad, etc. Finally a good friend told me that their daughter went through the same thing, and come to find out she wasn't constipated but at one sitting she had a very uncomfortable straining situation. From that point on it was easier just to go in her underwear. Patience is the best, and I've noticed a sticker chart worked best for my daugher. She got to pick out the stickers and every time she went on the potty she put it on her chart. After so many she got to pick out a prize. Or I've even heard some parents actually go get things at the dollar store or party store and place every prize in a jar. When she goes she gets to pick something out of the jar.

It will pass, and if she has accidents at school it will soon stop. It's tougher when she has accidents in front of her school mates. ;)

Good luck.
C.

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K.K.

answers from Dallas on

I am not sure if this is the issue with your friend's child, but this is one of the last things a child can hold on to for control. Children learn REAL fast that this is a hot button and some hang on to it just for that. Once the power struggle is over, she will stop--it that is even what is going on in this case.

K.

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R.D.

answers from Dallas on

I know exactly what you guys are going through! I have 4 kids and my 5 year old daughter has had the same problem for almost 2 years. It started out being every day, sometimes a few times a day. This was a year after she was potty trained. What I realized was going on was a number of things. She was to busy playing to pay attention to her body, she would get mad at me or stressed out, or she just diddn't have a good enough reason to get up and go. She has basically stopped now but I had to get creative. Lots and lots of rewards like stickers and lots of praise for a job well done. But sometimes I had to be the mean mom and I would make her clean the poop out of her own panties. I know that it may sound gross or mean but it has an impact. I make her clean all the poop out of her panties in the toilet with her bare hands. When she looks at me and tells me that its yuckie I tell her that shes a big girl now and that big girls have to clean up their own messes even if they are yuckie.

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