Toddler Waking up in the Middle of the Night and Coming into Our Bed

I found that the little toddler couches that they sell in the toy stores work great. I put one in our bedroom on the floor beside our bed and told my 4 yr old daughter that if she wanted to sleep in our room that she would sleep on her couch. I explained to her that Mommy and Daddy's bed was just for us and that if she really wanted to be in our room that she could sleep on her couch. After a couple of times coming from her cozy twin bed to a little couch she quit coming all together. The only exception to this rule is thunderstorms- then my husband or I go to her room and sleep on her floor. A great bonus that came from this though is that she adores her litle couch and now uses it for relaxing and watching tv or if we go on day trips to relatives houses. We are introducing this couch to our 19 month old son also. Good luck!

We had this problem mostly with our first daughter when she was about 3 1/2. I recall that when I was a child I also got up in the middle of the night--in response to nightmares--and went into my father's bed or my grandparents' bed.

Given my own history that it was in response to nightmares, my husband and I tried to be compassionate about the situation, but you do have to set limits that allow you to get rest. If your son crawling in bed with you isn't waking you up, to be honest, I wouldn't view it as a problem. He will grow out of it. I don't crawl into my grandparents' bed anymore, haven't in over 3 decades. ;-)

In the case of my daughter, it was becoming an issue for my hubby and I because at the time she was doing this, our 3rd child was a baby, and he slept in a cosleeper next to our bed. When he would need to nurse, I would pick him up and nurse laying in bed, often falling asleep with him there beside me. When we added her into the mix, the bed was too crowded. But like with you, my husband and I often didn't wake when she came in.

Depending on your son's age, this may or may not work. We set up an incentive system for her to stay in her bed. I put a calendar on her wall, and bought a small accessory set for her dollhouse which I hung on the wall beside the calendar. I explained to her that each night that she stayed in bed until morning, I would mark the calendar. When she got 10 days marked in a row, she could have the dollhouse accessories. My husband and I did not get upset with her if she didn't make it through the night in her own bed. But the calendar did not get marked, and she was back to "Day 1." It took just a bit longer than 2 weeks for her to earn the dollhouse accessories.

We tried this first not having the toy already purchased--telling her we would take her to the store to get it--and that did not work. I think it was too abstract for her. She needed to have that toy where she could see it and long for it.

I've heard of other parents making a small bed on the floor and telling kids they could sleep on that rather than in the parents' bed. I know that my grandparents eventually told me that I should sleep on the couch right outside their bedroom door (their bedroom was off the livingroom) if I woke up at night. I was having nightmares as I said, and just being that close was comforting to me.

Oh, I should mention that I have 4 children--2 girls, 2 boys. The girls sleep together even now at ages 8 1/2 and nearly 7, and the boys are 5 & 3 and sleep together. Not sure the ages of your two, but you may find that they sleep better together. I wouldn't worry about mixing genders if they are young--my first son slept with my daughters until the second son was about 1.5 and then the boys started sleeping together.

I am going through this also.....
Please tell me what you find that works for you!!
Thanks
M.

My daughter was almost 2 when we transferred her to a toddler bed. I get home from work around 4am, so when she wakes up I'm still too tired to hear her. I put a baby gate in the doorway to her room. She has a lot of toys, a radio (that she uses better than I do) and a light she can reach. She plays for a while when she wakes up and then calls for me, hopefully not much before 10am. At first this confinement was difficult for her, but the only time she crys in the morning now is when it takes me a while to get out of bed. I'll continue this until either she starts falling over the gate trying to climb out or I feel she can be trusted in the morning to play in the living room by herself.

It must be the 3's because my daughter did this at 3 1/2 for 3 months straight! Nothing changed and we tried everything from bribing, comforting, yelling, punishing, rewarding..it didn't matter. She just had to outgrow whatever she was going through and she did and hasn't gotten out since. One thing though, do not submit and allow her to sleep with you...it will only make it worse and longer. Be strong and continue to put her back. It will get better....eventually! Good Luck!

I went through this with my second son when he was 3; luckily, my husband worked 3rd shift at that point in life, so on the nights he was home, he was better able to put our son back to bed over & over again.

Couple things... first, my initial reaction was, "He wants to spend time with you, so why not let him?" But since you're asking for help on getting him to stop, that isn't what you want to hear. So, have you considered bribing him? My oldest son was 'visited' by the "Sleep Fairy" when he was a toddler. Each night he'd sleep in his big boy bed all night long, he'd earn a nickel under his pillow. We did it for about a month and then the "Sleep Fairy" had to go help another little boy and we never had the problem again.

You might also want to put some white noise in his room and some really, really dark window coverings over his windows. Then consider putting a baby gate in his doorway so he can't come out, but if he wakes and cries for you, you can go into his room, right to his bed and settle him back down. You might want to start on a Thursday night so you have enough energy for work Friday then can do it again Friday & Saturday night. Hopefully the habit of night time waking will be broken by then!!