Toddler Sleep Problems Yet Again...

I feel really sorry for you guys. Your daughter is amazing, being able to sleep through this.

You mention that your husband puts him back in his room and then after tantruming and screaming, he ends up back in your room. Why do you allow that? All you're teaching him is that all he has to do to get what he wants is to have a tantrum and scream.

It's time to make a concerted decision to either let him stay in your room, or not ever allow him back in your room. Move your daughter out of his room and turn the doorknob on his door and lock it from the outside so that he cannot come out. Only go in ONCE when he wakes up and tell him that night time is for sleeping, and you aren't going to play with him. Tell him that he has to stay in his room. Close the door, lock it, and let him cry.

A nightlight in his room will help, but make sure the room is very safe for him to be alone in. At first, he will test you to see if he can make you give up. DON'T give in to his manipulations. Eventually he will be so exhausted that he will fall asleep. Let him get to that point. Don't let him sleep late in the morning. Get him up at the usual time. Don't let him nap more or later in the day than he is supposed to. Keep him on a strict schedule.

Your son is trying to be an "adult" in the household by butting in to your private time after he is supposed to be in bed. The problem with this is that you are letting him. Kids will push the envelope as far as adults will allow. It's your job as the parents to push back.

Lastly, stop sitting on the bed until he falls asleep. How can he learn to fall asleep in the middle of the night if he doesn't learn to fall asleep when he's tired at the beginning of the night? Just tell him goodnight and close the door. Instead of locking it straight away, let him keep coming out of the room for the first week to get you to come sit on his bed. Walk him right back to his room without going in and tell him no, that he needs to go to sleep like a big boy without you sitting on his bed. Let him fuss. Keep putting him back in his room. Over and over and over. The first week will be hell. Just get ready for it. The second week, lock the door.

I know this sounds tough. But you need to get tough or this is going to be a nightmare when the baby is born.

Good luck.

Wow, this sounds rough. I'm sorry you're going through this! The first thing I thought of was to ask what the suggestions were that worked for a while and then stopped working.

We made the same mistake with our older son as a baby. I kind of realized it by the time he was about 11 months old (at which point he was waking up 2-3x/night needing to be held till he went back to sleep), so at that point we did the cry it out thing and it worked after about a week (a week that felt like a year).

So anyway, one thing that stands out to me is that you guys are sitting on his bed till he's asleep. If I were you, this is the first thing I'd try to tackle. This is very much like holding a baby till he's asleep. One reason that is not recommended, after the first few months at least, is that they become aware enough to realize that they fell asleep in one setting and are waking up in another, and its unsettling. Therefore the wake-up is kind of jolting rather than the more normal adult pattern of waking very lightly, turning over, and going back to sleep. So if that's true of an infant, its gotta be true of a 2 year old. He falls asleep with you there and when he reaches that light stage of sleep, it may be kind of a jolt to him that he finds no more mommy there. If this is true, and its unsettling to him, this could lead to him hopping out of bed and coming to find ways of interacting with you.

We discovered thanks to an overseas trip that our son responds incredibly to a surprisingly tiny amount of melatonin. I love that we could give him so little and see such a big effect; it seems to be just enough to overcome his tendency and desire to fight sleep which it also sounds like your little guy does. I buy it a Whole Foods, make sure to get the one without alcohol.

The other suggestion I have is to get an "Ok to Wake" clock. While my son hasn't really struggled to stay asleep through the night (after we did the cry-it-out training), our issue has been that he tends to wake up INSANELY early. He has always had a tendency to get overtired very easily. Like your son, mine blossomed early with language, reasoning, etc. The less rest he got, the more wired his already-busy brain would get, making it even harder to sleep. So the clock really helped. It turns another color whenever you set it to. So to this day (he's 5 now) he knows that he cannot come out of his room until the clock turns green (at 7am).

So if I were you, I would explain to him that its your job as his mommy and daddy to make sure he's healthy. Just like you don't let him eat ice cream for breakfast, you can't let his sleep continue to suffer. You understand that sometimes he doesn't feel like he wants to sleep, but that its not a choice and the rest of the family needs their time too. I would give him a very small amount of melatonin and see if that helps him settle more peacefully into a deeper sleep, and make sure you leave him to go to sleep BY HIMSELF.

This could be a battle at first (unless the melatonin works like it does on my son!), but you'd rather fight that battle at bedtime than in the middle of the night. I think if he can fall asleep on his own, he stands a much better chance of putting himself back to sleep when he wakes up; things will be just the way they were when he fell asleep and he'll develop the confidence that he can fall asleep without you.

You also tell him that you got him a new clock and its going to turn whatever color when he's allowed to come out of his room. If he wakes up before its that color, he can quietly look at books, do a puzzle, etc etc. But he may not come out of his room. You will probably have to come up with a consequence if he does, but the idea is that if he doesn't get the reward of interacting with anyone, what's the point of fighting sleep? I put a doorknob child-proof thing on my son's door when we were battling the 4:30am wake ups. I never really understand why some people find that to be questionable. I don't see the difference between keeping a toddler in his room when he needs to be resting and keeping a younger kid in a crib that he can't climb out of.

I think the combination of all these things could work. I've had so many issues with my son, I really feel for you. You know you've gotta get this under control before the baby too. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more details.

Good luck! Sleep issues suck!

He knows his numbers - this is good, and I used it to my advantage with both my kids. Put a digital clock in his room, and tell him he is not allowed out of bed until the first number is a 6. Then every single time he gets up, you take him straight back to his room, show him the clock and say "this is a nine, not a six. you need to stay in bed until this is a six." Or "this is not playtime. we are not playing with you/it's not time to eat until the first number on your clock is a six". Repeat over and over.

I do the same at naptime. If I put him down at 1, I tell him he can't get out of bed until the first number is a 2.

we used the ferber method, it worked for us.

F. B.

AMEN to Doris Day...AMEN.

Your son sounds pretty smart....and maybe a little too smart for his own good when it comes to sleep (and I say that in humor....smart is a good thing!). He is 2 yrs old. He's not old enough to understand WHY he needs good uninterrupted sleep, BUT he is able to understand that there are rules that he needs to follow. Begin Doris Day's process by both you and your husband sitting him down and explaining what is going to happen. Explain that he is not in trouble, but here's what is going to begin happening right away. Once again, proceed with what Doris Day said. Then STICK TO IT! Both you and your husband have got to make the decision to fully commit to it...you cannot go halfway. If either one of you does not follow through even one time, then your son will know that he's gotten his way once again. Plan to begin this process during a week when things will be pretty normal at home. Plan on the first several days sucking horribly. Take turns...keep each other patient. Do NOT engage your son in conversation. You've got a little timer built into your tummy right now...the sooner you commit to this, the better it will be for your whole family (and upcoming baby!).

In the future, I would generally advise anyone to start with what they intend. I realize that every person has their own strategy for things, and that is okay, but I truly believe that kids will adapt to your expectations if you are clear and consistent. What sometimes seems easier at the time can turn into a lot more work later on. You may choose to rethink what process you want to follow with baby #3... Good luck!

These are all great ideas in your sons problem is behavioral but he may have a physical problem.

My son had sleep issues starting around 2. For a year my son was up two three times a night. We tried many of the things listed above and even sought the help of a therapist but nothing worked. Finally our pediatrician sent us to a sleep specialist and we had a sleep study done. Turns out our son has restless leg which was keeping him from reaching deep sleep which was causing him to wake easily. Once we starte treatment - his sleep drastically improved.

I am not saying that this is your sons problem but you may want to talk with your pediatrician about possible physical causes. The two common sleep issues in children are sleep apnea and involuntary limb movement.

We went to the sleep clinic at children's. You could always ask your ped for a referral and just go for a consultation.

I noticed someone recommended melatonin. Out sleep dr did not recommend melatonin except in extreme cases. There can be side effects and long term studies on use in children have not been done. http://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-edge-newspaper-2012/dec...

Just a different perspective. Good luck!!

Have you considered talking to a psychiatrist about this? Ours gave us a prn sleep aid to give our little guy when he can't sleep. It's really helping him because he just can't go to sleep sometimes and is awake at 4am bouncing on the couch watching TV. I let him sit in the crook of my knees and I go back to sleep. I get to rest and he is busy but if he tries to get up or move off the couch I am instantly awake and not letting him go anywhere.

The low dose sleep aid relaxes him and he's out within a half hour if he's really tired. If he's just not tired he can fight it and it not work until he's exhausted.

This is a hard step to take but imagine what his body is going through by looking at what this is doing to your body. He's growing and developing his brain. If he isn't getting enough sleep his body can't fight off illness and disease and he can't grow his brain right.

It's time to talk to someone who can evaluate him for ADHD and other possible diagnosis that could be keeping his brain going and going and going even when his body is tired.

Doris is pretty on track, with the exception of locking him in. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, how about a baby gate? That way he can't get to you, but can still see out (and you can peek in to check). You are going to be in for a rough few days, but be strong and consistent:
1. Do your bedtime routine, before you lay him down tell him (in whatever language you want, sounds like you've got your pick) that he will be sleeping in his own big boy bed from now on.
2. Let him pick a couple loveys to snuggle with, tell him if he wakes up to just snuggle back up with them, they need their "sleep" time, too.
3. Lay him down, tuck him in, tell him goodnight, and leave. He'll probably end up sleeping on the floor by the baby gate a night or two, but he'll figure it out. He's a smart kid.
He'll cry, you might cry, but eventually he WILL learn how to fall asleep himself. You've just got to keep him in that room, and cut down on the nighttime wanderings to find you. It's all he's known, so this will be difficult for him. Hopefully you can learn from this and let your next little one learn to comfort themselves when it's much easier, before they get mobile. Good luck!