Toddler Separation Anxiety

Oh my gosh Jeanette, you just described our youngest son! We are having the same problem. He just turned 2 last week, and for the past month or so, he's been uncontrollable at drop off time. For him, it's worse when I drop him off, he seems to let his dad leave a little easier. He's had really bad mornings, and when he's being grouchy and doesn't want to get dressed, we try telling him how much fun he's going to have playing with his friends. Then he says he doesn't want to see his friends. The last time I dropped hi moff, he was in hysterics-- like the kind of crying where you don't even hear any sound come out for a minute because he's so upset and screaming. The daycare tells us it only lasts for a few minutes, but I don't know. We wait as long as we can just outside the door (trying to wait for the crying to subside, but sometimes I've already spent 20 minutes just letting him acclimate and I can't wait another 10 . When we walk into his class, he covers his eyes and doesn't want anyone to look at him. He's always fine when we pick him up later. I don't have any great advice, but I feel your pain!! I don't think the daycare or school is the problem, I think it would probably keep happening if we took him out of his daycare and put him somewhere else too.

I had this problem with my son who will be 3 in june. Some days he went to school excited, most days he cried and cried. When I picked him up he was fine and sometimes didnt want to leave. I spoke to the teachers at length about how he was during the day- every day- and went to their open houses with the parent teacher night. As long as he is happy while he is there, I think eventually he will grow out of it. My son no longer goes because of the cost, and I do not qualify for any aid in my state. So I can't really help you as to how long it took for him to be ok eventually. I wish he still went. He learned a lot there and is more advanced at some things than children his age who stayed at home with mom or other caregiver. Good luck, remember that he is still pretty young- so i think this reaction is normal.

I would find out if something is going on at the school first that makes him uncomfortable? Kids can have bad things going on most the time but still seem to be having a good time later. My youngest son never acted that way until I started him at a new daycare, he would cry and beg not to go but I had other people I worked with that loved the daycare and praised it so I never thought much of it. One day I decided to sent my older son just for 2 days he was 6 or 7 at the time, when I picked them up he told me everything. There was alot of screaming and yelling going on from the teachers and he said they were very short and rude alot. I kinda took note but still sent him, until one day I walked in and one of the ladies was extremely rude to my child infront of me over a little matchbox car that he had brought. She spoke to him in a way I would never talk to my children or anyone elses and I'm not one of those people that does not discipline or scold my children. So you may just want to make a suprise stop by the school at lunch and peek in to see whats going on every once in a while and alot of them have cams you can watch on your computer now too. Or it could be another child bothering him, you never know.

Could you drop him off for a few days? You might get lots of answers by just seeing how the preschool morning routine is, how they receive kids, etc. The novelty of you dropping him off might break this pattern of anxiety, and if not, then at least you can see how frantic he is and whether you need to make some adjustments.
Good luck.

I went through that at about the same age. Talk with the teachers, see how he is most of the time. Then talk up school. What did you do? Who did you play with? What was fun? Etc. Have your husband talk it up in the mornings. You get to go play with your friends. Do you want to play with Sally today? What are you going to play?

The drop off teacher should be sensitive to this as well, and help in the transition. As soon as the hug is given (or give in the car, if this makes it easier), the teacher should be asking to read a book with him, race cars, wash hands...whatever gets him engaged.

This will get better, and it most likely is not a school thing, just a development thing.

Here are some tips and more details at link on anxiety issues. Good luck!

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2011/01/02/...

Be calm and consistent. Resist the urge to run back to your child at the sight of her tears. It’s as essential to create a ‘separation routine’ as it is to reassure your child that you will return. Work with your child’s teacher to establish this routine and have confidence that your child’s teacher has the ability to handle the situation. After you’ve said your goodbyes, most teachers will probably engage your child in an activity or with a toy so you can depart.

I wouldn't call it separation anxiety. He is just trying to tell you he is extremely unhappy. He is really young. At 2.5, that is a hard time to understand why his parents would leave him at a place that he doesn't like. You call it school but at 2.5, they don't need school. It is really just daycare and kids don't get the same attention they get when they are home with a parent. Think about it from his point of view. It might look like fun from our point of view, but to a 2.5 year old, it is not at all like what he gets at home. There might be too much structure or not much individual attention. His body may not fit their eating/sleeping schedule, etc. Then add all the other kids' needs... My heart just breaks for him.

I realize your question is a month old, but I wanted to post because I can really relate. My son will be 3 in April as well. He goes to daycare full time and we had very little problems until about the holidays. He was with us for the holidays and began to have a hard time transitioning from one activity to the next. After the holidays, he began crying about not wanting to go to school and wanting mama. Oftentimes, he wants mama and when I'm there, he doesn't want me. He continued to have a hard time transitioning from activities at school.

I really think that he is going through something developmentally. I don't think there is anything wrong with my son's school or that he doesn't like it there. I pick him up and he's very happy and often reluctant to leave. He does prefer to stay with mom and dad all day though. Honestly, I prefer that too! But, all 3 of us can't be together every day, all day. I know that we are not as regimented as school, which I think could also contribute to the problem.

We began reading 'Llama Llama Misses Mama' to him. He has really enjoyed this book and has even identified with the sad llama in the book. He even brought it to school to show his teacher.