Toddler Screams All Day Long!

Ignore the screaming, but don't ignore him. If all you do is focus on his screaming, you will both be frustrated. Ask him quietly what he needs. If he can't talk, but you know what he wants... ask him... ex: Say his name, quietly... get his attention. If he is still screaming, use the words he is looking for. Do you need your sippy cup?

I think he will respond really well if you can speak for him.... use the words he is looking for. Model the right way to talk and show him that he will get his needs met only if he talks like you do.

So don't give him what he needs when he is screaming. Have a conversation with him about what he needs quietly and physically at his level. If he only gets his needs met once he quiets down, he will eventually take the shortest route to getting what he wants and stop the screaming.

I do this with my 22 month old and she always calms down....

Hi S.. I agree, ignoring the screams is the way to go. One thing though...you mentioned that you have a 2 month old. Obviously you are still adjusting. I remember when I brought my second home. it was really tough. One thing that's good to do is just to assess the amount of time and attention you are giving him. Is the screaming the only time he's getting your full attention? A lot of times kids will resort to any type of attention, even if it's negative attention just to have us looking at them and interacting. It's a lot to juggle a newborn and a toddler, but maybe you could try to get some alone time with him and really just play or read or whatever...then the ignoring of the screams will really have more of an impact. I hope that helps. And hang in there. It's a really big transition, but it will get easier and easier and they will be great friends someday, even though it seems impossible at the moment!! :) God bless.

Hi S.,
I feel your pain. We have been working on this one with our 10 year old for the past 10 years :)
I think it started when my husband yelled at her sometimes as a young child. We have forever been talking about using an inside voice, suggesting stress lowering activities, etc. I have come to accept that perhaps this is just her personality...she is exceptionally bright (best reader and speller in her class), and very self-motivated. It can become a trial to live with her though, and I try to exhibit behavior that she can model from (I try not to yell, and I also let her know that it is unacceptable to behave in such a manner - suggesting she take walks, go to her room for a cool-down, etc.). Luckily your son is young. It sounds like maybe the sibling rivalry is causing him to scream to get attention. Calmly and quietly let him know (every time he screams) that it is not acceptable behavior and that he can talk to you in a normal voice to get what he wants. If you keep your cool, he'll be more likely to. :) Best of luck!
G.

S.,

Does your son have any words yet? Have you tried using sign?

Literally, you have to sit with him and explain it to him. Over and over. Because this tactic has worked for a time now, it is habit. He can get out of the habit - as long as both you and your husband stick to this: waiting until he uses a calm voice and asks for what he wants.

Dear, what is it you want (does he point?) If you want something, you need to get my attention (pull pantleg, sign Mommy, other acceptable ways from you). Then you need to ask (toy please, food please, etc).

Just do this over and over and over and over - until he 'gets it' and uses it. It won't happen after a few times, it'll take however long until he uses it.

However, if you BOTH don't use this tactic (or whatever tactic you decide to go with) he'll very likely resort to whatever gets him his objective faster.

Good luck! (anyone can) Email me if you would like a few signs to start with, I can describe them fairly decently. Or use a website!
M.

Hi S.,

I am a speech language pathologist. I would assume he as some words by now and maybe you have even taught him a few functional signs like "want," "more,""eat" etc. If not, you might try that to reduce his frustration. Then, whenever he makes an attempt at a word to tell you what he wants, reinforce him with "good job talking" or "yes," and repeat the word of what you think he likes. Ignore the screaming and reward vocalizations even if they aren't clear. (which they won't be at this age!)
On my website http://www.playonwords.com I have an article with tips to get your toddler to talk.
http://playonwords.com/articles/2009/03/18/tips-to-get-yo...

Ignore his when he screams and don't give in when he does.

Nanc

Hi S.,

Sorry to hear about your trouble. My kids are the same age gap as yours, and the first 3 months were really tough. My oldest has a very intense personality, and that on top of her only being 18 months old when the baby was born was like a powder keg! I had such a hard time coping with allthe screaming and carrying on that I had to go on Zoloft--no joke. It helped IMMENSELY.

That having been said, now that I am CALM myself, my strategy is to model the behavior I expect from my children. When she screams "JUICE!!!" or whatever it is she wants, I look at her and calmly state, "I want juice please." and wait for her to repeat, as I hand it to her--then I praise with, "great manners!". I also try to label her emotions as much as possible "You are frustrated. You want your toy RIGHT NOW." Sometimes they just want to know that you hear them...and talking to them like this buys you the time you might need to put the baby down/finish changing the diaper/finish going to the bathroom/whatever it is you are doing at the moment your toddler decides he needs something immediately. I agree with other posters who suggested using sign language. My favorite/most helpful signs were eat, drink, all done, more, and HELP. I reserve time outs for physical offfenses like hitting, and I phrase it in the same words every single time: "we treat people gently and with respect. you can join us when you are ready to treat us gently." time out for screaming and carrying on won't really teach your son anything. Hang in there--my kids are now 15 months and almost 3, so it really wasnt' that long ago that I was in your position. Please feel free to contact me if you need support--it's a really hard job!

I'm not sure I agree with the ignoring tactic at this age. When they're older, yes, but he is only 19 months, and doesn't know how to communicate yet. That doesn't mean you have to give in to the screams, but you need to teach him how to use his words instead. So if he's screaming because he wants a drink, say to him, "Say 'Milk, please.'" And repeat that over and over until he says it. If he's mad because you said no, teach him to say "I'm upset." And then praise him like crazy for using his words. Good luck.

He is screaming out of frustration. He wants things, but cant communicate, so he screams and this gets your attention. Hey it works!! so why not keep doing it? This will be hard but you must stick to it and his screaming will stop. Tell him ONCE to stop and then ignore him when he screams. He will scream louder for sure. Turn away and continue to ignore him. He will probably jump on you, turn your head and walk away. Soon he will dissolve into tears and at that point cuddle him and tell him to SHOW you what he wants. Take him by the hand and lead him to where he was when he started screaming and tell him to point. Then ask him if he wants the cup, cracker, toy etc. Hand him the cup and repeat cup. Ask him if he can say cup and explain to him that you will NOT EVER give him something if he screams. Stick to it even though its easier at first to give in.

The best way to let him know that this is unacceptable is to ignore him when he screams. Get on his level and make eye contact and say use your words. If he wants a cup you tell him to say cup if he refuses and screams just walk away. It will make him angry but that is part of the process. So when he is screaming and pointing to something just tell him to use his words and then if he continues to scream just walk away do not give him what he wants. A few times of him not getting what he wants through screaming he will realize that this is not the way he needs to communicate to get what he wants. If he is not communicating well yet then just say show mommy what you want and do not scream. If he screams walk away if not take his hand and let him show you what he wants.
Good luck!!

What I have found to work is to Whisper. when he is screaming respond in a whisper... he will want to hear you and will stop screaming to do so, then in a whisper explain about not screaming. also is it possible that with the new baby and ajustments he is only getting your undivided attention when he is screaming? if it works he will continue the behavior