Toddler Running off from Parents

We have the Monkey "backpack" too. I haven't had to use it yet, but we are taking it on a trip with us this month to use in the airport! If all the things you have tried haven't worked, I would say use the monkey. SHe probably won't enjoy being on a leash, and maybe you can explain that she will have to use it unless she can stay right by you. Running off can be so scary!

Hi C.,
I will say I have to agree with Julie M's advice. Controlled spanking is in order here. What if next time she runs off into the street? She needs to know that this behavior is not at all ok. When I have been at the store, or other places, and time outs were necessary for my kids I would go to one end of the store and litterally put my kids' noses in the corner. Just because we're not at home doesn't mean they can't be disciplined and honestly other adults do not like to see a misbehaving child in a public place not being discipline, that means the child has the control, not the parent and that frustraits on lookers. Kids will misbehave, thats a given but you as the parent must stay in control of it. But like Julie was saying, the simple "come here" doesn't work well with my kids instead I say "hold my hand" or "grab the cart" things like that. good luck

C.

I'd use the leash. It keeps you close and safe while letting you continue doing what needs to be done.

I don't believe using leashes on the children and believe me I chase my child around everywhere.We always give the kid a time out in a corner or we will take her into the bathroom and make her stay in one spot until shes done with the tantrum. If they are loose and there are grocery baskets tell them they will be put in there and won't be able to walk in the place any more. I hope this helps and gl

Timeout in public is acceptable! I had given my daughter a timeout for her misbehaving at a busy hospital waiting room once. Sometime later a hospital worker, who is also an acquaintance, complimented me on it and how my daughter 'stayed' in timeout. I have done timeouts in public because I don't have an alternative such as leaving the store and returning later. I live in a very rural area and my daugher has dietary restrictions thus, I often drive 100+ miles just to grocery shop. I have found that if I let her know what I expect from her ahead of time she's more agreeable. Before we go into the store I get down on my daughter's level. Look her in the eye and tell her I want her to keep one hand on the cart or she will be sitting in the cart. Seems to work for me but may not be as effective as your girl is a bit younger. But may work in the future, I'd say give it a try and I hope this helps.

I have a daughter that was just like that! My now 6 year old always ran around and scared me many times.

What I would do is the "monkey leash" thing. Children this young do not understand the danger they are in by running off. We cannot expect to teach them and have them understand and remember it tomorrow. Their world is so big and so exciting and they want to see it.

I would tell my daughter that she has to wear the leash and if she is being good that maybe we will take it off for a while. Then as soon as she would run off it would go back on. It terrified me to have my daughter run off. I would rather feel "mean" by putting her on a leash than running around looking for my child and wondering if she had been kidnapped.

My daughter is better now and I think that is because about two years ago we think she was almost snatched. We were at walmart in their little playplace at the front. I was at the front of the playplace watching my daughter. I reached into my purse to put my receipt away when I noticed an old man come walking quickly up to my daughter. He noticed me and stopped dead in his tracks. He looked at me and then her, I had the creepiest feeling. He walked off and I grabbed my daughter. I pointed at the man and explained to her that he was going to grab her and that if mommy had not been here he would have taken her. I felt bad because I made her cry. She was only 4 years old at the time, but you know what, she doesn't run off anymore. She still has occassional times she wanders away, but it only takes reminding what can happen when mommy (or daddy) is not there to protect you.

It will be a few years from now until your daughter can understand the saftey issue from being apart from you. All you can do is teather her to you as much as you can.

Good luck! Active children are so fun!

P.S. I forgot to tell you about a trick I do with my daughter. I only started it a couple of years ago but she thinks it is so fun! My oldest hates it, but oh well. I tell my youngest that she gets to be my donkey tail. She knows that she gets to hold onto the back of my shirt and say "hee haw, hee haw!" It works great because I know where she is! My oldest gets extrememly embarassed and asks us to stop, which only eggs on my youngest! You do have to get over the embarassment factor yourself, though! I do get funny looks, most of them are amused!

C.,

Get a leash and use it when you cannot risk having her run off. It works, it is not inhumane despite snide comments you may receive, and it may actually help her feel more secure when you are in unfamiliar surroundings.

Linda

freeze games didn't work for me either. I read: Waddle, Waddle Quack Quack Quack and Little Lost Duck and fluffy bunny. these books are all very similar and pretty too. they talk about the littlest one wondering off and getting scared. then they find mom and she says she was scared..now stay up with me in the front...etc. So we talked daily, every minute we could about these books. I gave examples all the time. Like: we are going into the store now, do you remeber what happened to the little duck? Was he scared? Did it turn out okay? Would it have been better for him to pay attention ad not get lost? Etc. then we would go inside and I would say once more: your job as the child is to watch me and stay close to me so you don't get lost and scared. Now stay with me little duck. If she wondered (or had that look like she might go), I said: where is my little ducky? waddle waddle quack quack i want my ducky back. She loved it. she taught her brother later.

If I have to do a time out in public I usually just have my kid sit down on the floor or bench right next to me for the time out. We can do a time out wherever and whenever. My kids respond really well to time outs in public, almost better than at home.

When my oldest went through a run-away stage I began using the stroller EVERYWHERE, the park, the library, the craft store and even Walmart and Target. Unlike carts I could seat belt the kid in to the stroller firmly. She resisted the first few times but then got used to it. We had to do that for a few months until that stage had passed. Just don't let her out or she'll bolt again and then fight being put back in it.

I know many people don't think kids that young can understand. Mine were early talkers so maybe that made a difference, but I talked to them about it anyway. We talked about it frequently because I wanted them to understand and they gradually did. One of my favorite kids books is called, "Come Along, Daisy" by Jane Simmons and is about a little duck who is so busy observing other animals in the pond that she looses her mother. We read that book OFTEN at that stage.

The other side of this is to prepare for the worst. I liked to work with my kids frequently to prepare them for being lost. At that age it was mostly just practicing pronouncing their first and last names clearly and knowing my name and their daddy's name in case they were ever found in store and asked. Later as they got older we talked about finding an employee or a mom with kids and we sang the Safety Kids song about it (www.britemusic.com). Also, carry an updated picture of your daughter with you in your purse or diaper bag so that if you ever do loose her you can show it to those who are looking for her. Not fun to discuss but better safe than sorry. And I'd use the stroller for a while.

First of all, if you are truly considering a leash, get one that she CAN'T take off. It will have backpack type shoulder straps, with a piece connecting them in front and it wil either zip or velcro in the back where she can't reach. The "backpack leashes" or the ones that velcro around your wrait aren't worth the chump change they charge for them.
The next best thing you can do is LEAVE........immediately. If she really enjoys being in the library or at the clothes rack in walmart, it will be a HUGE disappointment for her to not be able to look at the pretty clothes. Of course whe will be mad that she had to leave, but she can understand most safety issues, and you need to explain to her that for her safety (being hit by a car, or a strange person grabbing her, although you shouldn't go in to too many specifics) she NEEDS to stay with you or daddy. PERIOD. You can also tell her that if she refuses to follow the rules, then she won't be going for a while. You may also try letting her climb the slide at the park or swinging by herself with you within eyesight but not hovering. It sounds as if she may be looking for independence, which would explain the laughing when she runs off. Good luck, and remember at all ages they will go through stages and this may be just one. If she is trying to find some independence, letting her slide or swing with you hovering will help a lot.
OH, and don't chase her either, that's what she wants you to do. If you can see her as she runs off, keep an eye on her, but don't cave to the impulse to play her game.

C., you have a lot of responses with differing opinions. I just wanted to give my 2cents worth. I would definitely use a leash (I did with my kids). It's much better than having them run off, and makes more sense than spanking. I think it also helps her learn limits: she can go to the end of the leash and no further. At 23 months, she really has no concept of cause and effect, especially as it applies to punishment, but a SHORT timeout (2-3 minutes) is not inappropriate. Just sit her down in the cart, on a bench, or in a car, tell her she is in timeout and must stay there. Be prepared for strange looks (I walked through a store once getting stared at because I was essentially ignoring my 2 year old screaming because he wanted to get out of the cart). After all, what do they know about you and your child?
Your daughter is probably asserting her first leap toward independence, and she laughs when she sees you responding to her. Be paitent but firm, and keep her safety as the defining factor in your decisions (prevent her running off in the first place. After all, what good is a timeout or spanking after she's injured or worse?)

you can do time outs in public. just find a safe corner of the store, library, gym. when she runs off, catch her and sit her down just as long as she would sit at home. if she knows you won't give her a consequence she will keep doing it . let her see that you will follow through no matter where you are
good luck, the toddler years are so fun!

I agree that you should go ahead and use the "leash." I used one with both of my children, especially when in an airport or busy public place. I only used it a couple of times for each child, but I felt more at ease about their safety. I know it feels weird to have your child on a "leash", but you would really be behaving like a responsible parent for keeping your child close. I also agree that when you use the "leash" you should tell your child that it can come off if she stays right with you and holds your hand. Otherwise, it goes right back on.

I used to have one of these runners too. Our rule is that if you don't stay with momma you don't go. After about two weeks of not getting to go anywhere with me she now stays with memost of the time and if she doesn't next time she stays home. I have a friend that this didn't work with and she did the leash. Her son was so embarrassed that it only took twice and he now stays with her. A safety device is better than an injured child and sometimes as a mom we have to get out of the house and get things done. I'm sure she already knows the boundary since she's old enough to understand why you want her to stay with you, but if she's like mine she will push it as far out as it goes.

I'd use the leash.
I'll tell you a true horror story. I was camping with my parents and sister when my oldest was two and a half. He got away from four adults in a matter of seconds and was gone for over two hours, almost three. We called out the search and rescue. It was horrible. The worst day of my life. My ex was in transit from Texas to Canada at the time and unreachable. All I could think of was when he called that night, I'd have to tell him his only son was gone. We had two lab puppies that went with him. They came back alone and soaking wet. I really lost it then. I was sure he was dead!!
He wasn't. Thank God! A man trying to find his dog found my son instead, a mile and a half down the creek that left the camp ground. From then on I used the leash. I did with my second son too. When we moved from a trailer with a fenced yard to a duplex with no fence I literally chained him to the clothes line so he could be safe. I didn't want a repeat of what had happened to my oldest.

It's fine to teach her boundries. Know that at that age they can't learn in just a few times. They think it's a game to run away. For us it's just plain scary. Until she can learn to stay by your side, no matter where you are, keep her close. When she learns to obey Stop! or Freeze! then leash her.

Okay, long story but hope this helps!!!Good luck!!!

time out in the bathroom for 10-30 minutes. i like the monkey leash idea, though.

When we are out at restaurants, grocery stores, library, etc. the car seat becomes time out. I wait at the back of the car, I don't get in. It has worked for me. I typically don't do more the 1-2 minute time-outs in the car (usually because I want to get back). Good Luck.

I took the Love & Logic class and they had a great idea...If you are just at the park, or someplace fun for your child, immediately take them home. If you are grocery shopping, have a full basket of groceries and are not willing to leave it, walk out and return later (which you CAN do), plan ahead, make arrangements with a friend or your hubby to come pick your child up and take her home for a time out while you finish the shopping. That way, she has to leave where ever you are immediately. She loses whatever privledge she had of being there. We have also had time out in the car, strapped in the car seat (I saw that suggestion in another response). You just stand outside the car and let her throw a fit or whatever in her carseat. When she is done (throwing her fit) you can resume whatever it was you were doing. If she continues to run off, just tell her you can't take her anywhere anymore, and don't. She is a little young to really understand your fear for her safety, but you could try to explain that to her.
You could also try putting her in a stroller to transport her to the car if that is when she runs off the most.
I would be ok with the monkey pack, better safe than sorry.

Our daughter did this for awhile. We have started having a chat wherever we go. Before I let her out of the car, I explain what we are doing and the behavior I expect. I remind her that if she runs off or throws a fit, we WILL leave. It took a few times of just leaving a full shopping cart at the store, leaving the library without books, etc., but she caught on that I would NOT accept that behavior. It was frustrating for me, because then I had to find more time to get things done, but worth it in the end. I also got a video - Safe Side or something like that - on kid safety. We watched it together and I paused it several times to talk to her about why she needs to stay with mom, not talk to strangers, etc. That also helped...Good luck!

i found the leash helpful and we actually didn't have to use it for very long before my son decided he preferred to hold our hands and stay with us. but for the time that he was pushing that particular boundary, it kept him out of danger.

C. i was in the same postion as you my kids are 5,4,2 and they used to do pretty well now that the youngest has to walk everywhere we also use the monkey backpack but they have a hook on the side so you can turn it backwords and the monkey then gives them a hug and they are safe. i tried everything with my two oldest boys and it got to the point i had no choice they are quick little buggers. hope to hear from anyone that has other ideas.

hope your day is wonderful i know ours will be busy as always !!!

You already have so many great ideas here, but the thing that was a huge success with our son was positive reinforcement. Give a simple command in a more controlled environment and then give a reward your daughter really likes when she complies. Ignore her until she complies, because you're in a safe environment. With my son, I started in a very close proximity in our house and said, "Come here and take my hand," for example. Use other commands in conjunction with come here as well. When he did, I gave him a reward. It was like a game to him. When he thought that was easy and fun, I did it from a different room. He caught on quickly that it's fun to come and to obey. It was amazing how he generalized to staying with me in public. When you're out and about with her, make a big deal about her staying with mommy like a big girl, etc., before she has a chance to misbehave.

In general, if my son doesn't do what I say right away, I calmly give him 2 simple commands as a compliance check. "Touch your nose, clap your hands." Then, I repeat the original instruction. He almost always does what I say after the compliance check. (If he doesn't I give him 2 more simple commands, and if he didn't do those he would go to time out, but he always obeys after the compliance checks.) I thought this whole process would be more work, but it is so effective and less frustrating.

These are tips I got from a behaviorist, because my son has autism, but they work great for anyone! Hope you have success!! My 2nd child, a daughter, is 17 months, so I'm glad to have the refresher!

Ha ha! We have a monkey leash, too, which we call a backpack. I've tried to keep it positive. I tell my 24 month old son that the backpack makes sure that he always knows where Mommy is. He really loves to wear it, and we get lots of "oh, look, he's got a monkey on his back" comments, which he eats up. We get a few looks, too, but then my son usually proves the leash's effectiveness by almost darting in front of a shopping cart or moving car, and then they understand.
My first son didn't need a leash. He didn't run off. And he didn't laugh his head off when we came after him. He listened when we told him to come back or stop. Different kids need different parenting. I swore I'd never get a leash, and that was after I was a mom. But my second child really needs it to be happy and safe. And I need it to be happy and keep him safe. So I think it's no big deal now.

I have had this problem with each of my 4 kids. First off, time out in the store works. I put them in a open area..that I can move around and still see them. I ignore them completely, but am close enough that others shopping know that this is my kid. At libraries I take them into one of those quiet rooms. 2nd I never chase them. I learned this lesson with my second child (and was pregnant with my 3rd). I almost lost the baby over it because I ended up falling as she ducked to the floor when I almost had her. When they run, I simply state (loud enough to be heard by them) that I will not chase them and they need to come. Then I turn around and walk the other direction. But never out of their site...if I do it is around a corner, but I can still see them. They usually come a running because they don't like to be left either. My final straw, is that if I do have to chase them, they are on the leash for the remainder of the time in that particular store until we get back to the car. Though there are controversies over the use of a leash (and I have gotten comments both good and bad), I believe that it is better than loosing my cool. I use this leash on my 4 year old if I have to. I call it his "friend". When he is miss behaving, I pull it out and ask him "Do you need your friend today?" He usually shapes up right away. But I have used it once in the past month, but it has been about 6 months since I used it last. I now keep it attached to my stroller and then he is attached to the stroller, not me! By wearing the leash, this teaches her that the boundaries are staying close to you. And that running off, is unacceptable.

good luck!