Toddler Refuses to Poop in Toilet....

I suggest just backing off and let happen what will happen. It sounds to me that there is a possibility that this has become a control issue and that if it didn't matter so much to you he might decide to do it on his own. Even preschoolers like to have a sense of control and the only thing that they can control is what goes into and out of their body.

Just try not talking to him about it except to say, I know you'll poop in the toilet when you're ready to do it and then don't mention it any more. and see what happens. Try this for 2-3 weeks. He has to trust that it really is up to him.

Along with this don't even ask him to wipe. Let him get used to pooping in the toilet before you teach him how to wipe. One thing at a time.
Many, if not most kids, are not good at wiping themselves at this age. My grandchildren, 9 and 6, still don't consistently wipe. It's not a big deal in the scheme of things. They have so much to learn. Let them learn at their own pace.

Show him lots of approval with all the other things he does well. Let him know, many times/day that he's OK just as he is.

I agree with Sunny M. Holding it is not good for him. Eventually, he'll end up constipated and not able to poop. Let him wear the diapers.

My nephew wouldn't wipe himself for the longest time because he was afraid he might get some on his hands. It might be something similar here. Maybe you need to take away the nightly diapers too. If he can't hold the pee all night, set an alarm about halfway through to take him to the potty. I have a feeling if the diapers were gone completely, he would stop holding it and use the potty.

If all else fails, you could make a game out of it like the cheerios and peeing. Put a small sheet of toilet paper in the toilet and tell him to try to sink it with poop bombs.

Put the diaper back on, for his health's sake, that is very, very dangerous to let him hold it, and eventually it will hurt him to poop. Quit comparing him to his friends, let him train at his own pace. It is not worth his health to save you a few bucks on diapers. He will get there when he's ready. You're just making the journey a struggle with your countdowns and such. He just learned to talk a few years ago; of course he can't explain it all to you, he probably doesn't know how.

Try this technique:
First get him to poop WITH his diaper on while sitting on the toilet. If he won't sit on the toilet, have him do it standing next to teh toilet and slowly work your way up to sitting on toilet. Then cut a hole in the diaper in the bottom so the poop can come out into the toilet. Call it the magic diaper. My sister used this technique and it worked.

I like both Sunny and Marda's posts for the guidance on letting up on this issue. He will poop in the toilet at some point, and probably after you have taken the emotional charge away from this. He's doing what he needs to do. His being "strong willed" could also be seen as affirming his individuality and independence. I suggest not fighting about this, and in the full sense of the expression, letting nature take its course. There are plenty of issues ahead. Put your attention on what you especially love about him.

I can completely relate to your situation. My son is went through the exact same thing. He just would not even try to poop on the toilet. never any accidents and he had control over the timing. He was fine with #1 by 3 years with no accidents and as 4 years came and went, still nothing on the pooping. It is definitely a control issue and very common in boys. I tried everything - rewards, consequences, bribes, sitting on the toilet, little potties, etc. Nothing worked! The more you make a big deal about it, positive or negative, the more the dig in their heels. I know how frustrating it is, but I can promise you he will make the decision when he is ready, but it probably won't be on your time line if your son is as strong willed about it as mine was. I got some suggestions to let him know that I thought he could do it when he is ready and that he has control over his body and could make the choice, then hand him the diaper in the bathroom and walk away. Several moms said after a week or so that the kids made the choice on their own once it was not an issue any longer. That did not work for my son, but it did allow some peace in the house for awhile when I choose not to fight it any longer. In my situation the issue ended when my son was 4 1/2. I got the news that my Dad had passed away and was crying when my son came in to see if I was alright. I explained that I was sad but would be alright, he thoughtfully asked me if it would make me happy if he went poop on the potty. I told him that it would be the very best part of a horrible day. He smiled and took my hand and we walked into the bathroom where he finally pooped on the potty! When he was done, he said that it was easy and didn't know why he didn't do it long before. I know that this was a very unique situation, but the point is that he could have done it the whole time, he just needed to choose to. Good luck!

NO bribery or treats. Those who suggested backing off are right on target. It is a control issue, and the less you stress over it the sooner he'll get the idea that he wants to go in the toilet, or potty. Since you say he's four, I'm sure you are already thinking you'll be sending him to Kindergarten without him being able to poop in the toilet. Well, if it does turn out that way, I'm guessing he'll learn within the first week or two of school! Kids do rise to the occasion.
I like the ideas of either taking the diaper completely away, or the possibility of having a special poop diaper. The diaper with a hole in it is something I had never thought of, but will maybe try with our potty training daycare children.

My first child had absolutly no problem going pee in the toilet but when he had to go poop he did not want to use the toilet.sitting on a toilet can be pretty scary for our lil ones specially because they never had to use it we tried using a portable potty training toilet which did not work and also took him with us to the bathroom when we had to go #2 as gross as that may sound but it was to ease his fear to show him that nothing bad happens while sitting on the toilet and u can also make up a fun story on why its important to go poop in the toilet anyway we had to buy a fitting potty ring for the regular toilet and gave him a stepping stool and he finally went poop im guessing he wanted to feel more like a big boy and i do believe the story helped as well and a surprise after always helps!! =) good luck not sure if this helps any but it was worth a shot!!

speak with your pediatrician about a bowel plan

The most practical current thinking is that when kids are both physically and emotionally ready, learning to use the potty is as natural a development as speech and walking. Prizes or bribes keep the reward system externalized. Pushishment makes it a battle to lose, and there's no happiness for the child when he finally succeeds in meeting his parent's demands. Same with comparing your son to other kids. Let this be his success, his satisfaction.

It is indeed possible to withhold poop even when sitting, and this can result in painful constipation. Not uncommonly, it can progress to encopresis, a difficult condition which has to be medically managed.

If you enter "potty training" in the search box at the top of this page, you'll seen that many moms were amazed that their children trained themselves quickly when they stopped applying pressure and left the timing up to the child.

My oldest was pee trained at 3 1/2. He wouldn't poop though. finally, at 4 1/2, my husband gave up on my reward tactics and used the old fashioned way; he made him sit there untill he pooped. 4 1/2 hours (and much tears) later, he pooped, got the tons of praise, and ALL the diapers were thrown away - It really helps if he throws things away himself. It becomes more of a decision that way. - Also (to my shame) he took a bottle of protein and vitamins in milk till he was 4. We offered him one huge reward - a trip to Fairyland and Thomas Town at Discovery Kingdom - and it worked. He decided to give up the bottle on his own, and still (hes almost 6) talks about when he was a big boy and we celebrated by going to Fairyland and Thomas Town.

My son, who was just over 3.5, refused to poop in the potty. After six weeks of cleaning out his underware (he would go in those), I thought it was time for him to poop in the potty. So, when I saw he was about to go, I picked him up, took off his clothes and sat him on the toilet and held him there. Yes, he cried. But when it was all done, I said "see, it wasn't bad." And through tears, but with a smile on his face, he said "it wasn't bad." I had to do that 2 times and after that, he started to go on his own. I would put the diaper on your son, naer the bathroom and as soon as he even thinks of going in his diarper, put him on the potty. By 4 he should be ready, barring any delays in other areas of development. Good luck.

Check out Nora P's advice from April 1st. She had a great idea for this situation! Good luck.

All I have to say is thank you for letting me know I am not alone with this! I am dealing with the exact same thing with my almost 4 year old daughter! I wish I had some real advice for you, but I don't because I feel like I have tried everything and nothing will work to get her inspired to go #2 on the potty. The strange thing is, when she potty trained over a year ago, she was doing both on the potty for about a week and a half. Then all of a sudden one day she would no longer poop on the potty and that was that. She also still needs a diaper at night and I have tried the "I don't have a diaper for you" trick, but I just feel so cruel making her suffer because for whatever reason she is so adamant about not going on the potty, she wouldn't degrade herself to do it on the floor or in her underwear (as ironic as that sounds!) and she just cries when she can't hold it anymore. I guess she is just a lot more strong willed than I am! I have posted on this question as well, and some people did suggest to have the child wear the diaper and sit on the toilet while pooping for starters, and then cut a hole in the diaper so it falls out into the toilet after he/she gets comfortable with the sitting part. She won't even sit on the toilet with the diaper, so that hasn't worked for us either, but it sounded like a good idea and one that I am hopeful could be a solution for someone else, maybe you and your son! Again, know you are not alone, and I would love to hear what happens with your efforts! At this point, I can only find comfort in knowing that adult sized diapers exist, because I see no end in sight for us! Best of luck to you!

I can relate to what you're going thru. I just got my son (who turns 4 in 2 weeks) fully potty trained. Know first that you are not alone and that this issue is much more common than you think. My son actually started holding in his poop while still wearing pull-ups....he would go 4 days without pooping (I have NO idea how he held out that long). Anyway, come to find out that teachers at day care were pressuring him. Pressure absolutely does not work - it just makes things worse. I worked closely with my son's pediatrician to get him to stop holding poop in. She reassured me that this issue was actually fairly common as the muscles for controlling bowel movements are one of the first that kids develop control over. We tried suppositories....avoid them at all cost....they just make the kid that much more determined to have control over his body. We made sure he was getting enough fiber in his diet etc.....nothing. Then we took a different approach completely. Our pediatrician recommended giving him Miralax....it's a stool softener that is not absorbed by the body and is perfectly safe for kids. You give your son 1/2 a tsp for 3 days and then gradually increase the dosage by a 1/2 tsp every 3 days until his poops get really soft. Do this while he is still pooping in his diaper. Continue to use the miralax. By keeping his poop soft, you can put him totally in control of when he poops....and not have to worry about him getting constipated and having a painful poop....which then starts a vicious circle of holding poop in. And trust me....that circle is hard to break! Tell your son that there will be no more pooping in diapers, that it's time to use the potty....whether you give him a heads-up this is coming or "spring it on him" depends on the temperament of the child. Then, keep the pressure off.....remain calm and level headed (which is difficult at times) and tell your son that when he poops is up to him....but that you'll be there to help him whenever he is ready. For my son, it took about 3 weeks for pooping to become non-eventful. It's a slow process, but by clearly letting your son know that he controls when he poops, you do make progress. Expect your son to hold his poops in....and don't let it stress you out (again.....easier said than done, I know). Most importantly, keep giving him Miralax. Once he has established pooping on the potty, then slowly wean him off the miralax....cutting back 1/2 a tsp every 3 days. Do not stop the miralax cold turkey. If you don't have a little potty, you might want to get one. Sitting on the big potty often doesn't enable children to put their feet on a stool....and they often need to put their feet on something to "brace" themselves when the poop. I am letting my son get used to using the little potty first....and then after that is well established, I'll move him to the regular toilet. And, there will likely be a little backslided.....and he'll hold his poop a bit again. Lastly, our pediatrician recommended using prizes. I went to the dollar store and bought a bunch of little prizes, matchbox cars etc. and wrapped them up and put them in a prize box. Each time my son pooped in the potty, he got to pick out a prize. When he had pooped in the potty for 7 days without an accident, then we went to the store and he was able to pick out a new toy. Good luck with it. I hope this helps. If you want more info or ideas, don't hesitate to e-mail me.

I know when I was younger I was afraid of the water hitting me. I eventually got over it. I hate to suggest to bribe him, but perhaps bribe him with a sensible treat or new cheap toy if he poops in the toilet so it can show him that it's ok to.

My son did the same thing, and I eliminated diapers as well. I told him we didn't have any diapers for him to poop in, not even night diapers, and YES, it was a battle! We sat him on the potty, and he cried and carried on like someone was out to get him. Once he went on the potty, he LOVED it!! I would suggest no diapers, and he won't have that option. Either that or let him go at his own pace. I know how frustrating it can be to have to change poopy diaper, but sometimes we have to listen to our kids :(

Both of my girls held their poop during potty training, too. I figured that once they went in the toilet a few times, they'd be "over the hump," so to speak, and it wouldn't be an issue anymore. So... when I knew she had to poop, I'd hold her on the potty. It's impossible to hold poop when you're sitting down. I remember with my older daughter she fought me on this, but I just held her there and told her that she wasn't going to hold her poop in and that she needed to let it go in the potty. Well, she did, and after maybe 2 times of doing this, she was completely fine pooping in the potty. Same with my younger daughter. Just take charge of the situation. If he's a big kid, make Dad help. I think cleaning up man-sized poops from a 4-year old's diaper would be enough to drive me to insanity. Good luck and let us know what happens!