Toddler Having Serious Tantrums over Food Portions

Hi S.. Wow, sounds like a definite problem. First reaction was, you are not giving him time outs over food. You are giving him time outs over his inappropriate behavior. My suggestion is remove him from the table and tell him when he is able to sit quietly and eat he can rejoin the family. Even if it means he doesnt eat. He will get the point by the tenth time you do it. Its simple really. You are the Mommy and you are in charge of the meals. Eat, dont eat. Its up to them, but this is dinner and you cannot be a tyrant to get more or something different. Try not to overreact to his tantrum. Just remove him dont let him rejoin the dinner table until he is under control. I think it goes as deep as this.... he is trying to control you and its working. Good luck. It cant be easy dealing with two.

I had the EXACT same situation with my son, who is now 4 years old. I had a very difficult time saying "no" to a little guy who was screaming that he's still hungry! I'm not sure why he did it, but I tried all the same tricks you mentioned with little benefit. It was so bad that if we went to a party where there was food on the counter, he would just stand there starring at it and asking for "more, more, more"! By the way, he has always been a good size child (I was in no way starving him)! Finally, I decided that instead of giving him what I thought was an appropriate amount of food all in one serving, I started giving him 3/4 of what I deemed to be a reasonable serving size. Then, when he asked for more, I didn't say "no", I'd give him the remaining portion. When I first started, he would ask for thirds. I would tell him, "I don't want you to get a tummy ache so, let's get down and play for a while and if you are still hungry in a little bit, we'll have something else." It worked, he would get distracted and not ask again! Finally, he stopped asking for thirds and was satisfied after the second plate. This issue continued to improve over time and is now a non-issue! I about passed out the first day he told me, "no thanks mommy, I'm not hungry right now"! Everyone said to feed him if he was hungry, but I don't believe he was truly hungry. I just wanted to teach him some self control regarding food before he was old enough to be grabbing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. It's funny, most people have to beg their kids to eat just a morsel of food! On the positive side, my son would eat serving after serving of brussel sprouts...at least I know he got plenty of fruits and veggies while he was young! Good luck...I'm sure you have your hands full with twins!

He could be jealous of his brother. Maybe he feels he's not getting his fair share of attention. And maybe he really does need the extra food. Have you had him checked out and discussed it with his doctor?
When he throws a fit for more food give him veggies. If he finds out he is not going to get more sweets maybe he will stop. Lot's of kids just crave sugar. I am not sure how he was fed from the start so it is hard to give advice now. Like you don't say if he is still on a bottle or drinking from a cup. If he is drinking from a cup he may not be getting enough milk. Maybe try giving him more to drink instead of more to eat. DON'T leave the cereal box out. Fill the bowls before you put them to the table and put the box away. Don't set bowls of food on the table. Leave the food on the stove and fix each plate and place it on the table. If the extra food is not in his site this may help alot. A lot of kids go through this stage of wanting more. But if you don't break him of it now he will have bad eating habbits the rest of his life. Good Luck!

I'm sorry I don't have specific advice about the food portions... but you mentioned he can have crying fits up to 30 minutes and that you feel guilty putting him in time out over food. For my son, when he starts having a meltdown about something, I pick him up and place him in his room and let him know he can come out when he calms down. It's not the same as a time out. Time out is in a specific spot in the living room and he is "in trouble" when he's there and has to apologize when he gets out. But for meltdowns, he is not "in trouble"-- he is just being given a safe place in which to go ahead and feel whatever emotion he is feeling (mad, frustrated, etc) and calm down on his own time. As soon as he calms down, he is usually much more rational and gets it that melting down will NOT get him his way. Your son is old enough to figure it out after several times. Meltdown = go to your room until you calm down.

WOW - this is an interesting one. Anxiety for sure. Over what, can't really tell. I would encourage you to not give into his tantrums. If he has to have one, put him in his room and let him work it out. It will be agonizing for all of you at first however I do think he will eventually give up as he realizes he is not getting the attention or reaction that he wants. This will also set an good example for his brother. It seems he has just chosen food for his tantrum behavior. Others choose bedtimes, toys, clothes, etc. I am thinking this does not have a lot to do with the food. It is a behavioral challenge - a natural growing experience. While he is having his fit in his room, the three of you continue to enjoy your food. He will just miss out until he decides to behave. Discipline is a missing routine in parenting these days. Feel comfortable discipling your children so they will grow up to be secure, respectful and responsible adults. They will love you for this.

PS. If you want to email or call me to talk more about this, feel free to do so. Will be happy to support you.

... for the health of families,
E.

Ask your pediatrician to check on hormone imbalance. That's what we all go through - terrible two's teenage angst and menopause...
Try fruit smoothies, make them into popscicles, he can even make cheese and crackers with veggie and dips...

Don't feel guilty! Chances are it's NOT over food. He's 2. It's a power struggle. Can I get my own way by pitching fits? Remove him from the table every time he does it. Have a chair or someplace he has to go to during his crying. When he stops, calmly let him back at the table to eat.
As a mother of 4 boys, I think it's safe to say this is the first of many power struggles you will have.:>) These struggles when they arer so young set the stage how the fights go when they are older. Stick to it, you are in charge! Make sure to give LOTS of hugs and kisses when he finally makes it through a meal w/out screaming.:>) Blessings

If you have ruled out hyperthyroid, tapeworm, and diabetes, it is probably a power play going on, and you had better win!

It sounds like a control issue for him. I say don't give timeouts but DO give him portions that are appropriate for him. Explain that when he finishes his meal, he may have more if he's still hungry. "Giving in" by letting him eat all the crackers from the box or taking food from his brother needs to stop, which is sounds like you've already done that. Like all behavior, we must lead our children to act appropriately and dinner time (or whatever time it is that he eats) is no exception.

In response to some of the other advice, I would just like to be clear.
1. I AM going through this.
2. Although my son is quite intelligent, we had already taught him that when the box was put away in the cabinet, there would be no more. So that knowledge from a less stressful time helps now.
3. We will feed my son as much "always" food as he wants to eat. We only limit "sometimes" foods: cookies and crackers. However, if he plays with his food more than eating it, we will try to be sneaky and give him the same bits over again.
4. I think this is a perfectly natural stage of development. My son's speech is developing like crazy, and he will also play with cups, pouring water back and forth, for hours. Like playing with food, that goes with speech development. He also really wants to be "big" like the rest of us, and so wants whatever we have. All of which is normal in my experience.

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My son's twenty-one months and we've seen similar reaction. Once I served a cookie to each person at the table, starting with him. He watched each person get the cookie, crying and shouting harder, especially when I put the package away. We couldn't convince him he had a cookie until my husband physically put it in his hand and held it up for him to see.

If we feed him from a serving plate, he always wants more before he's finished what he has.

So, I put packages (cereal, snacks, cookies) away as soon as I serve him. Then we can say "all gone" in a really cheerful voice. If it's dinner-type food, we just give him one little bit at a time. Sometimes my husband even sneaks a piece off my son's plate and hands it back to him! I think it's just something they don't get right now, so I figure it will pass. I really don't think they understand "finish now, then get more" yet.

I know with my oldest I thought all these things would last forever, but they never do. He won't be a wasteful eater for life, I'm sure of it! I would just get through it without punishment. When he's old enough to understand cause-and-effect and "later", then worry about 'eat it all before you get more'.

Those are my thoughts--I can't wait to hear what anyone else says!

Tantrums at this age are normal, and this is the time for you to figure out a stratagy with your husband for how to deal with them (I always put child in another room, they can come back when they stop crying/screaming).

The other issue is the possibility he is still hungry. You didn't mention the child being overweight, but if he is not, I would feed him as much as he wants. The only reason I know of to limit a small childs food servings is weight or diabeties. My very slender daughter amazes me with the amount of food she can eat, some days eating more than I do! It comes and goes in cycles for her, and I generaly find when she is eating me out of house and home, she is in a growth spurt. If your son is still hungry, and can't get enough it will lead to hoarding and overeating when he doesn't need it for fear of the times he was still hungry.

Well I thought I was reading my own Diary. My youngest son did this same thing at around the same age (maybe earlier). He is a very anxious kid. I believe it was one small way for him to control his "situation".

Everyone thinks you have to squash him down and make him cut it out. But that really doesn't solve the problem - and it's "real" to him. At that age (as someone pointed out) they do not understand "eat this first and then you can have more" - at least mine didn't. And trying to fool him by putting the package away won't work if your kid has a brain. It never worked for mine (just made him madder).

No one will like my answer (based on what I've read), but we fought with my little guy for weeks, screaming and yelling first thing in the morning (with mine it was mostly about cereal for some reason, but he did it with other stuff too. It's the morning screaming matches I remember most). I worried endlessly and researched on the web about food issues and hoarding and anger issues and I thought we were going to have to take him to a shrink.

And then I did the unthinkable. I just gave him as much as he wanted. Bowls would be overflowing with cereal (or whatever). I even let him have the box (heaven forbid!!!)

Here's what I believe in hindsight: My poor little guy was so stressed out about the world around him this was just one small way he could have control. And I "allowed" him to have that control. Don't you know, things started to get easier until one day (and I can't tell you how long it took - selective memory I guess) he just let me pour his cereal for him and never asked for more. Food has not been an issue since and he is actually the better eater out of my two boys - lots of fruits and veggies and variety.

I think if you fight with him on this all it will do will make everyone miserable and him more anxious. The hardest part for me was that there was a lot of waste. But I finally said the mental health of my family was worth a few extra cups of rice krispies.

Your situation is harder because you have twins. If it would be possible at all to let your "eater" have as much as he thinks he wants I would do it. Contrary to all the advice you have been given. I noticed that all the posts I read were from people that had never actually gone through this. I have. It ain't fun, but it will end.

My guy is still pretty anxious, but I have learned that these "tantrums" are signals, not some evil plot to put one over on me (OK, sometimes they are evil plots, but not the majority of the time). Patience is what's needed (and oh my it's hard) and try to see the world from his point of view: "Wow this big world is pretty friggin' scary and not only that, I have a twin brother I have to deal with and I also have a Mom who is worried about me and (probably) a Dad who doesn't understand why I act the way I do and maybe if I can just control this one little thing I'll feel just a touch better...."

It won't turn into an eating disorder, I promise. My son is still a challenge in many ways, but he is so passionate and complex and incredibly smart I wouldn't trade him for anything. He has made me learn a lot about myself by learning about and trying to understand him.

I really wish you luck. Go with your gut. It's not our job to cut our kids down if they express themselves or try to "tell" us they are having trouble. It's to try to understand and support them as much as we can. I know this is easier said than done, trust me I lose it more often than I'd like to admit. But my son knows that he can come to me if he's feeling freaked out and I'll tell him how much I love him no matter what. You don't get that when you throw him in a time out.

We are just had the EXACT same issue! We are about a month into this with my DD and how to handle this really depends on your view of parenting. I can tell you that we are doing pretty good and that the battle has now moved on to shoes :-)

For us it came down to the fact that we focused on the behaviour and realized it was never about the food. At 2 it is all about raw emotion. for my DD it was totally control issues...rather lack of control (ie who could eat it, how much to eat and when to eat).

Some things that helped us were: Right off the bat we made some foods that were "her foods only" (some are "mommy only" ones too). She could have the whole bag to dig through (i.e. goldfish) if she asked for it (smaller sack pack sizes work great too) and she could ask for them whenever she wanted (inbetween snack/meal). We made a big deal infront of her how important the goldfish were. we asked her lots of questions about her goldfish...the color, how they taste, whos the biggest goldfish, etc. After about two weeks a funny thing happened. the obsession and the hording stopped. she actually only asks for her goldfish maybe once a day and share them with everyone freely. One week her obession was blueberries...another it was cheese...all are free now. once we stopped making the food the focus and gave her some control her self esteem soared.

I will say however there is still discipline when she acts unacceptably (i.e throwing food on the floor in a fit is unacceptable). the key word is "acceptable". for us it was acceptable for her to express her feelings (i want to nuture that and am a strong beliver that by doing so she will be better able to make the right choices when i am not there) but for us it is unacceptable to be rude so that is the course we follow.

Now if you have any tips on keeping shoes on let me know LOL! Good luck!

Take him for a nutritional work up- check Int;l Chiro Pedaitric Assoc for someone local, or write me back private, and I'll see if I know someone local.
Second check out ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com, I have found them to be great.
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