Toddler & Church

We attend a Catholic church also & usually have good luck with our 21 month old in the pew with us. We ALWAYS try and get the last row or 2nd to last row. That helps for quick get aways & for dropped toys....although the ushers love us.
It was very hard for him to learn to stay in the pew - that was half of our battle.

We start off playing with the books and we've taught him that Jesus in on the cross, so ask him to look for Jesus and he is into that. Cars are great to run on the pew & not too loud. I take a few books and he'll unpack & pack my bag. Hey, as long as he is quiet.

I Always take food with us and I try not to give him a snack prior to church. I take a little bottle cooler with cheese sticks and milk/juice and even apple. We have success with pretzle sticks too, but I save them for later & keep him quiet in the communion line with pretzles. Cherrios are good, but we like to dump them out.

We try not to get out of the pew, if so then we try to quietly walk in the back of the church. This way he has learned that he can't go outside or in the cry room. People comment on how good he is, but we have & have had our moments while trying to teach him to quietly be in church. I think consistency is the key, keep going & trying and hopefully it will become part of his routine.

Well, since we only get one post under a subject, there shouldn't be flaming here. But, I would like to express my opinion.

I am Catholic, and yes, I've heard the complaints about children at Mass and disruptions, and also about how Catholic churches don't offer nursery programs, etc. The fact is that the Catholic Church actually WANTS children of all ages in the pews with their families. This is why we generally do not have the same sort of Sunday school programs that protestant churches have. There are some Catholic churches in our area that have special children's liturgies at the beginning of Mass. The children will leave for the liturgy of the word, and then come back to the sanctuary for the consecration. I love this, but unfortunately, not every parish does this, and the parishes that do it, don't do it at every Mass.

I can see this from both sides. Yes, it's hard for a parent to concentrate on the Mass when concentrating on their own children. But what you are doing is teaching them, and that's very important, too. What do you get out of church when you are "fussing" with your children? EVERYTHING! You may not hear every word of the homily, or even a major portion of it. But you are doing something invaluable, not only for your children, but for our entire church community.

Catholics, whether Roman, Eastern, or other rite, realize that the Mass, the celebration of the Eucharist, Jesus being present for us body, blood, soul and divinity, is the central point of our faith. That point is what makes us different from other Christians. So, while some denominations may have communion services weekly, our belief about the Eucharist is very, very different. That's why I stuck with it while my kids were little. Yes, indeed, it can be difficult having little ones at Mass, but they are little for a very short while. Before long, you'll be in the pews with teenagers, and if truly blessed, you'll be in the pews with your grown children and grandchildren some day.

Here's what I did. It's a little different from what you might expect. We actually sat right down in the front. And I do mean in the first two pews. The children could see what was going on. I love the suggestion posted here about practicing whispers at home. What a wonderful idea! I hope to use that with my own grandchildren someday. Wish I had known it when my kids were little. So, sit down front. (There's always room in the front.) Whisper through the Mass, telling your children what is happening, what will happen next. Ask them to find this or that. Ask them to listen for the bells before they are rung. Count the lightened candles, etc. Yep, it's work, but it's well worth it.

I also never brought food to church with kids. I don't like the crumbs, and I have a particular aversion to the smell of Cheerios. Kids can make it through 45 minutes without eating. There are other ways to hold their attention. You can find lots of lovely little soft Mass booklets and play kits online and at St. Jude shops. One that I loved in particular was a small soft church, sort of like a doll house, with little soft dolls of a priest, altar servers, lay persons. The kids can follow along and imitate what is happening in front of them. If they really are an issue, out of control, crying, etc., you can always get up and move or go outside for a time. No one will think less of you. But anyone who disapproves of children in Mass is not having their most Christian moment! So don't give them a second thought, other than to pray that God may help them to realize what a fantastic parent for passing on the faith to your beautiful children!

Do make your faith part of your everyday life. Pray at home, play "church" at home with them. Be active in any family activities offered at your church. Take your children into the sanctuary during the week when the church is empty and quiet. Walk around and talk about what is in the church, light a candle and say a prayer. Talk about the statues, who they depict. By doing that, your children will discover that the church and church community are family places, familiar places.

I love seeing children in church, even the raucous ones! They are God's gifts to us. They are learning. When they are a little loud, I'm not bothered at all. It's the voice of angels that I hear! I know that parents feel badly when their kids act up, but most of the people around you have been through it, even the ones who say their children were absolute angels in church when they were little. I can tell you that I've watched many a young family at church and watched their children grow into faithful, reverent young people. It's soooo worth it! Please continue to persevere. Feel free to send me a message at any time. It helps to speak to people who have been through this and will encourage you.

Unfortunately we left our Catholic church because they offered NOTHING for children until CCD starts! It's like putting a 2 year old in high school algebra and expecting them to follow! Children need to learn about God (and your faith) on their own developmental level...you know Noah's Ark stories, etc. I'm not suggesting that you not be Catholic, there are other Catholic churches that offer children's programs, but I have a real problem with Churches that don't offer things for such a HUGE group of people in their parish.

We used to bring coloring books and raisins and go to the cry room. These are great ideas except what is HE getting out of Church? AND are you even able to concentrate and listen to the sermon when you are trying SOOO hard to keep him quiet and occupied?

I also haven't taken my kids to church in a long time for the same reason, so I understand where you are coming from.

A church I used to attend had activity bags for the kids to borrow during services - books, crayons, etc. Maybe you could pack your own for your son.

Is there any area where you can take an "intermission" with your son halfway through mass? Take a little walk, maybe read from a children's Bible? I know that takes away from the service for you but mass is a long time for a little one to sit still. Good luck!

Wow, do you feel your child was a disruption or did someone in your church say he was a disruption? Personal opinion: No child is a disruption in church. They are a gift from God and a blessing to every church...it is normal for them to cry, to play, to even attempt to "sing" in church. Just as it is at home. Children are the life-blood of a church and should be treasured. Even a fussy baby has a purpose and reason for being in church. If only just to teach us all patience and tolerance. Take your baby to church. Take a couple of board books, quiet stuffed toys he enjoys, take your stroller to put in the isle to put him in when you get tired of holding him. If the members of your church don't want him there...find another church!! I'll never forget the Preist that we had when ours were little...he said that even their cries were music...and he never wanted anyone to ever feel the need to leave just because their baby was fussy, he'd just "turn up the volume"!! Going to church should be a time to tresure as a family, not a time to be stressed or worried about a baby/toddler that fusses a bit!! Best wishes.

Hi J.

My son is 3 and I have been taking him with me to church since he was born. I always worry about how much noise he makes too. My parent reassure me, that he isn't the only one making nosie and that Jesus said " Let the children come to me."

Tha being said, I bring a book, a single car, a snack, something to try and help him stay quiet because he is just to young to stay quiet and focused for the whole hour. If he gets really noisy I take him into the back vestibule where I can still hear mass and he is hopefully more muffled. I try to explain that he has to be quiet, but that falls on his deaf ears. Oh, another thing I have noticed is exactly something you mentioned, the old ladies especially smile, wave and laugh and generally encourage my little man to keep up with whatever antics I am trying to curtail. So, basically I feel your pain, but haven't figure out a great solution myself. I don't want to leave him home, I feel like it is important for him to be familiar with church now and get used to going and I know that eventually his ability to sit quietly will come.

Hi, J.. My husband and I are also Catholic and have a granddaughter who is three. She is very active and is not often in situations where she has to sit still -- plus her parents are not churchgoers. So we grandparents take her with us sometimes. I have found that it's important to have a quiet activity or two -- I took a small notebook and a sheet of stickers, as well as a small MagnaDoodle. Before we go into church, we make a game of practicing our whispers. I have seen some people take Cheerios, but I've never taken a snack since I notice that they often leave their crumbs behind, and I don't want to do that. We also accept in advance that we are not going to be able to stay for the whole Mass -- we are trying to "last" a little bit longer each time, and have made it to the end of the Offertory! When she says she's ready to go, we ask her to wait a couple of more minutes (she does) then we leave rather than disturb people around us. Ours is a small, quiet church. I wish it was like the one my daughter attended in Pittsburgh -- very lively, lots of music, and activity was well-tolerated!! No one would have been bothered by an active preschooler!

D. ("Nanny")

Hi J.,
While we love to go to church I remember bringin our small boys and the noise they could generate. We sat in the back and brought books and crayons and coloring books, trucks, cars, snacks too. When they had enough we took them out to the vestibule. Let them run around with the other kids and then went back in in alittle while. Church is for everyone and you should be able to bring your children. We also went to an early mass right after breakfast so they wouldn't be cranky,or hungry. Good luck

here is what i would suggest - go to a craft store (michaels etc) and purchase a medium sized canvas bag - then you and your child deorate it togethr - adn make that his "big boy/people church bag" - then you go and purchase coloring books; stickers; crayons; puzzles;books; anything smallish and quietish - and put them into the bag - then he can only play with those items while in church - now you'll have "switch out" stuff - but that may work....

also- most catholic churchs havce a "cry room" does yours?

S. w.

We too have young children and attend Catholic church. For our youngest, who is very active, we take books, and different quiet toys that he enjoys. Another suggestion is you and your husband take turns going to Mass. One goes while the other is at home and then vice versa. I know it is important to go as a family but there will be enough time for that when he gets older

It is funny you bring this up because I too am afriad to take him to service because I feel that he disrupts the service, but it is very funny because all of the old people will say to me "I remember when I mine were that age and going through this"

Good Luck!!

J.,
I would not worry about the disruption unless he is crying of course. The church should understand that children will be children and they are God's children. This is just an opinion and I am not trying to offened anyone but I used to be Catholic and am now a Christian. My old church was very mean when it came to babies and children in mass and that really bothered me. Our new church loves children and welcomes them in service and we have a nursery but I want our son to be a part of the message. All I can say is not to worry about what others think and if they do not like the giggles or the babbles or the small talk then that is something they have to get over. I do understand if he is very loud and disruptive that is one thing but bring your little one to church and just smile and enjoy the experience of him being there with you! Good luck!

Hi J.--- i'm not sure where you live, but St. Helena's in North Wilmington (or it might be Claymont, it's on philly pike)--- has a great program at the 11am mass. They invite all of the children to the back room right before the 1st reading and there is a very sweet woman who does a "children's reading" complete with a colorful handout. she keeps them back there until after the homily. The kids are generally ages 2-8 and you can go in with him the first few times until he gets used to it.

Does your church have a cry room? We sit in the cry room with our 16 month old. We bring a book and a small snack to keep her busy. I am against bringing snacks for older children( 4 and up) but a 27 month old is ok. I like using the cry room as a teaching tool. We are showing her how to sit, and listen to what is going on. If she starts to get loud, it is ok because no one can hear her, but we can still hear the mass.

They have little square books I got my daughters from wal-mart and you fill the pen with water. It is her special "church" book and when shes done coloring the pages dry so you can reuse it each week. Then I put it away until the next sunday. I also take a little container of snacks like cheerios or gold fish and a spill proof cup. It usually keeps her pretty occupied. Have you ever talked to your preacher about this? Maybe they would think about starting a nursery.

I have to day I think it is a real shame the catholic church does not do more to help parents come and benefit from church. How can you hear the message of God if you are fiddling with your kids.
I go to Episcopal church- the same basic ceremony as the Catholic church including weekly Communion- and child care is available. For kids preschool through age 12, the children leave the service for a time for age appropriate bible education, and come back for communion and closing. I go to St David's in Venetia.

J., I don't attend a Catholic church but took my kids to church. Yes they aren't perfect but they are kids. We took along coloring books or activity books, books to read, and a snack and drink for when they couldn't stand it any more. We kept these in a backpack just for church and the boys did really well with it. Maybe something like that would work for you?

Having the same problem! We have a 28mo and had her to church as an infant, but she is VERY active now so we have avoided church b/c we are also Catholic and there is no nursery. We attended at Xmas Eve this year to a new church by our new home and it was a disaster. She doesn't have the capability of understanding to be quiet, clearly. Every time we'd stand and sit (which is a million times) she'd yell "STAND UP" SIT DOWN!". From the outset of the service an elderly woman infront of us gave us the dirtiest look every time she'd make a peep (and I mean a peep). I am so envious of others that tell me their churches have a XMas Eve service DEDICATED to children, or nurseries to take their kids to. I am hoping to convince my husband into looking for another church because we are really attending to give her a spiritual foundation at this point, and we need to find a church that fosters that.

For my children we made a picture booklet or album with pictures of Jesus in it. During the sacrament they could look at these pictures to keep their little minds focused on Jesus. Also we teach them reverance at home and we talk about why its important and what reverance looks and sounds like. Do you pray together as a family regularly? This is an excellent time for our children to learn reverance as they get used to special, sacred times. We also allow our children to color in the meeting when they are young with a little coloring book. Our church is very kid friendly so to speak so we can do stuff like that. Not sure if that fits your environment. Home is definatly a good place to practice though.

My parents use to give a bag of ceral. Or a coloring book with crayons. Anything to keep my attetnion quiet. It is hard to belive that the chruch has nothing for your little one. Best of luck.

I remember feeling the same way when we were ready to bring our toddler back to church. (Same situation - old Catholic church, no cry room, etc.) At first, we brought books, toys, snacks, but they didn't always help. The books got boring, toys were thrown, and the food was eaten. In time, just the routine of going to Mass and learning what to expect really helped. Also, looking for specific things became a little game - where are the crosses, Jesus, candles, etc? You can imagine the chuckles when my son shouts, "I found Jesus!"

If you want to bring a snack, mini marshmallows work well. I know they're not exactly healthy, but they're quiet and don't leave crumbs.

I love the idea of sitting up front - just haven't been brave enough to try it. (although in our case, up front is closer to the bathroom, so that might be a good thing.) My boys came with us to a Mass in a friend's home and they were so attentive the entire time - most likely because they could see and hear EVERYthing.

It's worth a shot to try it. There's a big difference between being 17mo and 27mo. And in time, as he gets used to it, it'll get better.

We take our son to mass with an arsenal of toys and snacks. Last time we brought books, coloring books and crayons, some matchbook cars, pretzels, water, milk, and bananna bread. It kept him occupied the whole time. When he started talking, we gave him the bananna bread because he stuffs it in his mouth and then can't talk for a while (becasue the WHOLE piece goes in at once!) Our church understands that kids do make noise though and are very welcoming and don't care. Just bring some of his favorite things and it helps if he doesn't see them for a few days before you go, so it is like a new toy! Good luck!

We have had the same problem as we are Catholic also with an almost 2-year-old. One thing that helps us is bringing a toddler bible we bought. we let him page through it and quietly read a corresponding story (if there is one) to the gospel during the homily if he is having a difficult time. My mom has also suggested to sit in front because it holds their attention more and causes them to be less disruptive however we are a bit too chicken to try that one:) Good luck!