To Work or Not to Work

Updated on January 27, 2011
J.B. asks from Fort Myers, FL
20 answers

I'm sturggling with returning to work after having twin girls 8 1/2 weeks ago. It is not relaly a financial thing as my wages were not supporting the family. It would be more about some adult time. I'm not planning on childcare due to low wages but working around my husband's schedule which is not regular. If I choose not to return to work how do I maintain sanity and my own identity?

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T.W.

answers from Lansing on

Well, I am a SAHM, and have been pretty much sicne my first was born 13 years ago. I have loved every minute of it. My job was not something I really could work around my husbands, and I didn't want my kids in CC.

I think if you can work a few hrs. a week to get adult interaction, your husband can care for them and not have to have outside CC with strangers-- you should consider it, but IMO I would wait until they are a bit older.

As for sanity and your own identity make sure you keep up with friendships, and the things you have always been happy doing.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.Y.

answers from Saginaw on

Hi J.!

I am a work at home mom. I work around my families schedule, and I also manage to work in some adult time! I have found talking to adults really helps. My daughter and I love playgroups and hit at least one of those a week, great place to meet other parents in your area!

If you would like any information about working from home let me know! :)

www.healthyfamilyhome.com

1 mom found this helpful
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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

Would you be interested in volunteer work somewhere? Can you get together with friends to relax and have coffee? Do you have a hobby or interest that you can persue? I think the key to sanity and maintaining identity is scheduling things to look forward to that are out of your routine. I just resigned my job because just organizing the kids to get to work on time was taking more time than the job itself!
If you love your job and it's not a hassle for childcare than keep it! Twins are a full time job, I give you credit! Don't ever feel guilty for needing time for yourself. Enjoy!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Pocatello on

I went through what you are 4 1/2 years ago. I was a real estate agent and loved what I did but could not take them with me to show homes. I chose to stay home with them and loved almost every minute with them, but I know you need me time. I noticed when I could get away for just a couple of hours the time I was home was much more enjoyable! For awhile I would leave one night a week and clean an office and do a few errands the only problem with this is I was still not interacting with other adults. Then an old friend approached me about a direct sales company, I was really hesitant at first but decided to give it a try before I hit depression. Believe me when I say I LOVE it and have done it for 3 years and don't plan on changing anytime soon. The nice part about direct sales is you can say when you are going to work. I just suggest to find something that you are interested in. I enjoy my couple hours away a week plus the added money is great for all the kids activities as they are getting older!!
Good luck with your decision!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.S.

answers from Pocatello on

Have you ever considered working from home? I do, and i love that i dont have to pay for daycare, leave my kids and not to mention the extra gas!! If your interested let me know id love to tell you what i do.

C. s.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Boise on

J., have you thought about having a home based business where you are part of a large team of people that are working their business at their own pace and getting all the support and assistance that they need. It also doesn't cost much to get started and it is risk free.

If you would like to find out about it, I have my business listed under the mom owned businesses and my website is www.stayinhomeandlovinit.com/marciab.

I would love to give you another possiblilty to keep your sanity than going back into the workplace with all the things that involves.

thx. M. B. ###-###-####

1 mom found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from Sioux City on

I see that you have alot of responses about working from home, and there are many different types of work that you can do from home. I am a Pampered Chef consultant and love it, but I enjoy going to other womens homes and having parties and earning free stuff. I love giving others free stuff also...
I'm not sure what you are looking for but there are also other things out there that you can do, like mistery shop(do not pay for this though) I have a website that has very good information and its free....
I am not trying to bother you with this, I just wanted to let you know whats available. I have four kids at home and when the last two where born I promised myself that I would not stay home with them because I would go insaine, so they go to daycare and I work on my home based businesses.
I hope this helps
Chris

1 mom found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Great Falls on

Hi J.! I have 2 things to say. Have you thought about joining Jazzercise? If you love to dance it's a great way to get "ME" time! That's what I do and most centers offer daycare for a couple classes throughout the day. Also I'm a stay at home mom, but I'm also able to make some income. Visit my website for free info! http://www.internetceomoms.com/mommymakingmoney

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E.F.

answers from Omaha on

I've done both.... a full time working mom (100% out of financial need) and a stay at home mom. Both have their pros/cons. It's always a struggle finding the right balance no matter what. And you have to have a reliable, supportive husband no matter which path you choose.
Working kept my brain moving more and kept me busy, busy, busy! As soon as I'd get off work, I'd run over to day care, then run home, cook dinner, change diapers, do laundry, play with baby, etc. I'd never sit still from 5:30am until 9:00 pm (if I was lucky). It was contstant forward movement! But I think it really made me appreciate the time I had with my son and I always made the most of it....quality over quantity. The other problem with working is somedays are so long and it's so hard to be away from your child and reprimand them when they're acting up. You just want to relax and enjoy them...but you've got to still be a parent and enforce the rules too.

As a stay at home mom, I keep busy with MOMS Club and other groups where I meet up with moms almost every day for play dates, activities around Omaha, etc. There are message boards for moms (myomahamommies, metro omaha parents on MSN, and meetup.com). I think there's also multiples support groups which you may want to look into. Many of these groups actually have nights out just for moms w/o kids. I would absolutely go crazy without these types of groups. I love staying home, but man, there are some days when I wish I was somewhere else...it's hard to play candyland 8 times in 20 minutes. It's hard to deal with tantrums ALL DAY LONG. It's hard to have to repeat yourself 80x in one day...and start over the next day. If I had a colicky baby and had to stay home, I would probably lose it. You can't just walk away when you need to, like you can at work. There's no time off.
Choose what's best for you and your babies..don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. It's ok to go back to work now, then change your mind too....

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K.D.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My best advice is join a mothers group.
www.momsclub.com Mothers Offering Mothers Support is a club for SAHMs and children are always welcome. I love my chapter.

www.mops.org Mothers Of Preschoolers (it doesn't exclude infants) I'm not a member of this club, but know several moms who are.

Nothing is better than being able to talk to other mothers about being a mother (and to NOT talk about being a mother)! And you and your children will make lots of friends. You can find out about the different organizations on their websites. I know there are also groups for mothers of multiples, but since I don't have any multiples, I don't know the specifics.

I'm a SAHM (have been for 4 years) and I love it. I still keep in contact with my former co-workers and go out with friends. If you make sure to make time with friends and husband and do things that don't always involve your kids, you won't lose your sanity or identity!

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A.P.

answers from Provo on

Hi J.,

Like Lisa I've done both. I decided it was important for my kids that I be there more than I used to be (really there- not just physically; I was too burnt out after work) so now I'm a SAHM. So, if you choose to do it, here's some advice based on my own experience.
For respite as well as a financial boost I did take a night job- 4 hour shifts a couple of nights a week that are basically "me time." I read, write in my journal, do paperwork, and, of course, mamasource. (As night watch I just check on clients every 10 minutes and make sure they're okay.)
Other than that I have a mom's group, I leave early in the mornings to exercise 3 mornings a week, and I enjoy trading babysitting with other moms for a night out with my husband 2-4 times a month (although, I have to tell ya, that last one has fallen by the wayside since I had my newest little one.) The local library is invaluable. There are generally programs for kids like a storytime or something for child development, computers for educational games, and then there's infamous summer reading program. I take my older son to gymnastics once a week, the baby usually naps in his car seat, and I get 45 minutes to read, or plan my week. My best advice is to get creative and keep up any hobbies you really enjoy.

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K.J.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I chose not to work and for sanity purposes I attend church and other extracurricular activities regularly and also do the below...I just wanted to make sure we connected because the opportunities that I have for you will change your life...They're changing mine. Please call these numbers and listen to the opportunities.

I am now staying home as of Feb 1st due to my Spa business:
In Home Spa Service: http://www.beautipage.com/kathyjackson

Need prospects for your existing home based business:
Times: 11am Pacific / 2pm EST and 7pm Pacific/ 10pm EST
Number: ###-###-#### and enter code 173332
Website: http://www.successblueprint.biz/?id=KathyJackson02

Giving and Receiving Program
Times: 24/7
Number: ###-###-#### and enter code: 2274
Interested: Give me (K.) a call ###-###-####

K. Jackson
Grand Rapids, MI
###-###-####
Free Leads: http://www.successblueprint.biz/?id=KATHYJACKSON02
In Home Spa Service: http://www.beautipage.com/kathyjackson

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A.A.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Have you thought about teaching for community education programs? I found that during my daughter's first year, it was great to go teach a class or two a week for a couple of hours. There's such a wide range of interests, that just about any sort of class might be of interest to the community--either something you know as a hobby or from your career. You don't have to be a teacher to do it--and there's no grading! :) It allows you to make your own schedule and choose how much you want to work--evenings and weekends, mostly.

G.K.

answers from Green Bay on

The endless struggle :-) I've come back to this issue over and over since my first one was born. I took my 12 weeks maternity off and have kept my job ever since. My mother was a SAHM, then my Dad died when I was 16. She was never able to get back into the work force and has struggled ever since. SO -- it may sound selfish, but especially with the way the economy is -- I've wanted to keep my foot in the work force. I do the best I can - I've found good daycare. The kids love their "teacher" AND because the daycare is actually in the same school as they'll be attending, they have a step up - they already know the ropes :-) My wages really only cover the morgage and car, but it's worth it. I did make an arrangement w/ my boss to keep full-time benefits and only work 32 hours a week. I'm sure you'll find what works for you. I think it's different for everyone.

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M.B.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I hear you about losing your sanity, but I can't imagine having to leave twins and be somewhere on time everyday. I think you would be better off having girls night, or something scheduled every day for a break.
Good Luck

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J.P.

answers from Milwaukee on

This is a very hard decision. After my son was born, I only had 5 weeks maternity leave and I debated going back because as like you my income doesn't support the family. Its helps, but my husband is the main source. It was very hard at first (still is at times). I was worried about missing his "1st" walk, crawl etc. Well, I can tell you that I haven't missed anything. To be honest some days I need to get a way. The adult contact keeps me sane at times. I love my son, but like anybody you need that "you" time whether it is at work or anyother place. My advice would be to go back to work for a week, two or three and see how it goes. If you can do it then proceed from there and quit, but at least try to make sure you are making the right choice, you can always quit. Good luck!!

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N.O.

answers from Wausau on

You need to do what is best for you and your family. No amount of advice is going to give you the answer. If you need to work then do it. If you can swing it and stay home...go for it!

Being a SAHM is great. I've been one for 7 yrs. I couldn't imagine having someone else raise my kids. It was an odd feeling not getting up to leave the house for work, but being home is a whole different job.

Volunteer jobs help keep resumes current and may add skills you didn't have before. There are work from home jobs and playgroups add the sanity break you may need. My neighbor runs out every night for an hour to decompress.

In the end, there are many options out there, you need to figure out what works best for you! Cherish those twins..they grow fast! Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi J.,

Congratulations on twins! I have twins age 6 (boy/girl) and loving it! I am thankful that I can stay at home with them and work around my family's schedule. I have a great opportunity for you to check out. Give me a call or email any time.

###-###-#### or [email protected]____.com

Good Luck,
C.

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L.A.

answers from Boise on

J.,
Twin girls, how blessed are you !!! I am a mother of one beautiful girl and am partial to girls :)
There are numerous opportunities for volunteerism and work from home. I currently work a full-time job and a home based business, but my focus is to grow my own business enough to just work out of my home, eventually.
Here's a link to my website with some testimonials of others that have entered into building their own businesses from home:
http://www.shaklee.net/sowing4health/distSuccess

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D.H.

answers from La Crosse on

Congrats on your double blessings!

To keep my sanity I have great communication with my husband, speak freely (and often!) with God, and have recently joined a MOPS group.

Scheduling a little time for yourself for things that YOU want to do always helps too. It may not be practical to schedule 3 hours for scrapbooking... but maybe read for 30 min while the twins nap? Its tough to balance work, family, and us time... but its do-able.

Take care and God Bless!

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