To Wean or Not to Wean (To Get Pregnant)

Updated on January 09, 2010
M.A. asks from Chicago, IL
10 answers

I will be 41 in a couple of weeks and am planning on trying to get pregnant again in May/June. I am still nursing my 19 month old daughter. I've always said I would let her self-wean, but I didn't know she'd still be going strong. In my set of friends, I'm the only one that nursed over a year. She loves to nurse, and frankly, I love it too. Neither one of us wants to stop. The problem is that my ovulations are happening later in the month--around day 18-19, and I'm not getting fertile days before ovulation (I have a Clear Blue Easy fertility monitor) My prolactin levels were high before I got pregnant with my daughter (imagine what they must be now!) They gave me a medicine to lower those levels, and I started ovulating much earlier, around day 14-15, and with several high fertility days before as well. My luteal phase is short which is typical for my age, so I need a little progesterone support. I did for my daughter as well. But the endo will not see me if I'm still nursing. My midwives might be able to help with progesterone support, but they're not great at checking blood levels and giving an early pregnancy a little more support, or helping me GET pregnant. Olivia and I don't want to wean, but at 41, it's not like I have loads of time to fool around experimenting. I hear that women get pregnant while nursing--the only thing that matters is that you ovulate, which I'm doing. Do I wean and up my chances per the doctors, or do I keep nursing and hope for the best, despite my aging ovaries?

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L.N.

answers from Norfolk on

Well, I guess this post is a year old.. but I'm in the exact same boat as you...except I'm going to be 42 in a few weeks!!! What did you ever decide??? Did you get pregnant??? I'm nursing my 14 month old son...and he was a miracle (lost one tube to an ectopic...and I was told the other was blocked). Meanwhile, I know my odds are not great to have a 2nd...but I would like to try. I got pregnant doing the Clomid Challenge last time and would like to try clomid once or twice more. My doctor highly recommended weaning before trying to get pregnant. He said the endometrial (sp?) lining would be compromised while nursing and I could have a higher chance of miscarriage. It also creates a less than ideal ovulation...what ever that means. He would still prescribe me the Clomid if I wish...but he said it is less than ideal. I would hate to have a miscarriage at all..and to be set back on top of it. Like you, I really love nursing..and this may be my only chance to do it. I think I'm going to try to cut back just a bit to see if that might help...but I'm also not sure what to do. I was nursing 6 times a day...I've recently cut to 5 and I'm going to try to go to 4. It's difficult because he still nurses to sleep for naps and night time as well. Sigh. I wish I were younger...but it is what it is.

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T.P.

answers from Chicago on

At this point, the breastfeeding has very little to do with being able to conceive. Once your baby starts eating solids, even if your regular periods don't return right away, you can ovulate. And get pregnant. I am living proof!! My current pregnancy was a total shock because I was still nursing and had not gotten my period back even though my son was 14 months old. Hormone levels, prolactin specifically, can remain elevated while nursing, but not so much so that it would prevent pregnancy (unless you were nursing at the same rate as when she was born).

I would find a practitioner who can help you with whatever support you need. Talk to a lactation consultant or go to a La Leche League meeting to network with other women who are experienced with this. Maybe see an OB/Gyn for a while and then go back to your midwives for the pregnancy?
Good Luck!!!
T.

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S.M.

answers from Chicago on

I was still (and am still once a day) nursing my 2 year old when we got pregnant, finally, with #2. I had the same things happening - ovulating much later, and it felt as if my window was shorter. I think you just have to plan for trying for 3 days after you get your spike. You don't say for how long you have been trying, but it took us about 5 months and(The first time it took 1 month), however I am 32 and we were only nursing 2-3 times per day. Maybe if you could cut down the # of feedings, it might help? I didn't want to quit nursing either and I still nurse my girl - now 32 months, once at night. I don't understand WHY the docs won't help you, unless the medications and support are damaging to your 19 month old. There is no reason that they should choose when you stop nursing, regardless. Any chance of going to different docs who are more supportive? Best of luck to you...

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S.B.

answers from Chicago on

Hmmm...maybe you should look into going to another doctor. Maybe the midwives could recommend a doc who wouldn't make you wean. My friend had a hard time getting pregnant the second time because she was still nursing. Her doctor (Sibul at Northwestern) had her reduce nursing on the days she was ovulating. She did stop nursing for a week or two, but then went back to it after that short span of not nursing. Her baby is now 5 months and she's happily nursing both kids. My doctor told me to stop nursing my 16 month old (at the time) because she said I would never get pregnant. I cut nursing down to two to three times a day and did get pregnant a few months later. I'm still nursing my now-23 month old and am not sure if I'll wean before the new baby is born. BTW, I'm going to be 39 this year, so am not at the prime of my fertility. It should be your choice, not your doctors' choices. You'll be surprised at how many MDs are ignorant about breastfeeding. You can also call your pediatrician to get referrals for breastfeeding-friendly endocrins and obstetricians. Good luck!!

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P.D.

answers from Chicago on

M.:

your child's nursing is not a factor in getting pregnant.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Breastfeeding and Parenting Solutions

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

M., I was told the same thing by my acupuncturist when trying for no. 2 and nursing my 2.5 yo (who nursed as much as a baby) and I was 39. I decided to try for a year before weaning, and at the end of the year as I was preparing emotionally for weaning, I got pregnant. I lengthened my luteal phase from 7 to 11 days w/ 5 months of acupunture and 100 mg/day B6. When $ ran out, I stayed on the B6 and my luteal phase dropped to 9 days. I thought it wouldn't be enough but it was. I know my luteal phase the month I got pregnant was 9 days because I had the predictable significant drop in temperature and got a period on day 9, but I found out later I was pregnant. Try the B6!

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K.

answers from Chicago on

I conceived my second child while nursing my fist (he was 16 months old at the time). I took Vitex (also called Chasteberry, an herb that regulates and moderates female hormones) to help my cycles return and become regular. It took about 8 weeks but I actually conceived on my first postpartum ovulation. My sister, also nursing and wanting to get pregnant again, took vitex too. Her cycles returned within about 6 weeks of taking the herb, and she conceived on her second cycle. I did a lot of research on the vitex before taking it - there is actually some peer-reviewed literature on it that indicates it can help people with PCOS and irregular periods get pregnant.

I guess, if I were you I would give it a shot for a couple months and if you don't feel like it's working, consider weaning.

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B.G.

answers from Chicago on

M.,
I feel your pain, while I am not 41, I am in virtually the same situation, and have been every time I wanted to get pregnant. I totally disagree with the post that the nursing is not affecting, everyone's body is different (I got a period when my preemie was 4 weeks old, not even suppose to be born and I was tandem nursing a toddler too but I couldn't get pregnant b/c my luteal phase was only 4 days). I have been nursing since May 2003 :). I am very sporadically nursing my third now, having had 2 miscarriages while nursing and then 8 cycles of being unable to get pregnant, my midwife said that at my age (34) even minimal nursing can affect my fertility, and I will say that as she has dropped down to a couple times a week vs. once a day and I can already tell an improvement in my fertility signs (i.s. cervical fluid). I could go on and on but would be happy to talk further off line if you want, ###-###-####. I know this is a VERY hard decision, I am working through it myself. I basically have been trying to gently ween with the goal of being done when she is 2, I would be happy to give you some ideas for how to make it through this tough transition. Here's hoping you just get pregnant!!!

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A.G.

answers from Chicago on

Given that you are 41, and she is 19 months...if it ups your chances of conception, and you really want a second baby then it may just be time to wean. You have already went above and beyond, and although it is nice, if she is going to have a little sister or brother, you don't need a competition either. My friend nevver weaned her son while she was pregnant with her second (he was 2), well when baby came what a mess. He is almost 4 now and has just stopped night nursing (too old in my opinion, but that's just me). Anyways, go with your gut and good luck either way.

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M.P.

answers from Chicago on

I wouldn't wean. It's probably not a factor if your daughter is 19 months old. I got pregnant when my first was 14 months and nursed throughout my pregnancy and have been tandem nursing for over a year now! It sounds like you are ovulating so you may get pregnant very soon and if you wean you could regret it. She may wean herself when you start to make less milk as your pregnancy progresses. Or not as in my daughter. I'm guessing that if you got pregnant at 39 then it shouldn't be too different at 41.

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