To Stay, or Not to Stay? - Rockwall,TX

Updated on January 29, 2017
M.E. asks from Rockwall, TX
9 answers

Hi Moms!

I am really struggling. I have been a career woman for some time - juggling motherhood with the pressures of my job. My kids are now in 3rd and 4th grade. I am so torn. At one time, I really enjoyed my career and somehow was able to manage. However, that has really changed over the last few years and the internal/external pressures are becoming overwhelming. I want to be mentally available to my kids; especially, with them getting into their preteen years. I make good money, but constantly frustrated with everyone. Looking for advice from any moms that moved from corporate life to home. There are a lot of unknowns; so trying to get some thoughts from anyone that has been in a similar position.

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So What Happened?

I am reviewing responses again - thank you ladies. Still deciding. However, I most likely will be looking for part time options. Maybe something where I can utilize my 20 years of skills; while offering flexibility. My company does not offer flex time. My husband and I am doing done planning.

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answers from New York on

Given the choice, I always felt kids need you more once they hit the late elementary, middle school years. I opted to do this and never looked back.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Anchorage on

I left my career to be a stay at home when we found out just before the birth of our first that my husband would spent a huge % of the next 5 years deployed to the middle east. It was not an easy decision but I don't regret it at all, I know I will not be on my death bed wishing I had spent less time with my kids and had earned more money.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Is there a possibility of working part time in your current position? The moms I know that seem to be the happiest are the ones that work around 20 hours per week. They get the best of both worlds - a job that keeps them mentally stimulated and gives them regular adult interaction, and the time to spend with their kids, run errands, and run a household. Most work while the kids are in school. With kids in elementary school, you could easily work 9 - 1 every day and still be there for them every afternoon (or 9-2 four days with a full day off).

If that's not an option, then ask yourself these questions:
1. How will your family's quality of life change without your income? Will you be able to maintain the lifestyle you live now? Will the kids still be able to do the extracurriculars they like? Can you still afford family vacations? If the answer to all of those questions is yes, then you could probably consider taking some time off from work.

2. Do you have non-working friends that you could see during the day? If not, will you miss the adult interaction that you get at work? Will being home all day make you feel caught in the drudgery of housework and shuttling kids around? Will you miss having something concrete to do, something that uses your brain, something that makes you feel like you're accomplishing something? If you're ok with all of that, again, it's a good case for staying home. If not, I don't think you will enjoy being home all the time.

I am a stay at home mom and there are definitely good and bad things about it. It's not really what I expected. There are a lot of days when it feels like all I do are housework and drive the kids around. I sometimes miss having a job where I was doing something that didn't revolve around children. At the same time, I love that my kids can do whatever activities they want because I AM able to drive the around. It's definitely a hard decision. I really think part time is the best.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

I went to part time work (half time). There are pluses and minuses no matter what you do. The pluses have been I can be there for my kids, life is not overwhelming, I drive kids to activities after school, I help with homework after school, I can get grocery shopping and other chores done before they get home. The minuses are I am no longer a "real scientist". I don't do research or publish. I now have more of a science support job where I do a lot of writing/webpage work. I do enjoy my job, but I used to be passionate about the research I did. I miss that. A good thing about working is you earn more money, you have your own retirement account, and you are equal to your husband with bringing in money anyway. Have you tried asking if you can go down to 20 or 30 hours a week? Maybe this kind of a change will help you feel less pressure.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I've done both.

I enjoyed my career very much and for me, if my kids were in great child care, it was a win-win. We were fortunate that way - my kids were active and happy with buds. So we had a very laid back approach the rest of time.

It's nice being home with kids but I miss working.

My dream would be to do part time. Or have my husband work reduced hours. We're lucky he has a very flexible work schedule. Is that a possibility?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

you don't say if part-time is an option. that's what created the best balance for me.
i'd have LOVED to have stayed home with my kids. i wish i'd have had some choice in the matter.
but i never had a career that i enjoyed either.
in your situation i'd certainly explore the benefits of going part-time.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Binghamton on

I was in a similar situation. I decided to resign and my boss offered me a reduced schedule. I got very lucky. Is there any chance you could cut back? We have a fairly young nanny my girls love and I'm home early enough to almost feel like a SAHM. But I pay a nanny to do a lot of the "chores". Not cheap but financially we still come out ahead. And my girls want me to work. I was shocked when they told me. I now say I'm going to quit just to hear them say "no!!!" I am not overly stressed with work though so I'm not annoyed all the time. That is a different situation if you are unless you can cut back a little and hire help to get better balance. I am so glad I stayed at work. I love my coworkers and obviously we have more money and I spend plenty of time with my kids. If you can somehow balance better, I would suggest not resigning. What I'm shocked at now is how they do homework so independently. If you can hang get to that point, you could do some work at home maybe while they do homework. As people had told me, as they get older, it's great to be there when they want you. I am so glad to be available. But there are longer and longer gaps they're busy with an activity, homework or friends. So you do get more time. Another thing to consider though is if you can get a similar job in 5 or 6 years. I knew I couldn't. If you can, less of a gamble to quit.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Stay at work if you're happy with the place - the kids will adapt and so will you.


answers from Norfolk on

Keep the job.
You'll need it to help pay for college and for your retirement.
It's not everyone you're frustrated with - that's you're inner battle manifesting itself on the outside.
Once you make a decision and make your peace with it - and it doesn't matter which you choose - you will feel more settled.

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