To Move or Not? Fil's House

Updated on June 12, 2013
J.J. asks from Lancaster, NY
14 answers

My FIL has a huge house in the mountains which is on a golf course and worth quite a bit. He has alzheimers and moved to a retirement home. He has a ton of stuff in the house which has been sitting unoccupied for about a year (his wife died years ago). There are tons of collectibles which need to be sold before we can sell the house which is in a trust. It's a very slow process since all the the collectibles have to be appraised and it takes a while to find buyers. The trust will eventually revert to my husband.

We have considered moving to this house and selling ours (we would buy the house from the trust), but it's a longer drive to all of our activities and we'd probably have to switch schools, sports teams, etc. It would be easier for us to liquidate all of the assets if we are living there..but moving is a hassle and our 10 year old daughter's life would be totally changed with friends, etc. The schools are really good there, it's a high income area...the downside is that there is little diversity.

Has anyone dealt with a move like this and how did it go?

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answers from Washington DC on

Personally? I would not let a child hold me back from a move or change. If this move will be best for the family? I would move.

If the school district is better and my child has a better opportunity? I would take the better opportunity over worrying about sports teams. While I get the friends - sorry - I'm a Navy brat. So I moved A LOT growing up. With a positive attitude - ANY MOVE will be a great move. Attitude is everything!

I would do the move.

6 moms found this helpful

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answers from Austin on

I empty homes for people in your situation. I use eBay, Craigslist and consignment stores. I hold group garages sales and Estate sells.. It is a lot of work..

To be honest, I have never been able to get rid of all of the collectibles, until I sold them as a bulk item.. I sell as much as possible individually and eventually contact all of the buyers and ask if they would like the rest for a real bargin..

Remember your time is worth money.. You decide.. Is it worth the hours it will take to research, list and keep up with all of the contacts.. And then the packing and shipping.. Again, are you going to do this or hire someone to deal with the hassels? Maybe see if a local Auction house or Estate seller would be interested in buying everything you want to get rid of. Also fif donated.. The value of the donation is all tax deductible..

I would purchase the house. Your daughter will make new friends, she can keep up with these friends through Skype, sleepovers and gatherings..she is only 10, she can handle it as long as you and your husband are happy.. Keep a positive attitude..

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Well I would not base a move on a 10 year old and her friends. She will make new friends. Sounds like a win, win for all. People move and change schools everyday. Kids survive. I say go for it. Sounds like a perfect home in a beautiful setting. You Are the parent and if it is a good move for family,
Your child will benefit from it. I would not let her dictate your decision.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Wichita Falls on

Can you move in just for the summers until it is all taken care of?

Just because the house is bigger doesn't make it better for you. Are there other families with school age children in the neighborhood? Are they friendly? Do you want to clean a 'huge' house everyday? A summer in the house should let you know if it would be a good fit for you and then you can make a more informed decision.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I haven't dealt with a move like this, but I want to give some advice: do not not change your life when it comes to activities and children's friends LIfe is about change. She may grow up one day and go away to college and cannot bring her friends along. There are a lot of people out there, some good and some not so good, so make moving about what is best for all kinds of reasons, other than schools, sports, etc. If she is given a chance to have a discussion about this she may love the idea of change. She sounds like a well rounded active person. And at that age, well, I remember how exciting it was to get a new student in the school and I also work in a middle school and there are lots of friendly faces in the world. Good luck, Im kind of envious!!! sounds like a wonderful change, but that's me.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Can you live there just for the summer and see how it goes? You may find that it's not as "far" as you think or you may really dislike it.

Just a suggestion!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I suggest to move out there for a month or two. Live daily life there for the summer. See the pros and cons of living there.

I used to live in Front Royal. I loved our house, our lot.
I hated that we were so far from family that no one would come visit unless it was the weekend and they stayed overnight.
I hated that to get your car inspected you had to leave it overnight and get a ride home.

Since I have moved closer to family more store and restaurants have opened, which I would have LOVED!, but the basic life issues would have still been problems.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

The move sound great. Just find out how much it costs to operate the home for say a summer. How much more does it cost in taxes, insurance and upkeep? These would be my concerns over whether or not my 10 year old had friends. I moved a lot as a military family and kids always made new friends and had new experiences.

Get someone to do the work on the collectibles otherwise you will be the next five years getting rid of them.

If you are going to do the move, plan it and do it and don't wait around with the what ifs as they will weigh you down and you will still be where you are at. In your home wondering should/could w?

Good luck to you. The home market is changing so you can get in on something good.

the other S.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I think that at age 10 she will adapt to whatever you need to do. It's not like you won't be able to go to a friends house after an activity or make a get together plan for after school.

You don't say how many miles you would be out. I tried to google mountains and Washington DC and got as close as 5 miles to about 30 miles. So if you are pretty close I'd say you could even leave her at her same school. We moved and are 14 miles from where we were living. We take the kids to school every day and come home, then go back to pick them up. They have gymnastics, dance, YMCA stuff, activities, etc...and we just plan our time around that. And yes, there have been times when it seemed like we spent the day in the van driving in and out and in and out and in and out. BUT the kids are adjusting better. When we go into town and by our old house it's like a dried up old sponge absorbing water. The kids get that happy to be going "home" but we had to move for family responsibilities too.

It really sounds like you have a better life waiting for you in this new home. Perhaps better schools, a better lifestyle, etc....I think I would move in a heart beat if it were less than 30 miles to town, of course it would be a lot more of a decision if it were further than that.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Moving now would be easier than if your daughter was in middle or high school.
A move can be a very positive thing.
You find new activities in your new location.
Trying to hold onto your old location activities/friends/routines only delays you putting down roots in your new community.
Friends come and go.
How many friends do YOU keep in contact with from your time elementary school?
Don't think about what you're leaving behind.
Instead think of the new things you'll discover.
Go for it!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Hi, J.:

Is your husband the only child?
Does your husband have Power of Attorney?

Who is in charge of the Trust?

You will need to do some research before making any kind
of plans.

What does your husband say about all your plans?

Just want to know.




answers from New York on

I moved that age as a kid. You don't say if your schools are good now... I'm assuming fine but not as good? I moved from a "nice' town to a very nice town. Better schools, prettier, more to do etc. It wasn't as much of a neighborhood though bc the lots were much bigger and the streets narrow, twisty etc. I also think I might have had better friends if we'd not moved. When we moved, I reverted to being shy, there were already cliques, I made lots of friends but they were all from different groups so I never had one big group, I wasn't a "leader" anymore etc. But having said all that, I'm always glad we moved. By 10, the neighborhood thing is still impt but in a couple of years, not as much. So I'm glad I had it while I was "very young" but the benefits of the town we moved to were longer lasting as I got older. I'm also glad I had the better schools. So I would look at this in terms of what's better for the long term. We debate a similar move all the time btw so I've given this a lot of thought. I asked a friend recently who got into the much better HS in his area if he's glad. It was hard bc he was entering HS and had to make all new friends. Even so, he said he's very glad. He thinks it drove a lot of his success vs his sister who stayed in the more medicore district and hasn't done much. Of course personality comes in to play etc but that's his take. Same time - times have changed. These wealthy towns can be super high pressure, very materialistic etc. So not sure what kind of extremes you're looking at... We could move to a nicer town and I'm so tempted but I've come to really like the more down to earth vibe around us. And our schools are good for now, then we can switch to private. But still I debate... Tough decision!


answers from Hartford on

You really can't base a move on moving being a hassle (of course it is), and your daughter's life changing (of course it would). It actually sounds like this would be an amazingly wonderful opportunity for your family and your daughter. She's young and she'll adapt and she'll make new friends. Right now she's at an age where friends are fluid and change all the time. A move will be far easier to do this all now than do it in a few years.


answers from Washington DC on

We live out and to be honest, it takes a little bit to get used to. That said, the benefits of living out here are tremendous. My kids grew up surrounded by farms and vineyards. The kids out here have a great work ethic. Yes, the high school is 25 minutes away, but it is okay. Once you get used to combining trips and making lists, it's not a huge deal. My husband works in McLean and makes the drive every morning. He calls when he is on his way home to see if I need anything at the store or pharmacy, so if I have forgotten something it's not the end of the world.
We moved here when our daughter entered 4th grade and our son entered 6th. I am so glad we did it! They made great friends. They both did very well in school. My son is going to be a college junior, and the school system prepared him very very well. My daughter is off to college in the fall and she, too, is academically prepared.
Make the move to the country. You will love it out here!

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