To Homeschool?

My middle child was a bit like that. We now homeschool. Two years later she is happy, outgoing, has tons of friends, a grade ahead in math, and two in reading, and actually enjoys her piano recitals, and presentation club, in other words being on stage and performing for others. I NEVER would've guessed that bringing her home would give her all of her confidence to be out in the world.

I really don't think anyone can screw up teaching kindergarten. There are so many support groups and co ops, they will give you the guidance you'll need. The library has bags, specifically for teaching, ask them to help you.

Go for it.

You're (probably) going to get many answers suggesting that you *not* homeschool.

All I can tell you is that - with one of my homeschooling kids - I went against the advice of a psychologist and psychiatrist and it turned out fine. Actually this kid went on to do some stuff that I never imagined he would do and he's doing great things to this day. It was completely counter-the-experts but I just had a hunch homeschooling would be right for him.

Perhaps we got lucky, who knows. Homeschooling is very tough but there are many options out there today for parents. You don't have to do all the teaching and there are more social opportunities than we have time for.

We went into it with the idea that - if it didn't work out - we'd go back to school. Our sons understood that concept.

If I were you I'd google "homeschool support groups" in your area and attend a couple of meetings. That way you can get a feel for how other parents do it, and whether it would be a fit for your family.

Also, state laws about homeschooling vary so you will want to look at your state's rules and regulations.

Good luck.

I think it is great that you are accessing resources for your family.

If you are not feeling up to par for homeschooling-- and I want to say that there is nothing wrong with questioning your abilities, my sister home schools her three boys and it is pretty much her 40 hours plus a week job-- please consider trying to ride this out before removing him from school. I know he's upset about it, but sometimes, kids can get themselves really stressed out before something and then realize later on that they enjoyed it. (I know this can happen for us, even as adults)

One thing I would consider is, whenever possible, not mentioning the upsetting parts of school or focusing only on the negatives. When he comes home, I'd ask very specific things like "who did you play with today at recess?" or "What did you choose for sharing time? Who did you do that with?" Avoid questions that ask him to judge or assess school ("How was school today?" "Did you have a good time at school today?")... these sort of questions allow a great entry point for "bad" "no" and other negatives. It's okay if he says "I really felt bad when..." and then you might even take it to the next step "wow, that does sound like a hard moment for you. What do you think you could do next time X happens?" Help him to work out or visualize positive solutions to those small problems.

Last year, D., my little guy was in kindergarten and he really struggled socially. I heard lots of "no one wants to be my friend/no one played with me"... when I investigated further, gently, I discovered that my son was so insistent on playing certain 'stories' (superheroes, robots, super kitties, etc) that kids would say "well, we're playing such and such" other activity and he'd just decide that since they didn't want to play what he did, they weren't his friends. I did have to make it pretty clear to him that playing with other kids meant that you took turns with your friend when choosing the activity-- you couldn't have it ONLY your way all the time. Most of the year, he had this complaint and it was so hard to see/hear him struggling in this way.

In first grade, however, this has changed. He's gained maturity, learned how to find friends to play with, learned to be more flexible and to go along with the group. The point of my telling you all this is simply this: kindergarten IS hard for some kids. It's SO much easier, socially, to be in preschool or at home. In preschool, teachers are more likely to be advocating socially for each kid and helping them settle problems through social coaching. At home, there is very little challenge socially. But at school, this is huge!

The other reason I would encourage you to stick with it is that pulling him out now may seem like the easy, obvious solution, but he needs something to go *toward*, otherwise, it will later appear to be a no-confidence vote on the part of the adults. Maybe the counselor will suggest a well-accredited charter school with a smaller classroom size, or could help your family develop some strategies for positive verbalization. Last year, the counselor at our school suggested some very helpful strategies; one boy, he was afraid of-- instead of talking about the fear, I changed my own language :"I am really looking forward the time when you can enjoy being around Johnny." D., this can change so much-- before the school year was over, my son was asking for playdates with this (not really scary) kid.

Keep us posted-- I am sending you thoughts of encouragement. It WILL get better (and then the kids always come up with something else for us to worry about!) ! :)

ETA: I really liked what Angela S stated about her experience with Homeschooling. I'm not trying to diminish his fears, but dealing with the social anxiety piece of this is really so important, and it sounds like changing situations may not really relieve this entirely.

One of my kids suffers from anxiety too.
The thing is, homeschooling is really just a temporary band aid on a deeper issue. Unless you plan to home school him all the way through high school I think therapy is in order.
Get a referral from your pediatrician, and/or other parents, for a pediatric therapist or psychologist (anxiety disorders in kids are way more common than you think.) My daughter's was SEVERE, but therapy did wonders for her. She is still anxious quite often, and has occasional panic attacks, but overall she can manage it now, all thanks to what she learned in therapy

Homeschool. Your antenna is up.

My heart breaks for you and your son. I don't know how you can not homeschool him. What reasons would you have for not doing it? Your son is young. He needs you. I've been homeschooling for 15 years. It was one of those scary things at first. I was terrified. After the initial shock that I was actually doing it, we determined that we could never, ever go back. We loved the relationships between the siblings, knowing what they were learning and being exposed to, watching them grasp new concepts and the excitement that came with it. Your child will not suffer academically if you teach him. He most likely will thrive! He's in Kindergarten. You can handle that, right? And then first grade. Piece of cake. There are so many homeschooling curricula out there to chose from. It's overwhelming! And, they are written for mom to teach. Many give you a script even. You can do it! I read a book called Upgrade! that teaches why 1 on 1 tutoring is the best form of education for children (and anyone!). And how having a loving parent be that teacher is even better. Bring him home. If you ever decide to put him back into an institution, you can do that. It isn't a one-way door. I think you'll find that you love the freedom homeschooling gives you. Call the CHEO people (homeschooling organization for Ohio) and see what info they have. Or, just see if they have a website. It most likely lists local homeschooling groups that you can connect with to help you in your transition. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Bravo for the counseling and for being so aware of his needs!

Have you considered--rather than homeschooling-- pulling him from kindergarten, and giving him another year of preschool instead, at his previous preschool where he did well?

He may quite simply lack the maturity yet for the K schedule. K is now MUCH more like what first grade used to be; it moves faster than you or I remember, and kids entering first grade are expected to know more than we ever were at that age. Combine that schedule with your son's behavioral issues and his anxiety, and you are all in for a very difficult K year -- and frankly if things don't improve, yet you soldier on and slog through K, you may find that in the spring you're told he should repeat it. Yes, you can homeschool just fine, but will he again endure the anxiety when he is back in a classroom situation in first grade, or later grades, if you choose to homeschool and later put him in school? Something to consider.

I would pull him out and put him back in preschool, while adding in plenty of play dates and structured activities such as mom-and-me classes and other short-term classes (recreation centers have lots for young kids -- tumbling, art, etc.) where he has to listen to and obey an adult who is not mom or dad.

Getting his behaviors and anxieties under control is FAR more important than any idea of "We must now stick with K because we have to stick with what we started." Please don't let that kind of thinking influence you. It is NOT a black mark on his record for life if you pull him now; it is not a black mark against you as a parent. It is not "bad" if you pull him but don't homeschool this year. It will not teach your son any bad lessons that "you get to dump whatever you don't like." His struggles sound like more than the normal adjustment to K. I really would give him another year to mature and to work with the counselor.

And if you are worried that "He'll be the oldest in his K class and from then on, and that will be awful for him" -- That's not the case! It's better to be a bit older than others in the class if it makes the child more confident and the child is readier for school.

Please talk to his school counselor too. I would bet that the teacher and school counselor are going to back you if you say that you are going to give him another year. The fact your husband had anxiety as a child is very, very telling -- please get your son evaluated to see if his anxiety is beyond mere, normal kid worries and might be something a doctor should be treating. There could be a genetic predisposition toward anxiety in your family.

One last thing: If you keep him in K and he gets promoted to first, it becomes very difficult to pull him out then. Do it now, in K, when it's much easier on you, him and the school to "hold him back." Think of it not as holding him back so much as letting him mature on his own time schedule - not the artificial schedule of "At five you must go to K."

Our friend's son had nowhere near your son's anxiety and behavioral issues and he still should have repeated K or even better, waited a year to begin it; it took him until about fourth grade to really get himself together and be organized and "with it" at school. The teachers in K wanted him to repeat K -- despite his being academically bright -- because he just lacked maturity and organizational skills to move on, but his parents wanted him moved on, and the result was several years of being smart but unready for the more intense expectations of elementary school.

You don't need any special skills to homeschool. in fact, the whole concept of a teacher is a myth. People teach themselves, others can merely model or provide information. If people tell you otherwise, they do not understand real learning --more than listing a bunch of nonsensical fact. Please pick up the book dumbing us down by john gatto, your library should have it. It's a good overview of the history of schooling, which has nothing to do with learning and education.

I homeschool. Right now, I'm leaning how to sing, draw, and play the Irish flute --I have 4 years classical flute training. As soon as baby is older, I am going to learn the cello. I model for my kids, and I provide educational opportunities. What they do with them is up to them. Rote memorization is not learning. It doesnt make it into long term memory, and it's a waste of time. Schooling is a waste of time. Play leads to better problem solving and critical thinking skills. Do yourselves a favor, learn about homeschooling, and bring joy and peace into your sons life.

Okay whether or not you home school him, the issue SEEMS to be, like your Husband, anxiety with school. Just the "thought" of it.
And you said that you would possibly home school him as an alternative even for a few years and "work through these anxiety issues with my son....."
BUT, you are not a trained Psychologist.
So, "how" will you work through anxiety issues with your son?
And how, will you "diagnose" your son, accurately and appropriately and professionally?
And what if you are wrong... and it is NOT "anxiety" with school but something else? How will you know that, if you home school him without getting him properly assessed by a Professional?

Now, just a story: I have a sibling... that ALL HER LIFE, was like that toward school. It is just her personality. EVEN in college, after vacations/breaks, she acted like your son about going back to school... of course by then it was expressed in "adult" ways. The point with my sibling was: that SHE has a hard time, with adjusting to things....school. She is a stick in the mud and is very routine oriented and ONLY likes HER routines. It took her most of her life, NOT to, react that way. SHE got, therapy for it. And now as an adult, she has better RESILIENCY and adaptation, SKILLS.
It took a PROFESSIONAL, to help her with that.
It is not "mental" issues, but rather, a coping-skills "problem" and a rigid personality type.
AND she was a highly successful and highly decorated student, all the way through to college and graduate school.

It may not be that way for your son.
BUT, you don't know. And how can you help him, IF you don't know.... or have, Professional input and do not know how to teach your son, skills to deal with, things.
Because, home schooling in your son's case, to me... is just taking him away... from the "school" situation, like and avoidance measure. Not arming him with skills... to learn HOW to handle.... life and social situations.

Anxiety or adaptation "struggles"... affect many people. EVEN in the performing arts and with Actors, many of them are shy or introverts and get "anxiety" before performing. But... they do it.
"Struggles" are struggles. BUT if one learns coping skills and resilience skills... then a person CAN LEARN to adapt.

Ok, so your husband had anxiety and came from a good home. But did his parents realize he was having that much anxiety? Did they try to do anything to help him? It sounds a little bit like you're just saying the anxiety is inevitable so why bother trying.

I think this sounds like something you really, really want to talk to a counselor or psychologist about. I would think you would want to do everything you can to help him work through this now, rather than ignoring it and hoping that homeschooling will postpone the pain.

Either way, I think it would be a very good idea to talk to an expert in the field. Be completely open about everything that has happened this year and encourage your husband to be completely open about his experiences. I wouldn't just assume that it's hereditary and there's nothing you can do aside from sheltering him. I don't mean to say that homeschooling means sheltering kids from the "real world," just that in this case that's what it sounds like you're trying to do.

ETA - I am really, really sorry if I offended you. I know you only want to do what's best for your little guy. Talking to a psychologist is huge. This is your first step. And really, put it all out there. Make sure you mention all you've observed and what your thoughts and fears are. You are doing the right thing by talking to someone about this.

How is he once he gets going?

My son went through a phase where he was crying HARD when my husband took him to school. We wondered about bullies and all the normal things, but it turned out that he jsut missed us. In his perfect world he woudl have still gone to school, but one of us would have gone with him. He was a sensitive little guy and would get sad once in a while during the day, but overall once myhubby left and he got started with his day and routine he was fine.

I wonder if you are almost make TOO big of a deal over it. Just be very matter of fact about it. "You need to go to school. You are in kindergarten. I will see you when school is over."

Home schooling is not for everyone and neither is public, private classroom learning. Some kids just do better at home learning at their own pace.

I would continue with counseling while you home school and see how he does later on. I just started home schooling this year for different reasons. I have noticed that my daughter is more sociable outside of the traditional school setting. IMO, I think children get a more positive social skills outside of the classroom.

It does seem scary to start homeschooling but find some local groups and remember that you have been his first teacher all along. You will be surprised at home many other people homeschool and are willing to offer their support.

http://www.aophomeschooling.com/

I have been using the Lifepac curriculum sold on this site (see above), but you need to check your state laws and figure out what would work best for you. Some states offer public school from home, you just need internet (some will provide books, computer, etc.)

http://www.connectionsacademy.com/home.aspx
http://www.k12.com/

Good luck whichever choice you make.

To be honest almost all kids go through a phase when they get about 5-6 years old. It's a growth spurt where their body grows but the bladder doesn't yet. I have over 13 years in child care and can honestly say it's pretty common in the kids I've had in my school age classroom.

I don't think having an accident on it's own is anything to worry about.

Don't home school him because he's crying. Send him to school.

If you are not confident that you will be up for the homeschooling challenge, then keep exploring options. Your son may be somewhat like his dad, but he is not his dad and his dad's total experience may not be your son's same experience. I would give the counseling a chance - even if you do homeschool him, he will need that. There are bullies wherever you go, but would another school (perhaps a private one?) be a better fit?

I think you are headed in the right direction. Hopfully a councilor can help with his anxiety!!! I know when we moved which I was older I had a very hard time adjusting to school and wish my parents would have taken me for help instead of making me stick it out!!! If you feel like a few years of homeschool would help him and you can do it go for it!!

I think at this point I would homeschool.
There are a lot of choices and help now for homeschooling.
A lot of groups in your community should be available.
There's a lot of help online now that was never available.
You could just do it for the remainder of this year or even for a few years
then he can go back to school.
You can, also, find people in your area that teach the subjects you are
unsure of.

Oh, poor guy! That must be really hard for you to deal with. It is so hard to know how to help our little ones navigate new things and situations, and kindergarten is a biggy.

Going back to counseling is a great idea. Talk to a professional and get some perspective. I often find myself wanting to badly to comfort my kids that I sometimes prevent them from learning and growing. It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is, especially we you see your baby in pain.

I agree with what Nervy Girl said about being careful when you talk about these concerns. Even though we are trying to help, sometimes when we talk to our kids too much about the things that are bothering them we end up putting too much focus on the negative. Try not to ask him too many questions about it. Rather, ask him questions that might lead him to recall the good parts of his day. If he talks about something bad that happened acknowledge it but then try to move him to something that will make him smile. Help him learn how to focus on the good parts of his day.

I think that counseling sounds like the right step because of course you want him to be able to move past this anxiety. Make an appointment now, don't wait. In a way you're lucky that your husband went through this because he can give voice to what your son may be feeling and can be an example of what *not* to do to help him not carry this anxiety into his later school years. In the meantime, though, you'll have to figure out what to do for this year.

My youngest sister was immature in K. She set under the table on a regular basis for the first couple of months of school (and no one told my parents for two months!) and then when we moved and she went to our new school, she cried a lot, faked illnesses, etc. It was decided by the middle of the year that she would repeat K, so at that point she was pretty much allowed to go to school when she felt like it and if she wasn't up to it, she didn't go. Luckily, my mom was at home and had the flexibility to let her do this. Anyway...the next year, she had matured and was ready for school and did great in school from there on out. So a rough start to K doesn't spell disaster forever.

I would see how quickly you can get your son in to see a counselor. If you can meet with someone this week or next, I would keep him in school until you can make a more informed decision. I know you don't want to torture him, but this is a big decision and you don't want to pull him out at this point if this is just a temporary phase for him.

If you seriously want to investigate homeschooling, you need to get in contact with people in *your* area who homeschool. Meet them personally. Talk with them. Pick their brains! This method of education isn't easy, and it isn't cheap, but some families find it a good option, and being a homeschool teacher is apparently something you learn - not a natural ability.

But you need to question those near you. They can give you the best insight and, if you choose to go ahead, they will be the ones giving you the best support. Every state has different regulations about homeschooling, and you need to know those, too.

I hope you go ahead with the counseling plan you have, because it's so hard to know the score! Kindergarteners aren't the best at expressing their real feelings; they don't even always know what their real feelings are! They can emote better than they can communicate. (Adults can be like that, too!) It can be hard to know when to stay put and trust to time to work out the bugs in the system, and when to make a move.

I did not homeschool my own children; the state was iffy at the time about the legality of it, and I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish. But I know people who have homeschooled successfully, and others who didn't do so well and decided their children should go back to private or public school. One young woman I know well - and highly respect - comes to mind. She went off to kindergarten - and couldn't handle it. She's quiet by nature; she was a confident leader with a small group of friends, but in a large group she retreated into a shell and couldn't even do the work. So her parents decided to homeschool her for that year. They all enjoyed it so much that they continued for a dozen years more. (She's now a preschool teacher herself.)

Hope this helps a bit.

my son has some anxiety about school..

However I would never take him out of school this would not help him.

My son sees a counselor and we did briefly discuss homeschooleing. the counselor stated that homeschooling is almost always a disaster.

Not sure that I totally agree with the counselor.. but if the child is anxious.. about school.. the issue should be handled.. and removing him from school with not handle the problem.
find a counselor for the child and for you as his parents..

This sounds awful; I'm so sorry your family is going through this stress. People homeschool for many reasons and I am not suggesting you are considering homeschool to "run away" from things. It seems like you are working really hard to resolve the issues at hand. However, I feel that if your son is homeschooled, he will have less of a chance at working through things socially and perhaps go all through life like this (how did your husband get through it in college?). But whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you are trying to do what's best for your kid and ultimately, you know him better than anyone. Hugs.

I have a couple of suggestions:

1. Get the book "The Kissing Hand." It helps kids with anxiety over leaving their parent and going to school. I've used it and it really helped with the anxiety.

2. Get some of those diaper-type underwear and let your son wear those to school so he doesn't have to worry about having an accident.

I can kind of be like that (worrying that something that happened once will happen again). Silly as it is, with my car tires. I got a flat tire on the way home over a year ago and yet every day when I get in the car, I have a flash of anxiety over being stuck on the freeway again.

If nothing else works, you can try that online school. They have teachers so you don't really have to be "qualified" to teach him.