To Have a Third or Not??? - Jobstown,NJ

Updated on January 09, 2012
C.L. asks from Jobstown, NJ
12 answers

Hey there ladies......soooo my husband and I have been contemplating having a third baby. We currently have two great boys who are 5 and 2. We have been thinking about this for a few months now and after going to the gyno recently for some problems, its come down to figuring out whether we def do or not.

My husband goes back and forth on his decision. He is concerned that we are now getting to a point where we can do things again and having a baby may hinder this.

A big part of me wants a third and I don't feel our family is complete. I worry that my selfishness will be met with possibly a handicapped child, not getting pregnant, or a death. I did not have such high concerns with my two boys

I know there is no easy way to make this decision but if someone out there does knowplease of ayou way please

Looking forward to some advice!!

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answers from Atlanta on

I was going to say there's not enough money in the world to pay me to have a 3rd, but yeah, if someone gave me millions so I could hire a full-time, live-in nanny... Don't get me wrong, I adore and love my two boys with all my heart and soul, but I never wanted more and I still don't. Hubby got snipped, so we're thankfully done! IF it is absolutely okay for you to have another, and you really, really want it -go for it. It will be hard to go back to infancy, but if it's something you want to do, then you'll enjoy it.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from New York on

The planet thanks you for stopping at two.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Wichita Falls on

You will never regret having 3 children. Especially as you age. Trust me. Good luck in your decision!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lincoln on

I saw your last question was about some problems with your uterus... is it healthy for you to have another child? You don't want to compromise your own health when you already have 2 beautiful children. Is there a reason to think that you may have a handicapped child or a death or something?

Your husband has a good point that going back to a baby is hard. Other mamas who have 3 may refute this but I was one of 3 and I hated it. Two are always teaming up against the other one. I was in between 2 boys and it was always them against me.

Maybe make a list of pros and cons about having one or not. I used to wish I had another (I only have 1) but instead of looking at what I didn't have I learned to look at what I do have. I feel so lucky that I can devote my time to my son and love having just him. Do you want one or just feel like something is missing?

I don't know if my answer is helpful and I hope other Mamas w/more than one have good answers for you, but just remember your own health!!! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I would think that if your husband does not really want another and you do not 100% NEED to have one, you should not. As Shari says the planet will thank you.

I do have friends who had two perfect little ones - a boy and a girl. And their third (whom they would not trade for the world) was born with a brain tumor. He is blind and extremely disabled - he is now about 7. His siblings are stronger but different people than they would have been and all of their family has been impacted greatly. Of course this is not what happens most of the time. That said, I have one - I could not have dealt with how having a disabled or sick child would have changed my son's life.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I LOVE our third. My husband loves our third. Our first two children love our third. You know my vote! ...assuming of course that it is safe for you.

My husband is not so into the infant stage either... But our third just turned a year and let me tell you that the infant time really does fly.

With our third, we were so much more relaxed that we didn't stop doing all our normal activities. We just carted her along. We even went camping with her at 5 months! So, you won't stop living if you have another.

I don't think 3 is that much harder than 2 and I'm really glad we went for it.

Good luck with your decision.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Erie on

How old do you want to be when the last one graduates from high school? Because it's not until then that you will really have time for yourselves.



answers from Washington DC on

We went back and forth on this for a long time and finally had a third baby 3 months ago. I was super stressed for the first trimester about maybe pressing my luck. the baby is an angel, the easiest of the three. she pretty much has to be adaptable because the older two cart her around and she has to be flexible. For example, the other day, child one had basketball and child 2 had swimming at the same time, so instead of getting a nap in her crib, she had to nap on the go. Yes, there are some things we won't be able to do for a while. It is hardest on the older two. When they want to do something like go to a movie, well you can't take an infant to the movies, so they can't do it. But they love being big siblings to her (most of the time) and I think in the long run the benefits will out weigh the negatives, at least for us.



answers from Philadelphia on

Hi there. It isn't always applicable, but I try "Never to make a decision when I'm confused". A friend of mine takes a piece of paper and writes the pros and cons and that seems to make things more clear for her.

Also, the years between your first two are perfect in my experience. A three year old is able to reason your attention going to a newborn way better than a two year old. Now is a great time for another!!:)
Hope this is helpful.



answers from Philadelphia on

If I had followed medial recommendations I would not have had a fourth!!! She was a miracle baby after age 40 -- truly!! But I really wanted her. And, all my pregnancies required multiple weeks of hospitalizations for MANY weeks at at age under 30. Good luck!!!



answers from Honolulu on

I have 2 kids.
That is enough for me.
We HAVE a family. A complete family.
Sure, if I got pregnant with a 3rd, I would be happy.
But I know that having 2 children is great.
I am fortunate.
And thinking of having a baby, is mostly thinking about the sentimentality of it all. The honeymoon feelings of it. But when it gets right down to reality.... well, my 2 kids are enough. And they are happy too.

Why exactly, do you feel your family is "not" complete?
What is a complete family to you?
That is what you have to figure out.
Adding 1 more child, may not be the answer.



answers from New York on

I don't know what the right call is for you. I also have 2, a boy and a girl, and the younger just turned 3. I occasionally wish for another girl but there is no way to know what you will get. I'd be even more tempted by a 3rd if I had 2 boys. On the other hand I am 41 and was told after the last infected c-section not to have more. So, not planning or trying for more...but if it were to happen we would find a way to make it work. Our ages, the kids ages and $ all factor in as well. A pro/con list is one way to go for making a decision. If you make the list then see and feel which way it goes maybe you will know if your heart and your brain are together on this one.

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