To Have a 2Nd Baby Shower or Not?

We've had this discussion about my SIL's latest addition and looked it up online. What we found was that a "Sprinkle" could be held. A Sprinkle is where the gifts are less expensive and more practical...IE diapers, wipes, clothes.

I agree that the mommy-to-be shouldn't have much(if anything) to do with it. But if someone wants to throw a party, let them. If it makes you feel uncomfortable about having a full-out shower, you could make the suggestion of a Sprinkle, instead. I do not think you should register unless you really do need extra baby gear. I would let the person who is throwing the party know what items you will need, if they ask.

Congrats and best wishes.

This is tricky. My SIL was pregnant with triplets (second pregnancy) and her mother wanted to throw a second shower for her due to the financial implications of the triplets and needing to have 2 MORE sets of everything. My MIL said it wasn't appropriate so they ended up not doing it.

However, everyone in the family bought stuff for them as did both sets of parents to help out.

When I had my second child, my work ended up doing what they call a "Sprinkle" which is a shower Lite- less presents more gift cards to help out since you already have some stuff (at least that was how they told me it worked). However you do it is up to you. Some people will find it "tacky and inappropriate' and others are going toget you a gift anyway. I would register for items that you need so family will buy you something you like anyway.

Good luck and congratulations

A.,

My best friend was in the same situation. She had a big shower for her first child and then got pregnant with twins. Everyone wanted to celbrate the twins and wanted to help out since they would need more things.

Everyone thought it was appropriate and had a great time!!

C.

Congrats on the upcoming birth of your twins. I would have loved to have had a shower for my twin boys, born in February. I say go for it since your sister is offering...but as you can see many people are not in favor of subsequent showers so maybe just invite a smaller number of folks. The reality is that having twins IS MUCH DIFFERENT than having singletons. I never had a meet the babies party either - to be honest, the first 6 months are really really really hard. Especially when you have an older sibling at home. The last thing I wanted was to have a bunch of people of over, wanting to hold the babies especially because they were born prematurely and had several issues. Maybe it'll be better for you but hosting my own meet and greet just was not a reality. Even if someone else is hosting a meet and greet, the reality is it's very hard in those early months with twins and aa toddler. Introducing them to a bunch of people after they are born was a big concern b / c of germs as well, adn I know many moms of multiples feel the same way. Just my two cents as a been there, done that mom.

Part of the reason I'm sad I never had a shower for them (and no, it's not about greed) is b/c I think every child should be celebrated. I found very little people even congratulated us on the birth of our twins (no gifts expected, just an acknowledgement of our boys births would have been nice) whereas everyone was so interested when we had our daughter.

So I say go for it. And register too. I did it for the coupons.

GL!! Twins and a toddler is very daunting but fun.

Just know that traditionally you only have 1 shower..so there will be a number of people that object (mabye not to your face). I think the "meet the babies" party would be a great idea. That way people would bring gifts but wouldn't think of it as another shower. Don't worry... with twins gifts will be rolling in and people will want to know how they can help. Its in our nature.

I personally would not unless you're having girls and even then I felt weird going to a friends shower. She had two boys and plenty of baby things from them but I understood that she didn't have girl clothing and such so I was fine.

My family believes in one shower to get you ready for your first child and any subsequent children get maybe a gift in the hospital.

You should consider having your sister do a meet and greet after the baby is born. People may bring the twins things but don't expect it and don't register anywhere.

A.,

I am not having twins, my first little girl is 2 now, and I am due in 2 months, but I am having the same dilemma, to have a 2nd shower or not. We don't yet know the gender(baby wouldn't cooperate at the 20 week Ultrasound - we are having another Ultrasound on Jan. 9); if it is a girl, they will be the same season, and we will probably not need a stitch of clothing, but if it is a boy, we have virtually nothing for clothing, and no-one with one close enough in age to do hand-me-downs.

My SIL really wants to throw me a shower - just like someone else said, every baby should be celebrated. Also, since I am having a repeat c-section, I will have a much longer recovery time, and my DH is only planning on taking one week off work. So our thought was that we would have a themed shower, "Fill the Freezer", where in lieu of baby type gifts, each guest brings a homemade pre-made (or purchased packaged/frozen) casserole or dish of some kind that can be frozen, and the instructions for reheating it, so I don't have to try to cook at first on top of taking care of the baby, the toddler and myself.

You could do something like that, from what i know about people with multiples, cooking becomes last on the list for a while. Send me a private message if you are interested in the freezer recipes I have (which I was going to send out to the guests in case they needed ideas for what to bring - then they would get a bunch of free recipes out of the deal too!) I would be happy to e-mail them to you.

There are other types of theme showers - diapers and wipes shower - you will NEED those with twins and a toddler who I assume is still in diapers!!! Or a baby feeding themed shower, with bottles and formula and baby foods???? Or a coupons shower - where everyone clips all the baby coupons from their paper and brings them to you. Or a MOM SHOWER instead of a baby shower - where they get stuff for you, since with a toddler and twins you will have precious little you time - maybe some coupons for babysitting by friends/relatives, spa/salon gift certificates, lotions and nice pjs and loungewear, etc.

http://www.pregnancy-info.net/baby_shower_themes.html

"Showers for Not So New Parents
If the expectant mom already has a child, she might not want another shower with the same baby themes. Instead, consider throwing a freezer filler shower. Instead of bringing gifts, ask your guests to bring one homemade meal that can be kept in the freezer. New parents will love not having to worry about dinner for a few weeks.

If mom already has a lot of baby essentials, you might want to throw a baby shower that is geared towards celebrating mom’s life after the pregnancy. Guests can give gift certificates for a spa treatment or video rentals; a nice bottle of wine; some coffee; homemade coupons for free baby-sitting services or anything else they think mom will appreciate.

For both of these types of showers you might not want to have a lot of traditional baby shower decorations. Instead, consider decorating the room with fresh flowers (they easily brighten a room without a lot of effort on your part) and scented candles to create a very calm and soothing setting. If you are throwing a couples shower, then both of these showers are good choices."

Here is another site with some themes:
http://www.babyshower101.com/baby_shower_themes.html

good luck - Jessie

A.,
First of all, congrats on the twins! My SIL had a 2nd baby with her 2nd husband and my MIL refused to do anything for a 2nd shower...her family (and a very big one at that) she told me "never does a 2nd shower." With that being said, her new husband's family still had a shower for her and those of us that wanted to give gifts, did.
I gave my sister and BIL a 2nd shower for their baby - but did it as a couple's shower...no games, and after the baby was born so all could meet her. Everyone was happy to see her, and the gifts ranged from sleepers up to carseats and high chairs.
Finally, I would like to advise you about purchasing carseats off of the internet. Most companies will not maintain the warranty on the product if it has been sold, and if there is a recall on the product, the company has no way of getting in touch with you.
Good luck...twins are fantastic...(mine are 3)
J.

We have been thinking about this same thing as we are expecting our 2nd in April (only one though). Even though we have a lot of the big things, we still need smaller things like new pacifiers, bottle nipples, diapers, wipes, etc. I feel like another poster said that I don't want to fill out this baby book and they were not celebrated like our first. Of course they are going to receive gifts, but our last baby book made a big deal about a baby shower. We have thought about just doing a small shower with close friends and family. This child should feel celebrated just like the first. We have thought about doing a get to know baby party especially if we have a boy since the first was a girl. Good luck when the twins come and have a lot of fun with them!

I think typically there's no shower for the 2nd baby. BUT since you are having twins, I'm sure people will realize how much more stuff you're going to need and I don't hink people will mind helping out. Especially if they just get you a gift card or some diapers-- those are simple but VERY helpful gifts =)

Maybe you could have a Meet and Greet after the babies are born. Then everyone could meet the twins and bring a gift if they want to.

I am a firm believer that the mother should have NOTHING to do with the shower/planning or anything. If your sister wants to throw you a shower, fine, but you should not be involved in any way.

I attended a shower for both of my kids. One in 2000 and one in 2004, however since my daughter was born before I met my husband his family felt it would be alright to throw one for my son.

Every baby needs to be celebrated and welcomed into the world. If someone wants to throw you a shower, then go with it and invite people that you know would want to see your new babies and welcome them to your family.

Enjoy and good luck!
J.

I would say if someone is willing to give you a baby shower it's ok to have one. Also with you having 2 this time you will need a few more things for them. Like another car seat, crib along with other things. Some poeple may not want to come or will give less because this is your 2nd. However most people love to buy for babies. I see nothing wrong with having a 2nd. I did with mine. They were both girls but 5 years apart and I did not have a lot for the baby.

What about a "meet the babies" shower after they're born? That way people could meet the twins, and it's an opportunity to present you with gifts if people choose. If someone else hosts it, there won't be any work for you, except taking home leftovers. :)

Hi A.! First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! I also have a singleton that was born first and twins that came along nearly 4 years later. We did have a baby shower with the twins. It was mainly for family and very close friends. I think that you would be the farthest thing from greedy in having a 2nd shower. I had saved all my oldest daughter's things so I was prepared for another child to come along. But it was so nice to get a HUGE supply of the "everyday things" that you will really need LOTS of. We did get some fun gifts like books and camping stuff......but mainly diapers, wipes, lotions, baby wash, gift cards. I honestly am so glad that I didn't think twice about having another shower as the gifts we very appreciated and needed! We wound up having 2 more girls and even though I saved everything found that we really used what was given to us at the showers.

Another tip that I learned......TAKE ALL THE HELP OFFERS you get! I froze lots of dinners before I had the twins and my close group of friends all brought over a dish to freeze too. I didn't have to worry about cooking a decent meal for about 1 month. I also had people offer to come and clean my house as I couldn't really do that. It was very nice. Your recovery will be a bit longer than your first born. I'm a bit of a control freak and don't like to ask for help but I totally caved once the twins were born! I took all offers for help and I'm very glad.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes great!
Again, congratulations to you and your growing family! It will be crazy but in a very good way!

J.

I was given two showers for my first born and when I was pregnant with my daughter one of my mother in law friends asked her about giving me a shower for our new daughter when she is born. My mother in law told her that it wasn't proper to have a shower for the second, which I disagree with totally but wasn't consulted about it. I always hated the idea that the baby books and scrap books have no showers pictures for my two younger children, it is like there was no party or celebration for them. Have the shower, you will not regret it but if you don't, then you could very well regret it.

What I have heard is if there is a decent sized gap between your two pregnancys it's not a bad thing due to most people giving away the older shild's things when they don't need them anymore, I plan on having a shower for my second (when that happens who knows) my son is three almost four, I gave almost everything that was to big to store, example his crib, the high chair, his exersaucer>sp, so I now would be totally unprepared with the exception of bottles and clothes (and that is even if the baby is born around the same tim) so I would not feel bad for having a second shower, and why shouldn't a new baby or in your case why shouldn't the twins have a party for them, my main point is the party is to welcome the babys, not to get gifts and to be greedy. I am sorry for all my rambling.

I think it really depends on your friends and family. If they want to do it, then they will. I don't know why some people would get worked up about it. If they don't believe in a second shower, they don't need to go.

I am sure that you won't need one, though. You are having twins! People are going to give you tons of matching clothes and diapers galore! If people ask you what you need for the new babies, tell them a few things, you'll find that you get a lot of them.

In our church we give a baby shower for the first child born while they are at our church. But they are still bombarded with gifts and meals after they have the baby. We have tons of baby-crazy people in our church.

People are ga-ga over babies and double so over twins.

I don't think have a 2nd baby shower is being greedy. It is a way for your family and friends to welcome the new twins. You need a lot of stuff for twins and yes some of the stuff you have can be reused. If a few people got together and bought you a new high chair and another group got you a 2nd crib it would be a great help to you. Also if everyone who comes to the shower brings a bag of diapers any size you might make it through a few months without having to buy diapers.
Check out the end of the season sales at various department stores. My daughter has a 10 month old baby boy. I worked for Penney's when we found out the little one was coming along. I bought adorable clothes for $ 1-$5 I even got winter jackets for $5. Yes you have to search. When we had my daughter's baby shower I was able to give her a huge bag of baby clothes.
Congratulation on your twins and remember all babies are a celebration.

congrats on twins!

i think its perfectly fine to have another shower for the babies. you will need more of everything, high chair, car seats, cribs, clothes, bottles... everything. plus we had a shower for 3 of our 5 kids. for the last two babies we did a "bearly used" shower. where all gifts were gentally used. personally if someone is against the idea of you having another shower then they just wont come to it. i say go for it and have fun while celebrating the new additions to your family!

I think it is perfectly fine. I did it this way. I have a son (singleton) that was 6 when my identical twin daughters were born - now my son is 9 and the girls are 3. My mom was the one who helped in planning it, it was a small affair, my husbands friends got together for another one, and the girls that I worked with threw me another one. My mom even came with me to the store to register for gifts. Remember that you need 2 of everything and it is not cheap. The girls that I worked with had the best baby shower game idea - see how many diapers we could get M.. I ended up with over 2300 diapers, and trust me we used them all up in 6 months. So don't think of yourself as greedy. With multiples after singletons it is perfectly okay to have a baby shower(s). Good luck and congrats.

M.
mom to Ryan (9 1/2 DS, Bipolar, severe ADHD, GERD, asthma and allergies)
Abbey and Alexa (3 1/2 my "normal" princesses)

People don't usually have shower for the 2nd baby, but you have unusual circumstances. You are going to need 2 of a lot of things. But don't use the "different seasons" thing as an excuse, because a lot of people have that problem. And also the problem of having 2 different genders, like me. But if someone wants to throw you a shower - let them!! If someone doesn't think it's necessary, they don't have to come.

I normally am really against a 2nd shower but in your case with TWINS you have to. Just do it!

My family (and my husbands) only believes in 1 shower. I only had 1 TOTAL for my first child. So NONE OF OUR FAMILY WOULD EVEN CONSIDER SHOWING UP TO A 2ND SHOWER>>! I feel that is kind of greedy when I get invited to another shower for the same mother.....

However, we ended up switching churches after our daughter was born and we started attending a very small church (about 50 people total) and they did throw us a shower for our second, a son. I was not expecting this at all.

The people that come see the baby after it is born always bring gifts so I don't really feel comfortable having other showers......UNLESS you did it after the babies are born so everyone could see them. I HATE GOING TO SHOWERS BEFORE AND THEN GIVING A GIFT BECAUSE THEN WHEN I WANT TO GO SEE THE BABY AFTERWARDS I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BRING ANOTHER GIFT!!!

Whatever you decide you just need to consider who you're inviting and how they will take the invite.

I agree with what Mamatatwo said. I had a girl, followed by another single girl. My SIL enthusiastically offered to throw a shower for me - she doesn't have kids, and didn't throw one for the first child. However, I knew that my friends all had 2, 3 or more children and never had showers for their subsequent children, so how could I ask them to a party where gift-giving was the expectation? I also felt I had enough "stuff", so why ask for more?

If you truly feel that you need more stuff and that your friends/family would go for a shower, then why not do it? And make sure you register for what you want, too, so you don't get more of what you already have and don't want more of. (Since you already have one boy.) However, if you want the celebration more than the stuff, I'd strongly suggest the meet-n-greet; people can always bring a gift, and I would suspect most would.

I'd also recommend getting involved with one the Mothers of Multiples groups. I'm sure you could get a lot of the double items from them, and I know they generally have great annual garage sales that lots of moms attend.

Congrats, and good luck!

ETA: Oh, and on the "off seasons from each other" thing - kids are different sizes and grow differently from each other, so who knows what you might need or not need? Some items I never used w/my 1st, I use literally daily w/my 2nd.

I'm expecting my second baby, 2 1/2 years after my first baby. I'm not having a shower or anything, but my mom asked me to go to Babies R Us and register for a few things because she is always getting coupons in the mail and she'd like to buy little items that we will need here and there when she has the opportunity. I did go and register for some practical things (diapers, baby wash...we're finally out after 2.5 years, etc.) and some more fun things (a new diaper bag to replace the one with the broken zipper, a new swing because I've loaned mine out to the entire family since the birth of my son and the motor is dying, etc.) Anyway, there are always things you need (and ESPECIALLY when you are having twins!) The lady at Babies R Us assumed I was registering because I was having a shower and told me all about the "Sprinkles" that were mentioned in a previous post. I told her that I didn't know about "Sprinkles" but that it was a good idea, and she told me they were becoming very common.

Personally, I would not want to have another shower because I need so little. However, I have been to showers for 2nd, etc. babies and I've never felt like they were being "greedy" or wanted "a gift giving party." I love buying baby things, and if a mother needs things regardless of the situation, I don't think there is anything wrong with having another shower. In my family it's not tradition to have another shower, but we have done it for an aunt who had a surprise baby after she gave her stuff away.

In your case, when you said you were having twins, my first instinct was "of course she needs a shower!" There are so many things you may need two of (car seats,highchairs, cribs) in addition to the things that you will use twice as fast (diapers)and the things that are now unique to you (a double or maybe triple stroller that can handle 2 infant seats) that I think it's a necessity. I am sure people are asking because they just assume the same and want to help. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. However, if you are worried about it, I'd have a shower or "sprinkle" with just close friends/family, have a "shower" after the babies are born, or just register without having a shower and refer anyone who asks to your registry.

Good luck with all of your little ones!

Hi A.! I have hosted a 5th baby shower! I believe that every baby deserves to come in with a bang! WIth twins....you are going to need a shower!
Let your sister plan it.....and you enjoy! I love it when people let me know what they need!
Some people think it's tacky to have another shower, but I think it's tacky to begrudge a party and/or gift to a new baby no matter what the birth order!
Congrats!

I had a second baby shower only because my kids were 6 years apart and I had nothing left from my daughter. It ended up being great cause i found out we were having a boy so i had nothing being I had two girls. My thought on it was most people were going to give you gifts any way, either when the baby is born or before. I was told it was perfectly acceptable and so my friend threw one for us.

I had a second baby shower for my twins, though they are 11 years younger than my other child. I know a lot of people who have showers for every child, regardless of age or sex of their other children. If you are uncomfortable having another baby shower, why not have a "meet and greet" party? We are doing that this summer with my MIL's family, as they thought having a shower for the twins was "tacky and greedy". I didn't feel that way, so had a shower anyway and informed all people invited that I would also be having the "meet and greet" party in the summer time. You are able to have a "meet and greet" while you are still pregnant, also...just make copies of you ultrasound pictures (you will have lots of them, if you don't already! I had ultrasounds every two weeks!) and put them up or put them in cards for the guests. People always want to know what's happening during a twin pregnancy, and this would be a good opportunity for them to ask any questions they may have and to let them know your plans for when the babies are born. It's also a great opportunity to arrange helpers for after the babies are born, if you're comfortable doing so.
Good luck, and congratulations!

I think anymore it doesn't really matter. You definitely have a need for duplicate items that many expectant families wouldn't have. I had 2 showers for my son a year ago (one at work and one for family, other friends). I am now expecting a little girl in May and have thought about having a shower for just family. I am a stay at home mom now and would love to see all of my former co-workers, but not so much so I can get free gifts from them.

I agree with some of the other moms that have posted. If people are inquiring about a shower for your twins, then I would go for it! I would register and just put it out there for anyone that would be interested in getting together for a celebration, but not to feel obligated to bring a gift. Or something casual like that.

HTH,
A.

Perhaps I'm a little old-fashioned (or stodgy or Grinch-like), but I really do not think that subsequent baby showers are appropriate. (Caveat: I went to a shower for a 3rd child that was 16 years younger than her siblings.) You mention you had "showers", plural, for your first son, so I personally would not feel OK with having another shower for later children.

Of course, having twins puts you in a bit of a quandry because you likely need another car seat, infant swing, and so on, but I've found that those items are usually passed around among family and friends anyway, or they are readily available on Freecycle, garage sales, and Craigslist.

With my second I couldn't decide either because I didn't want to seem greedy. So what I did was register...that was all. So when people asked I would tell them where I was registered - but then my husband's family did one anyway - but it was fun and I don't think anyone minded doing a second one. Live it up! :)

Hi A.,

I have twins, and I absolutely advise having another baby shower. You're not being greedy. You are giving people the opportunity to celebrate and rejoice with you. I think that is true of single babies too. But in addition to that, twins have unique needs. You need more of everything in general, and at least two of certain things like car seats and cribs. If you have a group of friends or family members that might like to coordinate together, they may want to go in on a double stroller or two new car seats for you.

People are asking because they want to know what they can do for you. You will have your hands full, so it's a good idea to start accepting help now. :^)

Congratulations!

J. Locke
NewVitality Wellness
www.newvitalitywellness.com

My sister went through this and at the time, I couldn't believe there was a second shower; her boys were less than 2 yearhs apart. But when I realized the women who threw the shower didn't know her when her first was born, I figured it was okay cuz the guest list was different except for family. Turns out I was right. This is from Emily Post's website:
--------------------------------
Q. Is it proper to give a baby shower for a second baby? Some say that baby showers should only be given for the first born.

A. It is all right to have a baby shower for a second or third baby, as long as the guest list is comprised of guests who did not attend a shower for the first (and/or second) baby, with the exception of close friends and family members who would be upset not to be there.
------------------------------
I also think it's all right to have a shower if there is a big age gap, like my brother and his wife having an "oops" baby eight years after the last one. Who saves all their stuff.

In your case, I imagine the ones asking are concerned you do not have two of everything since you only had a single before. This also makes sense if someone wants to throw you a shower.

I didn't have a shower for my first because I was handed down almost everything and felt no need to be "greedy". And then with my second, my sister threw me a party and was able to celebrate my daughter's first birthday AND the new baby. And quite frankly, it was almost like having twins cuz I needed another crib. :-)

In the end, though, the shower shouldn't be about gifts. It should be about the celebration of a baby. So what if it's the second and third or the 10th?

I've lived in three states and, everywhere I go, my friends are happy to host and attend a baby shower, whether it's for a first child or a 4th. Every child is different and special and is a reason to celebrate.
If the mom already has everything she needs for baby, we've done a diaper shower where the gifts are diapers and wipes and gift cards for those baby needs that always seem to come up. We've also just done a party that is more for socialization than gift giving, just to celebrate the new life.
Any way you do it, I don't think it's inappropriate at all. One of my friends is expecting her 4th boy and I plan on making sure she gets a baby shower for him.

In order to get most invitees attending, it is best to allow a non-relative to organize the shower. I believe we should expect a shower (or at least a spa day!) prior to each and every birth!

I would think that since you are having twins it would be a very good thing to have.

If your sister is willing to throw you a shower then I would go with it...I would invite the ones that asked about being invited and close family members...I mean twins are different than having 1 one baby and everyone likes to dress them the same. Best wishes!