To Find Out the Gender or Not? - Coatesville,PA

Updated on October 07, 2011
V.S. asks from Coatesville, PA
27 answers

I am 5 1/2 months pregnant with our second child. With our first child, we learned the gender with an early US. This time around, I thought it would be nice to be surprised but my husband wanted to know now. So, he found out and I remained in suspense. Now, I am about ready to cave. I know it would be a nice surprise on the day of delivery, but it would also be nice to plan accordingly for the new baby. Also, I do feel like a bonded more with my first child knowing that I was carrying a boy - I would imagine what he would look like, act like, I made things with his name on it, I had daily conversations with coworkers who had sons and enjoyed listening to their "boy" stories. My question is - how did other Moms decide to find out the gender vs. wait until delivery? Thanks for the input!

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So What Happened?

Moms -Thank you for all of the input!! I still have not made a steadfast decision, however, your responses all gave me some additional food for thought. As a few of the Moms mentioned, it seemed to make the transition and bonding easier for the sibling, too, knowing they would be having a sister or brother. I will keep pondering the decision over the weekend. Thank you again for responding!!

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A.K.

answers from Phoenix on

1st baby, we waited. 2nd two, we found out. I loved waiting, it was the best experience, not knowing but my husband just can't wait. I made him wait the 1st time, by promising we would find out the next. He does admit it was cool not knowing. He just can't wait that long.

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R.P.

answers from Cleveland on

im a planner so i needed to know. I hate NOT knowing things so i found out and when i have another i will find out as well

1 mom found this helpful

E.S.

answers from Dayton on

For all the reasons you named-I have to find out!
We have 2. No regrets finding out.
If we have a 3rd...Iv'e contemplated waiting. But I really don't think I could do it.
I don't think I needed anymore shock or awe at my deliveries. ;)

1 mom found this helpful

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L.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

We did not find out with the first 7, but after that, our house was getting so crowded that we needed to plan ahead so we learned the gender beforehand with the next 4.

3 moms found this helpful
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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

We waited with both of ours and I just loved the atmosphere in the operating room (had to have 2 sections). All the nurses and the anasthesiologist were so excited! Even the nurses that had prepped me came around again to find out the gender. Of course my doctor knew the whole time as he was the one doing the ultra sounds, but he's good at keeping secrets! ;) Anyway, it was hard not knowing, but it was just so much fun waiting until delivery!

2 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

We didn't find out with either, and I felt completely bonded to them throughout the whole pregnancy! I loved imagining my child as a boy and a girl, never knowing whether I was going to have to deal with girl teen drama or rough and tough boy trouble. It was a blast!
The excitement in the delivery room (or OR as in my case) was amazing! Just waiting with baited breathe to hear the words "It's a..." and finally know whether it was a son or a daughter:) When we got pregnant with our second, I considered finding out the gender since we had done the surprise thing already, but my husband begged not to because he enjoyed being able to go out and announce to waiting family and friends what the baby turned out to be:) He said that through the 9 months everyone asked me what was going on and never him, so that was his one moment in the spotlight, LOL. Made sense, so we waited again to find out with our second.

Having to have 2 names ready to go was challenging, especially with our second because we had already used our #1 girls name with our first, but it was still fun to try to come up with another girl name..

for the record, we didn't need it, we got to use our #1 boys name from 3 years when last year we had our baby boy:)

Good luck whatever you decide.. remember their is a surprise no matter when... whether its at5 months or at 9 months or somewhere in between, you find out your baby's gender:) I like the cake idea!!!

2 moms found this helpful
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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

I figured it is a surprise whenever you find out. I just needed to have the extra joy during since the pregnancy itself was so terrible!!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.2.

answers from Raleigh on

For our 1st I was very adamant that we didn't find out, didn't care what my husband's opinion was. We both loved finding out in the delivery room. We instantly fell head over heels in love with her, irregardless of not knowing the gender ahead of time.

The 2nd time around I told my husband it was completely up to him. He said it was really fun torturing our moms and he didn't want to find out again!

We're all done having kids (mine are 7 and 8) but if I ended up pregnant I think for the 3rd I MIGHT consider finding out the gender ahead of time, more so the older siblings could bond with the unborn baby.

Now...I am an u/s tech also and I would say that about 1 out of 50 couples keep it a mystery. It takes a lot if self control to resist finding out early!

2 moms found this helpful
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✩.!.

answers from Los Angeles on

It was the BEST experience ever to meet and get to know my baby on the day of delivery. I think it is sooo much better to wait. I feel like I bonded the most with my 3rd, whom I did not find out the gender, b/c I was so curious to meet this little person. I didn't get to "create" a personality based on gender - I got to find out in person her personality.

I would stick it out and wait.

Congrats!!!

2 moms found this helpful
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J.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I hate surprises, I had to know as soon as possible! And it was especially nice with the second, because I could talk to my oldest one about his baby SISTER. I could refer to the baby as "her," and actually use her name.

And I personally think that almost everyone has a preference. It's nice to give yourself time to get excited about it if your baby's gender isn't what you secretly hope it will be. After nine months, I'd hate to feel even a moment of disappointment when the baby is born.

2 moms found this helpful
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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I never saw a reason to wait. You will find out eventually so what's the difference if it's now or later. Of course if you like mint green and pukey yellow gifts - don't let anyone else know.

2 moms found this helpful
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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I found out with 5 out of 6 of mine. I thought it would be fun to wait until the birth of my third. His birth ended up being a very crazy ordeal, that I forgot to even ask what I had had! (I went from 3cm to birth in 30 minutes, and he was born in his bag of waters-it never had time to break.) So, the excitement of finding out we were having a third boy of 3 at the time was way overshadowed by everything else. I figure that no matter when you find out what you are having, the news is exciting and wonderful. The birth itself and holding a newborn are exciting in themselves. I like to get two seperate days of exciting news. :)

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T.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I found out with both. No way I could have waited. Maybe you could make it special by having hubby purchase something gender specific like a blue bear or pink bear, or maybe clothing, put them in the soon to be nursery, close the door and have you go in and see. But have him do it secretly so you don't know what day he's doing it. Kinda like a surprise gender party.

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G.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I found out with one...the third...but was surprised by the other four. My neice and her husband had a party when she was about 6 months..they took the info to a bakery where they made a cake so the inside icing revealed the gender of the baby once you cut the cake...each arriving guest either chose a pink or blue pacifier necklace and after dinner they cut the cake to reveal blue filling...a boy..it was a fun time..maybe your husband should go see a baker and throw you a little party! Best wishes!

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

I found out with all five of mine before hand. I had to have ultrasounds because of health issues but we never considered being surprised. It was nice to know ahead of time. Back in the day when they didn't do ultrasounds, they had to be surprised. There were ways that they tried to figure out the gender, though. I say go for it. Let your husband share the news. =) Congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I found out with all four. I liked to have the name and be prepared. My husband was also secretly hoping one would be a boy. He was going to have Tshirts made...lol! Apparently, we were meant to be parents of all girls :)

1 mom found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

We didn't find out with our first--and we had a boy--which is what we were thinking. Then, my husband didn't want me to find out for the second, but I secretly found out anyway! It was a girl (I was shocked because I thought it was going to be another boy)...I never told my husband, or even my closest friends, that I had found out. Part of me didn't "know" for certain--just knowing that ultrasounds aren't 100% accurate for telling gender...so on the day of birth, I still felt excited and surprised. With #3, we haven't decided yet if we're going to find out. :-)

1 mom found this helpful
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L.A.

answers from Denver on

I found out with my first, to satisfy the family/inlaws. I didnt with my second and loved not knowing. It was great having people guess and having the surprise at the end. Baby stuff is so gender neutral these days, that i dont see how much it would really make a difference. I would still buy gender neutral stuff even if i did find out, because they have been known to be wrong :-)

1 mom found this helpful
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R.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

We didn't find out for #3. It was so much fun, we LOVED the added excitement in the dlivery room. I wish we had kept our first two a surprise as well.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

I wanted to know as early as possible! I couldnt wait to start shopping around for my son's stuff. And I felt like we bonded too cause I could call him by his name right from the start.

1 mom found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

I waited with my second, but so did my husband. I dont regret it. I was in a lot of pain because i had her natural..and very abruptly. It seemed like everything disappeared the moment i heard "its a girl" But your husband knows so it will be less a surprise.

My conditions were so that i could wait to find out. various things made it so that i didnt have to decorate and all that right away.

I COULD NOT wait this time. With 2 girls and only a 3 bdrm house i had to plan, i still do

1 mom found this helpful

C.A.

answers from New York on

With our first we didn't want to know. So we had alot of things in neutral colors. With our second we found out. I really wanted to know this time so that we could be prepared. Our first was a girl and we kept everything. Our second is a boy who is 3 weeks old. It worked out perfectly cause my cousin was having a girl. We were 5 days apart in our due date. I gave all my girl things to her to use. A neighbor gave us all her boy things. This way I could clean out everything from my daughter and make room for the boy things. I am more prepared for the gender this time around and he has plenty of clothes. I kept everything that was 0-3 months cause they were neutral colors but everything after that was girly and could not use. My cousin was very grateful cause she has alot of clothes to start her out with. I was so hoping for a boy this time. Now we have the perfect family. 1 girl, 1 boy, a dog and two cats. I am so happy that we decided to find out this time. It made it easier to choose a name and not have to decide on two names. That was the hard part the first time. We knew what we wanted for a first name but had to come up with a middle name for our son.
Since you found out the first time why not the second? This way if its a girl you can plan ahead. Best of luck and congrats on the baby!

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A.R.

answers from Houston on

We didn't find out just because it struck us as more fun. Personally I was sick the whole time with morning-noon-night sickness so it proved an outstanding motivator during some very low moments. Besides when we were baby shopping I felt so much more focused on the baby just being a baby. All the cute little animals on the clothes and so on. Admittedly it was a little harder finding gender neutrals but that was just part of the hunt for things. Also I will never forget my husband announcing the gender to me. Priceless. Congratulations to you and your family on your pregnancy.

1 mom found this helpful

R.C.

answers from York on

We did not find out with our son. I will admit a part of me wanted to know but my husband wanted to be surprised. We made the comprimise to be surprised with #1 and find out for #2. I am not sure now what we will do when we have #2. I liked the surprise in the delivery room....even considering the 'surprise' c-section I ended up needing when my son become stuck in my birth canal. The only reason I think finding out with #2 would be helpful is that I saved all of my son's clothing. If we are having a girl I will know I can make room in the storage room.

I was very bonded with my baby before I gave birth and found out he was a boy. I loved him no matter what gender he was from the minute I got the positive pregnancy test. I did get annoyed when people asked me what I was having and depending on my mood my response was 'a baby'. I now make sure I never ask pregnant mommies that question because I know how annoying I found it.

Congrats on your new little one!!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Lake Charles on

I feel like knowing the sex is a huge bonding thing.. I found out at 15 weeks, thank god because I couldn't have waited that long!!! Find out, and if you want to keep it to just you and hubs knowing.

1 mom found this helpful
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H.1.

answers from Des Moines on

We're in almost the same boat. We found out my first was a boy and I agree it helped to bond (not that I have anything to compare to I guess) - in the same ways you described. We are trying now for #2 and I considered how fun it may be for a surprise since the only new things we will need would be clothes if its a girl. Hubby said he would want to know because this was more fun for him. I think it helps a guy even more to bond by thinking about his little boy/girl because they don't experience the pregnancy firsthand. Anyway, I don't think I could ever have one of us know and not the other - I would cave for sure! He and I will have to come to an agreement first. Anyway, I chose to find out for our first for planning purposes but it turned into more. I think I'd like to be surprised for #2 because of the traditional element of it, but honestly - I think I will find out #2 also - I just get impatient with surprises I guess. Plus, it does help because it lets you daydream and get all excited about the little details of life to come.

1 mom found this helpful

M.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I couldn't imagine finding out beforehand. We didn't need to plan any differently, either gender would've been in the same room with the same hand-me-downs and used items. Other people needed to know more than me, and some constantly hounded. Luckily for us, our son never showed more than his fist and his back on every ultrasound, and I had over 20 of them (due to several complications). Even if we wanted to know, we couldn't find out.

I've kind of been the same way with him since birth, not needing to plan ahead, enjoying things as they happen, not wishing him into the future (where some friends kept wishing their child would crawl, then wished they would walk, then wished they would _____, etc).

Good luck :)!

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