To Find Out the Gender or Not?

Updated on April 19, 2010
K.M. asks from Columbia City, IN
16 answers

I am expecting baby #3 in September. We need to decide whether to find out the gender at our ultrasound in 8 weeks. We didn't find out with either of our other 2. One boy, one girl so far! Since I have one of each already, I don't need to find out in order to prepare the nursery or buy items. We already have everything we need for either gender. The nursery is gender neutral and most of my 0-3 items are also gender neutral. We do have several items from the previous kids that are blue or pink so I am not worried about needing to shop. My husband didn't want to know with the first 2, (but I did) and now he wants to find out and I don't. Since it won't help me prepare for needed items, decorating I would rather be surprised. Any of you mom's that have experienced this with #3? Did you find out? Do you regret your decision either way? I can't wait to meet this child, boy or girl as I am thrilled to be expecting again!!

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answers from Detroit on

There was a question about this same topic posted a few days ago and below is what I responsed to that one. If you are looking to still have a nice surprise, a little fun, and do something different, maybe you will like to try something like this. I don't think you will regret it either way.

I did not find out for my first 2. So, I decided I wanted to try finding out for my 3rd. My husband did not want to find out. So, my sis in law gave us a really great idea to still make it exciting. We had the ultrasound tech put the gender in an envelope. We gave the envelope to a bakery. And, we told the bakery to bake the cake pink for a girl and blue for a boy. They frosted it with white so we could not see until we cut it and put a cute saying on top that said '10 fingers, 10 toes, boy or girl nobody knows'. We invited our closest friends and family over to all find out with us. I had everyone where pink or blue depending on what they thought it was. It was so much fun! No one that came had ever been a part of something like it before so everyone was excited! I figured since you don't have a shower or anything after the 1st, it was a nice get together with the family to celebrate the coming of the baby as well. Anyway, just an idea that we loved. I really can't say one way was better than the other. And, I feel like I am still just as excited about the birth. Have fun!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

Hi there. I am expecting Baby #3 right now and I was the opposite and found out with my first two children - a boy and a girl. So we decided to wait and be suprised with Baby # 3. Not sure if this helps out or now, but I think it will be a wonderful suprise in the end whether it is baby 1 2 or 3 or 4. HaHa. Looking back, I hate to use the word regret b/c I don't regret anything about my pregnancy or births but I think that waiting to find out may or could have been a bit more special. Good luck with your decision!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Des Moines on

for me personally find out the gender made me feel more connected to the baby before the birth. i am currently 22 weeks pregnant with #2 and we tried to find out but couldnt and not knowing is driving me crazy! if you dont want to know you could always just let your husband find out and tell him not to tell anyone. then if you do decide to find out you will know. i dont know how old your other kids are but i have heard of people doing something called a gender cake. where you ask the ultrasound tech to write down the sex of the baby on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. take it to a bakery and ask them to make you a cake with either blue or pink filling and gender neutral on the outside. then everyone in the family can gather around and cut the cake to find out what you are having.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I chose not to find, I'm not a fan of ultrasounds, but the bigger reason is I wanted a child. I didn't want a "boy" or a "girl" if that makes sense. I felt as though finding out would brand the baby to be "girly" or "boyish" and I would get to know characteristics rather than focus on the little being inside me and getting to know then for who they are, the way God intended. I wasn't surprised a bit when they showed up, I already knew that they were either a boy or girl, you just 'know'. And if some random U/S tech had told me I wouldn't have had the treat of getting to know my child in an unhurried way.

But you already know all this:) Congrats on #3 and go with your heart!!



answers from Indianapolis on

I just had my third.
With my first, I was on my own. Everyone around me wanted to know so I had a good friend go with me to find out. No one spilled but at about seven months, I decided I wanted to know. It was a boy.
With my second, my hubby wanted to know and I didn't. Being his first child, we found out. Another boy.
Child three, I laid down the law and said we are not finding out. Even having two boys, gender didn't matter at all. After I gave birth, I was just as excited to see my beautiful baby plopped onto me and hear a healthy cry. Only after the nurses took the baby to clean did my husband ask, "Did you see? What it is?". I laughed because I had not looked. It didn't even occur to me! It was another boy. :)

Going through the differences, if I were to have another I will find out. I'm a worrier and gender just gave me one more thing to worry about.
I also felt as though I bonded with the first two more knowing their gender. I couldn't bring myself to call the baby "it" and I also didn't like calling it "the baby". Sometimes I'd say he and sometimes I'd say she. Which my husband joked about confusing the child.

It was nice to be able to tell people we didn't find out though because so many people do now (my doctor said 95 per cent when I asked him howany people find out).
Another friend said they didn't find out because it gave the dad's phone call a little more meaning to announce the birth. Instead of just calling to say "s/he's here!" he gets to say "it's a ___!".

Either way I doubt you'll regret your decision and the most important thing will be that your baby is healthy.



answers from Terre Haute on

I found out on all 4 of my kids. First time, I just couldn't wait. I was considering not finding out on my second pregnancy, but it ended up being twins so I thought I needed the extra time to get prepared, but then on the 4th child I found out to help my only daughter cope with not getting her baby sister she was so hoping for. We took her to the ultrasound with us to help her be excited because my mommy intuition was telling me it was not a girl. My thought was that I got surprised twice each pregnancy. I was surprised when they told me and then surprised again when they arrived, by how beautiful they were, how big they were, just the feeling of their arrival. But if you can wait and you want to do it. It is going to be one of the most exciting days either way.



answers from Indianapolis on

I personally don't like the idea of finding out the gender, so we didn't with either of our kids. My husband wanted to, but he's so glad we didn't. There are so few surprises in life, and this is one.

Instead, we chose to focus our energies on bearing healthy kids and preparing ourselves for all the ways our lives would change with having a baby (or an additional baby) would bring.

To each his own, but my personal feeling is that you can't change it, so why find out? Especially after my experience with cancer after having our second child, it's so much clearer how much a healthy child is a blessing. I don't care if we have another boy or another girl - I'd like more kids, but it may be impossible or impractical. The child is the gift, the gender doesn't matter.

Good luck with your decision.

When people would ask if we knew the gender, my standard smart alec response was, "We've narrowed it down to either a boy or a girl"



answers from Bloomington on

I didn't find out for our third. it was awesome!!! the biggest, most exciting surprise of my life!! do it!!!!! seriously, it's sooooo amazing to have that as a reward for the work of labor.

my husband wanted to know... so he looked at the ultrasound screen and i didn't. so he knew months before i did. but he kept the secret and let me be surprised. most people think we are crazy for that-- how could he know and i not know??!!? but it worked for us!!! i didn't want to find out just because he wanted to, but he didn't want a surprise...



answers from Muncie on

As long as your husband respects you choice not to know yet, he can be told. Compromise is a wonderful thing.

Good luck and enjoy.



answers from Washington DC on

I have 3 kids and I found out the gender with all of them , like you I also had one of each so had everything I needed so there really was no need to find out , but I am like a kid when chirstmas is coming and try to look for the presents! , I just couldn't go into the room knowing they could tell me and not ask what the sex was. I sometimes wish we did wait for the surprise , just so I could have had the experience of getting that surprise at the end but I don't regret it and wish we had done it differently. As you want a surprise and your husband don't could you ask the sonographer to write it down so your husband knows and you don't?



answers from Toledo on

All I can suggest is if you had an amazing experience with your husband waiting until that final moment to find out, then wait. There are so few true surprises left in life. My husband and I went back and forth with baby #3 last year. Ultimately, we decided that the emotions and feelings associated with guessing and waiting and then finding out at the baby's birth was something we did not want to give up. It was most agonizing (for whatever) reason the third time around, but well worth it. Would not change it if I had the chance. Congratulations and best wishes for a healthy baby!



answers from Indianapolis on

I have four children, and never found out with any of them. With my 4th, my husband wanted to, and so did my other children, they were age 9-14 the youngest was born. Two girls, then a boy, so my son wanted to find out if he had a brother. IT got me thinking, he won't know what it will be like to have a little sister or brother. Having two older sisters, he was sure he would have a little sister, and didnt' want that. Had we found out it was a girl, he would have worried the rest of my pregnancy about having a little sister. Turns out it was a little brother, but had we found out which it was, he still wouldn't have known what it was like to have a little brother either.


answers from Raleigh on

I don't have three kids, but I feel like it is important to find out one way or other when we get pregnant again. Not necessarily for us, but more for my son (who is almost 4). I think he will be able to relate more to the pregnancy and his sibling if he can call it something other than "the baby". We plan on finding out and let him help us pick the name (we have 2 names he can "choose" from). I personally feel like this will help him feel like he is more involved in the pregnancy. If you don't think it will matter to your son and daughter, then do whatever feels right. My hubby didn't want to know, but the day of the ultrasound, he suddenly wanted to know so he could start to relate to our child. I figure it is a surprise either just get one earlier than the other! Good luck and congratulations!



answers from Raleigh on

We are too preg with our third, due in October. We have 2 boys, found out with both of them and with this one I do not want to. However my husband wants to know and told me that he CAN NOT keep the secret. So we will go, but I am hoping that baby will not show the parts:). Even with 2 boys I do not care what the gender is. They will be almost 4 and almost 6 by the time baby is born and I am just amazed that God let us be preg again!!!!!



answers from Pittsburgh on

I am very practical so with my son (my only) we did find out. I don;t regret it but have heard it said that there really are so FEW TRUE surprises these days......and since you didn't with the others, I'd let it be a surprise for you!



answers from Pittsburgh on

Maybe the doctor could let your husband know the gender, and not you. I know a few couples that did that. Either the mom or the dad found out and kept it a secret so the other one could be surprised in the delivery room.

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