To Find Out or Not to Find Out (The Sex)

Updated on August 18, 2011
S.R. asks from Clinton, MO
29 answers

I'm on a roll with questions the past few days :)

We have one boy and one girl already. We found out the sex with both of them. With this pregnancy being such a huge surprise and shocker, I have been throwing around the idea to not find out the sex of this baby. Hubby is NOT on board with this, only because he says I am a control freak and have to have things planned. He thinks I couldn't last without knowing. He is probably right. Plus, he wants to know the sex.

I don't see my OB for another 2 weeks, but after talking to him on the phone we are thinking I am due on 1/1/12. Which means I will be having my ultrasound very soon and we need to make this decision.

If you or someone you know hasn't found out the sex how did they get ready for baby? I will have no problem finding a gender neutral car seat and play yard, but I have been online browsing for clothes for a few days and they are all full of ducks ,YUCK!

I think it is going to be harder than I thought to prepare for a surprise baby.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Yes, we do have a boy and a girl. But in June we donated EVERYTHING we had been saving for our third child because we were told it was going to take fertility drugs for me to get pregnant and we were just not ready for that step. Apparently God has other plans for us. :)

I was on the fence with this, but I think you all have helped me to decided that I really do want to wait.
Like some of you said, I will not regret waiting, but may regret finding out. Thanks again for all the great answers!!!

Featured Answers



answers from Los Angeles on

We had a boy and girl when we were pregnant with # 3. We chose not to find out. It was AWESOME! The best experience every. With the other 2 I felt like I created a personality to them once I knew there gender. With baby # 3 when she was born it was this really awesome feeling of like "I am really meeting you today... wow... who are you? and I can't wait to find out who you are". It was great.

I highly recommend it!

As far as getting ready - wait till baby is born and then go shopping. Thats what we did and at least for us, going out with a newborn was no big deal. We totally relaxed by the 3rd :)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

We didn't find out with either. We painted the rooms white, hum drum!! But it was so suspensful waiting for the doctor's announcement!! We loved it!!

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answers from Kansas City on

I would highly recommend not finding out, we didn't with any of our 3. We had two boys, and the last was a girl and was a huge huge surprise. Don't you already have clothes for a boy or a girl since you already have one of each? If you don't, you can always just get some white onsies, and then wait till it's born to buy more. I had a bunch of neutral stuff, but once I had that girl there was no way I was not going to put her in all pink and purple. I took back a bunch of the neutral stuff I received, and returned it for pink. There are so few surprises anymore in life-people find out the sex, then have a name all picked out, get a 3D sono to see exactly what they look like... it's the best surprise ever to go through all of labor and then find out if you have a new son or daughter.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

i didn't find out and loved it....i would opt to not find out don't get many suprises once you're older...and as far as clothes, yellows and greens and you already have one of each so if hand M. downs are ready J. wash a little of each

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I have a 5 year old daughter and chose not to find out the sex. It was easy to do since me and my hubby were against finding out. But every ultrasound, we were sure to remind the dr. that we did NOT want to know the sex.

To prepare, we painted the room a beautiful yellow and bought dark wood furniture and crib. A deep yellow glider, too. The curtains and comforter set were green, yellow and white with frogs. We did lots of whites yellows and greens. For the shower, we chose neutrals and got lots of white and yellow NB clothes.

If I was to have another baby, I think I would paint after and buy bedding after the baby was born.

I wouldn't worry about clothes right now - you will get so many once the baby is born. Just have some staples in white (gowns and a few small one peice stretchies).

My plan was to have my hubby tell me boy/girl once the baby came out. It would give him a special moment that would be just his.

Well, I had to have a c-section under general anesthesia. So when I was coming out of it, the anesthesiologist was there waking me up. He told me that I had a healthy baby - but wouldn't tell me boy/girl. They all knew that I wanted my hubby to tell me - so no one would tell me. But a few moments later my hubby was there and said - it's a girl. Great moment.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Salt Lake City on

We just had our surprise gender baby and we LOVED not knowing! It was so much fun. I don't think you'll regret keeping it a surprise. Just buy a few white onesies for the first few weeks and you can get everything else later.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Don't find out! Since this is likely your last baby, and you found out with the first two, make it a different experience and save that piece of excitement for the delivery room.

Borrow some clothes from friends that have babies so you can have gender-specific stuff for both boys and girls. We also had plenty of gender neutral stuff that is not ducks (teddy bears, lots of different zoo animals, ABCs, stripes, etc). Try to borrow lots of baby gear, too - pack n plays, bouncy chairs, etc.

Also, remember - little girls can wear blue!!

Congrats and I say be surprised. :D

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I didn't find out with either - and ended up with two boys. We painted our nursery a bright yellow and did a Noah's ark theme that was very gender neutral. I could have done purple or pink accents if we had a girl but did blue with my oldest and then kept the blue for my baby.

My pack n' play and travel system were a cool gender neutral green / brown that worked well in my house also.

Clothes - well, I had very little in the way of clothes for my firstborn. Just a few gowns / onsies in white, green and yellow and then got clothes as gifts. I actually got so many clothes as gifts that the only thing I bought him myself was his christening outfit. Literally, didn't buy anything until we were out of 18 month size clothes.

For my second born, I had some of my firstborn's clothes ready to go - in newborn size. My second born came out wearing 3 month size clothing but as it turns out, he was another boy. I figure if he had been a girl, then everyone we know would have gone out to buy something pink!

You don't need that much with a new baby and have plenty of time to shop after baby is born. I am glad we did the surprise both times - a baby is god's greatest gift and it was fun to be able to tell everyone, "It's a boy and his name is XXXX".

Cheers! C.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

We didn't find out, and I really didn't feel like we had to prepare. There are clothes without ducks, but white onesies are enough to start, and you'll find it. I thought it was fun to be surprised.

White, green, orange, yellow worked fine with our boy because they usually mix the colors. It was no stress at all, really. But I'm not a big clothes oriented person.

Have fun, you'll be fine :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

We did find out with our first, but I've had several friends who haven't. I was on the fence about knowing, but my husband really felt like he wanted to have a better idea of what to expect to help him feel closer to the baby. We bought most things gender neutral anyway because I plan to have more and didn't want to buy everything new again. If you decide not to find out, just get some plain onsies and sleepers and people will buy you the pink or blue when the baby comes.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

there are too few purely positive surprises in life. we didnt find out and while it was hard it was worth it!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

FWIW - I didn't find out the sex for any of mine (4). I was pleasantly surprised with all of them! I'm not a duck fan either so I stuck to greens and whites with some denim thrown in the mix. I was out and about as soon as I was released from the hospital and picked up anything I needed. I was also given so many things once everyone else found out! Keep it a surprise - so much more exciting the whole way through!! : )

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Daytona Beach on

if i were able to get prenant again, i would try my hardest not to find out the gender. i also have one of each. if i didn't i think that i would probably find out.



answers from Alexandria on

I had one of each experiences.

First baby was a little girl and we knew that.

Second baby we didn't find out until she came into this world. I am a planning control freak myself, but is was very important to my husband for it to be a suprise. Turned out it really wasn't a big deal.

Don't worry about the new born clothes he or she will only be in a matter of weeks. If your baby is like my babies he or she will spend most of the time in little white onesies.

I had no problem finding gender nuetral the boy section! Since when does red, green or purple or any bold colors have to be for a boy? The few "boy" clothes we had purchased before my daughter was born, she wore and looked adorable in!

When baby comes you will have plenty of opportunity to get gender specific clothes....for the rest of his or her life!
It is an amazing experience to havedoctor hold that new little baby up and exclaim "It's a......"


answers from New Orleans on

Actually with my last pregnacy we was told we was having another girl..The whole pregnacy I kept thinking to myself I don't think its a girl,but a boy. My first 2 girls I had high blood pressure throught out my pregnacy and never had any morning sickness. This one(the last child) I never had any high blood pressure but did get morning sickness the first 3 months. Needless to say I was right the day of my schedule c-section we found out he was a boy. It was a good surprise. Not b/c he was our first son but the fact that bascially it was not what we expected. Needless to say as soon as I got out the hospital I had alot of girl stuff to returned but that was ok. Ultrasounds isn't always 100% right,just saying. lol. ;) I thinking waiting is more exciting. Just the thought of is it a girl or a boy?



answers from New York on

The good thing is that little ones don't need "gender specific" clothing right away! People will buy gifts and send them after you get home. You can also send your husband out shopping for "gender specific" clothing as his errand (a.k.a. downtime for you) while you are in the hospital (sleeping)!

You may have to bring your bundle home in a ducky outfit, but you can buy things as you need them after!

**You're better than I am. I couldn't go the entire pregnancy without knowing. I do have friends who have done it, though.

**I also have a friend who was undecided, so she had the ultrasound tech write the sex on a paper and put it into a sealed envelop. That way if they change their mind, they have the answer right there!



answers from San Francisco on

Congratulations! I've only heard good things about leaving the gender as a surprise, so if that's the way you're leaning, wait it out! We found out with baby#1, but now I'm pregnant with #2 and am waiting to find out. I want to be surprised! My hubby would rather find out, but he said he can wait it out. I say wait! :)


answers from Houston on

I would NOT be able to wait. I have a friend who has both sexes, so she was totally fine waiting. To me, it's a surprise either way... so I'd rather not deal with the hormonal anxiety of waiting. Good luck if you can!



answers from Memphis on

I didn't want to find out with my first and had to talk my husband into it with the agreement that we would find out for the second. When I got pregnant with my 2nd, I was ready to find out and wanted to since that was the agreement we had made. My husband had changed his mind. We decided to go ahead and find out. It was nice to know, especially since it was a girl and we already had a boy, but I did sort of miss the excitement of finding out at birth. Now I am pregnant with my 3rd. I assumed that we would find out since we did the last time until my husband said that he didn't want to. We have decided to wait and I am really glad that we are. What convinced me is that once you know, you can't change your mind. With my son, my ob didn't do ob ultrasounds in the office so once we had missed the chance we didn't get another. With my current ob, they do the ultrasounds in the office and have said that I can change my mind and find out anytime I want. It's funny how know that I can find out anytime makes me even more sure that I want to wait. This is our last child so we can't do if differently next time and I would rather go ahead and wait than wish I had.

As for baby things, with my first, we really only got some of the basics - onsies, sleepers - yes, there were lot so ducks, frogs, yellow and green. I was ok with that though. But you really don't need much for the first few days/weeks. However, that does mean you will have to do some shopping sooner after the baby is born.



answers from Kansas City on

My sister just had a baby shower for her soon to be grandchild. It's their first and they decided not to find out the sex. For the shower the theme
was "Surprise" with a cute saying, "There are very few surprises left in life, join us for ours". They decorated the shower in black/white polka dots and yellow. My sister sent pictures and it was so cute. They registered for gender neutral things and said once they baby is here they can get other things to make it for a girl or boy. She rec'd a lot of white, yellow and green things. I'm sure it can be fun, you just have to decide. Good luck.....


answers from Provo on

I have decided that my next will be a complete surprise! I want that iconic moment of "Oh it's a ______!!!" and to cry with joy.
I admit picking out the room will be hard, but meh. That's not whats important. What is, is that you are bringing home a MIRACLE BABY!! :D


answers from Williamsport on

I was surprised for ALL THREE and they were the MOST fun surprises of my life. I told my husband he was allowed to find out if he swore not to tell me, and then he decided not to find out either. It was so fun, we did it two more times :) What do you mean how do you prepare? You buy diapers and unisex onesies, pick two names, and wait! Congrats!

btw, the most fun about waiting, is really getting on everyone's nerves. For some reason, in laws and friends REALLY didn't think we shoudld wait to find out .. ??! :)



answers from Kansas City on

Wait wait wait!!! We have three darling boys... found out with the first and not with the third. Although (obviously) most women want a daughter... it was still the most INCREDIBLE experience to not know the WHOLE time!!! SOOO exciting!!!! Everyone was on the edge of their seats leading up to to his birth!!!! Everyone wanted to know SO bad what we were having. It was so much more fun than the other kids... like the BEST christmas present EVER!!! It takes a lot of effort to not find out... and strength :) But you can do it! You will so regret it if not!



answers from Chicago on

I vote for keeping it a surprise!! Of course that is what I did with all four of mine (and my first two were boy and girl also). We bought a lot of the big stuff gender neutral from the start knowing we would use most of it for all our babies. We even had the same gender neutral bedding used for all 4 of them. There is a lifetime ahead to be gender specific. I did buy one "boy" and one "girl" outfit to bring to the hospital as a take home outfit. All you really need to get started is a few white onesies and a few neutral sleepers. Then you can see what size you will need (a big baby can skip right over "newborn" sizes, and then you are starting over anyway) you can see what you get for gifts, and fill in any gaps. One or two ducks won't hurt anyone. Or you can buy a couple outfits for either gender and return what you don't need, or better yet, donate it to a local shelter.
I have never heard of anyone who regretted waiting, but I have had a couple of friends regret finding out. It is such a special surprise, and we know this baby likes surprises, might as well stick with the theme. It will be so fun and so worth it!!



answers from Dallas on

I didn't find out and I didn't buy a lot of clothes either. It actually worked in my favor, because when we finally had my daughter and family finally found out what she was, they sent tons of clothes. I didn't have to buy clothes for her until she was 6 months. I bought a lot of sleepers since we didn't leave the house much and that was in March, I would think in January you won't leave the house much either, so you don't need a lot of cute clothes right away. I did buy one girl outfit and one boy outfit for the trip home from the hospital and then she spent most of the first week in sleepers. By the end of the first week, so many clothes have arrived from others that she was decked out in all the prettiest dresses. We did a green and brown monkey theme in our nursery and at 2 1/2 our daughter still loves the monkeys.



answers from Youngstown on

Well my cousin didn't find out what she was having both times she had babies. I personally could never never never do it. I hate surprises. I know they did like sage green and tan for the baby's nursey(reused for the secound) ,a neutral carseat and everything else. I think they just went to store and bought like cream,yellow and green sleepers,onsies,and blankets but didn't buy a whole bunch then waited for the baby to be born and then people bought them boy outfits(or gave them boy clothes) and they just had a girl and everyone bought them pink and purple clothes and blankets. Good luck if you can wait!



answers from San Francisco on

I didn't find out the gender of any of my four kids. I love to be surprised! As far as planning with clothing? You really only need the basics, sleepers, onsies and such for the first few weeks anyhow. Once the baby comes then you do the shopping for the gender specific clothing. Blessings on your newest addition!!!


answers from Houston on

Ive done both, i found out with my first, waited with my second....waiting was ABSOLUTELY magical. If you dont really have to plan THAT much about the baby before delivery then id say wait. I got all creme colored layette stuff, and a car seat i could dye if need be. then i asked for gift cards at my shower for clothes, or unisex (white, beige, green, yellow) they can all be offset with splashes of pinks and blues.

Im not waiting this time though, i have two girls and if im pregnant with a boy EVERYTHING will change., maybe even my house., but i wish i could wait again. Seriously the day of my 2nd daughters birth was the best surprise!


answers from Dallas on

I'm not a control freak but I want to know the sex of my last "surprise" baby. I too, have a girl and a boy then 9.5 years later found out I was pregnant again. So yes, I wanted to know, then I concentrated on boy names vs girls. I always had a couple in mind just in case the ultra sound wasn't right...

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