To Cry It Out or to Not Cry It Out, That Is the Question!

I found these books to be extremely helpful (both by E. Pantley): "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and "The No-Cry Sleep Solution For Toddlers."

Children go through different stages, and it affects their sleeping. This helped me get ahead of it. (I don't believe in CIO.)

So much good luck to you.

Since your job is a recent change, that can definitely be a contributing factor. Children are sensitive to big changes in their lives, and less Mommy would be a huge change. If this occurs at the time a child is getting a sense of himself as separate, and therefore subject to separation anxiety, he may be feeling pretty uncertain about what's happening in his little life. Anxiety = less relaxation and fighting sleep.

Other possibilities are that he's growing fast and hungrier than usual, or is cutting new teeth, or that he's undergoing a very stimulating development of his abilities, either just learning to walk or talk, for instance. My grandson became less able to lie down and sleep for a few weeks during each of those major developments. But after the "new" had worn off a bit, he settled down again.

I believe babies will sleep if they can. If they can't, you can't make them. And letting a baby get tireder by keeping him up later can actually work against good sleep. An overtired baby has jangled nerves.

Since you are probably spending less time with him because of your job, you might try to find time to really focus on him during the hour before his bed. Keep the atmosphere calm and happy, and give him lots of physical contact if he seems to want that.

Good luck. This will probably pass with some patience. Don't expect any baby to always need and want the same routine – many go through many changes during their first 2-4 years.

My DD has been doing that. I tried to be nice to her when she fussed about it. I would go in, lay her down, and sing to her or pat her back. She got WORSE about wanting to wake up and stay up.

SO I started going in, and being a little harsh with her. I open the door, tell her LAY DOWN in my 'no nonsense mommy' voice, then go straight back out. If she doesn't lay herself down, I lay her down without saying a word to her, and walk out. I let her CIO for about 5 minutes at a time.

Once she stopped getting attention for crying and trying to stay up, she started going right back to sleep again.

Of course, when she is teething or not feeling so well, I do bend the rules. :)

.

Because it's a recent change, I suspect that it's something like:
1) he's teething and his mouth hurts
2) he's going through a growth spurt
3) he's just learning to walk which can trigger separation anxiety
4) something else developmental that he needs to work through.

In any of these cases, the good news is that he probably just needs some short-term comfort and then he'll go back to sleeping like a champ. If he's still doing this in a month, then you might think about some sleep training, but I doubt you'll need to go there.

In the meantime, I'd do what he needs to get back to sleep - either rub his back or pick him up and rock him. I wouldn't make it into playtime at night though - don't want it to be too fun to wake up at night :)

Good luck!

Actually, my thoughts on this are neither pro or anti cry it out! It sounds like your LO may have hit a point where he needs less sleep. He's around the age for that to happen. Try adjusting his bedtime and also, don't let him sleep too late into the afternoon.

ETA: I'd start with shortening the naps first

Does he stop crying when you pick him up? If it's an ear infection, the pain is often much less when they are held vertically.

It could be that he's hitting a developmental milestone. That often comes with sleep disturbances.

I know that often, kids will fight sleep more if they are overtired. I also know that if I let my 2 1/2 year old nap for too long, he takes a long time to fall asleep. I would try maybe shortening the nap during the day, possibly shifting the time around a little as well.

It could very much be the new job -- if nightime is the only time he gets to see you, he might be very reluctant to lose some of that by sleeping.

If he is really crying, than he needs comfort. If he is just light crying or fussing there is no harm in leaving him for a few to learn to self sooth. I used to wait 5 minutes before going in, and 99% of the time they were quiet before that 5 was up, but if they were still fussy after 5 minutes I would go in and comfort without food or picking them up. I would rub their tummy and talk softly to them until they were calm. once they calmed I would leave and if they started fussing again I would wait another 5 and repeat.

What my husband and I did with both our boys is hold them, rock them, and let them listen to soothing music or the mommy bear. It usually helped. Sometimes though, they did just fight it and they did not want to go to sleep. Some babies do this because when they are reaching a different milestone, and learning something new, they get excited and sometimes cannot relax enough to go to sleep. It will pass, though it is a tough stage to go through, and there are many stages like this. :-) This could happen each time your baby learns something new.
I am not a believer in letting them cry it out either. Babies don't know better, and at this stage in their life, they need all the love, care, support, and us being attentive to their needs at all times. Leaving them to cry it out I don't believe strengthens their security...only the opposite. I think the more we love on them and tend to them, their security knowing that we are there for them only strengthens. :-D So I'm definitely with you on that one.
I would just hold your baby and rock him....let him lay his head on your chest and hear your heart beat. That can be very soothing for him and relaxing.
We gave our boys a bottle just before bed. We would sit with them, rock them, and feed them, and burp them, and they would fall fast asleep. We would still hold them a little longer and then go lay them down in their bed. Worked wonders. :-) I hope it works for you too!

Check his ears and his teeth.

If both of those are okay, then it's time to think about the bedtime choices....

I don't have any non-cry-it-out solutions. It worked for my baby. It wasn't cruel and it wasn't as difficult as I expected it to be. She learned that even if she cries, and even if I went in/picked her up/talked to her/etc., she was still going back to the crib eventually to sleep by herself.

I only picked her up and took her out of her room if she wasn't calming herself down after 5-10 minutes. I would hold her until she calmed down, then she normally wanted to play. At that point she went back to bed.

She figured it out pretty quick.

Also, do you have a bedtime routine? (Not schedule, necessarily, but a routine.) I think those are immensely helpful. Bath, brush teeth/hair, get dressed, rock/read/sing/cuddle, bed.

Edit: You said in your SWH that you have a routine and "It has just been this past week." You mean you started the routine this past week? Check out my other answers - I've answered several sleep questions lately. I think there was one from today that went into more detail about how I gradually taught my daughter to fall asleep on her own with minimal crying (most of the time...).

I know it is hard, but he has to get used to it. I liked what I saw on Super Nanny once. She says to place the baby in the crib and take a seat in the middle of the room and sit in it, but do not look at him. He will cry and reach for you, but you should not get up to touch him. Unless he is in pain or sick, there is no reason for him to be crying, so you should not feel bad. He should not feel scared, since he is not alone. This should make you feel satisfied. If you do this for a few nights, he will realize nothing is going to change so he may lay down and just go to sleep. When my daughter was 8 months, she was going to sleep well but would wake up. The dr said she did not need to be fed in the night anymore, so we would come in, lay her down again and leave. She cried. We did this two nights and she was done and slept through the night. My son was more difficult, but we pursued and it worked. I know it is hard to hear your baby crying, but again, he really does not need you if he is not sick or wet, so just feel confident of that.

Hope it works out.

I completely agree with Peg. She touched on everything that I was thinking. My first thought was teething. My kiddos never slept well when they were cutting teeth. Also, every new milestone brought on sleeping challenges, especially walking. Their little minds race when they learn something new. When my kids had growth spurts, sometimes they needed to eat a bit more than normal to fill their bellies and allow better sleep. Can you give your son milk instead of water before bed? Maybe even a little bit of rice cereal shortly before bed. It could definitley be your new job. Your son can't just tell you he is bothered by your new job, but his behavior can. Give him time to adjust. On a final note, I would talk to your pediatrician about it before you let him cry-it-out. What if it is his ears? It isn't always obvious that kids have ear infections. They can have them without fevers. Let your ped rule out health issues. I think the first thing you need to figure out is WHY your little man is having sleep issues and then you can react with HOW you want to deal with it whether it is feeding more, different sleep times, rocking and soothing, medications, or crying-it-out. Just remember, this too shall pass. My kids are 6 and 3 and those days are long gone. :)

Rock him, enjoy him, and know that this will not last forever. Babies/toddlers go through many stages. Kids are expected to flex to our schedules and I think sometimes we need to do the same. Make sure the little guy has a snack before bed so you know that need is satisfied, read him some books, then rock him to sleep. If he doesn't like being rocked, stand by his crib and do whatever it takes to calm him to sleep.
Before you decide to in desperation just let him cry, please read the latest research:http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/science-says-.... Parenting is hard because it requires your attention and care 24/7. I have 3 children and none of them have slept through the night until about age 2. Now the older 2 are great sleepers (10-12 hour straight with little or no help getting to sleep) at ages 3 and 6, but I'm still up with my 21 month old a few times a night. I'm trying to put things in perspective knowing that the day will soon come that he won't want to be so near his Mama, heck, he probably won't even want to share space on a couch with me! Oh, and you might want to try a dose of Motrin or Tylenol if you think it might be teething, but please skip the teething tablets until you research the risks of belladonna, a powerful opiate on their ingredient list. Nurse Midwife Mom

I would say that if you are sure it isn't his ears (my son just got over an ear infection that didn't have any fever just a lot of pain) and no teeth coming through, I would let him cry for a bit. I would always set myself a time point- generally 10 minutes and would usually cave in about 6 or 7. But MOST of the time we wouldn't need more than 2 after we got over the initial couple days.

The early days of it are a little h*** o* moms, but as long as he is safe and not making himself sick- it is worth a shot

No don't put him down later- put him down earlier! He sounds like he could be overtired and fighting sleep. Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth is a great book and has helped us with "fixing" our 3 daughters sleep when they get off routine. Usually all we have to do is put them to bed earlier for a few nights and the crying fixes itself! Good luck.