Timeouts with 18 Month Old

I don't think he's too young for time-outs but at his age you will either have to stay with him or stay close to where he is in time-out so that he will stay there. We started time-out when my daughter was that age (maybe even a bit younger) but she hasn't had a problem staying there.

I would start with distraction and telling him "we don't hit" or "we don't throw toys" I try not to use the word "no" unless it is for something serious or dangerous. That way when I need the word to have meaning it does.

We used the high chair, but moved it to a different spot in the room. (away from the table and away from the "action" of other people) It didn't take long before we were able to use a certain stair for timeouts and the kids would stay there.

I started at 18 months, and the only real time out was for hitting (mainly me). We started with MOMMY getting time outs. I would walk away or turn my back for the time instead of him. He hated it because he was such a mama's boy. When he tried to talk to me, or cuddle, I would tell him that he couldn't play with mommy right now because she was in time out since he hit me. We gradually went to him sitting in one place for a time out (we didn't have a specific location), and now he is not allowed to move for timeouts. For throwing things, we took those things away for either a for a few minutes, and that progressed to "this wake time". It worked for us...for both.

My kids each have their own time-out spot. Basically, in the hall but out of the way, looking at the wall. Now that they're older they generally stay pretty well. But for a long time I had to keep sending them back. At your little guy's age, you may have to sit with him on your lap, no talking or interacting, for the minute.

Be aware that even though he understands what time out means, he may not quite connect the behavior with the time out yet. It's good to keep it short, and that you have only a couple of big no-no's that get a time out. But at his age, he may not be able to think "if I don't want time-out, I shouldn't hit right now". My point is to just be ultra-patient about the whole thing (which sounds like you are). And be willing to sit with him to make sure that he stays put (with no other interaction at all)

Just stay consistent. At 18 months they really do not stay in time out, you are just working on the concept. Another thing you can try is taking the toy he throws away or another toy that he loves away when he acts out. I always put my kids toys where they can see it but cannot reach it so they realize they cannot have it. Just be patient, at 18 months, throwing is totally typical and he will probably keep it up for quite sometime, maybe even for the next 6 months to a year. Remember - consistency, consistency, consistency. He will get it soon enough, he is just testing his skills and boundaries.

Good luck!

I had the same problem, and sometimes still do. Though it has gotten a lot better. Be consistent!!! I notice that when my son behaves really well for a while and I don't put him in time out at all during that time, it's like I have to start over from scratch when he starts acting up again! Our pediatrician also SWEARS by time-outs! and I believe him! When we are consistent, I really notice a difference! So go you!!! Good job! :) Anyway, w/ my son, when he wouldn't stay I would just keep putting him back w/NO EMOTION from me, until he would stay for the full time. That is Very hard for me sometimes and sometimes I get really frustrated when it seems like I could be doing that all day! Once it's been a couple of times, especially if my son turns it into a game, I stand there w/my back to him. If that doesn't work I sit next to him w/out looking at him/giving him any attention. If that doesn't work I sit behind him and hold him still, also giving him no attention or acknowledgement. As the Pediatrician says, it's the lack of interaction/attention that they really don't like. Pretty soon they'll put two and two together and understand what they're doing wrong and what is getting them in time out. I've also heard not to talk about it w/them after... because that gives them attention, even though it's not good attention. Just go back to what you were doing before. This is also hard for me, but it makes sense.

Anyway, good luck!!

We started our first son on time outs at 21 months and there were a couple of times that we had to hold his hand while he was in time out. However, most of the time he did it himself and I think that is because he was actually interested in the tools we had. On Amazon we purchased a time out time tracker and a time out mat. The mat looks like a bulls-eye that either the child sits on or an object sits on. Sometimes my kids fight over a toy and so that toy might go on the mat. We also got the tracker which is just a timer. You can set it for any amount of time and it has green, yellow, and red lights to let them know how much time they have or if they are done. It will also talk to you and say "times up". I believe it says other things but that is all we have used. We have found it really useful and would highly recommend it.

Timeouts didn't work with my son at 18 mos. I'd end up holding him in his time out spot. UGH!

Hi L. - I totally agree that you should keep his crib and his bedroom a happy place by not doing timeouts there. I wonder though if he is a little young for timeouts - even for hitting, throwing etc.

What we did with good results was to help our boys learn sympathy and empathy by really playing up the "Owieee! Hitting hurts! Please say sorry for hitting mama!" You make a really sad face and ask him to kiss it and then say thank you and give a big hug and say "I forgive you". My thinking was that he needed to learn that "hitting someone really hurts" more than "I'm in trouble if I hit someone"

We did similar things for chronic throwing (which btw is a developmental stage) We said please dont throw your toys - gives toys owiee and they break. Rather than putting my sons in timeout, we often gave them a toy timeout.

I hope that helps you!

My kids go to their room. Because time-outs aren't a punishment, they're a chance to get away from an overwhelming situation so the child can calm down. So I don't mind it if they play in there for a few minutes. It still has the intended effect.
Actually, I'm not real happy that they've associated the phrase "you need to go to your room" with punishment, and they often cry when I send them.

They're quite a bit older, though (ages 4 and 6), so you'd have to decide if your little guy would do well in his room, or would just tear it apart, or what.

Good luck figuring this out!

We used a pack-n-play in a separate room of the house. Kept him contained, but left the crib out of the situation. I don't think 18 mo is too young to start time-outs. He may not understand the whole concept, but he will begin to associate being removed from his activity/you when he misbehaves.

He is to young to understand time outs. He will eventually just not now. I would divert his attention and good boy to things he does well. I would tell him NOT to throw things and NOT to hit because it hurts. I would say it in a stern voice. But I do think your expecting to much for his age to sit in time out.

I do the same thing as you for the same reasons as you listed. I simple hold him there for a few seconds while I am explaining to him he is in time out because he threw something/ hit, and I acknowledge that he may have been mad, but that we don't throw/hit when frustrated becausee we could hurt someone..yada, yada. As much as he understands, he definitely doesn't understand having to sit there for a certain amount of time, that is why I decided to have him stand in the corner while I am talking to him. So far it has worked, up until last night, when I told him he would be going to time-out, and the little squirt shook his head yes and walked right over there with a huge grin on his face!!!!

Hi L.,

We started using time-outs with my daughter and son at 15 months. We use the corner behind our front door. There is nothing to look at or play with there, so it is no fun! My daughter would just sit there, but my son is another story. He is 21 months, and sometimes I have to stand right there and make sure he doesn't get up and walk away, but I ALWAYS stand with my back to him, so he knows that he has done something wrong. As soon as my kids have done something very wrong (ie, hitting someone, throwing a toy at someone, biting, etc.) I say that we don't do that because it hurts and gives owies and isn't nice. Then, I put them in time-out. Afterwards, we sit together in the time-out spot and "talk about" what has happened and why. My daugher is 5, and our talks are a bit longer. With my son, we just go over it again that it hurts and isn't nice. I have them tell me/or whoever was the recipient of the hit or thrown toy "sorry". Then we give loves and kisses, and I ALWAYS tell them I LOVE THEM, even when they make bad choices.

I also don't agree with putting them in their beds/rooms for time-outs. Their beds and rooms are their sanctuaries. They are their "safe" places. I want them to associate their beds/rooms with good things, not punishments.

I think that by starting time-outs early, you can use it as a loving teaching moment, instead of just punishment. From the time my daughter turned 3, we would talk about good and bad choices to different scenarios. Now, we gently remind her to make good choices, since she knows that the concequences for bad choices aren't any fun. Good luck!

-Shellie

Oh, and when my daughter was about 2 1/2, she started trying to sneak out of time out. So, we would have her put her nose in the corner. (And we still do.) I would have to wipe down the walls afterwards, because she was usually crying, and her nose would run, but it worked for us. If we were somewhere (a store, a friend's house, the park, etc.) I would find a safe place and have her put her nose on a specific spot for her time-out. These are the things that have worked for us!

It is totally inappropriate for an 18 month old.

You need to understand child/baby development.
What he is doing, is age appropriate.
He is only 18 months old.... not 8 years old.
What he is doing... is all developmental based.
If your 'expectations' upon him are expecting 'older' type child behavior... then you will be continually frustrated with him. And, he as a child will become wose.

Babies this age... do NOT have any impulse-control. They do not have full impulse-control developed yet. NOR can they do things "at-will" yet.
So, he will not stay in time-out like a robot.
Babies this age, do not even fully comprehend cause/effect nor associations, nor abstract premeditated actions that are 10 steps ahead.

He is a baby. 18 months old to me, is not even a full Toddler.

A child this age cannot even communicate. They do not even have emotions fully developed yet. So, unless you teach him about feelings and the names for it... he WILL be continually frustrated. Because he has not been taught how to communicate nor about human emotion or how to cope.
Instead of teaching him about punishments.... try teaching him coping-skills. So he feels better....

Yes, a baby/child will do things because they are frustrated and to get attention. So what. If that is their only way to communicate... then the child is doing what they can and are able to and what they know so far for their development.

all the best,
Susan

I didn't start timeouts until closer to 2 and even at that, I would remove my daughter from the situation for like 30 seconds. Pretty much long enough for her to understand that whatever she was doing had to stop. We don't have any specific 'spot'. Sometimes it's right where I am,sometimes it's by the door, other times in her room. She's almost three now and we still have a hard time getting her to stay put when she's in timeout from time to time.

I put my son in his pack and play which is in the living room. I didn't want to use his crib either.

I learned this trick from my childcare provider. We put my son (just turned 2 began the time outs at @ 1 year) flat on his tummy for his alloted timeout. I like using this "technique" because it can be used anywhere-if we're in the store we can use the shopping cart, if we're outdoors he can go right on the ground where we are, etc. Believe me, it takes some convincing sometimes and we have to start the time over when he tries to get up but over all we find that it works. His older sister never did well in time out and we tried corners, other rooms, completely depriving of toys and more. Having seen the results of the tummy time out I wish someone had told me of it when she was his age!