Time Out Pre K

It sounds first like you need to take a deep breath and a day to calm down. You and the teacher are getting off to a very poor start on both sides here.

You are already calling her a liar and the "school" year has only just begun. She may not be a great communicator; she may indeed have meant time out and used another term; she may even have mistaken talking to another parent for talking to you. (She barely knows the parents yet, right?) Give her the benefit of the doubt and drop the anger that she has "lied" to you. Maybe she even did lie to you just to cover her backside, but you cannot prove it, and you do not say here that she never spoke to you -- only that she spoke to you, she did not use the term "time out" and your child did use it.

Find out the preschool's policy and her classroom policy. Does the teacher and/or school use time out? What does "time out" mean? Your child may call it "time out" to be told he has to leave the line and sit down for a moment, whereas the preschool may say, no, it's not a time out, we just ask the children to step aside for a moment, time outs are longer and reserved for very specific behaviors. Find out! Do not go on what a young child says, even if your child is very honest and accurate -- young kids tend to see things in a very self-focused way so a slight correction may be seen as a huge, awful discipline by them. Do not go on what "someone" said you about "long time outs" -- find out for yourself.

If the school IS using actual time outs frequently, I would talk to the teacher and director together and calmly, without accusations, ask them why they choose this particular form of discipline. Is it something they have found effective? Is this an especially strict preschool or does it focus more on play and socialization? If they say yes, we use time outs for what you consider small things-- then probably this preschool is not a good fit, and you need to find one where redirection, distraction and teaching better choices are used.

If a school or parent uses too many time outs for every little thing, time outs lose any impact,and the child won't learn anything. If you truly feel this teacher uses them too much (if she is really using what I'd call a time out) then she may be inexperienced with handling kids this age.

But before you leap to the conclusion that what your son says is happening is exactly the way it's happening -- talk with the adults involved. Don't make it a quick conversation grabbed as the teacher is getting kids out the door at the end of the day -- schedule a specific parent-teacher conference and ask to have the preschool director present too. Don't go in defensive or upset; go in asking to understand what your son's saying at home and askiing to learn about their philosophy on discipline. If this is not a good fit, find another preschool. Preschool is optional, not required, and you can take your child and your business elsewhere, but base it on a calm discussion and maybe some classroom observation time too.

Looks more like your son may not know what is expected of him. You need to sit down with the worker/teacher watching over your son and ask what is expected and how can you help your child out, so he doesn't wind up with so many time-outs. As for looking back in line...Sounds typical of a teacher. They see a child looking back and assume the child is talking in line, so you have to explain to your child what the teacher views his simple action as and train him to avoid looking like he's doing something he really isn't. Why? Because you can't change the teacher. That happened to me to when I was in kindergarten and I was devistated! All I did was to rest my eyes by looking at the floor during a long test and the teacher put me in the corner for copying, because some other kid that was cheating pointed at me and yelled, "She's cheating!" So not true.

I don't get what he did "looked back in line and lifted a boy up"? What the heck does that mean?

Since I can't figure out what your son did, it's hard to say whether it warranted a time out or just a redirection.

I will warn you that if you don't punish, but just constantly redirect, how is a child supposed to really learn not to repeat the behavior? Unacceptable behavior has to have a consequence, not just a "here do this instead."

Also, children don't always behave at school the way they do at home. Some are better behaved, some are worse. If the teacher thought that whatever happened warranted a time out, I wouldn't argue with her. First, a time out is a very mild form of discipline and I would bet that the teacher is having a no-nonsense attitude right now because it is the beginning of the year and she's trying to nip some of these behaviors in the bud at the beginning.

I feel that sometimes parents don't think their kids can do wrong. I myself know my child can do wrong. So this may be a reality check for you. I would never dream of arguing with a teacher about what my child is or isn't doing in school. Teachers really have no reason in the first week of school to single children out. Let’s face it time out has never killed a kid. It makes no difference how bright or smart your child is every child has to adjust to a new situation. If he is acting out or not listening in school than may be his way to figure things out. Give him a chance to get used to school and the teacher. Stop giving her such a hard time. Set up a time to talk to her and read the school handbook if they have one. Don't automatically set judgment on the teacher or this could turn out to be a very long year for all of you and i am sure you don't want that to be your son's first school experience.

I'm going to disagree with the comments on here thus far. It could very well be the teacher singling out a kid. Especially if your son didn't listen to her the first day. And it sounds like she has very unreasonable expectations of 3/4 year olds. By looking back in line, I assume that means she told all the children to face forward and your son looked behind him. (Oh, the horror!) Please. A 3/4 year old should not be punished for looking behind him in line. It sounds way too strict and military like to me. There are some preschools that operate like like mini elementary schools but the good ones understand the development of small children and it really doesn't sound like this is one of those from you have said. People think teachers are fair, but I have worked in preschools/daycares and seen over and over and over again teachers have favorites that get away with stuff and have kids that get disciplined more. I would look for another preschool. It sounds like it's not a good match. Mothers have instincts that are very strong and if you feel like something is off I would go with that feeling and find something else. Good luck!