Three-year Old Not Wanting to Eat!

Hi, A.:

BINGO!

I have a 30 month old son who eats a fabulous breakfast and lunch, and largely refuses to eat any dinner. He's been doing this for several months, and at first I stressed about it, but then I realized that, overall, he's eating just fine and he regulates himself with food according to his own needs. He's growing normally and is very active, and since his other two meals are big, I've decided not to push it.

One note, however: I do NOT make him a separate meal from the rest of the family, although he would love for me to feed him "kid food" (primarily chicken nuggets) if I'd let him get away with it!! This is a line I don't want to cross, as I feel like its a negative example to set for both him and my other kids.

Best,
L.

I see that you have recieved some great advice, so I only have one or two things to add. The best advice I got from my ped. was to watch how she eats over the week, rather than just one day. As long as overall she is eating healthy enough in a week, the day to day should not stress us! Also I try to remember that on average kids should eat 1 tbsp. per year of age as a serving size. I tend to over fill my little girls plate at times, and even when she has eaten, it doesnt look like much. The other thing I have tried, is to give her dinner type foods for breakfast or lunch. Maybe left overs from the night before or something. But it has helped me to feed her those things when I know she is more likely to eat. Who says you cant have carrots for breakfast :) Anyway..best of luck!! ~A.~

KUDOS to you! Some parents just give in but I never have and my kids both eat very healthy. Of course I raised to eat what was on the table. I haven't read anybody else's response but what works for one parent doesn't always work for another. In my situation if my kids didn't eat- I won't make them but they won't get ANYTHING else. No cookies, or popcorn, or kid food. Kids are like adults. When they get hungry they WILL EAT. So if she refuses take it away and let her go. SHe will eventually get hungry and when she does offer it again. i know too many kids out there that eat very unhealthy and have had problems because of it. it's just her way of testing you...or maybe she just isn't hungry at that time since you said she eats fine at the other hours of the day. Lately it has been hot and I take care of kids for a living and they all seem like they don't want to eat- so I wonder if it's just playing and getting hot every afternoon. I hope things get better and I have a page on my site that gives a little advice. Good Luck!!!

n. B.
Mom Advice Central- http://www.mymommycentral.com
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Dear Mom,
It is not all that unusual for children of that age to not want to eat anything other than the "yummys" they are used to for breakfast and lunch. My pediatrician told me once that no child EVER willingly starved themselves to death. If she is eating the other two meals, just not dinner, then it sounds like a battle of wills and lets face it, being a mother alone takes a lot more willpower than a 3 year old can muster! Provide healthy choices for her and, if she doesn't want to eat, don't force her, just explain to her that this is all that she can have for dinner and when she is hungry, you can warm it up for her. She may not like it at first, but she will soon get the idea that if she wants dinner, she has to eat what you made for her.
Good luck.

I know it is hard, I have 3 boys 12, 10 and 4 and been there. Atleast she is eating. Don't worry it is just a phase. They'll grow out of it eventually, but sneak in with the food they love to eat some of the food you make. That is how we introduce new food to the 4 year old. It even works with the older kids too.

Get The book Guide to Your Child's Nutrition from the A<erican Acadamy of Pediatrics. http://www.aap.org/bst/showdetl.cfm?&amp;DID=15&amp;Produ...

It is awesome! It goes over portion sizes, feeding etc...

As has been said by other moms- your job is to place good healthy food in front of your child, it is up to them to eat the food. Any arguing, bribing, cajoling will be seen by the child as "winning" and they will continue on and on!

I know it is hard, but stick with it!

D.

You might try a kid cookbook.
I know that she is really young, but even if all she does is pick one that looks good, and helps (or tries to help) cut out little shapes of veggies or make tiny foods just for her, she will be more inclined to eat what she makes herself. You can make a big people version for you and your husband if you like, or if she does not want to share her "special" food. I gave my niece a little Pampered Chef cookbook and tiny shape cutters with a chef's hat and apron last Christmas, and she has been tenacious about eating "her" foods. They are just healthier kid food than McDonalds.

Don't give in! You can do it! Stick to your guns! Put a plate of food in front of her and if she refuses to eat, politely say, "Ok, maybe our next meal will be more to your liking." I've been having to remind myself of this lately too. Our 3-yr-old is going through one of these phases. They come and go. I have to remind myself to limit snacking (or make sure the snacks are nutritious), and keep an eye on how much milk she drinks. There are days when she doesn't eat well, but then I remember that she'd asked for milk refills at every meal, which makes her feel full. Also, she gets what everyone else is eating -- I'm not a short order cook! If we're having broccoli, pasta and chicken for dinner and she only eats the pasta, that's fine. Don't say a word. But, when she asks for dessert, make it clear that dessert is only for children who finish all of their dinner.

A.,
I must tell you that you are not alone. It is perfectly normal what you are going through with your 3 year old. I thought when my son turned 4 that he would improve on his eating but he still is not wanting to eat much either. What I do is throughout the day I try to feed him small and frequent meals so that I know he is getting the nutrition he needs. I also limit his milk at dinner time and give him water only. I try to do fun things with his dinner for example, if we are having spaghetti I ask him if he wants sprinkles on his meal and I let him put parmesan cheese on his spaghetti. He thinks it is so much fun and it really encourages him to eat. I have also included him in the cooking process. I find when he helps me in the kitchen a little that he really wants to eat it. I make a big deal at the kitchen table about Ethan helping mommy cook and everyone compliments him and tells him how good it is and I find it really helps. Sometimes we give food silly names like we call peas green balls and he lets them "bounce" in his mouth. I am not an expert but I hope this helps. Good luck Pam

A., I had the same problem with my 6 yr old and he still does not want to eat. I know how hard it is to get them to eat dinner. I just put less food on his plate and would not give in to him wanting PB and J sandwiches or potato chips. Also when I spoke to my doctor about it he told me that as long as he is eating a good and health breakfast and lunch, then not having as much dinner was not important. I also found that my son really liked vegetables but not alot of starches or meats, so I would put more vegetables that he liked and less meat and side dishes.

I know the feeling. My 2-year old daughter never wants to eat meals either. Unfortunately, she is at the babysitter's all day, so I do not see what all she eats. If we go to a restaraunt or just pick something up, she'll maybe take 2 bites and that's it. I think it is just a stage. I have heard so many people talk about their toddlers not wanting to eat. I don't give my daughter what she wants either. I just tell her if she does not want to eat what mommy made, then she can go hungry. I know that sounds terrible, but when she gets hungry, she'll end up eating what you made. You just show her who is boss. Stay strong!

B. B

If she "helps" plan the menu or put dinner together she may be more willing. For example, she can choose the "colors" of the food that will go on the plate like green, red, yellow... She can then use those colors for play dough or to fingerpaint her dinner colors. Since she likes breakfast, maybe you can have a weekly breakfast night. Every Thursday is pancakes, bacon and eggs for dinner. If she gets excited to eat that night, she may warm up to eating other nights. Once you "break" a little routine once, it gets easier over time.

DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER SELECTIVE FOOD DEMANDS! I made that mistake with my son who rarely eats with the family. My son was underweight from day one, so I could not bare to see him miss a meal and would always give him what he wanted, just to get him to eat. Now, at age 6, he will not even try new foods and still has his very selective "menu". It is funny that I received your request just now - I was about to solicit advice from the Mamas on this very issue.

I do not have a solution for you, but I definitely did not want you to make the same mistake I did...

Hope this helps.

I agree with the 1st advice. Don't give her a choice. You are the mom, and you make dinner for the family. She is part of that family. My son (2 1/2) does that sometimes. I try to bait him with dessert such as he has to eat 3 bites of every food if he wants a pudding cup. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. He has gone to bed without eating a bite. I fret and worry, but there's nothing we can do. I don't want to make dinner a battle time. He'll eat when he's hungry, and they won't starve themselves. Good luck and stay strong!!

I was going to say exactly what Shari said. What I do to help out at dinner time, is always have one thing, rice, green beans, etc. that I know my daughter likes, so I know that she will at least eat one thing. In addition, it is not uncommon for kids of that age to go several days without eating much and then eat everything in sight for a day or two. They start getting. My daughter has gone days where all she will eat is yougsrt and cheerios. My pedi told me that she is healthy so not to worry about it, so I've stop fretting about it. It all balances out.

good luck!

I don't have that problem with my daughter yet, but my pediatrician just warned me it could be around the corner. She said "DO NOT BECOME A SHORT ORDER COOK!!!" She said that is a very current, and BIG, problem of parents today. Her advice was to put a variety of foods on my DD's plate and let her decide what to (or not to) eat. If she chooses nothing, she will not starve. (Assuming your DD is at a healthy weight to begin with.) She said not to vary my family dinner unless it is to add a particular fruit or vegetable that my child has missed, otherwise, she gets what we get.

Also, be sure your daughter isn't drinking so much during the day (milk or juice) that it is interfering with her hunger.

That is all I have. Hope it helps.

Good luck!
Sherri

Well my son is exactly the same way. I'm actually looking for advice too on this issue. He pretty much never wants to eat what I make for dinner and he seems to only want to eat snack foods. If you get any good advice on this, please share.

R.

My son has a similar problem. Basicly the best advice I have found for dinner time, is make what the rest of the family is going to eat, set some aside for the little one and only offer water as drink (children can fill up on juice and milk in place of foods they dont want). If she doesnt want to eat, dont force the issue. However she is to stay at the dinner table while everyone else eats, and if she cannot do so, then its bed time early. If she doesnt eat whats given to her dont make something else, thats it for the rest of the night. Eventually they get the picture and either eat whats given to them for dinner, or they at least learn if they dont want to go to sleep to sit there quietly.

My daughter is 3 1/2 yrs. old and she is a very picky eater as well. We tried everything and still nothing. My read in an article that before children that age can develop a taste for something (other than junk) they must be introduced to it at least on 10 different occasions. So what I do is at dinner I always make sure and fix 1 thing I know she likes. Then I only give her very little of it with the promise that if she takes 3 bites of something else she can get more of what she likes. But I always have choices for the thing she must try. My daughter is very independent and likes to negociate everything. I think it makes her feel like a big girl. Now at first, she wasn't having it. And there was some crying and but I stood my ground (without raising my voice) I told her its your choice you don't have to but there will be nothing else the rest of the night. And boy that was hard!! But I did send her to bed with an empty belly. But it worked!!!We still have issues but she's alot better now. Sometimes she'll say 1 green bean and 3 carrots and I agree. but after she's had something 4 or 5x, I up the # of bites. Her Dr. also told me that kids can go through this for years. And also not to make meals feel like a punishment, its a choice with consequences. Oh yeah I also let her wash it done with her drink to lower th gag thing she likes to do. Hang in there it does get better.