Three-Year Old Hitting Mom

Use different methods until you find the one that's most effective for your child. If it were as easy as time-outs for everyone, there wouldn't be volumes of parenting books with slightly different approaches.

Our 2 kids (ages 2 and 4) have completely different personalities. What works for one doesn't work for the other, so we change the approach to discipline while being consistent for the things that require discipline.

If he were my child, I would grab his wrists, look him right in the eye and firmly say, "We do not hit! Do you understand?" A few minutes later, I'd ask, "Do we hit? NO!". Three is a tough age, you're going to have to repeat ad nauseum until it sinks in.

Start taking things away such as favorite activities, favorite toys, treats, etc. He's old enough to understand cause and effect.

And, start making a concerted effort to praise him for all the things he does do well hoping the praise is more frequent than the reprimand. Our 4 year old is finally understanding that he prefers "nice" Mommy and Daddy vs. "mean" Mommy and Daddy.

Good luck!

My son went through that phase! First I bought him the book "Hands are not for hitting" (we buy a book for everything!). Second, when he would hit I would calmly & firmly look him in the eyes and say "Hands are not for hitting. I understand you are angry but if you are going to hit me, then I don't want to play with you or hold you until you can be nice to Mommy". Then I would go over the other ways he could handle his anger. Once he calmed down we would hug, kiss and say I love you.

It worked for my Son and that phase didn't last long. The book really seemed to work for him.

In the same way that a calm spanking provides the ultimate undesirable quick efficient consequence to an action for most wrong things, it is equally effective with hitting. My kids are spanked (only and almost never), and would NEVER and I mean NEVER hit someone LEAST of all a parent, because they are so clear on rules. I had to teach my 2 1/2 year old it's OK to "hit back" when a "time out" kid was hitting him in the gym daycare every day.

Be firm each and every time he does this. He will stop. 3 years old, 3 swats that sting. Calmly, immediately. You're not reacting in anger, he's deciding to bring the consequence on himself and you're just doing your job-very important lesson. No grudges afterward, carry on the positive day. Effective discipline is hardly ever needed. It sounds harsh, but soon you will never need it for this.

Be sure your home environment is very loving and supportive in general (I presume it is if you've had patience to try time outs), so his negative consequences stick out like a sore thumb. Obviously in a chaotic yelling angry home with people always randomly and inconsistently smacking each other it wouldn't matter to him.

Also, he's getting on the older side for this, he should have outgrown it (never started it) by now, so it may be a battle. Be sure dad takes front and center stage on this as the man of the house.

Once you snuff the wrong behavior, the only option is correct resolution of feelings. it does not stifle them, my kids are all extremely expressive in a constructive manner.

Just like anything else, you have to teach your son what to do when he is angry. Right now, he thinks that he should hit when he is angry. You should acknowledge his feeling so he knows what it is and give him an alternative way to deal with it. You can say something like "I see that you are angry because xyz, but you can't hit Mommy. Please tell Mommy that you are angry and we can xyz (figure out a way to solve the situation)." Yes, timeouts are useless. They basically just teach your son that when he is angry he gets a timeout (in this case). It is not a good lesson to teach your kids to bottle in their emotions. We need to teach them to talk about them and deal with them in an appropriate manner. And yes, teaching them how to do this takes a long time and many repeats of the same lesson, but in the long run it is well worth it.

what does he care a lot about? toys? privileges like playing outside or on the computer? treats? playing with friends? whatever it is, take it away. tell him, "it is wrong to hit your parents. i don't hit my parents. you have lost this privilege for hitting me." send him to his room so that he learns that when he feels like hurting another person he should separate himself from that person. if you stay in his face, he's just going to want to hit more. it may take some time for him to correct, but keep at it.
i disagree with Amy J and Caresse about the spanking. one of my children has a more explosive temper than the others and spanking DOES NOT WORK for him. it only escalates his fits-- screaming, throwing, hitting, etc. when he was 3 he struggled so much with controlling his temper and sometimes separation was the best thing for him and the rest of us. when he had finally calmed, it worked well to talk with him about his frustrations. my other son is quite different. try a few things to see what fits his personality, but i wish spanking had never been introduced in my home. good luck!

A few years ago, I asked a similar question, and someone on here suggested "You hit, you sit." It worked with my son! Wherever he was, if he hit his brother or parents, I would say, "if you hit, you sit" and make him sit down. He hated it! He wanted to be playing, not sitting. At first, I would literally have to force him down and hold him down (I would just hold his hands down on the floor--don't be thinking I had him in some kind of wrestling hold). It took a week or two, but the hitting incidents definitely got fewer and fewer until we actually forgot about the punishment.
It was differentn than time outs, I think, because it was more active. Being restrained is somethign that my son really hated, so it worked for him. The rhyming thing helped, too, because he remembered very well that if he hits, he sits!