Thoughts on Boyfriend Ignoring You While He Is on Vacation?

Updated on April 30, 2018
L.M. asks from Novi, MI
15 answers

So here goes

Boyfriend is on vacation for 10 days. We never said we wouldn’t be speaking.

He has a work phone. Calling and texting is fine he has no worries of a bill.

Is it normal to not be hearing from him?

I haven’t blown up his phone or anything like that.

I don’t think expecting a text a day is too much.

Should I be worried not hearing from him? It def is testing me and making me feel anxious.

I am not high maintence and I’m not immature. I’m 29 years old and he is 34. I feel communication is pretty important and standard in any relationship.

I’m not going to say anything to him until he gets back. But is this something that should be addressed?

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

I read your earlier post. So you've been texting him and he hasn't replied.

You don't know why he's not texting back. So your imagination is going full tilt.

I think you said earlier you knew he'd received them.

If it were me, I wouldn't send any MORE texts. Let it go - put the phone down now.

I would just focus on enjoying yourself while he's away. Make plans with friends.

He should check in (yes). Would I address it - Honestly, if you have to ask a guy to text you once in a while - then he's not a great guy. It's like asking someone to be kind to you. If you have to ask, then there's your answer ...

Sometimes we give the power to the guy when we have it ourselves is what I'm saying. Don't sit and stew while he's on vacation enjoying himself. You don't have to put up with it is what I'm saying. Don't be the insecure gal who doesn't trust him. If he's been a jerk to in the past - there are lots of nice guys out there.

Sorry - not what you were asking, but someone once gave me that great advice and it was good advice.

11 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Relax.
He is away with family.
He's having fun with his brothers and the wedding.

I mean really?
He's with the family he grew up with and you are worried he's out there picking up and screwing around with women?
Do you know how insanely expensive international texting is?
Unless you have a plan that covers it - it could easily be costing him more than $20 per text.
When I cross a border - I turn my phone off!

Guess he trusts that you're not picking up guys every night and messing around.
If you don't trust him then maybe you should be breaking it off with him.
Good relationships are built on mutual trust and you don't seem to have any with this guy.
If you can't trust him (or anyone) then you are not ready for a healthy adult relationship and you should break it off and not date anyone until you mature a bit.

Additional:
Yes, question changed up quite a bit but the theme is the same.
Boyfriend is on vacation with his family for his brothers wedding in Mexico.
She's worried he's using this time to cheat on her and is all hyper about him not texting her.

Using his company phone during a personal vacation to avoid paying high phone bills to keep an insecure girlfriend soothed would and should get him fired.
Your expectations are way out of line.
If you don't have a therapist already - please get one - and put in some overtime on your sessions.

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S.S.

answers from Atlanta on

okay, I read this earlier and had to go to a game. Came back and it's TOTALLY changed.

You don't trust him. Leave him.
Yes, a text a day is too much when you are international. And it's a WORK phone. YOU may not have to worry about paying it, but SOMEONE is paying for it. How freaking rude of you to assume it's okay. Maybe his employer monitors usage?

Yes, you sound totally high maintenance and totally immature. He's on vacation. With his family. It DOES sound like you've blown up his phone. You're fretting over his not calling or texting. TOTAL high maintenance.

You're gonna dump on him when he gets back and act like his mother instead of a girlfriend? Yeah. This relationship is doomed. Just break it off now. Save yourself the future anxiety.

5 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

Why did you completely change your post? Original responses make it clear that you've changed your story.

So he has a work phone.. the bill still has to be paid. How disrespectful.
___________________________

Take a chill pill. Maybe you are not ready for a relationship. It is OK for someone to be on vacation with or without family.

Have you thought about all your texts and his phone bill due to international charges?

How old are you and how long have you been dating? A relationship is built on mutual trust and respect.

If someone texted me this much while on vacation when we were just bf\gf, I'd see big red flags about you being possessive, insecure and potentially controlling.

No one is giving you rude comments. You're getting honest opinions and I'm sure you're not happy seeing the honesty posted.

You're exhibiting bad girlfriend behavior. If you want to keep this guy, back off and hope he hasn't already written you off for this behavior.

Respect his wishes to be with his family at a special family event.

5 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

It sounds like he is just not that in to you. I knew my husband was the one for me because our relationship was (and is) so easy. I never had to wonder or worry if he was into me. He always called when he said he would and showed up on time for dates etc.

I’ll take your word for it you are not high maintenance. So then the question is if you don’t expect much from a boyfriend and he is not even able to live up to those expectations why are you with him? It certainly won’t get better after marriage. Break up with him and find someone more suitable for you.

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

if i'm having a good time with a friend, the last thing i want to have happen is for that friend's SO to keep persistently texting and needing contact and worst of all, to assume that an hour without a text means that my friend is cheating.

you sound like kind of a nightmare, hon.

yeah, it's nice for one's SO to text and say 'got here safely, having fun' and to send a text or two during the day. but nothing will make me resist contact more effectively than being badgered.

and you are a pure queen badger.

you two sound like a perfect storm of drama. he's got 'a past of ignoring you and leaving', and you're frantically insecure.

this does not bode well.

ETA wow, way to completely change the original post, without so much as an ETA added! must have hit a nerve.......
khairete
S.

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J.F.

answers from Las Vegas on

I think if he really wanted to talk to you, he would have.

I'm sorry if that is very direct, but that just seems obvious to me.

You don't say how long you've been in the relationship. If it's very early, and you've not established exclusivity, it's probably not such a big deal that he hasn't called or sent you a text. That would be within reason for a new or relatively new or non-committed relationship.

If you've been together for several months and you usually talk or text each day, and particularly if you've established a committed status, I think it's odd that he has no interest in contacting you. Sure, he's on vacation with his family and is busy with his brother's wedding festivities, but if he has made no effort to contact you, what does his behavior say? It may have nothing to do with cheating. It just sounds like disregard.

I don't buy the whole "cost" thing. He's in Mexico, not Mars, probably at a resort that has wifi, and one quick call in a ten day period certainly would not break the bank.

My husband's home office is on the opposite side of the country from where we live. He travels very frequently and often internationally for his business and has since we've been married. We deal with most every different time zone in the world and still find a way to call and text each other, even if it's sometimes him calling me to say goodnight while he's just starting his day.

I don't know whether you're clingy or high maintenance or whatever. What does seem clear is that he is not motivated, for whatever reason, to be in contact with you while on vacation.

Maybe instead of focusing on him cheating, ask yourself if this is really the kind of relationship you want to be in. You ask if this is "something that should be addressed," but the person you need to address this with is YOU. Before you even think of discussing this with him, ask yourself, seriously, is this the kind of treatment you want from your partner.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

The phone goes both ways. If you want to communicate with him, reach out yourself instead of stewing about him not contacting you. Some people just aren't frequent communicators, especially when busy. It really just depends on his personality. I don't believe there is any kind of "standard"

If you trust him and your relationship, no you shouldn't be worried, you should be out enjoying your friends, family, and your own pursuits while he is away. And be happy for him that he is enjoying his vacation.

I would be careful how you approach this with him when he gets back. If you've never told him how you feel about wanting frequent texts/calls, you can't expect him to have known that. Next time he goes someplace, just reach out yourself, OR ask that he text/call you once/day, each evening, or whatever would make you comfortable.

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Looks like you dramatically changed your question? It doesn't match the answers.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't think I would say anything. He's pretty much showing you how he feels which is way more important than what he says. When my husband and I were dating and one of us was out of town we usually checked in with each other briefly, once a day, like to just say hi or good night or I miss you. And this was before cell phones! I can't imagine going away for 10 days and not having ANY contact.
Like I said, he's showing you how he feels, he's just not that into you. Sorry :-(

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

I have no idea what your original post was - FYI it's very frustrating and borderline rude to change it after people have answered. If you have to add info, write "added" or "ETA" (Edited To Add) and put more details at the bottom. By reading early responses, it looks like you put in stuff that didn't make you look good, and you're angry at people who pointed that out. But I can't tell.

I don't even know what the deal is with a 10 day vacation but it looks like he's in another country with family. Is that right?

If so, I can see why he wouldn't be using his work phone to text. His company is paying for that and they will NOT be pleased if he racks up the charges. If you care about him, you'll want him to keep his job.

There are no rules about relationships. You have your rules and expectations, but a) you didn't discuss them with him and b) he obviously has other rules/expectations.

If he's having fun for 10 days without you and he's not using his own money to make an international call, then you know where you stand. Requiring him to check in a certain number of times because, somehow, that will make your relationship secure is just not realistic. If you don't have plans to go on vacation together, then maybe you are too early in this relationship for that, or maybe he's not that into you. Maybe you come off as possessive and he's recoiling from that. Maybe you're doing everything right and he's just a jerk - but if so, this is not the relationship for you.

There are references below to cheating. Do you think he is? You can't prevent cheating - people don't cheat if they are mature and if it's a healthy relationship. If you're jealous or afraid he's immature, then this isn't the relationship for you.

A counselor will help you figure out what your needs, wants and aspirations are, as well as why you cling to an unhealthy relationship with someone who isn't on the same wavelength as you. If you can't let someone go for 10 days, then you didn't really have them to begin with.

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J.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

If your boyfriend took a 10 day vacation (family wedding?) without you, I am guessing that you have not been going out all that long. It sounds like you didn't have good communication prior to him leaving, if nothing was ever mentioned about how or when he may be contacting you while he was away. Calling and texting from Mexico can be costly, however, with all of my traveling I have found it very easy to keep in touch with a quick line here or there through email. Many places offer free wifi. If you don't hear from him at all during his entire vacation, I would say keeping in touch isn't that important to him, and I'd move on.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I suggest he isn't getting your texts. His work phone should be turned off. His company would be very unhappy if were making international calls/texts. They're expensive.

Just a thought. Just as "he never said he wouldn't make calls", he also didn't say he would.

I recognize immaturity because I had difficulty trusting boyfriends when I was young. None of those relationships worked out. I finally had counseling and recognized that I was the one who messed up those relationships with my insecurity. I also learned that my choice in men was poor. I chose men who were unable to deal with my insecurity. Looking back, I know that my relationships were doomed from the beginning.

I urge you to begin counseling. My first counselor asked me to read a book on co-dependacy. I was angry because I didn't recognize myself as co-dependant. The part I gradually recognized is that my happiness depended on how other people treated me. I suggest that being unhappy because he hasn't texted is causing you to be unhappy.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

It is not HIS phone sweetie. It belongs to the Company. Unless you are the Company, then no he will not be contacting you on the work phone. Someone has to pay the bill. DUH!

Yes you are high maintenance and yes you are immature. You and boyfriend should have had this discussion prior to vacation. I am going out on a limb and say ya'll haven't been dating very long. Perhaps this is his way of saying its over.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I do find it odd to be honest, I hate going a day not communicating with my SO, let alone 10. When I was overseas and roaming was just expensive it sucked and the moment I was back stateside I was texting him. Of course we have been married for many years so it may be a little different but I would think that if he wanted to talk to you he would have, and the fact that he did not would have me wondering how he really feels. I would talk to him about it, but not in a accusatory way, just letting him know the disconnect for so long was hard for you and ask how he feels about it.

Next question: Do You Constantly Check up on Your Spouse or Check in via Cellphone?