This Has Been a Roller coaster...update!

Updated on September 25, 2010
E.L. asks from Aliso Viejo, CA
23 answers

For those of you who have followed my story lately, I ended up miscarrying on the 17th. I was only 5 weeks and 2 days. I'm really upset and my husband is devastated. For those of you who have m/c before I would appreciate some feed back!

I am going to wait a month maybe more to make sure my periods are back to normal then most likely going to try again to get pregnant. I'm really nervous as this could happen again. what's your experience??

~I haven't figured out how to reply to your comments on my question yet, so I am saying this to the 2 comments already here and for future comments: I thank you for your support and love. :) It really helps when someone has been in my shoes and can help me relate and move on from here! xxxx

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers



answers from New York on

First I would like to say I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first pregnancy at 14 weeks, so I know how upset you are. So many emotions to deal with it. I had to have a DNC and then became pregnant 3 months later and gave birth a beautiful and healthy baby boy, (who is now 25 lol). I had my daughter 4 years later (by choice not because of difficulty) and had absolutely no complications. Once you have experienced miscarriage you will see how many women this is happened to, and how common it really is. Doesn't make it easier but it will make you realize you are not alone. Morn the loss, and try to move on, you will be fine. It is natural when you become pregnant you will have concern but most women have no issues after a miscarriage. I know easier said then done, but try to stay positive. Good luck and keep us posted!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

like all the other moms said. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going thru. I had the same thing at 19. I couldn't see my regular OB so another doc read my ultrasound. I'm sitting on the table when he comes in. He didn't look at me and just said "you body aborted" and walked out the door. Cruel isn't a good enough word. Everybody told me that it's ok. It happens to a lot of people and it will work out next time! GRRRR NEXT TIME!! We're talking about a BABY not canceling dinner plans! I was very upset much more than I would expect. I know some of what I experienced was hormones but I really was grief stricken. Mother's day and the baby's due date were hard to deal with even years later. I've remarried and my step daughter is 2 months younger to the day than my baby's due date. I didn't try to get pregnant until 2006, 10 years after my initial miscarriage. My marriage began to fall apart so I didn't want to have a baby with a man I didn't want to be with! It took me many years to even try and I was paranoid every day that something was wrong. It was a very stressful pregnancy because I was so worried about everything. Now I have a 3.5 year old son that I adore even when I want duct tape his feet to the floor!! What I feel for the baby I lost is sweet. It's still sad but I feel like God is in charge and that makes me more comfortable with the loss. I'm not a bible thumper who just says 'Gods will' so I won't question it. Believe me I questioned it!! But I am comfortable with it now.
As far as your body is concerned. If the doctor doesn't see any physical reason you should be able to get right back on track. You're probably more fertile now anyway. What you really need to keep in mind is your mental health. You WILL be afraid that history will repeat itself and if you're not mentally prepared to deal with that stress you can't enjoy your pregnancy.


answers from Los Angeles on

First off, I'm very sorry you and your Husband are going through this and feeling so sad :( My Husband and I went through the exact same thing with my first pregnancy.

After the miscarriage, We thought it would be best for us to wait about a year to even try again. We found relief in believing that God had a plan for us and we needed to trust that he knew best. I also realized there was no point in wondering why it happened, it simply happened because it wasn't part of his plan for us. About a year later when we decided to try again, I was pregnant within 3 months of trying and worried every single second that I would miscarry again. I felt slight relief after actually seeing a baby (or peanut:) on the ultrasound screen which I never got to see the 1st time around. Our little peanut is now a beautiful 20 month old baby girl and we would go through all of the heartache all over again just to end up where we are right now with our beautiful baby girl. She was his plan and we are so very thankful for that!

Please stay positive E.! It's very possible that you will also look back on this experience and see that it was all part of the plan to get you to where you and your Husband are meant to be. I wish you the best!



answers from Denver on

I really feel for you, it is so hard to go through a miscarriage. We had a miscarriage before our first child at about 7 weeks then within months became pregnant again with our now 10 year old. At that time I did not realize I was pregnant until the day or two before the m/c so the attachment hadn't hit quite yet. Then after having our second child, I was pregnant again when he was about 10 months old. Everything was moving along just perfectly, in fact I felt amazing, easiest pregnancy ever, then I miscarried at 4.5 months and had to deliver a tiny baby. It was devastating! The number one thing that helped me through it was remembering that my body is incredibly built to function as it should when things are not quite right. What ever was going on with that baby at the time was not going right. There was something wrong with the baby, one thing I do know is I would have been far more devastated to watch my sweet baby grow up fighting illness or whatever was going on. My baby is with God now and I am so happy he/she is in a happy place and not struggling here.

The great news is, your body is well prepped for getting pregnant again. I was pregnant with my daughter within 2 months of miscarrying. She is now 2.5 and perfectly healthy. The best part is that low and behold I am carrying yet another baby to be born in January.

So you see, as sad as you are now, you have great things on your horizon. You will have the beautiful child or children you are supposed to have. Just sit back, take you time to mourn, it is a great loss, then begin again and celebrate what is to be.

Good luck to you!



answers from San Francisco on

So sorry. I have read somewhere that early miscarriages maybe as high as 60% of all conceptions. Which if you think carefully, it makes sense. A fertilized egg is one cell that needs to become so many cells and become different organs. It's amazing it ever happens correctly to make a healthy baby! In my mother's day, before in home pregnancy tests, you wouldn't even been really thinking you were pregnant until you missed two periods. So if you were living when my mother was having children, you would have thought you period was late. End of thought. I am so sad that so many women are devastated by early pregnancy loss. Sometimes I think my mother's world was better in that respect. I had a early miscarriage between number three and number four child. Today - number four child is so wonderful. That miscarriage would not have been him. I can't imagine not having him. So at some level believe what will be, will be. No amount of worrying will change this. I have known women who had two early miscarriages and went on to have more than one healthy pregnancy. So unfortunately it can happen again. By to not try, means you won't have children. Good luck to you.



answers from Reno on

The first time I miscarried, I was so devastated that I insisted to my husband that I HAD to get my tubes tied immediately, because I didn't think I could ever live through that again. I'm so glad he talked me out of that, because I wouldn't have my son and my youngest daughter if I'd kept insisting. I did miscarry again, but by then I knew that I could survive it, and that life got better again. Hang in there!



answers from Honolulu on

First of all, Congratulations on the fact that you can get pregnant, a lot of people don't even have that going for them. I've been pregnant 4 times and I have 2 beautiful children. The first time I got pregnant I miscarried at 16 weeks. I was devastated and the doctor told me to wait 3 months and try again. After my initial bleeding stopped I never had another period and as soon as we started trying again, I ended up pregnant with my now almost 3 year old son. I didn't tell anyone about being pregnant with him until I was 17 weeks along and everything looked healthy. It is scary, but there is hope. When I had my second miscarriage, it was a lot easier to get through than the first. You'll be surprised how many people actually have miscarriages. Start trying as soon as you're ready. Good luck!



answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry you had to go through this...I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I had a miscarriage Dec 08 at 4 wk 2 days. Super early but that didn't make it easy...I remember when I realized that it happened (worst cramps besides labor and heavy period) and I sobbed and sobbed. It was awful. We waited a few cycles (due to medical advice and a trip we had planned) and I got pregnant with my daughter in April of 09. I was not able to fully enjoy my pregnancy until 5 months (when we got the big ultrasound that checks everything out), but I DID tell people early the second time around as I felt that if I was unfortunate enough to have it happen twice, I would need the support. Thankfully my DD was born Jan 2010 healthy and she is now my little lovebug. You can conceive again, and quickly...just be easy on yourself...and good luck!



answers from Los Angeles on

I am another who can identify with you and wish you feelings of contentment with all you have gone through. I miscarried at 6 weeks, didn't know to wait, just figured it would take longer to get pregnant again. I got pregnant right away, miscarried after 12 weeks once I finally started to tell everyone. It was absolutely devistating! I got the D&C and waited three months. I am glad to say I have a healthy and beautiful daughter of 2+years now and a son on the way! The thoughts of loss occur from time to time, but the prayers I recieved from friends and family could be felt stronger than I have ever felt prayer before. I became a stronger woman because of it and a more appreciative mother. I wish you well, allow yourself time to grieve and appreciate the good in life. Once you get pregnant again DONT be over anxious, read consoling books and share time with loved ones. You are only given as much as you can handle ~ cliche but it is true! I felt like: because I had to go through this I kept another loved one from experiencing the trama. Best wishes.



answers from Los Angeles on

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried two times each at 8 and 10 weeks. I never thought that carrying a baby to term would be so hard. The loss was so devestating. I personally fell into a deep depression. I did not understand that GOD knew what He was doing. He did not want us to have a baby that was not complete. No one really knows why women miscarry but theory is that the baby was forming correctly. I finally got out of my depression and after actually giving up on the idea of being pregnant I conceived again and had our son. 9 months later I got pregnant again so much to our surprise because we weren't even trying and our family was complete.
I know that you are devestated right now but there is hope. Stay close to your husband and keep the communication open between you two. Don't blame anyone and stay strong in your love for each other.

Good luck!!



answers from Los Angeles on

sorry to hear this..maybe baby wasn't ready for this world yet..drink rasberry leaf herbal tea it strengthens your uterus..i'm pregnant at 40...i was drinking this tea and then when i got pregnant i stopped it..i hope you recover quickly body and heart..but at least you know you can get pregnant and look to the future...a little one will be yours when ready





answers from Sacramento on

Oh E.,
Wrapping you in love and light. I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though it was very early on, that doesn't mean the hopes and dreams you had started creating around this baby weren't very real.

As a bit of reassurance... This kind of VERY early miscariage is more common than you might think. It does not mean your body is like predisposed to miscarrying babies. At 5 weeks 2 days, you were barely beyond your expected date for your period. Many women have this happen and think it's just a late period.

You have all the potential in the world to carry a baby to term AND to raise that child into a wonderful adult.

As for personal experience, two good friends of mine were pregnant right around the time I was pregnant with my son. One miscarried 3 days before I found I was pregnant and the other (who found out on the same day) miscarried a week or so after we found out. Anyway, they each have a happy healthy 4 year old now who is 12 weeks younger than my son (the two kids were actually born the same day!)

I really hope this helps a little,




answers from Las Vegas on

I'm sorry you and your husband are in pain, but try not to worry too much about future pregnancies (way easier said). My first pregnancy ended in m/c at 7 weeks. I was upset, but also hopeful. I have PCOS and endometriosis. I was told I couldn't get pregnant on my own and I did. I held on to that hope and now have 2 children. (though I did have a 2nd m/c before baby #2 came along) I was a wreck with worry the next time I got pregnant and worry is no good for a mama-to-be. Hang in there and know that you are able to get pregnant and that there is hope for a healthy pregnancy and baby. Many of my friends have also had m/c and ended up with beautiful, healthy children. Miscarriages are super common so don't let this discourage you. I wish you the best, may you have a wonderful bundle of joy in the near future!!!



answers from Los Angeles on

I miscarried my first pregnancy at 12 weeks. My issue was a blighted ovum. Of course it is extremely hard both physically and emotionally to recover, but trust me, you will recover.

If you're religious, you can chalk it up to God's plan. If you're not religious, the fact of the matter is that the pregnancy just was not right for you and/or the baby. I call it the "cosmic eject button." As much as I'm sure you wanted this pregnancy to result in a baby, it wasn't meant to be this time.

Miscarriage is extremely common, which is why so many people wait until after the 3 month mark to announce a pregnancy. (wish I had done that - having to tell my mom about my miscarriage was the worst - I chickened out and made my sister do it) I got pregnant again 3 months after my miscarriage and gave birth to a perfect, full-term little girl who just turned 9. Three years later I gave her a perfect, full-term little sister. :-)

Please don't despair. You and your husband need to lean on each for support. You've both suffered a great loss. Time will heal all and when you finally have a baby and fall head over heels in love with him/her, the loss of this pregnancy will be a mere footnote in your parenting life. Often when I look at my oldest, I'm actually glad I miscarried the first pregnancy because otherwise I never would have known this mind-blowingly spectacular human being! The baby you were meant to have is still waiting for you.

Wishing you love & healing. Best of luck.



answers from San Diego on

I'm sorry any of us go through this but please take comfort in the fact that you aren't alone, and you will feel better very soon. These things helped me: 1. You are no more likely to have another miscarriage than someone who has never had one. 2. You are no more likely to have another mc if you get pregnant after your first normal period(this is true if you did not have a d&c). I did a lot of research after my mc in April and did not see the need to wait more than one normal period because of this fact. 3. When you do get pregnant you will be nervous but after you see and hear your baby's heartbeat you will let some fears go and when you get to your second trimester
you will
Imlet all your fears go.



answers from Tampa on

I'm sorry for your loss. In my experience I had 2 miscarraiges last year. One was around 5wks (I had a faint positive line 3 days before I miscarried), the other around 6-7wks or so, but when I miscarried my HCG number was extremely low and there was nothing in the uterus on ultrasound, so it was already gone before my body got rid of it. Both of them were devastating for me. I just prayed to God after the second loss that if it wasn't meant to be for me to have another child, then just don't let me get pregnant, cause it was very hard for me to deal with. I have a 3yr old son and my only issue with him was getting pregnant because I have PCOS. My whole point to this was that after my second miscarraige, they did some testing and found out that I have 2 clotting disorders that were probably causing clots to form and not allowing the embryo to develop or attach properly. I was placed on baby aspirin and now am happy to say I am 15wks pregnant with baby #2. I have to take shots daily of a blood thinner to keep clots from forming, but so far so good.
I wish you the best of luck! And also know that just because you had one miscarraige doesn't mean you'll have another - everyone is different and I know of a couple of people that have had one and go on to have another healthy pregnancy. Good luck and try not to worry! (I know, easier said than done-LOL).



answers from San Diego on

I am so sorry for your loss. I also had a 14 weeks gestation. So not your normal miscarriage....a late term one. But I had a few issues going on like fibroids and thyroid issues. Basically my baby was very healthy and hitting all the growth milestones. Unfortunately my fibroid was growing out of control and outgrew my baby and caused my miscarriage.

This was our first pregnancy after almost 3 years of "Unexplained Infertility". We were devastated! I gave my body 3 cycles (which really took about 6 months for my body to regulate itself to have 3 cycles) before we started trying again. I just wasn't ready emotionally before that.

After almost 2 years and major surgery to remove the fibroid, getting pregnant just wasn't happening for us. Also there were more fibroids growing, and I had to have another surgery. I just didn't want to risk another painful miscarriage because of fibroids again. At that point my OBGYN told me I had a less than 3% chance of ever getting preggo naturally and going to term because of my surgeries. I had a less than 5% chance of getting preggo with IVF and carrying to term. At the time IVF would have cost us a little under $20K.

Upon leaving her office we knew that adoption was the next road for us. We had been praying about whether to continue with infertility treatments or to adopt for a few months since we kind of new what our options would be. We opted to try adoption. We found a wonderful agency (Bethany Christian Services). A year and a half after my miscarriage, our son Noah was placed with us through an infant domestic adoption. He was 3 weeks old.

When Noah was 18 months old, we decided that we would start preparing to start the adoption process for #2 when he was 22 months old (January 2006) since that was when our agency would have their next adoption class. That was Aug 2006 when we made the decision. I found out I was preggo in Sept 2006 with my daughter.

Because of my surgery history and previous miscarriage, both my OBGYN and I were nervous the entire pregnancy. And to make matters worse, I had EXTREME morning sickness until the day I delivered her. I spent the last month of my pregnancy in the hospital because of preterm labor. During my pregnancy I had more tested and more OB appts than a normal person because my OB wanted to keep close tabs on me and the baby.

In the end we had a healthy baby girl in March 2007. She was born at 35 weeks and 2 days and weighed almost 6lbs. Other than having jaundice she was totally healthy. She is now 3 1/3 years old. The only issue she has healthwise is food allergies...but both my Mom and I have similar food allergies.

So now I have a healthy and handsome 5 1/2 year old son by adoption (he's half Cambodian and half black) and a beautiful 3 and 1/2 year old daughter (she is Japanese, Korean, German, Irish, Norwegian, English).

My best advice for you right now is to listen to your body and your gut instinct on when to start trying again. You will know in your heart when you are physically and emotionally ready to try again. And yes, you will be extremely nervous the next time you get pregnant...but try not to stress too much about it (I know easier said than done). Lean on your family and friends and don't be afraid to vent and let some of that stress out. My family and friends and more importantly God really helped me through everything. And thankfully they still do!



answers from Grand Rapids on

I miscarried and was extremely nervous about getting pregnant again. but after i miscarried, i found out a lot of woman do miscarry. Most of the time, it's your body just protecting you. There was something wrong with the baby, and your body chose to miscarry. I do know that if it happens more, than the doctors do test to see what the reasoning is, but most doctors won't for the first time.

I starrted trying after my period came, and i had a daughter, and now I just had my son, and no problems with either of them. We did wait to tell anyone though that we were having a baby, until after we had a positive ultrasound. We only told his parents and my parents, so we if we did miscarry again, they at least knew what was going on. When i miscarried, I ended up in the hospital, and that was what worried me the most. But everything worked out.

Just try not to stress out too much about it, and know that if it's meant to happen it will happen



answers from Los Angeles on

Hi E.,

Miscarriages are VERY common. They say 1 in 4 women will experience one, but I think it's much higher. I had a miscarriage years ago at 8 weeks. It was devastating at the time, but God is good (not sure if you are a believer or not) and He has the ability to help you heal. Trust that everything happens for a reason and there was something wrong with that baby. I have since gotten pregnant and delivered a wonderful amazing daughter who is now 20 months old. Everything works out in the end. I would recommend waiting at least one menstrual cycle before trying to again. And all the literature says that because you had one miscarriage, that does not mean you have any increase likelihood of having another one. It's only when you've had multiple miscarriages where there would be a reason to be concerned. Good luck and God bless!



answers from Los Angeles on

Hi E.,

I'm so sorry for your loss. As other moms have said, miscarriage is extremely common. Not that it makes it any less devastating, but still, it helped me to know that it happens a lot. I lost my first pregnancy at about 6 weeks gestation. We waited for two normal cycles (check with your Dr.) and conceived again the first month we tried.

I was nervous as anything all the first trimester, waiting for something to go wrong... My son is now a healthy, wonderful almost five year old. It did help me to have a fertility expert tell me that most miscarriages happen before you get a heartbeat, so once you're at that stage, chances of a loss drop dramatically.

Often there is a boost in your fertility for about 3-4 months following a miscarriage. There's certainly no guarantee you won't suffer another loss, but all one can do is to try.

Hang in there!

Best wishes to you and your family.



answers from San Diego on

E., I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. I just went through it myself last month. It was my second pregnancy, and I miscarried at 6 weeks exactly. You always hear the number and statistics about miscarriage, but it doesn't seem to matter much when it happens to you. I felt like no one felt my pain like I was (even my husband), and after a short time, most people forgot about my baby. Please know you are not alone, and this too shall pass. You won't forget about your baby, but the pain will ease up over time.

It really helps to talk to others who have gone through the same thing-share your experience and cry together. It is okay for you to take time to grieve for your baby.

As for trying again, my doctor told me to wait 3 months before trying to conceive again. She said it is not impossible to get pregnant right away, but that there is a greater chance you will miscarry if you conceive immediately. I don't know this for a fact, but I am waiting the 3 months, as I do not want to endure that type of emotional pain again.

Best of luck to you!!! xoxo



answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is. I've had three miscarriages - all ending no later than 7 or 8 weeks. Now I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. I knew she was a strong pregnancy from the beginning.

It's amazing how many women miscarry and how often it can happen. If you weren't paying attention to your cycle you may have thought you were a little late with a heavier than usual period.

My fertility specialist always told me she didn't worry about miscarriages until someone had at least three. She wasn't even that worried about me before I got pregnant with my daughter.

This doesn't mean you'll definitely have another miscarriage - unfortunately no one knows what will happen - that is what is so frustrating about trying to get pregnant. However, don't be too discouraged by one miscarriage. There is most definitely hope. Let you and your husband grieve (this does affect him too) and then get back on that horse once you've had a normal cycle. In the meantime, try to relax - a miscarriage does not mean that there's anything wrong with you.

Good luck!



answers from San Diego on

I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks exactly, after trying for 5 months. That happened in Aug 09 and in September I never got my period. Basically 2 weeks after my miscarriage, I conceived again. I have heard that the m/c made me more fertile. I know have a big healthy 3 month old boy. I would recommend to keep trying even if you are not sure it will take since you haven't had your period back yet. Worked for me and you have nothing to lose if it doesn't happen.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions