Third Child - West Palm Beach,FL

Hi D.,
I know who you are. My son Matthew used to go to school with Jake. If you can afford the third child the hell with what everyone else says. My only biased is that I came from a family with an older mom and older dad (42/44 at time of my birth). I also had an older brother was 12 1/2 years older so they pretty much focused much of their attention on me. They were also very financially secure so that was never an issue. As a child from older parents the only thing I ever felt was annoyance and embrassment when people would ask me if my mom was my grandma. I'm not trying to turn you away from the idea. Just giving you an insight from the child's point of view. I say go for it. I personally am stopping with 2 (I'm due June 9th). I have to work once Emily is born and Matthew has become a really difficult handful and frankly I don't have the energy to keep up with him.

I have to confess I am biased on the issue. I hope you will understand why when I tell you I have three beautiful children. I think that this decision should really be between your husband and you and that everyone else should be told that "We will weigh the benefits and costs and decide for ourselves." By the way, I earned my first car by saving babysitting money and gifts from Grandmas and Grandpas. I also think it's possible for your older daughter to barter baby sitting for getting her nails done, or she can learn to do it herself! So, if the only reason you are hesitating is because your other children will not have as many "perks",I hope you will consider that the baby will be loved by them, too. My older children love their little sister, my son especially. Our lives have been immeasurably blessed by our precious little Gail and I would never change that, even in these tough economic times.

I think it is wonderful that you want to have another child and can afford it. (Only if you can afford it, of course.) I know everyone will think this is an awful thing to say, but wanted to tell you something I took into consideration being older, like you are. Advanced maternal age puts you at greater risk of having a special needs child. There is nothing wrong with that, and I would love a special needs child just as much as my son, but just bear in mind that if you have a child that needs considerable assistance their whole life, then they are eventually going to become the responsibility of your current children. So it is a decision not to take lightly. While they will love their sibling unconditionally, they will become responsible for their sibling's well-being when you pass away. I know this statement is going to make a lot of people angry, but you said you wanted an unbiased opinion and I just wanted to remind you of this - many people don't take it into consideration. Other than that consideration, I think you & your husband sound like nice stable, happy people, and if you both want another child, go for it!!

D.
The question is not if you want another child, but why do you give your power away to your sister or anyone? You know your children and family like no one ever will.It is a decision between you and your husband.Love your sister,let her love your family, but when opinions come out about YOUR family decisions that she may not agree, just smile, says thanks for sharing, will we see you Sat at the picnic?
Do not let anyone take your power away to decide what is best for your family. You will end up with regrets if you live your life according to someone else's opinions/decisions.
J.

D.,
If both you and your husband are in total agreement about trying to have a third child, who the heck cares what the rest of the world thinks?
It sounds like you are self-supporting, financially-responsible adults. More people like you SHOULD raise children! (I'm a school teacher.)
I am 39, have a 3 yo DD and a 15 mo DS. My husband makes good money, but I also went back to work full time so that we will have my pension and his savings when we retire even though we could live quite comfortably on his salary. Some people might say that's selfish, that I should stay at home... but this works for us and is our decision.
It is your (plural) life, go for what you want... NO REGRETS!

T.

D.,
I'm sorry you aren't finding any support. I have never heard of anyone who once they were old regretted having the children they have, but I have known plenty who wish they had more children but it was too late. Children are a blessing, and wanting to have another is not selfish. Your children will grow up wanting things - unfortunately that is what our culture promotes, but you are under no obligation to give them EVERYTHING they want. In fact, it will be better for them if they learn they won't always get everything, and sometimes they have to work hard for things. It sounds like you are in a great financial situation, and my bet is you will never regret having a third regardless of the negative feedback, however, you might regret not having one. Best wishes with your decision - make a decision that you and your husband are at peace with, and ignore all the other advice.