Thinking About Having a Baby at 41 - Hockessin,DE

Updated on June 06, 2011
M.S. asks from Hockessin, DE
13 answers

My mind is spinning. I am a mother of two year old twins. I just had a miscarriage at 8 weeks from a baby that had Trisomy 18. My husband and I are thinking about trying again.My doctor suggested talking to a Genetic Counselor. This was suggested to me when I was pregnant with the twins. I did not go because i thought if it was not based on a medical test how much help could it be ( my husband and I do not have any issues in our family line) Does anyone one have any stories or similiar situations?

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answers from Honolulu on

It is routine... that per maternal 'age'..... Genetic Counseling/testing is offered.
I had that. With both my pregnancies. I also had the Amniocentesis with both my pregnancies. My choice.

It is not 'counseling' per say... it is merely an information giving meeting... in which you ask anything you want and the Genetic Counselor explains everything to you. It is information... which is very interesting... whether or not it applies to you.

I... with all my pregnancies, was over 35 years old. When I had my son, I was over, 39.
I had had 1 miscarriage before I had my son.
My Doctor advised waiting 3 months... before trying to conceive again. that is routine.

All of this, is pretty routine... per Maternal age if over 38 years old.

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answers from Philadelphia on

So sorry about your baby! The good news is that trisomy 18 is not a hereditary condition. The bad news is that at age 41 our eggs are getting old and our babies are at increased risk of chromosonal abnormalities. But the chances are still great that you would have a healthy baby. Best of luck with your decision. It is a tough one.
I lost my son at 17 days old. I thought I could never go through another pregnancy out of fear but I did and I had a healthy baby! Thank God!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Williamsport on

I don't know the facts on Trisonomy-if it's random once in a blue moon or hereditary? But in general, 41 is not uncommon to have babies. My dad's mom (67 years ago) had him at 42, my best friend just had her second at 43, and I just had my 3rd at 40 and feel great. Yes there are some higher risks, but it's most often fine. I recently learned about several "oops" babies in my family tree born to farm women in their mid 40's in the OLD days (one after her husband had passed away 2 years previously :-0). Most of my friends started trying around 40 for their "one and dones" and had them between the ages of 40-45, all without problems other than with getting pregnant to begin with.

Being over the 35 year mark for all of mine and getting all the "high risk" readings on my blood tests led me to just not get the tests for the second two pregnancies. That and the fact we are out of pocket with no insurance and every test would be major extra $s. That and the fact that the genetic counselor that "told me all the reasons for my high risk blood test results at my age and why I should be worried" during my first pregnancy basically freaked me out and caused me to get an amnio I'm still in debt for and I was shaking in my boots until the results, so I didnt' want to go through that again. But she was obviously not a reassuring style counselor, so if you get a nicer counselor it could be OK.
The next two times I got pregnant we didn't look back or test for stuff and were blessed with healthy kids.

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answers from Sioux City on

When I was 38 I had a daughter who died at 31 weeks after conception. She was down syndrome. I also lost a son at 16 weeks. We then went on to have our little Lizzy when I was 41. She is perfect! I am of the notion that if God gives a baby then it is the perfect baby for me.

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answers from San Francisco on

My situation isn't exactly like yours but I thought you should know that anything is possible. :) My last child is proof that there are miracles.

My first was born when I was thirty,I then had a miscarriage, then my second was born when I was 34 and my third was born when I was 40.

I have had two emergency c-sections including have preelamsia, my uterus was stuck to my abdomin wall and is still stuck to my bladder. My third c-section was not under emergency situation but they did have to be very careful. I also did not know that I was pregnant with her until 16 and half weeks along. (I was on the pill and my periods were chronically irregular).

That child, born when I was 40, is a healthy, beautiful 16 month old. It can be done at 41!

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answers from Atlanta on

Hi MS,

If you decide to try make sure you get on the best absorbable multivitamin/mineral complex (I can recommend one if you like) and folic acid right now. When and if you are pregnant you need to add Omegas for neurological and eyesight development. I personally know several women that have had babies later in life and they seem to be fine. Our bodies were meant to bare children much later in life than we do these days. If you're healthy there's no reason not to try....

God bless,


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I'm like you. I had my first dd at 38. I would like to have one more but feel like it needs to be sooner rather than later.



answers from Philadelphia on

I'm 41 (will be 42 in 2 1/2 months) and I just had my 2nd child (a healthy baby girl) 10 days ago via c-section. My pregnancy went smooth. I had my first (a healthy boy) Feb 28th 2008 when I was 38 (and I turned 39 2 weeks later), that pregnancy also went smooth. I was very fortunate not to have had any miscarriages (altho it was on my mind every day of both pregs). For both pregs I did the genetic testing. Altho, I went for the bloodwork first, then if anything came back questionable, we would do the amnio testing. Luckily we didn't need to take that route because my bloodwork came back fine. I totally don't blame you or any other woman who has had miscarriages to be scared. Things like this happen to younger women too. Every woman is different, so you need to look within and decide if it's something you are mentally capable of handling again.



answers from Pittsburgh on

i did it @ 42 and i would not do it again it was too much on my body i was 58 inches when i went in to labor and had a 10 lb hernia with the baby and 5 years later finally feel norman after 9 surgeries on my belly.
good luck



answers from Houston on

I had one at 40 and your pregnancy will be harder probably mine was.labor was longer but my son is healthy and big



answers from Scranton on

The reality is that the older you are the more likely you are to have a child with a genetic problem. This has nothing to do with your familiy history and everything to do with the age of your eggs. At 41, you have a 1 in 55 chance of having a child with Downs Syndrome. Talk to a genetic counselor to know exactly what risks you are taking so you and your husband can make an informed chioce. They will be able to give you an accurate picture of your risks and what having a child with a disability would mean for your twins.
Best of luck with your decision.



answers from Denver on

I had my first son at age 39 and my second at age 41. Both were conceived naturally and I had easy pregnancies and deliveries. I had an amniocentisis with both pregnancies because I wanted to have all the information I could get about the babies before they came. It relieved the anxiety and I enjoyed my pregnancies. For me, having all the information was helpful. But I have two friends who were pregnant around the same time I was (both 40) and they chose not to go through the counseling or testing. Its a personal choice. Good Luck and don't give up!!



answers from Pittsburgh on

I had a perfectly healthy boy at 40 (my only). We had both decided that we would terminate the pregnancy if there was any suggestion of a genetic or other anomaly so we did the amniocentesis (and standard bloodwork). Our women's hospital required consultation with a genetic counselor whenever requesting genetic testing/amnio - it went like this - her - 'do you know what you plan to do if the amnio is abnormal, me - yes, terminate - her-ok, the results should be back in a day or two. Me - thank you. If you would not terminate then you really need to consider the impact this would have on your family and also the very real possibility that a disabled child could outlive you and how to plan for that.

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