Thinking About Becoming a SAHM After 2Nd child...need Advice

Updated on January 08, 2010
E.S. asks from Weimar, TX
7 answers

My husband and I are currently looking at me becoming a SAHM after our 2nd child is born. I work full time, as does my husband and our 21 month old goes to daycare full time. The expense of adding another child to daycare would take away one full paycheck of mine, not taking into account the days i would have to be out due to Dr. appt's and the kids sickness'. Those types of days fall all on me since my husband works out of town most days and all the grandparents work. My question is how do you decide to make that transition? I would need to supplement our income w/ something as my husband's wouldn't make it alone. I don't have a problem with becoming a SAHM but learning how to manage the money is the issue. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle but it still worries me. Any words of encouragement and advice would help greatly as well as any tips for working out of the home and how to get started on that.

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answers from Austin on

One thing we found when we were at this stage in life, was that because I stayed home it actually helped my husband's career. He was able to focus on the breadwinning and home and had my total support and and all that entailed. I had the time to support his work and we never hurt from the lack of my paycheck. The extra hidden expenses that come with working dissappeared, and I got the joy of nurturing my children and not letting someone else raise them. Never discount the importance mothers have in the development of their children...language is give primarily through the mother/child interaction, social skills, faith. Our children are healthier and happier when mom is simply with them and making the good of the family her vocation.

I wanted to add that when I came home we had 2 children, now we have 6. My husband's gone from being self employed to working in a company. He increased his salary in doing this, but then had to take a 20% pay reduction last year because of the hard economic times (its just hard to find clients) So far again we don't feel it. We have to adjust and are content, because we know that really the ultimate source of what we are blessed with rests with God. He gives the work. He provides the means for feeding, clothing and sheltering this we trust.

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answers from Houston on

Well my advice is Dave Ramsey! When we decided to have me stay home with our first son, we did not make it on paper at all. We really didn't know how we were going to pull it off. My husband starting listening to the Dave Ramsey radio show and then we got the book "The Total Money Makeover". This revolutionized our finances. Now after about two and a half years on the program we are debt free and about to start the next step of building a six month emergency fund. Not only has our debt melted away but my husband has had more time and energy to devote to work with me handling the bulk of home duty and he makes a lot more now than he did when we started the program. So I would say take a look at it. It costs only the $24 or so for the book and it pays off like I never believed possible. Now we live off what we make and have a great plan for our future. We are having our second baby and it feels so great not to be so stressed like we were the first time around. You can also check it out at No gimmicks, nothing to join, just good sound advice and a plan that actually is do-able without living in a serious place of lack and stress. Good luck and congrats on your new little one!



answers from San Antonio on

Having done are some questions to ask yourself?
VIP>>>>WHAT IS IN YOUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW............ can your savings acount bail you out in an emergency or will you have to borrow or use a credit card.

What is your contingency plan if a divorce, layoff,spouse"s illness and/or death, child special needs occur....what if your family loses their only source of income.... do you have savings or other resources to pay the bills for 3 to 6 months. Check the amount your husband would recieve from unemployment insurance and see if you could survive on it.
If something happens to your husband employment you know if he is willing to work for less ...what is the current turn around time for a person seeking employment in his profession...Would you and he be willing to relocate if necessary for his remployment?...Would you work nights while he job hunted during the day...remember he may not find a job before his unemployment runs out....Never assume in a one "job" household that this income will always be must have a back up plan before it is needed.

Your second child is not here yet...if the this child is born with special needs or health issues...Will you need the income / insurance from your current job to cope?

CAN your husband watch the children on the weekends or at night for 5, 8, or 10 hours a week while you do volunteer work... not just to give time you with grownups but as a job insurance policy....What do i mean/... I have friends who have kept jobs skills current and/ or upgraded their job skills while would be amazed at the skills & training that a person or organization will teach a volunteer ....looks great on a job resume and can get you a better paying job-eventually....maybe not feasible now but a possible consideration, later.

What are your "real bills" ?rent/mortgage,food,clothing. gas/electricity, car payment/car insurance and license, health insurance, etc..., Now imagine- you have paid these bills... Now,,,,money must go into a saving not even consider using a credit card...(My husband and are retired...having no credit cards at all is part of our lifestyle, now }....What is left over from his paycheck?? How much will you need to this amount close to money left over after you pay for childcare? YOU said you need to supplement his income ...will you do this before you quit working ;so you know for sure that this is working?

After this what other items are said your husband works out of town ...sit down and figure out his expenses.... who pays for wear/tear on his car and gas...does he eat out alot on the job?....Does hIS job have a "dress code "and how expensive is his "work attire" and its he expected to have certain supplies or/ and equipment for his profession or entertain clients...if so who pays for these items need know costs associated with him keeping his job down to the penny.

Have you ever lived poor? Do you
know how to shop online--- believe it or not .. Sometimes,you can furnish a home or put clothes on your back cheaper ..... Can you live without dining out...period....Could you be a one car family..... do you have hobbies or interests that are cheap???... do you rent movies or pay for sporting events on tv...can you live without the smallest perks if you need you have relatives/ family that live out of town...could you not see them at all for the next 2,4, 5 years....

In your current profession - how quickly will your professional credentials and job skills be "outdated"? Will there be a stigma attached to you because you chose to stay at home insteading of balancing a job and family
like many women do today?....If you go back to work may have to compete against women who have done it all and have a employer wonder about your committment to being part of the workforce...if you stay at work is there the potential for raises, job promotion or parlaying this job into another career in a year or two that would pay more?

Many people will suggest doing daycare out of your home..... will not get days off unless a working parent has the a day off....some jobs require that you work holidays..will you do daycare on labor day or christmas eve...will you get paid for daycare if the child is out sick or parent take a 2 week vacation.... my caretaker ran a business and i understood that she accepted a limited number of children so on holidays and vacation i paid her will your daycare be a hourly situation or a more professional situation (the income is more reliable for the sitter and i knew my sitter would not leave me in a lurch because she wanted a 2 week vacation.)

What is your credit card/ debt at this current time....would it be wiser to work for a while and let one paycheck pay daycare and another paycheck dedicated to paying the bills off and then you quit. Have you evaluated your current " need " situation? Does any vehicle need new tires asap....ARE any home appliances on their last leg, etc...,Please evaluate yourself, your lifestyle and your home -- make sure that there are no "financial " bombshells pending in the next 6 months or 12 months.... check this throughly,,,you willbe new to lifestyle and need bo surprises.



answers from San Antonio on

You've already got some good advice...I would add that you need to take into consideration who has the health insurance, you or your husband or neither?

We went from a two income household to one income after the birth of our second child not out of choice, but due to circumstances. It has not always been easy and frankly there are a LOT of people who assume a LOT of things about our finances and our decision.

You have to be prepared to deal with people who will make assumptions. You have to be prepared to give up the little things that add up to a bunch of $. You have to be able to appreciate what you have and be content with it. You will also have to learn how to be creative in making every cent stretch (even if you have a nice cushion to fall back on). If you can't make it on your husband's salary, then I think you have already answered your question.

Are you able to freelance some work with the company you already work for? Have you considered doing at-home daycare? Are you mentally prepared to work from/at home? Meaning: are you a self-starter? do you have good boundaries? can you set and stick to goals?

Somewhere in being a SAHM most people forget that our job is in front of us 24/7. Make sure you have an adequate support network so that you can get away from your home, your children and your spouse on a regular basis for your own sanity and for a better quality of life at home.

All that unsolicited advice aside, you said that how to manage the money is the issue. You're are going to have to get down to brass tacks. What expenses are essential: mortgage, water, electric, car insurance, gas, food, phone (and since your husband travels: cell phone)? What expenses MUST have an emergency fund: medical, business attire, repairs, etc? What expenses are perks: cable, movies, dining out, etc? What are out of the question? Put down your list. Go over your expenses for the last year or two. What was expected? Unexpected? Give yourself a real idea of what you ARE and are NOT looking at. Be REALISTIC in what you can and cannot deal with. Are you really going to be ok with not going out to eat, the movies, or anywhere and not having cable too or will you go nuts? How many times can you rent a $1 movie b4 you run out of new movies and is it cheaper than say paying for Satellite cable? Pay the bills as soon as you get paid, lock up the credit cards and ensure your husband only uses his bank card if absolutely necessary for an emergency. Pay for everything in cash and presort your cash into envelopes or some other division system so you know how much $ you have to spend at all times. Buy what you ALREADY use on sale and try to get creative about how to use what you have and what is least expensive. Don't impulse buy and do comparison shop.

God is faithful and good. He will carry you...He may stretch your faith, but He will never leave you.

I love watching my children bloom, but truly miss the adult socialization I got at work. I also wonder what job I will be qualified to perform when my little ones start school and I'm ready to join the workforce again. BUT, I know HE has a plan, and it is good!

May God bless you with His Wisdom and Understanding in the situation!



answers from Austin on

Hi E.!

Your decision is a tough one and I am a second for Dave Ramsey he gives great advise. I also want to let you know, there are home based business that many Mommies do part time. I, for one, sell great luxury linens and bath products with Private Quarters in Austin. There are a ton of direct selling companies out there but honestly only a few with quality products that you really can make money with. If you need more advise about this option just let me know. My website is There is no one selling PQ in Wiemer, one 2 in Houston and No one in San Antonio right now, so the opportunity is there for someone in your area.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and with your decision!



answers from San Antonio on

Five years ago I decided to stop teaching also because the day care money was taking just about all my pay. I babysat two toddlers to help bring in money. Start looking now for moms who are unhappy with their daycare and start pitching yourself. I must warn you that when I was ready to go back to work last year, it took me over a year to find a job! Schools were closing and program budgets were being cut and I was so discouraged when I didn't find a job right away. Then when I finally did get a job (just 3 months ago) I was so behind in the new technology and methodology! I am struggling to keep up with my fellow teachers who never stopped working, and my family is having difficulty adjusting to me not being home. My husband texted me 10 times one Wednesday afternoon when I was in a training!

I just want to stress very much that having one income is a financial strain! I went four years with the same tennis shoes, four years without a vacation, four years without buying a new tv, or appliance. Pay down as much of your debt as possible and make sure your husband's job is not in jeapordy. My husbands salary was cut in August by 25% so if I hadn't gotten hired, we would have lost our home and our car.

I don't mean to scare you but you must insure your finances! Buy insurance to cover your mortage should your husband lose his job, extend the warranty on your appliances, and put some cash in a savings for major home or car repairs cause you won't want to put that on a credit card and not be able to pay them (that's what happened to us).

I hope this helps.


answers from Killeen on

What a blessing to be able to make this decision. When I was pregnant with our last child that decision was made for me. I was preparing to go back to work when they informed me they couldn't afford to put me back on the payroll after maternity leave. So it was a rough time but ending up being a blessing in disguise. That was 8 years ago and we made it.

I see you have faith and believe in God. I had faith that everything would work out but I still had to do my part which was research, ask other moms, etc. Just know that God entrusted you with your kids and will help you in all areas to do just that.

I prayed and cried and prayed and cryed and after I had my pity party(LOL) I got up and got busy asking other moms how they stay home and make some extra money. So God answered my prayer and I was able to bring in income and stay home all these years. It is doable and I am praying for you and your family.

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