They Want to Hold My Son Back in K

Updated on March 13, 2008
G.H. asks from Stamford, CT
43 answers

I am desperate for help. I just had a parent teacher conference and my son is in danger of being held back. I have to write a letter to the principle to ask her not to hold him back, he has to go to summer school. I need help on how to teach him, how to get him to learn his letters and his sounds. He is amazing at rhyming but he cant read at all. HELP

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So What Happened?

Well it has been a while but here is where things are now. I came to terms with him staying back a year because I also felt that maybe he wasnt ready. Now he is in summer school and at 9pm last night his summer school teacher called me and was very upset that the school wanted to retain him. After working with him this summer she was unclear as to why he was even in summer school so yesterday she asked him and he let her know he was going to repeat a grade. She was outraged when she called and set up a meeting for Aug 13 with the principle herself me, and his father. i am so excited that someone cared enough to push for him even when she didnt have to. I will do an update soon...again thank everyone for all their support.

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M.B.

answers from New York on

I've been hearing a lot about kids being held back lately. I'm actually not going to push my 4 yr old to start (his birhtday is in Dec and he just misses the deadline) for that reason. Sometimes holding them back can be an advantage, the only disadvantage is him having to make new friends...

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M.K.

answers from New York on

Hi dear. I know it must be scary, but don't worry. He'll be alright. It sounds like he would benefit from doing kindergarten again. All children develop different skills at different ages. If he repeats, I think it will set him up so much better for the rest of school. He'll have more confidence, and won't always feel like he's scrambling to keep up. I was out to dinner with a friend a few nights ago who feels like she should have started kindergarten later or repeated, because she felt that every year, through high school, that she was 6 months behind all the other kids. It really affected her academics and social.

Blessings and good luck

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C.P.

answers from New York on

Kindergarten is not mandoraty for children to go to K
You have the final choice

Peace

starfall,com is a good site

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C.A.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,

I am a former kindergarten and first grade teacher, so I am going to speak from the perspective of a teacher not a parent. Sometimes children are not academically/and or socially ready to move on to first grade. First grade is INCREDIBLY demanding, and it requires a pretty solid Kindergarten background to be sucessful. Children don't just need to know how to rhyme, they need other phonological skills such a phoneme blending, phoneme segmentation, syllable counting, the ability to identify onset and rime. If children are struggling with their phonemic awareness skills, this indicates that they might have a much more difficult time learning how to read. The fact that your child can rhyme is fantastic, however can he identify and produce rhymes? I will tell you what I tell my students parents when I am suggesting a retention. "Sometimes children just need the gift of time, the gift of another year". If you decided to grant your child this gift, it will allow him to be reintroduced to the kindergarrten curriculum, he will be much higher than the incoming kindergarten students, and this will help him feel more confident in his abilitities. Please do not view a retention and as negative thing, often children in Kindergarten and first grade don't even notice/care that they are in the same grade again, in fact I had a child who was repeating first grade with me, and she was so excited because she all ready knew what first grade was about, and she was a role model for all my other students. I do not know your son, however he might benefit greatly by repeating kindergarten and not being put into first grade. As I stated earlier, First grade is very different from Kindergarten. We require so much of them academically. If your son doesn't have a solid academic start to first grade, I would be worried that he would just be buried by first grade. Ultimately, it is your decision, but please do consider it an option, it might be the best thing for your son. As a parent, I do understand that youwant your child to be with his peers and not be given the stigma of "a repeater". I would meet with your childs teacher and get a list of the skills he needs to focus on. I can help you by providing ideas that you do at home to encourage letter identification and sound aquasition. I hope this helped, and I wasn't too preachy. If I was I apologoze, I just have seen children who I've wanted to have another year in Kindergarten or first grade and parents have decided to push them forward and they just have a horrible next year becasue the curricukum is too demanding. Let me know if I can be of any help. - C.

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T.R.

answers from New York on

Hello G...

I am hoping you get this before anything with the school happens...First off..My son started Kindergarten not being able to read or write his first or last name..He didnt know his sounds or most of his letters..The school told me he was sooo far behind the other children that they labeled him special education..which to be honest is fine with me because I know my son will now get the best education...by the time the school year ended last year.My son was able to write his first and last name .he knew some of his letters .but thats it..They did not leave him behind in K..

Do not let them talk you into leaving him behind...remind the school of the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT.. work with him over the summer.and DEMAND the school to put him into special education with a much smaller class size for first grade..It is there job and responsibility to provide your son with the best education he can get...

Trust me if my son can do it.so can yours..if you need help just email me and I will give you my number...hope it all works out..let me know..

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D.R.

answers from New York on

hi G., i am a teacher, both regular and special ed, all grades. i obviously dont know anything about your particular school district, but i can tell you with a fair amount of certainty that they do have your sons best interests at heart. if your son isnt ready for first grade, it is no big deal, it doesnt even necessarily mean that he has any kind of learning difficulties at all. he is very young and kids that small sometimes need a bit more time to get started. and if he repeats kindergarten, he will never remember it later on, it wont make any difference except to give him a chance to catch up and feel self confident and enjoy school. it is much better than always struggling and being behind, which usually leads to a lot of frustration and anger and disappointment and problems with self confidence and behavior, which can change his entire school experience forever. dont do that to him, get him the help he needs now.
if he is now slated for summer school, that is great, make it as positive an experience as you possibly can, tell him over and over how lucky he is, how much they love having him, how well he is doing and so on. do not make it seem like work, keep it fun and light and positive. and get the school to give you everything they have to offer. you pay your taxes, right? use those resources! of course you will work with him at home, learning is a part of everything we do, but it sounds like you have your hands full at home too with little twins! the school probably has more to offer than you realize. develop a good relationship with his teachers (always) and have his teachers give you a lot of specific feedback on how he is doing and what you can do at home to work with him in sych with what they are doing in school.
if there is individual attention they can give him, one-on-one, or small group, be sure he gets it. summer school can be a great opportunity, he will hopefully be in a smaller class and get more attention, and he will have the continuity and reinforcent right into next year, without the summer break to forget lots of the skills he learned.
and if he reaches the end of this school year and is too far behind, or if he is in summer school and is still not quite ready for first grade, please dont push him ahead if he isnt ready. ask that he repeat kindergarten, and ask for the school to do an evaluation and see if there are any extra services that may help him. please believe me, the earlier the better. everyone freaks out about all the "stigmas" of getting services, but the truth is, its not like it was when we were in school. half of his class will be getting some kind of services, they work it into the schedule (they should anyway, make sure they do) so that they dont miss major new curriculum. and one-on-one or small group services are great, its more individual attention, especially these days with such big class sizes, its actually how education should ideally be for all kids. all kids are different and have different needs and learn in different ways and at different rates. its a shame that many people feel that all kids are, or should be, clones of each other sitting in a classroom with their hands folded. the world isnt like that. any one on one attention you can get him will be so helpful, as long as he enjoys his time with the person. (that is an important point, please keep in mind that learning should be fun for the most part, especially at his age, and his teachers and any service providers of kids this age should know how to do it so it is a fun and positive experience, as should you and your family. this age is so important in that aspect, even more so than the academics, you are pretty much setting the stage for how he will feel about school and reading and learning forever.)
there are many things you can do at home too, the most valuable things you can do will be things that support what he is doing during the day in school, they should be able to give you suggestions. however, if you want some other ideas, if you want to work on skills with him that his class is mostly beyond already, or more fun ideas, ask for them specifically. you can email me and i can give you ways that you can work with him that wont seem like work, which is so important, especially at this age, and especially after he has already put in a full day at school.
best of luck to you, and please remember that the school is there to service your son. you pay for it, he deserves it and has a right to it, and you should get them to give him all that is available and helpful for him. sometimes you have to be the sqeaky wheel. the idea is to find that balance, you are advocating for your son without being a pushy, non-reasonable parent. ideally, you and the school should work as a team to provide the very best education for your son. good luck, D.

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C.

answers from New York on

Hi,

I cant offer much help except I would think that it is there responsibility to offer help. If I were in your situation I would have him scanned by a special education specialist just in case of a learning issue, and then it would be there responsibility to teach him, instead of just holding him back. Also , you may contact local colleges for tutors, some will do it for little money, or just because they need credit for their school.

Good Luck
C.

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D.K.

answers from New York on

First let me start by saying that I have taught Kindergarten & 1st grade. The children that had limited kindergarten skills had a hard time keeping up in the 1st grade especially since the balanced literacy program has a HEAVY emphasis on writing and reading. There are many things you can do to help your son. I am an independant educatioanl consultant for DISCOVERY TOYS (www.kooltoys1.com) and we have many products that teach the alphabet/reading but are FUN games (AB Seas (fishing game with the alphabet...Zingo (a sight word bingo), ABC Bingo (focuses on the letters and blends).

My son, who has mild PDD, learned the entire alphabet and sounds watching the Letter factory DVD by Leapfrog. It has the alphabet set to music and makes it fun and eary to learn. Also Blue's Room has an Alphabet Power DVD that is also great.

As a mom of a child with special needs, I can well imagine your heartache. It is so hard when we see our children struggling. Did the teacher give any other reason why he was a potential holdover? She/He would have to a serious case for retaining him...if they are telling you about it now, then chances are they do. If he is truly not ready for 1st grade he will be overwhelmed and frustrated. Do they have a mixed class of Kindergarten and 1st grade..like a 1a? Also there is a website called starfall that children LOVE it has easy interactive books (www.starfall.com). Good luck!

Please post and tell what going on. If you have questions about anything I have posted...please feel free to email me at [email protected]____.com

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L.V.

answers from New York on

Hello G.,
My name is L.. I am a 32 year old mother of three. My two eldest children, ages 12 and 8, both have learning disabilities. Have you had your son evaluated by the child study team in the school system or even by a pediatric developmental MD. I can tell you that my son had major difficulties from the start in pre-school. I had him evaluated and found that he has something called receptive expressive language disorder and ADHD. Despite this diagnosis he was placed in regular classes throughout Kindergarden and 1st grade. He failed everything, including gym because he couldn't focus in and he didn't understand. I found that because of this he became frustrated and shut down. He just couldn't do it. Well, long story short, after 2 years of fighting with the school they finally did what I asked and classified him. He is now a straight A student. He is in a smaller class setting, has an aid and has resource room for extra help in reading and social skills. If you have not yet had him evaluated, you may want to do so. You both will be relieved.

L. V.

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H.Z.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,
Being held back in Kindergarten is happening more often these days. When did your son turn 5? and why does his teacher want to hold him back? If it is for social developmental skills, then it isn't a bad idea for him to stay in K. for another year. Many parents are actually beginning to hold their 5 year olds out of K to start at an older age. Children do not actually need to know how to read to be promoted to 1st grade. Some things you can do with your son include playing games (Cranium has some fabulous ones for practicing numbers, colors, shapes and letters) you can try Caribou. It has a beginner side for preschoolers and an advanced side for older children. It will help him with letters A-Z and numbers up to 20.

Some other ideas include reading out loud to him as often as you can, books on tape/cd that he can follow along with, as well as things such as counting animals that you can use to play counting and sorting games. Also books such as Click Clack Splish Splash, or Hippos go Beserk. These books are entertaining and go over counting skills.

I hope some of this helps.
Please feel free to contact me with any other questions/suggestions
H., Certified Elementary Teacher

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A.M.

answers from New York on

With the no child left behind act in place, what is the school doing to help you child?? Perhaps the child needs extra help like resource room or something of that nature ?? Sounds like you might want to request a learning eval ( or a full eval) to see if he has any learning disablities/issues and to figure out what THE SCHOOL can do to help your son and get an IEP( indiv, educvational plan) in place..Perhaps a transitional kindergarten as oppsoed to jsut flat out leaving him back...
Some kindergatrens ( and prek ) are 1 or 2 yr programs.. if you r son is on the young side of his age group, h e just hasnt caught up yet...the transitional kindergarten is a good program for kids who are generally the youngest in their class and need extra time to develop skills.
Summer school sounds ridiculous for a small child... my daughter has alwyas gone for 1 monthn in the summer but also has an IEP and the summer thing is simply to reinforce what she learned and i s considered an Extended school year.... if they couldnt teach him in the reg class during the reg school year, summer school seems more like a punishment...most summer school programs do not come close to comapring to the lessons taught during the reg ,. school year...
I would want to know why they are holding him back, what my alternatives are .. and what the school is going to do to help your son...
BTW keeeping him in K for another yr is not the end of the world as long as they have a better plan in place for him ...better to get him the extra help he needs at a young age so that hes not playing catch up thru his entire school careeer...
good luck!!

BTW
; sylvan & huntington are very expensive and always make your child out to be much worse off than they really are just to get you to pay up!! Only their california achievemnt test is worth then paprer its written on... I know many parents who hacve spent thousands and i also personally know a teacher fr sylvan who told me not to waste my $$ that they are a rip off and just ouyt for the $$.. also WHY DO WE PAY TAXES if we need to spend 10,000 at a sylvan program for our kids to get the education they deserve???

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C.D.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,
When my son was in Kindergarten it was suggested we have him repeat it the following year. This was very difficult for my husband to accept at first but after much discussion we decided it was the best thing to do. We explained to our son that he was going to repeat Kindergarten and he was fine with it as long as he could be in the class with the same teacher. He's now 13 and was not effected by that extra year of K in anyway. Some children are just not ready to move onto 1st grade, whether it's for social or academic reasons. One thing I have found is that pushing children to learn faster can be more damaging then repeating K or 1st. Of course if you believe he has a medical issue that is slowing him down by all means have him evaluated by a professional but most of the time children just need a little extra time. Continue to work with him but don't be critical or compare him to other children his age. And most important don't say things like "but don't you want to go to 1st grade with your friends?"...and don't let anyone tell you it's your fault. Also I have 2 friends with twins and one twin from each family was held back while the other advanced. All four children are very well adjusted and doing well academically.

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A.W.

answers from New York on

I know it's hard but you have to take your time, work with him.my daughter not in school yet but she starts this september. The family went out and brought her this video games by v-tech.it's a really great way for her to have fun and learn too, with her favorite characters from t.v what i do is go over it with her i even play the game myself (haha).

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L.C.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,

It sounds like you also are a very busy mom both physically and emotionally. Did the teacher indicate whether his needs arise from attention span, behaviour issues or he just does not seem to pick up as fast as the others? My son due to his birthday missed the cut off date for K and began "K" at 5.9. he is one of the oldest, however, not the only one, many mothers choose to give boys an extra year due to the lack of maturity which unlike girls they do not seem to have at this age. They also have a lot more energy which can distract them from school work. My son is very energetic and I doubt he would have done so great in school if not for that extra year. Think about it, it may be more beneficial for him in the long run... If you however, want to proceed with graduating him to First Grade, take time to find out how he learns best which sensory drives him more. For example is he a listener, more visual, likes to touch and experience what he learning about??? Use this information to channel the alphabet..sounds and then how to put them together. Get yourself school supplies (construction paper, crayons, paint) and write site words all over your home so he becomes familiar with them,,,say them everyday... Sing about them.. have him practice them... he likes to rhyme get him very simple rhyming books.. Try to practice for 5 - 10 minutes a day but make it fun...and know it takes time and sometimes it takes longer for some than others and that is okay too... Childhood is very short in comparison to adulthood.

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D.K.

answers from New York on

HiGeneva
sounds very much like your son might be dyslexic. You might want to contact Dyslexic Society and get a list of people who can help him. My son was having difficulty reading in kindergarten and they wanted to hold him back ( part of it was his maturity level) but I did not let them. He proceeded to 1st grade where he still could not read. The school's learning consultant worked with him daily and finally Essex County sent in help every morning for 30 mintues. He still could not read - if he saw the word "CAT" once, he just would not recognize it again. One of the parents told me that she thought he was dyslexic which I had suspected all alon. The dyslexic tutors teach an Orton-Gillingham method and my tutor tested my son and said that he was indeed dyslexic. He apparently knew the phonic sounds but did not know how to put them together. Mr. Greco, the tutor, got my son reading within a couple of months. I did not hold him back in school but did work with tutors and I did send him to a school for kids who were dyslexic. Hope this helps.

D.

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J.

answers from New York on

I am a teacher and a mom of two - don't be discouraged - kindergarten is actually a really good year to hold a child back to give him some extra time to retain all he needs to be a life long learner - especially in reading. Has the school offered to have him tested for a possible learning disability? Have they implemented any interventions before recommending retention. Make sure they do all they can now before making a final decision - this stretch of time - April thru June is still a bhig chunk of time for your som to continue to develop the strategies he needs. Have you considered a tutor? Allow him the time to catch up now in K because once first grade comes, expectations are higher, work is harder, and there is actually a lot of pressure on such young children to succeed. Good luck!

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K.T.

answers from New York on

dear G., I just read what you have posted about your son and how they want to hold in back this year. I am not righting to tell what is best for your son, becaucse only you can make the decision for him, but from going thru something like this when my child was younger and I wish that I did hold her back in the earlier years because she is still having problems with reading and other subjects. I think it is better to hold them back in the earlier grades then when they get into the older grades, because if you wait that long it will just hurt them with selfesteem and other issues. One thing that I did with my child is with learning her letters and numbers is with music and even unfortunately with tv, which I can't stand. Just keep practicing with him everyday and he will get it.We also used flash cards with the numbers and letters. Please don't judge your child by what others are doing at his age, because that is just putting more pressure on you and even him and that will just hurt him even more. Summer school doesn't sound like a bad idea, but if they are recommending it, see if they are providing it or if you have to pay for him to go somewhere becuase in some districts that is how it is. good luck with everything and like I said just relax a little he will get it, some children just dont pick up everything like others.

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D.O.

answers from New York on

first go to the eye doc and make sure he is seeing properly and that he doesnt have dyslexia. after that - since he likes rhyming go back to good old doctor seus and practice. Also he might need more visual stimulus so have him write (dont comment on the handwriting just incourage) each letter as he says it. It gives them more of an anchor.

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K.B.

answers from New York on

My nephew was held back in Kindergarten for the same reason. My sister had him evaluated and he had speech difficulties, which was making his reading harder. He's now in third grade and doing great. He is now reading on a fifth grade level. It's a very hard decision to make. My sister had a really hard time since she was an honor student all through her school career, even graduating from a top university. But she realized that her son is obviously not her and if he could benefit from the extra year, that's the most important thing. He doesn't even notice that he was left back. Many of the mothers suggested having him evaluated and I agree. This can even happen over the summer. A letter to the principal is the best way to make sure this happens. My sister also used flash cards with my nephew. She would use words that were in books he had and when he had a hard time with them, pull out the cards. The Richard Scarry books are really good because they show words with the pictures. The Dick and Jane books are also good. They worked with us when we were kids!!

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J.M.

answers from New York on

G.:
have to really think this over. What have you done in order to help him learn to read??????? Would it be beneficial for him to be left back????? Reading is important and kindergarten and 1st grade are the foundation to him being a well rounded student. You seem to have your plate full so u need support and advice which will give you something to work with.
Perhaps he can be part of a tutorial program, get him early reader book ( many are repetitive so he can learn site words) or books w/ tapes. Again , check out all your resources before you say yes or no to allowing him to be left back.

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T.S.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,

I am in the same situation with my own daughter. Though there has been improvements in her academics, however they are still thinking of hold her back as well. There is a policy called no one left behind act. I stated to her school that to leave her back in K would be destructive to her self estem and confidence. There are ways to help, extra work set home, online school based sites, like pbskids.org, nickjr.com. They have games and can help with sounds, numbers etc. I let my daughter play often and she has learned from these sites. I am not sure if you live in my area, but there is a place I believe called Learner First, in Kingston that will help. I know they have resources that follow the no child left behind act...###-###-####. I wish you good luck and let me know how it goes. Maybe we can work together and help one another. Have a great weekend!!

T.

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C.H.

answers from New York on

HI G.: I just wanted to tell you not to worry. I am a teacher on maternity leave. We have a few students like your son. If he is held back, then it may be the best situation for him. He may catch up and learn even more than his classmates the following year. Every child learns at his/her own rate, and he just needs a little extra attention. It's okay and I understand that you are worried. Try not to worry if he is held back, because it's better if he is held now and not when he is older. He'll eventually learn to read. Go to the teachers store (like Boslands) and choose some age appropriate fun books to do with him. Best of luck.

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M.G.

answers from New York on

Your son needs to be evaluated by the school's child study team and a plan put in place to help him learn. Do not worry so much about him being held back or moving forward; but what will be done to help recognize his learnign style and give him extra help. I would highly recommend a book called "from emotions to advocacy" you can find it on the wrightslaw.com website.

You should have evaluations from the school learning consultant and occupational consultant. There are so many issues, but I have heard about eyesight problems leading to not being able to read. Good luck and please post follow up quesitons.

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R.K.

answers from New York on

G.,

Have you tried the Leap Frog Series which is available at WalMart or Sears which make learning letters fun. The best DVD is The Letter Factory which teaches kids all of the letters and their sounds.

My 6 year old essentially taught himself how to read from this series by watching the DVDs just before going to sleep. There are fun songs about the letters.

It's worth a try!
R.

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C.G.

answers from New York on

Hey G.! You should create some index cards with words on his level. You know like little,use,and. This seens to help my daughter,who is in kindergarten. I guess the key is to be consistent in teaching him the sounds of the letters of the alphabet and then when you guys are reading together encourage him to sound out a word that's a little difficult. Don't give up! He'll definitely come around. All kids learn at different speeds. So I think with consistency in reading and making everyday things into an educational lessons he'll come around. I purchased some Dora phonic books for my daughter and even though she doesn't always want to read the entire book,she's interested in the book because its Dora. Good Luck and I hope I helped a little. C.

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L.S.

answers from New York on

Hi. I really wouldn't worry about it too much. Last year the teachers decided to keep my son back in kindergarten, and even though I was against it at first, I'm glad that they did. This year was a lot easier for him in every way. He knew exactly what to expect, and even had the same teacher. Since he is extremely shy, that helped immensely. If the teachers are recommending that he be held back, I'm sure that they have his best interests in mind. If he's having trouble with the K stuff, then think of the problems he'd have with the 1st grade stuff. I hope this helps a little and remember that you are not alone! God bless!

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C.S.

answers from New York on

hi , i was put back from 2nd class to 1st class when i moved in to my el. school . i was upset at first but then under stood that this was the best thing for me. you child is so young that he will not realize what is going on . don't stop this from happening . if it was my child and what happened to me was going to happen to him , yes i would let it , because they know what they are doing more that we do . your heart is in the way. if he is not ready than he is not ready . you want what is best , than how do you know if this isn't the best thing for him. he may need just a little more time. i have twin boys one is far more verbaly advanced ,the other picks up things quicker than the other son. this is how it is .
Good Luck.

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E.S.

answers from New York on

Hi G., my name is E. and I run an in-home daycare and am currently working with 2 girls that I am preparing for Kindergarten but, previously had a hard time with the same thing as your son, so, now and over the summer we are doing a really intensive program to make sure they overcome this. My son has been reading a little & knows more than these poor girls and he's only 3 1/2. We are determined to succeed with the girls and if you'd like to bring your son and have him work with the girls and see if it helps, I'd be more than happy to help and wouldn't charge you if you stayed with him during his time here. We are using EVERYTHING on this area, such as Flash Cards, Videos, Books, Puzzles, Songs, workbooks, writing exercises, and alphabet arts & crafts and more. Please let me know if you're interested.

E.

[email protected]____.com
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N.T.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,

Sorry you are having trouble with your son. What I used to help my son was the magnetic letters on the refrigerator. I would sit with him and make a game of guessing the letters and sounds. I also used to spell things as we would walk together (it's a bus! B-U-S, bus).

I know it's extremely tough (especially with 4 kids). Do you think your daughter would be willing to read with him?

Good luck!

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K.C.

answers from New York on

I have never heard of a 5 yo going to summer school. If her needs extra help maybe he should be in the resource room or special ed class. Is he in Kindergarten or 1st grade. My daughters were 5 in Kindergarten and did not learn to read until first grade. He sounds very young. Maybe he is simply not ready to learn to read yet. I would look into a Hooked on Phonics program that you can do with him at home.

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D.

answers from New York on

I would rather have my son held back in kindergarden instead of another grade. I would work with him on it all, but it's not that bad of an idea for him to stay back a year. You may also want to see if your school district has all day kindergarden. That may make a difference for him too. My oldest newphew was recommended to stay back in k and they pushed him through anyway. Well, now he's 15 and flunking just about every grade. He was suppose to stay back other times too, but they always just pushed him through (Thank you "no child left behind"). Big mistake. I'd let him stay back, this will kind of give him a leg up for next year and he can continue on skills he's already learned. It's not that big a deal now, but it will be much later. Especially if he is a fall baby (born Sept to Dec). They tend to be behind the other kids because the other kids have almost a year of learning on him. I would let him stay back and don't make a big deal about it. You'll thank yourself in the long run.

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D.A.

answers from New York on

Hi G.:
I chose not to enroll my son in Kindergarten (which was not required), but kept him in day care. I thought he was too young to be in a formal school setting. He started school in first grade and did better than most of his classmates. That extra year in day care helped him to mature. Your son may be better off staying in kindergarten for the extra year.
God blees

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L.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,
I have never been in a situation like yours but since my son will start K next Aug, I feel like I know what you are going through.
I don't know about your schedule, but with the 20 month old twins, I don't think you'll have plenty of time to sit down with your son and teach him phonics/how to read. In case you can carve some time for him, just make sure he reads grade appropriate books with you. My son loves to read, he can't read very well yet(he is in preK) but we try to encourage him whenever he brings us his books. Buy/get from library Shared Reading books series - MY First (the librarian will know better). They are easy to read, they are fun.
Or if you have somebody in your family who has time to sit down with him and practice. Practice = time is all he needs.
Also, your son is only 5 right?, and he is finishing K. Have you heard about boys doing better in K when they are 6 than when they are 5? There are families who put off K for their boys until when they turn 6. Boys are not like girls, they lag a bit academically in the beginning.
I hope I've helped a bit.
Good luck.
L..

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M.B.

answers from New York on

Actually, you may not agree with me, but WHY NOT hold him back? It may benefit him in the long run. There is absolutely nothing wrong with holding a child back at this early stage. Boys mature slower than girls and sometimes they will not keep up in school, but that is ok. If he is held back he may bring up his grades and the future will be easier for him as schoolwork becomes more difficult.

If it were me, honestly I would just let him repeat K.

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G.K.

answers from New York on

hey G.,
I don't know what reason they gave for wanting to keep your son back but...the school wanted to hold my son back in kindergarten also. I am also an african american woman except I had my only son when I was 45 years young. The teacher told me my son played to much...he was 4 yrs old when he started school in Sept., he turned 5 in Oct. so the other children were older than he was. I went to a meeting with the principle, ass't principle, teachers,social worker,and numerous other educators, I went with a pencil and pad took notes and listened...one gentlemen asked about my sons academics, she said he learned well , so he told her that my son would be bored in class and this would discourage him and make him frustrated. So he was passed. I have a relationsip with God I trust him...I pray every day for my son who is now 11 years old...My sister be careful with your sons...I have a school teacher friend who told me they will hold young black male children back..the system does not want them to succeed. I want you to know the school system wanted to hold him back in first grade at another school he attended..A teacher told me to ask for summer school for his first grade class because they didn't have one .S o I requested it , the principle told the teacher to hand me the form for summer school, she gave it to my son , who put it in his backpack. I was cleaning out his backpack saw it and went to the school it was the last day to sign up, I got him in summer school. This is the shocker...the summer school teacher could not understand why he needed summer school. Be careful drop by the school speak to your chilren no matter how youg to help them to succeed. Speak to the teacher again , whats the reason for the hold back? Will summer school help him to pass to the next grade? I know you are busy but help him at home.God bless you..prayer helps..ask God to tell you the reason, He will. I will be praying for your family, G.

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K.S.

answers from New York on

Though its a concern I wouldn't stress too much about being held over in kindergarten. He is still very young and if he needs to be held back it is better at the younger grades. He needs to have a strong foundation for the rest of his school years. The teacher is probably being overly cautious. Summer school may be just the extra reinforcement he needs. Ask the teacher about what you can do at home to help him. Perhaps get your 9 year old involved and make it a game. Children have different learning styles and learn at different rates.

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M.B.

answers from New York on

You definitely need one on one time with your son. I know it must be hard with 4 children. Hopefully you do have people in your life that can help. When my son was in kindergarten they wanted to send him to a speech therapist and refused to let him go through that so I just put my trust in the Lord and continually worked with him and he never went to a speech. Please be positive about the situation and put it in your mind that he will not be left back. Constantly through the day try pointing out things you see, remember to sound out the words, telling him what letters they start with, and the sound the letter makes,read every day to him, make up your own Flash Cards of the words you learned that day. Even maybe your 9 year old can help out, make a game out of the learning This is all the things I did for my child to read by the time he was in kindergarten. Just have faith and he will do fine.

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K.M.

answers from New York on

Do not let them hold him back. Do what ever you have to to make sure they don't talk to you in to that route.

Have him tested to see if he has any learning disabilities. Get an outside source, don't use a school provided one.

And, there are many tutoring companies out there. Like Sylvan Learning Centers and much more. Maybe he needs one on one attention.

And, of course, your involvement. You may have to make the time for at least an hour everyday, more on weekends, to sit with him and study. There are many Teacher Stores that anyone can go into and you can buy teachers' materials to study at home. I've bought flashcards, arts/crafts and even a recorder to start teaching my 2 year old son music.

Give him lots of confidence. Don't worry him with the being left back thing. That will hurt him. Reassure him that he can grasp anything. And, when he does learn something and accomplishes a goal you and he set one week, well then he gets a cool surprise.

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J.W.

answers from New York on

Hey G.!
PLEASE don't worry that ANYTHING 'bad' will happen if your son is held back in Kindergarten! I was a kindergarten teacher before I had my son 26 months ago, and I know, first hand, that it's MUCH better for the child if they need extra help to be held back a year. He just may need that extra year to 'catch onto' things. In the long run, he'll be much better off in the rest of his schooling.

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D.O.

answers from New York on

Hi G.,

I must say that my personal opionion to keep a child back in Kindergarden is the best time to keep them back. You dont want him to strugle if he goes to 1st grade. I have a child who has a learning disability and I have to keep her back and repeat Kindergarden. Dont beat yourself up over it. If the teachers think its best to keep him back you should considerate it. Its to his benefit.

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L.G.

answers from New York on

I dont' understand! Did they just tell you this? They didn't warn you he's having "issues"? I would be a tad pissed off, frankly.

Now, you know from having a nine year old that March is enough time to help. Can they provide extra help? Can they recommend a tutor? I am very upset about this. LOL I mean really. They can't find a way to help and they didn't tell you in the spring? I would def. find a tutor, they have all kinds of help, it could be just one little click and he will be fine. My youngest son has to be careful and his teachers all be sure he gets the extra help. Please let me know. I think that's awful. I do. If he was having trouble from the beginning i could understand that, but you seem to be surprised.....

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L.M.

answers from New York on

I know it sounds terrible right now, but you have to think about a few things. Firts off, these people are professionals, they know what to look for in cases such as this and they also know when a child truly needs to be held back. It does not benefit them in the least to have him stay back a year. All it will do is help him, he will mature more then the others he will learn faster and in the end be more well adjusted. Better they hold him back now rather then in 6th grade. Really, look at this as your son getting a little extra time to be as smart as he can. Good luck!

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