Therapy - Joplin,MO

It's NOT the first thing. By the time people are asking strangers for help online it means they have already tried everything else (usually) so therapy is the next logical step.
I'm sorry it didn't help you as a child. You probably didn't have a good therapist, or at least not one that was good for you. I took my daughter to see a few different ones before we found the right fit and she was awesome!

I'm on the fence about it. Everyone I know thinks it's great, but I would usually rather spend the money doing something fun and uplifting than pay a fortune to whine about and dwell upon my problems ad nauseam. I can bit&h and whine on this site if I want, and I sometimes do.

But I respect my friends' opinions, so they are probably right and I am probably wrong.

On an online forum?

Just like 'Doctor' is the go to answer for medical needs, or "lawyer" for legal ones.

Sending someone to seek in depth help with a (hopefully!) competent professional. Because we can share our experience on a paragraph or six, but

A) We only have a paragraph or six
B) Most of us, at any given time/topic don't have the experience necessary to do more than the equivt of a hug or thwack upside the head. EVEN if we're intimately acquainted with the issue at hand, guiding another person through what we did? Takes more than a paragraph
C) The persons view may be off, and real outside eyes can put things into perspective... In a way that a self describing question may not. Case on point, I can talk about how fat I am, while in the hospital for being underweight. Or how awesome my husband is, while he's beating me. When there's a sense of an underlying issue... ?
D) Personal accountability. Even if its not the best path for a person STARTING the path with a therapist is usually a good option.
D) Our experience may not translate (usually multiple solutions to every problem... And one will be best for one, but worst for another).
E) etc.

Some therapists are amazing. Godsends.
Other therapists are competent but not gifted.
Some therapists create more problems than they solve
Others should be held criminally responsible for the wreckage they create.

Just like every other profession, there's a bell curve involved.

Therapy is (THANK GOD) becoming more regulated in most states. Just a couple years ago WA only required a $30 license fee. No requisite education, oversight/training/etc. ANYONE could go pay the few, and set up a shingle. At one point, in WA, the ratio was 1:6,000. 1 trained counselor to 6,000 untrained (note the upsurge in "life coaches" since more state require education & training).

My PERSONAL view of therapy is that amazing friend who is EXACTLY who you need to talk to, who is experienced & educated in exactly what you're going through... That you didn't meet on the street 10 years ago.

I'm ADHD. I moved every 2 years. As such, I got "looking for a therapist" down to an Artform. My short list after looking at about 100 is 10 to calm, and of those 10 only 2 or 3 make the 'interview appointment' shorter list. From those few interviews in person... Usually 1 stands out by a mile.

1:190 chance of just picking their name.

Yet, that's what a lot of people do.

They don't click with the counselor (almost more important than anything else), the counselor is AWFUL, or ignorant, or pushing their pet theory/project. And they stay with them & get bad advice, and wonder "What the heck???"

There's a woman on here who uses any opportunity she can to get in digs about people who recommend therapy. Her last one was pulled. She couldn't resist putting in parentheses "...and her name starts with a D" so I'm pretty sure she's blasting me. Meh... she's a pretty unhappy person and doesn't mind telling us she's unhappy, and spreads her unhappiness around, so I just consider the source.

Here's the thing, C.. When people come on here with some heavy duty problems, their marriage on the rocks, their children exhibiting some frightening behaviors, some even saying "I wish I were dead" (one last week), I'm not sure what else you should expect, quite frankly. Rarely does someone say 'get therapy' for easy problems. Call your ped, talk to your gyn, take a pregnancy test. That's not therapy - that's common sense.

I do think it's a knee-jerk reaction to just generalize that therapy is "always choice #1" here, as you put it. I certainly don't see it that way. But I do think that if you're looking for it to be that way, that it's the way you see it.

I've never been to a therapist. I don't know what happens in a therapy session first hand. I have read what ladies here have said about therapy, and I will tell you that some of our most wonderful, longterm, honest and DECENT posters (not the meannies) have gone through therapy and have talked about it. I appreciate their candor, their willingness to share this intimate part of themselves and their opinions. I don't always agree with everything they say under the sun, but I do carefully consider them BECAUSE of who they are. As far as advise is concerned on one of these terribly serious matters I've mentioned already, I would hate to just discount out of hand saying to seek therapy and only give advise from a totally layperson's point of view, and someone choose it rather than ask a doctor, just because I'm "free", and it be a seriously bad call for that person to make. Perhaps that is why the toughest issues have professional counseling recommended. And I gotta say, if you see a thread where 25 people are saying "get therapy", and you think that all 25 people are wrong, maybe you should re-think your way of looking at things.

Dawn

I'm sorry you had a bad experience in therapy. Perhaps you were not well-supported through that, or perhaps you didn't have the right therapist.

"Therapy" is a broad term and it can encompass a lot of things. It includes talking to any of a variety of counselors: psychologists, social workers, family therapist, psychiatrists, etc. - and it can include the use of medications but it certainly does not always mean that. Some people prefer "counseling" because it doesn't sound so heavy, particularly when talking with a pastor, priest or rabbi (when it's usually called pastoral care or pastoral counseling).

You used writing and drawing - but those are also common therapy add-ons (art therapy, for example), and there's also a whole movement using animal therapy (dogs and horses especially).

The reason it's suggested so often is that many people come on this site with very complex and long-standing issues. They can't be solved by non-professionals like people's friends, and certainly not on a site like this. A lot of people have marital issues, paralyzing fears, communication problems with family members, and so on. There's no "give and take" on an on-line forum - using "so what happened?" doesn't help create a dialogue. It doesn't help people get to the route of their problems - which could be within themselves, or it could be based on other people damaging them and causing them pain. Sometimes people need help sorting out decisions that need to be made - the only way to do that is in a safe, ongoing relationship. Many people don't have that in their marriages or families, and even if they do, there may be a tremendous lack of expertise in dealing with major issues.

Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't help someone else. We really can't advise people to deal with their problems by drawing or writing - MAYBE it would help, but what if it didn't? Therapy is a way to help define the problem, and determine possible ways to deal with it based on the individual's needs, personality type, interests, support system, and even medical issues. A competent professional can help sort that out. If you read enough posts here, you'll also see that many times people have tried counseling and it didn't work - and you'll see many responses that say "try another counselor" so that people don't have the unsuccessful experience that you had. Moreover, a lot of people are afraid to consider therapy because they think it says something negative about them, so there's a tendency for many people to encourage them to consider it openly. And it's also covered by many insurance programs, which helps the expense concern for many people.

And actually, I see a lot more posts here that tell people to take a certain medication, or to start eliminating specific things from their diets, or to take this vitamin or that mineral. I think it's very easy to jump at a solution that worked in our own lives, and recommend that for everyone else in a situation that's even slightly similar. You may just be focusing on the "therapy" answers because it's a sore spot in your own past.

Therapy is a mental doctor. Just like we go to a general practicioner aka doctore when our coughing doesn't stop - not exactly life threatening but bothersome right? - , so is a problem that is affecting our lives we can't work through or solve to get on with our lives.

Therapy has helped many people overcome large and small problems. I'm glad for it. Who knows how many people could have been saved from mass killings if only their murderers saw a psychiatrist, or how many kids wouldn't have been bullied if their bullies (or their parents!) were in therapy.

Just because something didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others. Try to think outside the box and expand your POV a little!

Hi Cammerryn-

I think a suggestion for therapy is often made when a poster posts about different issues that may have the same underlying concern (maybe poor communication 'seems' to underlie most of posters concerns for example)...OR if a problem or concern is beyond the 'scope' of everyday living. This is a BROAD scope as everyone's experiences are unique. What seem 'therapy necessary' to one, may not to another.

I am sorry for your experience in therapy. While it IS often true that a problem in therapy may get worse for a while, that is because CHANGE is uncomfortable at first. If this was a long term issue, I wish you had been able to find a different therapist.

Anyway, just my 'pre' coffee thoughts!

Best Luck!
michele/cat

If your light bulb explodes every time you turn on the switch, you call an electrician. If your toilet is flooding everywhere and no amount of plunging is stopping it, you call a plumber. If your child is covered in spots, you call the pediatrician. If there is rioting in the streets, you call out the National Guard (woot! woot!).

And if you are having behavioral health issues, you don't call a writer, or an artist, or a librarian. You call a mental health professional. Because they are an educated professional in their field. As a rule, this person has spent years studying psychology and behavioral health treatments, so you're more likely to walk out with positive results than you would under some sort of self treatment (coping mechanisms, self help books, etc.).

Don't let a poor experience in the past stop you from utilizing a professional if you need one. There are good mental health professionals out there. I'm married to one, who happens to have the biggest heart in the business (and is really, really smart!). Professionals like him want to help their patients to heal, not hurt more.

I as a child was angry. I had two loving parents who married young and divorced years later. It was said that this was why I was angry, but I can remember knowing that my parents were not happy together. So when they divorced, it just was. But, this was a problem.

We never saw them fight, we never saw them unhappy. But I was angry. I grew older and had a hard time identifying with other children, I preferred the company of adults. I found kids to be, well silly. I thought that there was more than just liking Johnny, and how cute Becca's shoes were. But this was a problem.

I remember my mother taking me to sessions and thinking that the therapist was an idiot. Why was she speaking to me like I was fresh out of the womb, and unable to articulate words? Furthermore, what the heck was she talking about?? I found it pointless, and ridiculous, because I KNEW why I was angry. Because I was tired of being told I could not be or do, because I was a child.

As an adult I am literally the same person. I think all people should be good to one another. I will stand up for a perfect stranger if I see them being treated wrong. I think that older people who think they have a right to disrespect others because of their age is ridiculous, as you should treat everyone respectfully. I biggest pet peeve is manners; don't just wait for me to move, or push me out of your way, say excuse me! There is a long list believe me. But because I was a child, explaining to an adult that I thought they were behaving as a child, was well, frowned upon. And therefore I was angry, and needed to see someone.

I think that people turn to therapy because they need someone to either 1, tell them something they already know, but can not admit to themselves. or 2, help them work out an issue from an unbiased position, since they don't know any of the parties personally. Or 3, they are hoping the therapist sides with them, can make this person change for them, because selfishly, they feel they are not, the problem. And maybe a stranger telling you that, will help you hear them.

I think a lot of people just get it wrong, while for others it benefits them greatly. It is about finding the person that fits you best firstly, and lastly determining if it is really a need to see someone. That alone determines the experience. If you are not willing to receive counselling, then you will fight against the process.

I really gave my mother a hard time. But I could feel her disdain for me, and it is why I fought her at every turn. Don't get me wrong, my mother and I are very close. But it took her till now to understand that I was not angry, I needed her to listen. I think a lot of people are able to cut out the middle man, and save some money if they just listen. We all tell people what we want them to know, you just have to be willing to hear it, even if they don't like it.

Therapy is a very individual thing. There are many different types, schools of thought, etc. And each therapist is different. I had one WONDERFUL therapist, my first, and she helped me find the strength I needed to dig myself out of some serious stuff. We moved and I went to someone else - they just didn't work out as well. I recently went to a counselor at my local community college and she was very helpful.

Finding the right fit in the thearapist is important. As a child, I am guessing that YOU didn't choose the therapist. The right therapist probably would have used journaling and art therapy to help you because it worked for you as a way to deal. They would have been able to work with you to maximize those tools to deal with your issues. THAT's the thing. They are a partner and help you do the work. Kind of like in the tv shows when someone has to land a plane when the pilot is down. When we have emotional/psychological issues, our "pilot" isn't working, and we need a professional to guide us in to land. WE have to do the work, but the therapist helps us get into the tough spots that we can't get to ourselves, and helps us find the strength to get out of them on our own.

:) So "shop around" if you feel you need some help. The right therapist can kick healing into a new level.

ADD: My therapist meant so much to me I invited her to my wedding, which I never would have had if it were not for her help and support.

I don't often suggest it. When I do, there are typically at least two things present in the history of the situation:

1) The home life of the parties involved are divided/biased and something unhealthy has happened or is going on, so that the parties involved cannot be objective about it. As in the case with divorce, a child needs a person to talk to who they can say anything to and not worry about hurting either Mom or Dad's feelings. And not worry about saying something TO Mom that she might use against Dad, or TO Dad that he will use against Mom. For kids, in divorce situations, they need that neutral party. Neither Mom nor Dad can be that. They may have someone else in their lives that can take the role of neutral party, but they don't always, or if they do, it may be someone who isn't well balanced themselves and my not give helpful nor sound advice (i.e., other teens in the case of teenagers).

2) The parties are online exasperated with what to do, because they can't figure out anything else or have "tried everything" already.

Often, there will be both 1 and 2, and the situation is so convoluted that I can't make heads nor tails of who did what to whom, or there is such a history of dysfunction that the person has zero idea of what constitutes a normal behavior or normal relationship.

I actually think that by the time a person seeks out or asks about traditional talk therapy, they may have already exhausted all other avenues (this includes artistic/creative endeavors)
I definitely don't think talk therapy one on one is for everyone, in fact, in my case, I got very little out of it and instead found more value in programs like a 12 step , meditation and or self-help books..
I do think in some severe cases it might prove helpful.. but even so.... you're only in the doc's office for about an hour and then you have the other 23 hrs trying to figure out what to do next..... that's where I think things like drawing and writing can help.... I mean anytime you can heal from within yourself, it's a good thing.. especially if it lends itself to ones creativity..

I think there are two reasons.

First, therapy DOES help a lot of people. It was never for me -- I'm more of the writing and drawing type myself too -- but of everything people could recommend, it probably has the greatest statistical likelihood of helping. So in a correspondence about serious problems among strangers, it's a reasonable suggestion.

And second, on this board, "therapy" is sort of a code word for, "Your issues are too big and complex for us to help with." I don't think people mean it pejoratively, they're just saying, "advice from strangers on the Internet won't solve this particular problem." It's a responsible way to bow out.

Also, Riley is one of the smartest writers I've read anywhere, and I read a lot. Which is to say, ditto her response on all counts.

i had really good results with talking to someone - in our case, our marriage was on the rocks and we needed to reconnect, for someone to help us find common ground again. it's been a year and a half since we went, and we have never been happier - even though we still have lots of issues (financial, etc) that make it tough - our marriage is solid. so yes, i recommend it at times. i truly 100% believe that the point of therapy (or counseling - all we did was meet with our pastor a few times) is that there are times that "we" don't have the tools or the answers. it takes a big person to admit that they can't fix something, they need help. and some things are just THAT important. like your child, or like your marriage. who better to help than someone specifically trained to do so? i'm sorry you had bad experiences...mine were good so that is why you might see me recommend it.

Therapy in my book is not the #1 choice I suggest to people.

It is usually after people have exhausted most resources and are at their wit's end.

Therapy can be a safe zone to talk about what you are afraid to say out loud to a spouse or parent. Sometimes you need a sounding board from someone not in your circle of friends/family.

A therapist can be a wonderful mediator. ESPECIALLY in a divorce situation. As long as both parties trust the therapist and know he/she is not on anyone's side.

Therapy can be super helpful if you have a good therapist...or can sometimes make matters worse. Shop around for a therapist...read reviews.

Hobbies such as writing and drawing are a great way to deal with stress,sadness,underlying issues. It is a release. It is can be an escape from the world. But I don't think these hobbies make you face your issues head on and have conversations with people that may be hurting you or taking advantage of you. And the conversations need to happen to move on and upward in life...and help you take ownership of your life and be proud of who and what you are.

Good therapists can give you empowering tools for how to deal with other people or when a problem arises. Good therapists can validate feelings but then let you know you are not seeing the full picture. A good therapist might detect when they have limited resources/knowledge and need to send someone to a psychotherapist/medical doctor.

I have gone to classes lectured by child behaviorists, and marriage and family therapists. These were all so very helpful to me...and my husband. They gave perspective we never thought of. They had science based approaches...clinical studies of methods that worked.

****Also, I go walking with my gal pal every Tuesday morning for a couple hours...we view it as free therapy ;) We share,commiserate,laugh til we almost pee our pants(easy for us with multiple kiddos) and help lift eachother up. Oh..and get exercise****

Sometimes people need help from the medical community/counseling community..sometimes we just need a regular walk with a gal pal;)

I'm not a fan, whatsoever, of the practice of most mainstream medicine today. There's very little "art" to it anymore, and there seems to be this rote embrace of drugs and more drugs.

That being said, I am a huge fan of counseling - mainly because it was what helped me to get over the "hurdles" that were holding me back in life.

As in all professions, there are crappy people in the counseling business. But the good ones are really worth it.

So many times I read questions on here where I think the REAL question or problem is much deeper. Yet if it were addressed directly everything else would start to fall into place. That's why I usually say "counseling" to sort through the issues. And many times I don't think people need years and years of counseling, nor do I think many people are truly "crazy" (for lack of a better word). Many issues can be resolved relatively quickly.

Once again, I find myself nodding my head at every word of Hazel's post! Great job Hazel!

I think therapy should be used as a last resort. For example, it the question is regarding a behavioral issue with a child, I think people should examine their parenting, examine their child's sleep habits, examine their child's diet and make sure all of those things are ideal before turning to therapy.