The Right Thing to Do

Updated on October 22, 2011
S.W. asks from Dallas, TX
39 answers

My husband and I and our two kids and dog live in a 2 bedroom apartment while our house is being built. My mom agreed to keep my 2 cats for the months we're living here. She's now made plans to go out of town with her girlfriends for 8 days. She originally wanted to bring the cats up here by herself (3 hour drive), let them stay here while she's vacationing, then pick them back up and take them home. She and her ladies are driving right through our town to their destination. I suggested she drive up, ladies follow her, drop off the cats, pick up her car and cats on her way back home. She didn't like that idea because she didn't want to inconvenience her friends.
(Mind you, cats staying here is risky. If apartments find out we have them here, we incur a fine and new pet fee for each cat, which is the whole reason why we asked her to keep them, so as not to pay extra.)
Yesterday we talked and she said it's too much driving and she'll be too tired to come back up here and get the cats...why don't they just stay with us since we have a little over a month until we close on the house. I got irritated with that and, admittedly, got an attitude with her and we got into an argument. In this argument she said she was doing me a favor and they're my cats, she shouldn't have to worry about this.
Now, the Christian side of me knows I should respect her and try to accommodate her no matter how narrow-minded I believe she's being. The mom side of me says she accepted this responsibility for this amount of time. Sometimes you have to forego a fun time to remain committed to your promise.
The daughter side of me is hurt that she's just breezing through town and dropping off my animals and not spending time with me and my boys and then too tired to do the same after her vacation.
Please help me. I am so upset with her attitude concerning this. Unfortunately, my words to her on the phone during our argument is all she focusses on now instead of the real issue at hand. I've apologized for saying angry things to her (such as, "What do you have to complain about?" "If you choose your friends over me, then I don't know where your mind is." "If it's too much of a burden, then don't bother coming to see the boys either").
What is the right thing to do? 1) Drive down to her house and pick up the cats, keeping them here from now on, probably creating a wedge and bitterness on my part toward her because I've had to do that. 2) Offer to pay her up to $500 to board the cats down where she lives, probably creating bitterness again on my part because I've had to do that. 3) Tell her sorry, let's forget it happened and go back to the original plan, of course causing me to swallow my pride and push under the rug my hurt feelings. Please help me.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Sarah R from el Paso, yes, they are driving right through my town. The highway from my house is 15 min. So thank you for noticing that.

Well, my question was already super-long to write every single detail, but the week she's leaving on vacation is the same week both of my boys have birthdays. She's NEVER mentioned that she realizes she'll be missing those important days. This is NOT the first time she's put doing things for herself before her only child and only grandchildren. There's a LOT of history there that I can't possibly write in all one question. So yes, to those that understand that I'm under stress and more than likely harboring bad feelings. I have already apologized to her for my misplaced and hurtful words. I told her I'd asked God to forgive me for blurting out those things and hope that she does, too. She DOES NOT want people in her house checking on the cats. She DOES NOT want to leave them alone in the house for 8 days. I HAVE offered to pay for boarding and she's told me it's $500 (kennel near her). I HAVE offered to drive down there and get them from her, and I will do that, BUT I will honestly be bitter about it considering everything else I've offered to make it easier on HER...not me. She made these plans AFTER her committment to me and I've tried to work it out. Now she's just not looking at the picture of missing time with the boys and time with me. Anyway, I see that most, if not, all of the answers drive more towards "suck it up, they're your cats" so maybe I'm just feeling too hurt and expect too much from her as a mom and grandmother. I have been down this road many times with her and it still bothers me to this day. I will more than likely just pay for the boarding and our relationship will have to mend itself.

Featured Answers

M.L.

answers from Chicago on

Honestly - she is doing you a favor by keeping the cats. If she wants to go away with her friends she should be able to do so. I would say if she is doing you the favor to begin with you should either drive to get the cats or give her the money to board them. I honestly don't see a reason for you to be angry at her and then say don't bother seeing the boys, etc.

9 moms found this helpful

More Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Err I hate to be the one to say it but it is your attitude that stinks. She is doing you a favor, not the other way around. You are now getting mad because she won't do you another favor which is delivery and pick up of the cats.

Sorry I agree with your mom.

As a mom of older kids I would be hurt if either one of them took the attitude you are taking when I help them out. :(

15 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

I'm sure when she agreed to watch them she wasn't going to put her whole life on hold and not take a vacation. You need to make boarding arrangements at a place near her and either send her a check or pay over the phone with a credit card. It isn't right that she make her travel arrangements around your pets.

12 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

You know the things you said to your mom were wrong. I totally understand how frustrating it is to have someone change plans on you, but taking care of animals is a big job. Is she also paying for their food and litter? She may be burned out and feeling resentful that she cannot enjoy her vacation as she wants to because of your cats.
I really think the thing to do, would be to call her and ask if you and the kids can drive down this weekend and pick up the cats. Ask if there is any way you and the kids can get a few hours visiting time in now. Take this time to apologize again. You can let her know you were frustrated by the abrupt change in plans but you do appreciate her taking the cats for as long as she did.
I think, try to put yourself in your mom's shoes. How many years did she forgo "me" time, vacations with friends, etc. in order to tend to her family's needs. Now, the kids are grown and she still has to worry about taking care of "the kids" (your pets). I bet she is just as frustrated with this situation as you are. If you value your relationship with her, I would be the one to give in on this one. Good luck, I know it is hard to do.

10 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Your mom is doing you a huge favor. There is option 4 to consider though. What about a pet sitter to go to your mom's house that you pay for?? The kitties will be at home, her mail could be brought it and it will cost a lot less than boarding.

9 moms found this helpful

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Whose cats are these? Yours, right? They are your responsibility, and your mother was TRYING to help you out. She has done so, but instead of being grateful for her thoughtfulness, you are stomping your feet and having a temper tantrum and even using seeing her grandchildren as blackmail to have to give into your demands. Would you tolerate this hissy fit from your own kids?

How is she being narrow-minded? I think that accusation fits your attitude, not hers.

Try to find someone in your current town who can care for the cats for you for the remaining month. Or, ask someone in your mom's town to pet-sit. Even a kid can pet-sit. I did it for my neighbors' pets whenever they went out of town, from about the time I was 9 until I moved away to college.

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Your cats=your responsibility. I know she agreed to help you out, but life does go on & her life doesn't need to revolve around cat sitting your cats!

I would either:
A. Hire & pay O. of her nearby neighbors to take care of the cats while she's away. Do you know any of them?
B. Pay to board the cats while she's gone.
C. Go GET the cats yourself and try to tack on an overnight or two so you & the boys can have a visit before bringing the cats home, then take the cats back to her house after she gets back home.

Whether or not you feel hurt or resentful or bitter is totally up to you. This is your mother. Is it worth it to hold a grudge?

Good luck!

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Dallas on

You mom has been generous to take care of your cats. Her point is valid, especially if it's a three hour trip out of her way (six hours total!!) . The cats are your responsibility, she just doing you a favor. You need to find the solution that works. I don't understand why you picking up the cats would cause a wedge of bitterness for you, but you expect her to do it happily for you without complaint. Yes, it's annoying and inconvenient, but I imagine your mother feels the same way about it now. She wants to take a trip, but first she has to take care your critters. You need to think about your mother's point of view in all this and stop with all the "bitterness" over cats.

If the cats are not destructive, they do not have to be boarded. My sister had to go out of town for a little more than a week and could not afford boarding. She also had a hard time finding anyone who could come over and feed them. So she called her vet and asked for advice. The vet told er that cats are solitary animals and would be fine as long as they had food and water. I asked my neighbor who is a vet and she agreed. So my sister bought a self feeder for food and water and left it for her cat. She bought extra kitty litter boxes and put three in a row, so the cat would not be tempted to go elsewhere. Except for the grossness of the litter boxes it went really well. She no longer boards her cats and saves a great deal of money.

7 moms found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

She is helping you out by watching the cats while you live in the apartment - saving you $$$. Do what the other Moms have suggested - find a pet sitter, a neighbor, or vet/kennel, and board them near your mother's home during her vacation. Drive to her home with your children before she leaves on vacation, make arrangements for the cats, and visit with her.

You should have no pride to swallow here since she is the one helping you out.

Good Luck

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.N.

answers from Sioux City on

I understand why most are saying this is your responsibility but I have another take on the issue...here me out...

So your teenager is asked to cover a paper route by a friend for 1 month. He says yes. Two weeks into it, he is invited to somewhere for a weekend and can't do the route. Does it become the original paper carrier's problem or is it your son's responsibility because he agreed to do this. In this example I think most would say their teenager needs to figure it out because he committed to something and agreed to do it.

Your mom did the same thing. She committed to doing this for you, THEN decided to plan a vacation.

Do you still need to be respectful? Yes.
Do you probably need to suck it up and take care of the cats? Yes.
Is it right? No. Your mom is essentially saying that she has committed to something but is no longer willing to deal with it.

I think your option 3 is probably the best bet but you might ask mom how she'd feel if the roles were reversed, if you were watching her animals and committed to it and then just up and planned a vacation. She might understand a bit better.

6 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

I only have one cat, but I've left her home alone several times for up to 7 days. I leave 2 clean, deeply filled litter boxes, and big bowls of water and plenty of dry food. Usually when no human is around they just sleep anyway.
You could talk to your LL and say you are going to be babysitting the cats for a week and they might let you slide. I do that with my tenants when they ask. I appreciate them asking rather than hiding things from me, when they hide things thats when I write them up. Your mom and friends are going on vacation, she doesnt want to stop and visit but is gracious enough to breeze thru and drop your cats for you, I dont think you should get mad at her for that, she's already going out of her way by watching them in the first place.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L..

answers from Roanoke on

Well, she is doing you a favor by keeping them, because they are your cats, not hers. Maybe you can arrange for someone to come check on them at her house (a neighbor, friend, you)? We leave our 2 cats at our house from time to time, and anything over 3 days, a neighbor checks in on them. Works out great for everyone.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

Wow. You're an adult and your mother is helping you out which she really was under no obligation to do. She shouldn't have to put her life on hold for your cats... I would sincerely apologize and figure out how to manage the cats yourself. My parents live almost next door to my sister and if they go out of town for a couple of days, my sister doesn't expect my mom to even just let the dogs out (on a farm so easy). She doesn't want to put my mom out at all while you're angry your mom isn't rearranging so much for months for your cats. That seems unfair and immature given you are a grown woman. Sorry but I feel bad for your mom.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Your Mom has every right to do what she is doing. I know this is inconvenient for you but she has done you a huge favor. I think you need to board the cats in her area or really consider letting the cats be adopted if you can't care for them at this time. I am sorry you may be going through a difficult time. I remember growing up and we had to part with our family dog because circumstances changed. It's sad but necessary sometimes.

5 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

The best option for this situation is to have a neighbor watch her house, water her plants, and feed the cats. You could offer to pay for that.

The right thing for you to do is call your mom again and apologize like you mean it. Send her flowers to thank her for everything she does for you. Let her know the reason you are upset is because you wanted her to make you and the boys a priority and build more time in to spend with you.

5 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

How long is her trip? I cannot imagine boarding 2 cats for a week would cost anywhere NEAR $500. Why not just offer to pay the boarding expense for her to board them while she is gone?

Here's my reasoning: 1) you stated yourself that you are trying to avoid what I assume is a huge fee to have your cats in your apartment with you. If you have her bring them to you for the week (or however long it is) you run the risk of being found out and having to pay anyway.
2) She did agree to keep your kitties for a period of time. But that agreement should not mean that she cannot go on vacation or do fun things as a result. As many people like to say, she "didn't sign up for that". She agreed to keep/take care of them at her house for a period of several months, not become a recluse. That is unreasonable to expect.
3) They are your cats, not hers. She is already doing you the favor of keeping them during this period of time. Now that she is going on vacation, you should step up and be responsible for the expense of boarding them. Much like if YOU were to go on vacation and needed to board them to provide care while YOU were away.

Again, unless she is going away for a MONTH, then I cannot imagine that boarding fees will be $500. My German Shepherd boarding fees are only about $20 a day. And if I were boarding 2 that could share a kennel, it would be less per animal. Most cat boarding (in my locality anyway) runs closer to $10-12 a day. Again, if they share a kennel/crate, it will probable be slightly reduced for the two, so maybe $18-20/day? For a week, that is less than $150. WAY less than the $500 you mention in your post... Where did you get that number from? Or, like I said, is she going to be gone for a month or something?

Frankly, it sounds like you are coming up on another move in another month or so, are building a house (always tons of fun, lol), and are generally under a lot of stress. It is getting to you and you way over-reacted in your conversation with your mom. Try to let it go. In a year's time you will look back and think this was ridiculous and "WOW how stressed I must have been..."
:)
hth
ETA: To clarify, in case it wasn't clear, board them where it is convenient to your mom, not near you. Taking and picking up from the kennel can be a bit of a hassle as well, so make it as easy as possible on HER, since she IS doing you a favor.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Washington DC on

I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I agree with the other posts. Your mom is already doing you a huge favor. It is not her responsibility.

4 moms found this helpful

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I agree with Grandma T - they can be left ALONE that long. Send her money to buy an extra litter box or two, extra litter and one of those (or two) or those water jug auto things - they are like $10 or so. We leave our house for weeks on vacation and my BIL comes over to take care of our dog. He pets the cats and checks the food and water but usually doesn't have to do anything for 2 weeks! Yes the litter box gets stinky, but you just clean and it's fine. They will be just fine for 8 days especially because there is 2 of them for company!

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Not going to give you advice on what to do with the cats since it seems you've been given enough good ideas already. I think that Victoria hit the nail on the head by pointing out the stress you are under right now. You were definitely in the wrong and I think you know that. When dealing with parents we sometimes revert to childish expectations. I think you already know your mom is doing you a huge favor and has a life of her own. You are not a bad person, just have a lot on your plate. Apologize (again) to your mom and explain it away with the stress you are under. Take the high road.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

4 moms found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree with OneandDone on this one. This is not your mom's responsiblity...it is yours. To hold resentment for her living her life and going to have some fun with her friends is out of line.

This is a battle I would not fight...and believe me I have a selfish mother, so I know all too well.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.U.

answers from Detroit on

Unless your cats need medication on a daily basis, they can be left alone for the 8 days - I've done it with my cats, with extra food, water, and filled-up litter boxes. Your mom could have someone just come to her a place a few times during the week to check in on them and make sure they are okay. But I agree that you need to just sincerely apologize and let it go because she has been doing you a huge favor keeping the cats in the first place and in your post you don't seem very appreciative of that - instead you want to complain about her taking a trip through town and not stopping to see your kids, which has nothing to do with taking care of the cats. Your mom has a right to live her own life - she's done her job, raised you guys to adulthood, and she shouldn't feel obligated to keep helping you out further. It's nice if she does, but your cats are not her responsibility - they are yours. If you choose to still have hurt feelings inside or feel like you have to continue to feel bitter or stuff them down deep inside, that's your choice not to feel grateful for what your mom has done so far. If you are upset that she is going away the same week as your sons' birthdays, then tell her that, and leave the whole cat thing out of it. Maybe she would rather be able to celebrate their birthdays the weekend (or whenever) after she gets back when she can spend more time with them. Not all grandparents make their grandchildren as much as priority as we would like them to, or allow their lives to revolve around them, but we also can't control the behavior of others. The more you decide to accept your mother for who she is, and manage your expectations of her, the less bitter you will feel.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Didn't read all the comments, but JW pretty much summed up what I was thinking. You shoud make boarding arrangements in your moms area and be sure to pay for it over the phone. 8 months to have your cats is an a very nice thing she has done for you. You should have been greatful and not made this into something ugly. She has every right to go on vacation without worrying about your pets.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.T.

answers from Victoria on

Can a neighbor feed them while she is gone? The cats are ultimatly your responsibility. If she can no longer handle the cats then you should find different solution to your problem. I can see how frustraiting it is but its totally not worth causing friction. You should have them borded for those eight days, it would be cheaper than paying the appartment deposit ? She should not have to forego a fun time to watch your pets as I would think it would cause resintment. 1) Do not allow it to cause bitterness. If the plan no longer worked out you need to be happy for your mother that she is enjoying life and be thankful that she was able to watch the cats for as long as she did. The right thing to do would be for you go get your cats. 2) See if a trusted neighbor of hers can feed and take care of the litter while she is away. A teenager could make 50 bucks for doing this! 3) Yes you need to tell her sorry for the things that were said. Fix the problem dont bandaid it or swallow any pride or put issues under any rugs. Fix it and be kind. Count your blessings that cats are your major problem! Life gets a lot harder than wondering what to do with beloved family pets.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Naples on

I'm sorry you're going through this with your mom. Quite frankly she's being selfish and tacky. You're right, she made a commitment to keep your cats for a specified period of time. Now she's backing out because it's inconvenient for her. The honorable thing for her to do would be to pay, herself, to have them kenneled or at least hire someone to stop by her house periodically and check on them and feed them. Unfortunately, a lot of times as people get older they become selfish and stubborn. They want things their way, period. My mom's own mother is like that and she (my mom) has told me many times to please make her aware if she starts acting the same way.
So, what can you do now....continue to apologize and try to put this behind you; you will need to take care of your cats; but the most important thing is you have learned your lesson that you probably can't count on her much in the future to go out of her way for you. :(

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I agree, she is totally doing you a favor. It might help you if you reframe this and think what you would do if it was a FRIEND helping you out, and not your Mom. If it were a friend, you wouldn't be all bent out of shape because she couldn't stop. Sometimes we carry all the previous baggage of past encounters when we deal with our family.

Be glad your Mom has friends.... seriously. Mine doesn't really, and uses her kids like she would her friends, and its not a good thing at all. You don't really want her to give up a trip with her friends to watch your cats, do you?

This is a very solvable problem. Try to find someone up your way to keep the cats while she is gone, then go get them. A friend of yours or someone. Or, you could ask your Mom if she knows anyone she would be comfortable having come in to feed/water the cats while she is on vacation. (A neighbor? Its only eight days afterall.) Offer to pay that person $20 a visit, and have them go 4 times during the trip. Sounds like she has a lot of friends in her town, might not one of them have a teenager or college student who would like to earn some easy cash?

Good luck. If the cats end up staying with you for 8 days, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I doubt the management will find out, and by the time they do, the cats will be gone.

3 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

the cats are yours - that means they are YOUR responsibility.

You don't want to incur fees to keep them at your apartment. Your mom is helping you out.

The right thing to do? Make arrangements for YOUR cats.

Yeah it sucks that your mom is driving through your town and it's her grandson's birthday's...but she has a life. Did she make a commitment to you? Yes. The great thing about cats? They don't need attention like dogs do. She can ask someone that she trusts in her home to come check on them and you can pay them.

It appears you are angry at your mom for a lot of things. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. You shouldn't have to push your feelings down. You should be able to verbalize them to your mother is a respectful manner. You said some bitter and mean things...you've asked God and your mom to forgive you - now you need to forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes.

If the pet fee isn't astronomical - go get the cats for the last month. Maybe board them at a facility near you if that makes sense...but this isn't something that should ruin your relationship with your mom.

GOOD LUCK!

3 moms found this helpful

E.A.

answers from Erie on

We have left our cat/s for up to 10 days. Especially if there is more than one cat, they don't even miss the peeps when they are gone, as long as their basic needs are being met. All she needs is someone to stop in halfway through her vacation to check on them and make sure the food and water is filled, and not knocked over ;) and to scoop out the litter (if she's fussy about it). Why don't you offer to drive down to her place one time to do those things? She can go on her vacation, and everyone is happy!

3 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

It seems as if you expect your mother to be at your beck and call and to live her life based on your needs and wants. Sure, it would be nice if she could cater to you but she does have her own life. I also don't see it as selfish of her to plan a vacation during the week your kids have a birthday. You can always plan a family party at a different time. I don't see how that's a problem not having her around on the very day of their birthday.

Your cats, your problem. Your mother has every right to go on this vacation and it's your responsibility to figure out what to do with the cats without being bitter with your mother. Thank for her for what she's already done for you and find someone else who can help or else consider boarding the cats.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

When people in my neighborhood go out of town they hire a local teenager (or other neighbor) to come in once a day to feed and check their pets, not usually dogs, but cats, birds, etc. My own kids have done this for $5 to $10 a day. Seems like that makes the most sense.
Honestly your mom is doing you a huge favor and they are your animals, not hers, so I think you need to make some kind of arrangements while she's gone and not let this affect your relationship.

2 moms found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

I don't feel you said anything wrong to your mom, you have a close enough relationship with her to have her watch your cats in the first place so no harm done verbally.
Set up boarding for the cats close to HER, just do it then call her and say before you leave take the cats to X place and its all set up. OR get on Craigslist in her area and find a pet sitter, we have done it a few times and had great success. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Dallas on

Renae N summed it up beautifully. Your mom made a commitment. Period, the end! She is now inconveniencing you. She owes you the apology. Do not listen to those that are saying this is all on you.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.1.

answers from Des Moines on

I think you probably need to offer to come get the cats yourself (use it as a trip to see grandma!) or else pay to have them boarded in her town ($500, really?!) - how about checking CraigsList in her area for a pet sitter in her area? I think even care.com has pet sitting services listed. Maybe it sucks for you, but she's agreed to watch your cats so I think you're stuck trying to cater to her here a bit.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from El Paso on

Okay, maybe I'm reading this differently than everyone else...

Yes, your mom is doing you a favor. From reading what you said, though, I got the impression that she's literally driving THROUGH your town on her way to her destination? So I don't understand why it would be inconvenient for her friends to follow to your house and have her leave her car (and the cats) with you? Maybe I'm just confused, but that's what I understood. If they were originally all going to ride in the same car, maybe offer to pay for gas for her to drive her car to and from your house???

1 mom found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

I've left my cats on vacation for that long before at home. Put out a few litter boxes, lots of food and water, and they are fine. Of course, cats tend to get a little po'd and leave poop surprises, so maybe confining them to a bathroom for the time would be fine.. And cats can do well in that size of a space for that long. Most cats get kenneled in tiny little boxes for that duration at vets and kennels. So, I don't see why the big fuss about bringing them in the car for such a long drive is even necessary.

I think you were disrespectful to your mom, but I can understand why you are hurt she doesn't want to stay to see the grand kids. But really, it's her choice. I doubt it isn't b/c she doesn't love them, but b/c she knows she is going to be very tired driving back and will still have a 3 hour drive home.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Dallas on

First of all, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know you must be under so much stress with the new house being built and all being on top of each other in the apartment. But, I think you need to go and get the cats. Your mother has vetoed every reasonable request you have made and it really seems like she does not want to help you out anymore. It sounds like she has not always been a great mom or grandmother. But, maybe her own mother wasn't that great. I am in a similar situation with my mom. I won't bore you with details, but it used to be a knife through the heart when she would come into town to party with her friends and not bother to see her only grandson. I finally talked to a counselor about it and realized I couldn't change her, only me. I work to accept her where she is, and I work to be a better mom every day. I hope to someday be blessed with grandchildren so I can be a great grandma! I know in my situation I have found surrogate moms and grandmoms in my neighbors and co-workers. I hope you can find them as well! Having a baby doesn't automatically make someone a good mother. I'd get your cats, count your blessings that you have a beautiful family around you, and stop trying to make your 'mom' into something she can't seem to be. Good luck! I hope your house is finished soon and you have many happy years there!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.R.

answers from Dallas on

My mom lives down the street and in a million years wouldn't watch my cats for me. My mother in law does anything you ask of her. Two totally opposite people. I have 3 boys and when my second was born she lived down the road and maybe saw him once or twice his first year. My 3rd and last son she comes and sees him several times a week. I think realizing this is her last baby grandson since I am done and an only child she is putting more effort. She is Catholic and is very involved in her church doing things every day and it used to hurt my feelings she spent so much time with her church family but not with my family. I finally had to let it go... After my parents got divorced she left me with my drug addicted dad when I was 13 yrs old... I could go on and on. If I had a mom who would be willing to watch my cats for one week or have my boys at her house more than 1 hr I would feel special. What I finally realized it is HER life and they are HER choices whether or not to be involved and do things to help me out. Once I needed a ride to the airport when I was in Collefe because I couldn't afford a 2 week fee.. And she said No although she takes her aquaintance neighbors to the airport. Saying she can't tell
Them no for some reason! I could literally go on forever. When we recently built our house, I didnt even ask her to keep the cats knowing the answer... But when I told the apt mgr they let me out of the fees since they knew I was building a house and it was short term.

What I do know is try not to get my feelings hurt and realize she is who she is and I should be thankful for anything she does. I know as a grandparent I will be much different.. But that is me. Sorry this is so scattered! Typing from my phone!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Dallas on

So sorry this is causing stress and hurt feelings in your family. I think you should both step back and take a breath, and try to look at this from a fresh perspective. Yes, they are your cats, and yes, she made a commitment, but doesn't want to miss an outing with her friends to care for the cats. I see this as a shared responsibility. Not sure what anyone's financial situation is, but if it is feasible, I think it would be fair for you to board the cats near your mom while she is gone, and you share the cost. Perhaps you pay 75% (since they are, after all, yours) and she could pick up 25%, since she is backing out on part of the original agreement. I wouldn't just leave them without anyone checking on them, as they could run out of water, one could get sick, etc. I hope that sharing the responsibility will ease some of the bitter feelings. And hope you can accept her choices on when she visits you and your children, and can enjoy the time you do spend together.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.T.

answers from Rochester on

Here is my suggestion.....for what it's worth. You only have a little over a month till you move into your house. Go pick up the cats. By the time the apartment complex finds out you have them, and tries to fine you anything, you will probably be moved out.

And please, keep trying to resolve the other issues with your mom. I hope both of you can come to a mutual understanding some day.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions