The New Basic Family

I think once you have more then two children and are out of hands to hold onto them it doesn't matter how many you have 3-4-5 it's all the same except affording to have them. I have three and it was the same with two you just have to learn to keep control so they all listen to you and stay close otherwise no differance.

I know families that have 8 and 10 children and they do just fine. I honestly believe that there are some women who "made" to be mothers and can handle just about anything. There are also women who struggle with one or two children. You have to periodically reevaluate yourself, figure out your limits, and decide what would be best for you and your family. Don't base your decision on what another child can give that you don't already have. Instead, base it on what you and your family have to offer a new little person that will be a part of all of your lives.
Every child is a unique blessing and every mom handles things differently. The best way to go about it is to take them one at a time and see how you feel after each one. If you feel you've reached your limit, you're done! If you feel like you have more to give, go for it!
I also have 2 boys, ages 5 and 1, and I can't imagine life without either one. There are days the thought juggling one more thing, caring for yet another child, seems impossible but then I remember they grow up so quickly and they're not going to be little forever. They WILL become more independent and more helpful.
At this point, I know I want one more but I won't think beyond that right now. We'll see how I feel after three. =)

I have just one sister, and my husband has 2 siblings. We have four children and it's wonderful! It was a bigger adjustment to go from one to two children than it was to the third and fourth. The older ones entertain the younger ones and there is always someone to play with. Our ages are 10, 8, 5 and almost 2. The kids never get bored and it they've had enough of one sibling, they just go play with another one. Good luck with your decision. I wouldn't change our large family for the world!

No one can tell you the difference, every child has it's only personality. You may have a child that's very active or one that is very quiet. It depends on how well they interact together the different personalities. I have 4 kids,(girl,boy,boy,girl) the boys take good care of the younger girl but have a hard time dealing with the older girl because she's in a world of her own. I love them all the same, I always tell each one of them that they are very special to me when we're alone so no one can say I love one more then the other. However, we can not predict how each child will be, we just have to play it by hear. I try and be friends as well as a parent to each of them. They each get there day with me and my husband or just me alone. You have to try and balance life and still give good values no matter how many kids you have. Just to let you know,I come from a big family(30 uncles and aunts) Hope this helps you, I have fun with my 4

L. M

This is just so fascinating to me!!

I was always so sure I wanted 4 kids (of course that was before I had any)! :) Both my husband and I grew up in a family of 3 kids (coincidentally the oldest a boy and 2 younger girls), and we always said we'd never have 3 because someone was always left out. I have 2 little boys (6 & 3) and it's a bit of a debate around my house. I would love to have another child...my husband once asked me if ours were getting to "old" which is why I would want another?!? That made me really upset. As a friend with 3 kids told me, after her 3rd, her family felt "complete". I love my boys more than anything, but I feel like there should be more little ones in the mix.

I would love to adopt actually! Especially since my thyroid's been out of whack and I'm having a very hard time conceiving this time around. Just out of curiosity, who did you adopt through?

My other thought with having only 2 kids... This is a totally morbid thought, and I pray to God it's not something I'd ever have to deal with but, having lost my own brother several years ago, I really appreciate having my sister in my life (even though she's super busy and I rarely see her). I can't imagine how much harder it would be if I was now an "only child". Like I said, it's a horrible thought but it's something I've lived through, and I know life can be really unfair at times.

Sorry if I'm not a lot of help here. I wish you all the best!!

i came from a family where it was just me and my younger brother.
my husband had an older sister and a younger sister (3)
We had 2 boys and then went for one more child and got another boy. For us the 3rd one kinda took us 'over the edge' so to speak. and maybe because they are all active little boys and 21/2 and 31/2 years apart.
sometimes i'd still like to go for 1 more to see if a girl is in the cards for us, I just don't know if i could handle another child right now.
I think that at times it is hard for me to compeletely understand our 3 sibling family as well (coming from a 2 sibling fam.)
also, I have a hard time getting organized as a wahm because my mom worked outside of the home as well as all of my friends mom's growing up - so I really don't have a role model to follow.
i think I like to do things the hard way :)
anyway... it's completely what you think you and your husband can handle. you take it to 3 or more and your out numbered as well. 3 has an odd man out, 4 they may have their own 'built-in' playmates.

p.s. when I was young I always begged my parents to have another child... but they just wouldn't listen!

Hi M., My husband and I have two girls 5 & 9 and a boy 2.5. The jump from two to three seemed pretty drastic. Hubby made a sports analogy saying we moved from a man to man defense to a zonal defense. Sometimes I feel as if the big differences in their ages was helpful as the girls are pretty independent now, but it can be tough sometimes too because they all have very different interests and abilities. The little ones are always trying to do what the big one does! It is a juggle sometimes and we work hard at trying to give each child some one on one time. One thing that has worked well for us is that Once a month each child gets to extend her or his bedtime by about a half hour to do an activity with just mom and dad. The girls especially enjoy this. I have had a hard time of letting go of the usual guilt about not spending the time with my younger kids that I spent with my oldest while she was an only for four years. But, I think they really do benefit from the sibling relationship. One book that has helped us is Siblings Without Rivalry and of course our ECFE classes! I have many friends with four children who have said that 3 to 4 was very easy. They all agree that the 2 to 3 jump was the hardest, but that four just balanced everything out again. Go with what feels right for your family and remember that your needs and desires can change over time. As for never having been a part of that size family before, neither have your kids--you can all learn together how to make it work! Good luck!

How old are your boys? I have a 3 and 5 year old. We just had a baby girl in August. It is chaos, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. We can no longer "divide and conquer" with each of us taking a child. Now, my husband usually takes the boys while I take care of the baby.

I came from 4 kids and my husband had 2 brothers. I ask my mom sometimes how she managed 4 kids, but then by the time I came along (the baby) my oldest sister was almost 8 so she was a big help.

I say go for it. If I had met my husband when we were younger I would have wanted more kids, but I just turned 40 and don't think I can handle another one. I do have a friend with 4 (oldest is 6 and youngest is 7 mos). When our families get together it is a blast because the kids all play really well together. I don't see much difference between 3 and 4 kids. She is a little busier, but that's it.

Good luck.

I don't really think there's much of a difference. I come from a family of 3. I have an aunt/uncle with 6 kids and an aunt/uncle with 7. As well as other aunts and uncles with 2 or 3 kids.

My mom comes from a family of 6 and my dad from a family of 3.

The only difference I see is the $ aspect. Obviously the ones with 6 and 7 live a little more lean, but the kids are all healthy. If you can afford it and you enjoy your children have 3 or 4. Start by adding your 3rd and if you still have your sanity and think you want antoher, have that one.

Really if you can provide your children with the love and care and (this one is very important) Attention they need and it's monitarily possible to your family, have as many as you want. (I know money isn't everything, but I'm talking about having the money to provide the necessities of life- not necessarily the extra's we sometimes lavish in)

Just remember you'll be raising them for at least 18 years, but if you enjoy it, it won't be an issue.

Good question to know the answer too. Our 3rd was a suprise and what a joy he was. There is alot more choas involved and I see the difference between the activities that my friends with 1 child are involved in and ours. We just can't be in swimming, dance, gymnastics, soccer, skiing, etc. We have to pick and choose.

Now our 4th is on the way and that will add a bit more fun into our life.

I hear the money aspect coming into play. No, it isn't everything but you do need it. You may also want to consider whether or not you can provide your children with a college education and don't forget your retirement. This is one thing that people don't want to think or say they can't afford, but do you want to put the burden on your kids to take care of you when you're 80 or 90? I don't.

I want 3 kids and my husband is fine with 2. He asked me what a kid will add to my life that the other two don't. It made me very upset but in a way it's a good question to ask yourself. Will it be just another mouth to feed? You will love your child but what else would another one or two give you that you can't do without?

In the end if you both agree then have another. With two boys I'd at least want one girl;)

I had 2 girls and then we adopted 2 brothers. Now we have kids that are 5,4,3 and almost 2. I can honestly say that 4 is easier than 2 most times. They play together and could care less if I'm there half the time. We don't have to go to people's houses or other places all the time for play dates because they have their playmates right here.
I would say that the hardest part is vehicles. My one daughter is handicapped and in a wheelchair so my situation is a little different but it's harder to find vehicles that will fit all of our carseats and stuff. We are also in the process of adopting #5 from Texas. She's 6 and also handicapped so our van will be full now. That's kind of depressing to me because I'd love to adopt more :o(.
Other than that it can get a little crazy getting ready for school and dealing with sports, activities, conferences, etc. Everything is multiplied.
My biggest asset is my wonderful husband. I couldn't do it all without his help. He loves being with the kids and helps out with everything when he's home. If I had to drag them all everywhere with me all the time it would be quite a bit more work. I shop at Sam's Club once and month or so and then pick up the rest at Walmart. I usually do this shopping after the kids go to bed because they sleep 6:30-7am. When we have activities I only take the 1 child in it and the rest stay home with Daddy. I do know women who have to tote everyone around with them all the time because Daddy won't "babysit". I wouldn't tolerate that for a minute. If I had to do that I don't think I would be wanted 5+ kids.
It's a great life being a Mom of many! I love it!
Ooh, by the way, I only have one brother and I never see him because he has a terrible wife that I can't stand. It will be so nice for my kids to have more than one sibling to grow up with.
Best Wishes,
J.
Mom to Ainsley 5, Peyton 3 (angelman.org), foster/adopting boys 4 and almost 2 and #5 coming soon who also has Angelman Syndrome.

M.,

I have 4 small children; 6, 5 2 and 7 months. I honestly have an easier time with 4 than I did with 2 because they play together and entertain each other. We have a lot of fun together. I always find it interesting when people react in shock to how many children I have so close together because people have been having large families (I mean 8-16 children) for a LONG time. It has only been in the last few generations that society somehow determined that 4-6 was "a lot."

Granted, we have to raise our children a little differently in these times. Strapping them in 5 point harnesses several times a day for a few years is time consuming. Most people my age remember riding their bikes all over town alone to "just be home by dinner." If you let your kids do that now, you will have CPS knocking on your door.

"Big" families can be done many different ways. For me, there are a few musts.

1. Independence - they need to be able to put themselves to sleep, stay asleep and be on a regular schedule. If I had to rock them to sleep for the first year of life and had them coming into my room every night for several years, I would lose it. They also need to do basic things for themselves: dress & potty around age 2, fix breakfast & snack by age 4, etc.

2. Contributor - so many kids these days have been raised to believe that their parents purpose in life is to serve their every whim. To have several children, they really need to understand that they are a part of a team and they need to help out. They should be able to clean up after themselves, help with chores and help younger siblings, even if they are still toddlers.

3. Respect - there needs to be an order to things. Parents are in charge. Children can voice opinions that will be heard and considered, but kids can't run the show. If the first child makes all the decisions like what to eat and where to go and what to do, it won't work with 4. Family councils come into play here.

4. Moderation - you CAN afford to raise 4 children on a modest income, you just can't waste money. Pack sack lunches for your kids instead of buying from the school. Don't eat out. Don't put them in daycare or expensive private lessons. Limit extra curricular activities to one per kid. If you go someplace for entertainment, make sure you have coupons. Vacation in the off season. Buy your kids clothes off eBay or at clearance sales. They don't need something when you go to the grocery store. That is what the free samples are for.

It can be done. If you want 4 kids, do it. Now that I have 4 kids I clearly see that one of the greatest gifts I have ever given them is each other.

Best wishes,
S.