The Difference in Two and Three?

It has to be something you both agree on. One of you may get disappointed on the final decision. My friends mom had 4 c-sections so Im glad you got another opinion on it. There is nothing wrong with them sharing the same room. My two boys have their own rooms and still would rather sleep in the same room every night together ( they are 11 &12). Growing up I shared a room with my brother ( a year younger) until I was 13 and my older brother moved out. Some may find it weird but it wasn't. We changed in the bathroom and stuff like that. It all falls into place when you add one more.

No matter what the reason is, if one parent says no, that's the final answer - for now. My wife was pressing me months ago for a second, but I'm just not ready to divide my time and attention with another child. I suppose it's something you just don't know completely until it happens. But I'm starting to come around.

Looks like you have a beautiful family. If you want a third, and your doctor says its ok, now is the time. If twins don't run in your family and you aren't using drugs to help you get pregnant, then multiple births are extremely rare.

The closer together you have kids the better they play together and the better friends they will be when they get older. My oldest three are 14 and 16 months apart. They played together, did homework together, played sports together did scouting (BSA) together. Makes a dad's heart feel full.

I have 8 kids and the only things I would change about my family is that I would have had my two girls born back to back instead of being separated by a boy and I would have had the last three born closer together.

During my working life I met lots of middle class parents and the topic of families almost always came up. What I learned is 4 seems to be the ideal number of kids. When parents get to be in their 40's or older, if they had one child, they usually said they wish they had had three more kids (making 4). If they had two kids, they usually wished they had had 2 more kids (making 4). Etc. The only exception to this was the families that raised their kids to go on to instutions of "higher learning" such as Alcatraz, or San Quenton. Then they wished they hadn't had any kids.

I hope you can have a couple more. I love all my kids and they all married right. I love my grand kids. I know how much poorer my life would be if I only had two kids. (My #3 just graduated from medical school and just passed his exams to receive his state certification to practice.)

Good luck to you and yours.

I have a feeling that the people here who are giving you the green light to continue to push this issue with your husband have not read your side note. Your uterus being weak, possibly TOO weak to carry another baby, specifically. You can always find two doctors who will say two different things, if that is what you want. I had a friend who dropped her OB because he didn't want her to drink everyday during her pregnancy. She found one who would let her have two highballs after work, every day.

Your husband is trying hard to get you to listen to reason. Part of it is for him. Part of it is for you. He doesn't want more children and he wants you to be healthy and around for the ones you have. Plus, he is right in thinking about the expense side of it. I just took my older son to college - his college costs around $45,000 per year. That's in today's dollars. Can you imagine how much 18 years from now will cost you for 3 children? I will have two kids in college together for one year as it is, so I will have to pay double that year. We are now looking at college tuition for 7 years straight with two kids. No wonder your husband is trying to get you to pay attention to the money side of this.

It isn't fair to either party to HAVE to have more children. I do think that if a spouse represented that they would want to have kids before marriage, and then suddenly changes their mind after marriage, that it can be a deal breaker for the marriage. But that doesn't appear to be the case with you.

I would think long and hard before you push your husband any farther with this. Your physical health and the health of your marriage are more important, to be honest.

Dawn

Well since your hubby is not on board, I say hold off. It sounds like you are good to go, but he is not in the place of wanting another. He could definitely come around, in his own time. I think couples do better when they agree on big decisions like family etc. Good luck!

3 kids is different than 2. More children means more of your time, commitment, and patience. Children are incredible blessings, but also incredible responsibilities. You want your husband on board 100% if you venture down the road of having a 3rd. Going from 0-1 kids was the hardest, 1 to 2 kids was a breeze, and 2 to 3 kids was extremely difficult. Most days it takes both my husband and I giving 110% to the kids to give them what they need. I love my 3 and would even welcome more if contraception fails again, but mothering these little ones is a serious commitment that consumes every part of my life right now.
You have some other issues though besides your husband saying "NO MORE." Honor him and don't push the issue. We teach our children that sometimes they don't get what they want. That same message applies to us. You really need to think through your health risks and ability to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery. Having more than 2 C-sections puts you in a higher risk category for pregnancy loss, complications and even hemorrhage during the C-section. These are things that you must discuss with an OB/GYN. Please be wise and see a Dr. BEFORE trying to conceive even if your husband consents to more children. Don't let emotion, maternal feelings, or fear of children growing up guide your decision. This is a big decision that effects a lot of people. Nurse Midwife Mom

Talk it out.

Remember... hormones kick in every 18-24 months creating "baby-cravings" for most women for YEARS after their first. It's that "new baby smell", the snuggles, the "wittle fwingers an wittle toes", the nursing, the commercials, the tiny clothes, the actual BABY craving, rather than the desire to have another *child*. It's pervasive, insidious, and STRONG. Like "I need coffee!!!!!" in the morning but worse, strong. It's also one reason why sooooooo many families have kids 2.5 years apart from each other even though people use formula and birth control. Baby-cravings hit at about 18mo out, and apx 1 year later, there's a new baby.

In my experience it takes about 6mo to pass completely (unless you get pregnant OR a puppy/kitten... either of which I've found 'scratches the itch'), and then you've got a good year or two before the next round of hormones hit like a load of bricks.

So my *personal* recommendation is to white knuckle it for about 6 months and then see how you feel / have a serious discussion about whether or not you want to add to your family.

But that's just me. Not saying what you should do, just my experience and the reminder about stupid schtupid hormones.

I'd like 3 as well. Currently pregnant with # 2. We have a daughter and I'm pregnant with a boy this time, so my hubby says he is completely satisfied and done...no need for 3 in his mind. I've told him that if we had a 3rd, I would like to leave quite a bit of space in between the older two and the third. My daughter will be 4 in Nov. and our second is due any day now. I'm thinking that if we had a 3rd it would be when our daughter is almost out of elem school and the other is in lower elem school. This way there is not a HUGE gap, but large enough that we wouldn't have two in daycare at the same time again and the older two would be able to help more. I have yet to get him to really agree on this, but it buys me some time to open him up to the possibility and allow us time to make the decision on whether or not to be a family of 5 one day. Sometimes we need to take that extra time to think it through. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Just be open and honest with him and allow him the same. It has to be a joint decision and maybe waiting a little while longer to decide will help him come around or find you realizing that you are satisfied with being a family of 4.
You'll know.....best of luck to you and yours!

Your husband has some valid points....

Can you afford another baby?
would you need a new car if you had another?
what if you had twins?
what impact would that have on your life?
Can you afford a bigger house?

Your uterus may be just fine RIGHT NOW....it doesn't have the additional burden of more weight, more blood and all the other things that goes into producing a baby....

You need to find out if you can afford another baby. If you can - great! If not - then enjoy what you have! :)

If you want it that much, I don't think you'll be able to drop it. We originally talked about having 4 kids, but after having our second, my husband was DONE. We had a girl and a boy. He felt we had more than enough to handle. We also have a small house and one of the kids would have to share a bedroom. He didn't think we could give enough love and attention to three. I, however, did not feel done. I was pining for another baby, it was all I could think about. I was able to convince him (or just plain wore him down), and we had our third. I cannot imagine life without him, and neither can my husband! Our two youngest (both boys) share a room so that's worked out well. It's a small room, but we make it work. They all fit in the back seat of our car so we didn't have to spend money on a new car. Money is tight, but I don't think adding the third made it that much tighter. The first year was the most expensive with buying formula, diapers etc...but now that he's two it doesn't seem like we have to get that much for him. In the future, there will be more expenses with school, sports, and college but we'll plan for it. Kids don't need to be spoiled. They don't need to play every sport, every season. Have each one pick one sport a year, or season and that's more than enough. They're happy spending time with their families, just being together playing games or watching a movie, or going to the park. We can't always give each one a ton of one-on-one attention every day, but we do try to spend a bit of time with each one individually. You'll have almost no free time, but to me, it's all worth it. I love my big family. Best wishes!

Is your husband a baby guy?
Does he talk to your friends' children or even strangers' children?
Is he involved in their care, to the point where you have to ask for the baby to feed him or her?

We have 4. You will feel the greatest difference going from 2 to 3. Then after 3 it really doesn't matter how many you have. I have other people's children all the time. In NC I usually had 6 or 7.

The bigger question is not "difference in 2 and 3" but about respecting your own body and your husband.

I completely understand wanting another baby (that feeling doesn't go away even after a third!!!) but perhaps your husband is your voice of reason!! Mine is!!

Not sure I'd risk another pregnancy with a "fragile" uterus!!

I think all the "advice" you'll get will confuse you more- listen to your heart, body, dr and especially your husband!!

If I were you I would wait since your kids are so young, plus your body needs time to recover from pregnancy and birth. Also by waiting it might help your husband adjust to having 2 kids and then be open to having more. Don't drop the idea but just wait. Best of luck to you!

Hi H.-

For me, the biggest 'change' was having the first baby...lol! After that, it was lots of diapers and laundry.

With all due respect to '8 kids dad'...My last pregnancy, we thought we were rounding off our family with # 6...SURPRISE!!! 6 & 7. There was no history of twinning, but I found out later that the chance of 'twinning' in mid to late 30's increases...so it IS something to consider.

Best luck!
Michele/cat

Don't over think it. If you are in good health and can manage then go for it. BUT...please be sure your husband is on the same page with you regarding the third. Once he is you should be fine. I have three and I can't imagine not having all of them. I had three C-sections btw..not by choice and my third pregnancy went smoothly. God Bless.

Pardon the straight talk, but i think your husband is being reasonable. Why not give a really good life and valuable education to the existing 2 kids instead of dividing the resources into a mediocre life for more than 2?

Do we go to the same OB because after my 2nd C Section in Fort Worth my OB told me the same thing. Of course, my 1st was done in Austin and was apparently done poorly resulting in a 2 hour operation the 2nd time due to massive scar tissue.
When I start wanting another baby (mine are 3 and 2), I think about what a fun age mine are at and all the limitations another baby would bring. That means more diapers and formula (I was never able to solely breastfeed). Sleepless nights while during the day my relatioship with my to oldest would suffer because I'm drained. Going places with 2 kids can sometimes be a handful, adding a baby to that would probably mean I'd never leave the house.
My sister-in-law was talked into a 3rd baby by her husband. Her children were 4 and 6 when she had her 3rd baby. As much as she loves the baby, she has told me she doesn't know why she had a 3rd. She's frustrated at starting over again when her first two were starting school. Things were starting to get easier as the kids got older and she sent herself back to the starting line.

With our family, I just felt incomplete when we had 2...like someone was missing. We now have 3 and I feel like we are all here. I think you just know. Don't OVER think it...sharing a room is not that bad...all 3 may not be the college type...maybe the best gift you can give your kids is not a soccer team jersey, but a sibling....or maybe not. Maybe you are all already here. I think that 15 months is THE sweetest age. I always wanted more when I had one that age. So, I understand your desires. Enjoy!