The Curse of the "Close Talkers"

Updated on May 02, 2011
J.W. asks from Gardner, KS
7 answers

I was at a church social tonight having a conversation with a delightful lady but she was a close talker. I would step back and she would step forward. This went on for our 10 min conversation. So annoying. My husband and I later talked about the various close talkers we have encountered in our days. I just don't understand why people don't get the social cues to back the heck up.

Has anyone ever successfully and tactfully stopped a close talker from invading your personal space?

1 mom found this helpful

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

My grandma does this... and it's horrible because her breath is something special in the worst possible sense of the word. Lol. I started getting her to back off by perfecting the art of spit talking (only with her) where I would actually TRY to let little specs of spit fly out when I was talking. She backed off REAL quick!!! LOL! Ooor, you could try talking louder. It could be that she is having a hard time hearing you, so she moves in to make it easier. (I would probably try that first before spitting at her... lol.)

15 moms found this helpful
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S.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

Reds suggestion is hysterical!

I try to hold something in front of me to cause them to not get so close. For example if I'm holding an app. plate I hold it at my waist but about 10 '' from my body.. same thing with a drink. A little odd to do, but if you fold your arm across your waist and grasp the outward arm w/ that hand it looks a bit more 'natural'.

The other thing is to just ask "Pardon me but am I speaking too low for you, because you keep leaning forward". and if they say no, it gives you a polite entry into letting them know that you're more comfortable with a little more space. Good luck!!

7 moms found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

Oh my goodness - I can totally relate, although most of what I experience is students who don't understand the concept of personal space.

Basically what I do is simply say, "I know you'll probably think I'm weird but I have a thing with personal space and get really anxious when people get too close." so that way it makes it sound like I am the weird one and that it isn't *them*.

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B.M.

answers from Dallas on

idk, i don't take that very well, so i probably would make an obvious step backward or to sit down each time they got closer. one time i was in a waiting room and i was the ONLY one there w/probably 10 other chairs. this woman comes in and sits RIGHT next to me...uh..why? lol so i politely got my stuff and moved somewhere else. hey, there's nothing wrong w/protecting your own self/space. she was probably offended but i didn't mean anything by it. she shouldn't have been all in my grill - lol.
and w/the close talker (lol at your label btw), i would just keep moving back, idk. that's probably not helpful but eventually you'd think they'd stop!
oh, that's annoying! :)

1 mom found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

LOL!! Was she of Mediterranean descent?? We can't help ourselves...it is our nature. We love being close to people when we talk. I hate being far away from people when I talk to them.

I was part of a study in college about ethnic differences. Those who are of Mediterranean descent talk at "elbow" length, while those who are not talk at "arms" length.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

talking close or invading your personal space can be a cultural thing. I worked with a woman who stood close and when I moved she moved. I was in therapy and asked about this. The psychiatrist asked me if she were Jewish. Yes she was. That's the answer. Some cultures have a different idea of what is personal space.

Once I realized that this was her way of communicating it stopped bothering me.

If it bothers you to have them close, I suggest that you just tactfully say you'd prefer more space. Culture goes both ways.

I sometimes get close to people when I'm listening/talking. It's because I have difficulty hearing some people. I handle this by saying, "I'm having trouble hearing you," as I move closer. Usually they speak louder but also accept my closeness.

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J.C.

answers from Kansas City on

First of all, I really love MR's suggestion.

When I encounter this, I take a step back, but only with one foot-- I keep the other in the same place. So I'm standing with one foot in front of me (you can even shift feet every once in a while, but keep one foot extended in front of you). That way, your body goes back, giving you more space, but the other person can't really step forward again (without stepping on your foot, anyway).

Thanks for the fun question!

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