The Cat Is More Work than My Daughter!

I thought everyone was pretty nice, actually. Some were a bit tongue and cheek, but they were like "lose the cat". Most were telling you why the cat acts like this.

Go back and read with a different point of view and I think it will make sense.

Personally, I couldn't take it if an animal were peeing and defecating in my house after the birth of a baby. Is there a such a thing as a kitty diaper?

Dawn

This is why I can't stand pets. I mean I love animals, but from afar. I had the bright idea to get a puppy at the beginning of the year. Took months for her to be fully potty trained and now she's getting her period so we have to go get her spayed. Ughhh I'm sorry I really do think pets are overrated.

Is the cat spayed or neutered?
If not, then do so.
It can affect behavior. Neutered cats typically being less agressive.

2) The cat could have anxiety/neurological problems. So see a Vet and meds can be prescribed to help the cats moods. Anti-anxiety meds etc.

3) Cats are territorial. The cat only knew your Husband. It is your Husband's cat. Your daughter is a direct challenge to the cat's territory/home and your Husband. Hence peeing.
The cat is trying so hard, to re-claim his/her territory and his/her place in the family. And the cat probably knows, you do not like her/him. For sure.

4) Per fleas, you also have to treat the outside and the cat too ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Or the fleas will recur. Just bombing the house will not get rid of it, if the cat is still going outside or if the cat does not have a flea collar etc.
Fleas were probably gotten from outside.
Our pet rabbit once, got fleas. BECAUSE, we used to let it outside on our lawn for exercise. BUT it got fleas. It was not the rabbit's fault. The neighbors, have dogs outside in their yard.

Does the cat, have ANYTHING or anywhere that is JUST ONLY his/hers??? If not, then the cat deserves to have... a cat bed, toys, perhaps a wall climbing thing or scratch post etc.

Who feeds and plays with the cat? Only your Husband? If so then of course the cat is not going to like you, because it knows you do not like it. And now your daughter is first.
Have you ever fed the cat routinely or played with it? Or give it treats/food??? Cats like routine. And they like to have their own area.

I would highly suggest, taking the Cat to the Vet, to check for neurological/anxiety problems. If this is the case, you cannot blame the cat. As you said, the cat is or always has been, anti-social. It probably has anxiety issues.
And the cat, is only comfortable with your Husband. That is how many pets are. The "owner" is their owner. And trusts their owner, the most.

If you get rid of the cat, your Husband will be put in a real bad sad position.
I have had cats and all sorts of pets.

A sixteen year old cat is a senior kitty.

Has your husband taken the cat to get checked? Urinating everywhere is common for some senior cats that are declining. Sometimes this is due to kidney issues or incontinence issues. And yes, some cats do get so mad that they pee on everything. Try to think of it as a cry for help, instead of kitty trying to p*ss you off. Sorry this is so hard.

Talk to the vet and ask about getting the cat a prescription of Frontline or Advantage. It's a topical that kills any fleas that get on the cat.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with kitty. I don't hold any judgment against you. We have a senior cat that has some troubles, some days. Senior pets can be a lot of work, and without having had that relationship with them when they were doing well, it's hard work to have to clean up after them so often. I agree with using pheromones, and making sure that kitty has her own special place in the house for her stuff, where no one else can get to it. We moved our cat's dishes to the basement (it's heated) when our son became mobile, and that was good. His litter box is down there, and he now sleeps in our son's old moses basket with some soft blankets in it. It's h*** o* pets when their family shifts to include new people and especially little kids.

The cat is old, probably a little on the grumpy side, and it sounds like she feels she has to mark her territory.

Check with the vet, but in the meantime, I would make sure she has a place out of the way that's quiet and just her own. Leave her alone as much as possible since she doesn't seem to like being fussed with. Often, cats who are elderly don't have a lot of patience.

I'm not sure how to make her feel she hasn't been displaced, but she's not sure what to think about another little occupant in the house. It's a pain, to be sure, but the old gal won't live forever. I'm sure your husband is very attached to her. Hopefully you can find a way to cohabitate while she enjoys the waning days of her life.

Best wishes.

I don't know why your SWH is so defensive, most responders didn't "turn on you" as you say, as far as I can see, people were genuinely trying to be helpful.
So the cat doesn't like you? Fine, it happens. Animals have preferences just like people do. I just hope your husband is the one cleaning the litter box. His pet, his job!

My sister could totally relate, they are going through the same thing with their cat. They got some of that pheromone spray for the cat that helped calm her down a bit. Frustrating for sure, hope it gets better soon!

E S.
I'm so sorry you feel this turned on you.
Here are some helpful tips for kitty. Read through the entire site and perhaps you'll be a bit clear on what you need to do. You are in a comprimising position and because you don't understand kitty's behavior, you are all the more frustrated, and guess what, kitty is too. Kitty is feeling extremely frustrated and as a pet, obviously cannot explain it. She was hostile towards you, because you probably were not introduced properly into "her" home. Neither was your daughter probably, when she came home from the hospital. There is a certain way to do things for cats, as they are very dependent on their scents and territorial because of it. If their scent is not on you in some way, they will not recognize you. (read website)If there are new scents, they will not recognize you. She is nasty and needs extra love at this time because she is confused, upset and frustrated because what she sees as the problem, has not been corrected.

http://www.perfectpaws.com/spray.html
http://www.perfectpaws.com/help1.html

Ultimately, she was the female before you and you need to score some points. Feed her, talk to her, make friends. It's almost like having to make friends with the EX girlfriend believe it or not..lol. Offer your respect and you'll receive hers in return. Offer catnip and play with her. Get a feather toy (DaBird with Rod) and let her know you are friend, not foe. You will also need patience as it will not be easy because kitty has been feeling nasty for a while. Consistency and persistence. If the olive branch approach does not work, then see her vet and address.

Don't know about you, but it really bugs me when people think it's so easy and make the mistake of thinking pets are not a huge responsibility. They are 4 legged children. Just as complicated, easy going, tantrum filled, as any baby or toddler. This is why people should do their research before getting puppies or kittens. It's not about...."k I woke up today wanting a kitty or puppy." It is a sad mistake when you think it will be that easy. How do you not know a female pup will eventually get her period? How do you not know she will need to be spayed, not only to save you the mess, but for pup's health as well. How do you not know it will take consistency and persistance (as it does with children) to housebreak a puppy. You cannot say you love animals and then get upset when things don't turn out the way you would have liked them if you went in blindly.
Good luck E S. I hope you can look beyond kitty's nastiness and look at it for what it is....she's just cranky 'cuz you came, took over and had a baby.

Hope it all works out : )

i think it's pretty cool that despite the lack of connection between you and your husband's cat, nowhere do you suggest getting rid of the old girl.
not everyone gets along. sometimes it's just not meant to be.
i'm a cat person, but used to share an apartment with my brother and his wife and their cat just LOATHED me. it was pretty comical.
fleas are awful, but for her as well. i'd be pretty pissed at the stupid cat for the peeing and pooping, but the fleas aren't her fault.
you're a good egg, ES!
:) khairete
S.

If the cat's not happy then nobody is happy.

Check out that cat dude on mycatfromhell. http://animal.discovery.com/tv/my-cat-from-hell/
The show is pretty good. Teaches you how to relate to the cat so the cat doesnt have to act out.

I guess I'm a little late to the game, but I've read through all the posts and can't figure out why you think anything was turned on you. I have a cat -- have had them all my life -- and the bottom line is there are a lot of factors that go into a cat's behavior -- health and environment, including the people IN the environment. Some cats are absolutely anti-social. My sister's cat would hiss at anyone who came near her except for my sister, and eventually me, because I was similar enough to my sister. Everyone else, she would hiss at and bite, no matter how they treated her. I lived with a landlord's cat who bit my finger down to the bone, requiring extensive medical treatment. My sister's cat was the cat (her personality), my landlord's cat was my fault, because he was flea infested, hiding in my room from another cat, and I didn't want him in there because of the fleas and he bit me when I picked him up -- I should have known better -- he was scared of the other cat, but otherwise wonderfully sweet.

You don't provide enough information for people to say what's affecting this cat -- if you feel that people are blaming you, it may or may not have to do with you, but you can't take offense -- people are only going with what you've given them, and I didn't see anything offensive in any of these responses.

There are ways to overcome it, but at 16, I would say give her a comfortable life and leave it at that. Our cat is exclusively indoors because I don't want fleas in the house -- I've been through that enough in my life! Good luck.

In a 16 year old cat peeing is often a sign for health issues. Most elder cats will develop kidney issues and you should make sure its nothing physical...

As for the fleas, sorry that sucks, I HATE fleas - but you are on the hook for those. If you don't want fleas, you have your animals on a monthly preventative... it does cost money, but it keeps the fleas away.
Good luck!

My cat sometimes feels like more work than my kids too.

My kids sleep through the night, my cat wakes me up every night.
My kids are potty trained, my cat will poop on the floor on occasion.
My kids will put their clothes in the laundry, my cat leaves hairballs all over.
My kids like other kids and animals, my cat does not.

Never had to deal with fleas though! Our cat is indoor-only. It's not impossible to get fleas, but unlikely. If your cat is indoor-only, one of the humans may have brought the fleas in. Or....like you need more to worry about...a rodent may have.

The peeing might be a coincidence. She needs to be checked for a UTI/crystals by a vet. If it is a medical issue, the longer it goes on untreated, the worse the damage to the cat and your home.

Yup! My husband's cat, Isis, is now the garage cat because she "acted out" in the same way...and only on my and my daughter's things. She became overly picky about her box as well. One use and the second "visit" would be on the floor, I watched the little stinker do it too.

There's a show called "my cat is crazy" or something and the guy is a "cat whisperer" - maybe it'll give you some ideas or insight on how to make things better. He kinda covers cat "thinking", social structure, communication, etc. and some of the results he has are pretty amazing. Specifically, a couple where the cat was the man's. The woman had a home business, and the cat was "causing" issues. The made some changes in locations of things, special places/tools/furniture for the cat, things it could do to get up high (that's where they naturally go), etc. And the cat changed in an AMAZING way. It liked the woman, it hung out in it's spots, it was pretty shocking, in a good way.

That said, she's 16 - old, antisocial, and the routine's totally disrupted for her. I'm an animal lover, but it can be tough when the animal is hard to get along with. Talk to your vet - they may have some ideas.

I'm not sure where you feel it turned on you...but, whatever.

Hazel W hit it on the head. The cat's age is probably the biggest factor you have at the moment and making sure it's not age related would really be the place to start.

Now having said that... I have 8 kids. I also have 6 dogs and 1 cat. My kids are easier then the dogs, well for now, they are all under 2 with three of them being 8 months old. One day I'll feel different..one day...

Yep, I am right there with you. We have a senior cat that we got around the time we married...she is 13.5 years old. The last few years, this cat had been a misery to me. She went through a phase where she was crapping all over the place...the damn thing crapped in our bed while we were sleeping. That was because my DH decided that she just didn't like the food that I was buying for her, so he kept changing the food which also didn't agree with her. He eventually agreed that we should go back to the food that I had her eating in the first damn place.

Then we have had behavior issues where she has purposely hit things that belonged to me or the kids. Also, for the last 2 years or so, she throws up all the time. I took her to the vet a couple of times and he couldn't find anything wrong with her. Well, fast forward to last month and I found a large lump on her side. It wasn't there a few months ago. We took her in and she has some fast-growing cancer. SO, we are going to have to make some hard decisions in the future.

This cat bonded with my DH and he is currently the only one that gets any joy out of this cat. I feel like we are always cleaning up some kind of mess that she made. Maybe she cannot help it now, but damn it IS frustrating. Frankly, it will be a relief for me not to have this cat anymore. He will want to get another cat, but I plan to fight that one....the last few years with this cat have been too difficult.

Robin and I are kindred on this. Why do you still have the cat???

I think the cat needs to "go missing".

Here's a thought. You're not bonded at all with the cat. There's no affection or care between you at all. She sounds like she might not be feeling well and is elderly to boot, so she may need a little bit of you putting yourself in her shoes. Does that make sense to you?

Okay. So before the baby came, the entire home belonged to you, your husband, and the cat. After the baby came, all of the doors are closed to her. Nothing belongs to her any more and she doesn't feel welcome in her own home. The peeing means she's trying to claim some of the house back. She needs to have some territory that belongs to her where she knows she's welcome.

If your husband is responsible for the care and upkeep of the cat, I would take over all of those responsibilities for a while. YOU should be the one to give her treats when she does something positive. Talk to her kindly. Pay attention to her and play with her. Be the one to feed her. Open doors. Add an extra litter box to the house. The point here is that if you bond with her and play with her, feed her, take care of her, you might learn to enjoy each other. At this point, the cat isn't going anywhere. Resenting her is bad for your health and hers too... and it's probably not helping your relationship with your husband either.

All I can say it watch it. We had a Calico when our son was born - the only difference is we raised her together. When our son was born she peed in his crib & I swear she gave him dirty looks (as only cats can) When he started walking she FREAKED out. I'm talking hissing, spitting, growling etc. She had ME cornered in the kitchen & was going after me!!! We separated her (fear she'd hurt our son) we took her to the vet (thinking maybe she was hurt) they told us Calico's can flip & when they do they need meds or to be kept separate. We did that until she started freaking for no reason on other people. Sadly we had to put her down, we couldn't trust her. So just keep an eye on her. My cat clearly had mental issues - who knows why.

Did you ever see the show, "My Cat From Hell?" It's about this guy who goes around helping people reform their cats. Maybe you should look up the show and it can give you some ideas about what is going on with the cat. Since the cat is spayed, that isn't the problem unless it was done late. (Old habits die hard.) You mentioned that the cat didn't pee/poop in the house before the baby, right. Ummmmm....I don't know a lot about cats. I do know that my 15 yro little girl can't stand a dirty littler box. It has to be scooped out just about everyday and sprayed with some nice smelling Lysol. She loves sented litter and it has to be scoopable/clumping. My eldest sister knew all about animals and told me to never change the brand of litter you buy, because cats are creatures of habit and will not tolerate the new smell or feel of the litter. Maybe the cat doesn't like baby power sent and associates it with her littler box? Your kitty might want more attention, so hubby might have to take time to play with her. I know I have to play with my little girl or she will attack our feet and the dog! Once I play with her and she tires out, she's fine....No jungle feet. ("Jungle feet" is when she runs around like a maniac. Hope this helps.

I can sympathize. We have 2 cats, a lovely female calico who is sweet and a little shy and we got a new cat as a kitten "to keep her company". I am sure she would have preferred we not get this wild orange tiger. He has diahhrea on every food but an expensive vet purchased feline-ID, he climbs screens and wrecks them, he broke vases and plates and lamps by climbing/jumping/knocking over, he constantly jumps on the calicao and play-bites her (they are both fixed), and to top it all off the house is covered in cat hair at all times. In hind sight I should have said "yes" to the hamster the kids wanted initially (I did not want a rodent and my husband grew up with cats and suggested we rescue one which then turned into 2 rescue cats). At times, when the diahhrea was not under control, we would contain the tiger cat in a bathroom with everything removed except an old towel and his food and water and litter box. It was just too much of a mess to clean the drips of poop all over the house. So I would say if you are just overwhelmed by the cat, your bathroom has a lot more space than the little cages they keep them in at the shelter, and it might give you some peace during the day. Or perhaps let her have the basement (ours is unfinished but clean and everything is in bins). And keep cats indoors, at least in our area cats become coyote snacks overnight.